chaotica

Also! You can buy all natural sleep gummies from Walmart. Sugar free!!! I have suffered from insomnia for years and those worked great! There is melatonin and chamomile. Only about seven dollars for a good months worth!

It's probably the idea of us taking some of them into our bodies completely. That and guys see it on porn and the girls always act like it tastes like frosting or something. Had me fooled until I did it for the first time many years ago. Talk about a cruel joke.. Lol. I guess the trick would be to swallow and not make a I'm taking bad medicine face.

I completely understand how that could happen! A direct path to the bloodstream! Imagine how silly I looked when buying flavored lube and standing in the store reading the ingredients looking for sugar. I got a few strange looks...lol. I'm super sensitive to any sugar, I used to dump before the rny because I had my gallbladder out in 08. I can't have any sugar at all even the sugar alcohols do it. Best part is now I no longer have to find excuses not to, thanks for the info!! :')

Stuck food sucks so bad! It seems there are just some things that don't work well with our pouches. I do chicken great! But pork, no matter how well I chew or how little I eat, makes me sick! It seems to work pretty fast when something gets stuck, I don't give it time I just go right upstairs and get rid of it. Ahhh the new pouch and it's pissy ways.

Had surgery on weds. It was way worse than I had w ever expected. I was told the hospital I was going to was a center of exilence. After two hours of begging the nurse to take the pain away.. The doc called and let them turn my pump up. I walked to the bathroom and the nurse got upset with me for not being able to walk the halls. I fell asleep and woke up asking to walk. My boyfriend walked with me while the nurses talked. I would ask for something and after saying they would be right in, I would not see another nurse until shift change. Later that night I came down with a fever of 102.7 and my lungs were not working well. I had no roommate and the head nurse told my boyfriend he could stay with me. At 11:30pm a nurse came in and glared at him like he was a dog. Started going off on him about him being there. He calmly explained that we were told he could stay. She kept staring at him and threaded to call her boss and have him taken out. Another nurse told me he next day, it was because he is black. They took my pump out yesterday and didn't give me my pain meds until that night when I was begging for them. I also have a rash from head to toe, I asked a nurse for something for it and she gave me a pill. I took the pill be because I figured if a nurse gave it to me, I could take it. I began to hurt very badly and walk to the nurses desk. When I asked her about the pill, she smacked her head and said "oh crap, I forgot!" I wanted to go home! And I am now home I'm the hand and care of my boyfriend who showed he could provide Bette care than an entire hospital!

There is the person I'm used to reading... :') I understand how hard it can be when you feel like your fighting the world. And I understand how it becomes hard not to lose your patients when you feel you constantly have to defend your choices. You are right, a PM would be a much better choice to express ones feeling regarding a personal matter. Because this for a lot of us is a place of refuge. And seeing open hostility has a tendency to harsh ones mellow. I know how it feels to be super proud of the man you love. I think we all think our partners are the hottest in the world. That's part of loving them. I didn't mean to come off like a bitch, I'm a bit of an empath and my thoughts always go out to others feelings. All I could think of was how hurt I would feel if I read that. I know it was never your intention to hurt anyone and I'm sure you wouldn't have said it that way if you thought it could be taken that way. You are going through a whole lot, and I'm sure your emotions are running high. In time things will calm down. When life has kicked my ass up and down the street, I always tell myself it surely can't rain forever. Remind yourself when you feel like you are walking around with a cloud over your head. Things will be fine. Feel better.

Just a little of my thoughts on this if. It's worth anything. First off WTH! I mean really? Advice and opinions are a take it or leave it thing. That means mud slinging is not needed. I can't believe how a grown person can revert to a teen when on the defense. This is a subject that evokes emotion no doubt, but na na naboo boo is just silly. I have a live and let live mindset, and people will do whatever the hell they please. Sometimes friends worry and don't want to see other friends hurt. This is a forum to offer support, not hurt others feelings. We all have lives when we click log out. Most of us have partners that we are proud of and love. A little playful banter does not mean anyone is " going after someone". A simple " I understand you guys are worried but I'll do what I think is best." would have been a lot more adult than going off. When you let people in on your private life, and treat them like friends, you allow them to feel okay to express their opinion. My thread post was very general, and everyone posted accordingly. So many women and men in the world have done just what I was talking about. I saw a lot of women on here sharing their thoughts and personal and might I say not so easy to talk about experiences. It's like this, my father told me this a while ago and it makes sense. If you love someone, and you are already surrounded by bs and conflict, dot your I's and cross your t's. There is no need to rush. But that's all I can do for myself. I cannot offer that advice. Because people are always so fast to jump to the defense. @ Kevin, it was with respect and tact that you replied to the thread, and I'm happy for your happiness. I wish nothing but the best for you both. @ Summer, I don't know you, but I have seen your posts and what you just said to Mami who was talking about herself and her opinion on the entire subject, was counter productive and opposite of the caring understanding person you show. There is no need for low blows. What you and Kevin do is private. No one can comment on it or give input if it's not posted. This is not a dating forum so I doubt all the women on here are trying to find the "best looking guy" but what really pissed me off about that comment, is there ARE other men on this forum that can read that. Men who just like women have self esteem issues and are struggling with their weight and looks. You were attacking one person and didn't think about the others who could be hurt by that comment. I see beautiful intelligent hearts and minds in all of the men here. a quality far more important that physical beauty. Like I said in my story. Beauty is finite, what's left after its gone is the heart. It saddens me th think that anyone would forget how screwed up it is to make looks so damn important after knowing what it's like to be judged for the very same thing. Just sayin.

I too thought that I would just push that thought of food out of my life unless I needed it. And I remember thinking where to eat, is there going to be food where we are going and where can I stop to get something. It really does become an addiction. The bf looked at me lovingly when I would say hey let's stop there for lunch. And he would say no we don't need to. I would pout then get hurt because I knew he was trying to help me and knowing he thought I had a problem really cut deep. I would cry while driving and he would always rub the back of my neck and my cheek with his hand and tell me he was sorry for hurting my feelings. What a bitch I was to put him through that! To place someone I care for in a place of guilt because he cared. He didn't want me to do the rny. He was and still is scared for me. Back to the point. I don't think about going out to eat like that anymore. Yes on the rare occasion I have snagged a frie from him, but that's all. I'm not going to deny myself forever the taste of a frie. But I am fine with one and don't need to take that extra step. The funny thing is, after the surgery your life revolves around food in a completely different way. You are forced to think about it. Because If you don't you get weak and sick. I still miss pizza like crazy and all the other junk. Why, because we know what it tastes like!! We smell it, see it, watch other people eat it! And it is still a part of our lives. It's not very different from a drug addict having surgery to keep the drug he uses from getting him high. He still remembers how it felt to be high. He still wants it, but he doesn't bother because he knows it won't work on his anymore. You will still miss the hell out of it. Call me crazy, but for me watching the things like diners drive ins and dives helps. How I'm not sure, but I think it has something to do with eating vicariously through other people. I watch that stuff like porn...lol. It is not the divorce from food I wished for and mistakenly thought I would wake up with. But we are a strong group, and I have faith in you and love the heart you are giving this. You will do great, but I just wanted to tell you how it was for me, and I wish I had known it was like this. You think because you don't feel hungry that you won't want food, funny little part of the brain says, so, I want to taste it regardless. After all, when we would eat, how many times were we truly hungry? I know there were plenty of times I would not have passed out from lack of food. Lol but you will be strong, and you'll be glad to know that all those feelings you just read about, are all normal.

My name is Erin and I am a 29 yr old divorced mother of five. I was not an overweight child as a matter of fact it was hard to gain. I was a phisically fit and active teenager who did everything from gymnastics to lifeguarding, rollerblading and much more. I met my ex husband when we were fifteen. A year later surprise! We have a little girl on the way. Not gaining much with her, I naturally fell back into my active life. By age eighteen we were married and after being on bc and taking antibiotics for a lung infection, baby number two is on her way. That's when the fun began. I wanted something I only had to remember once in a while so doc recommends depo. It was hell in a needle! I gained fifty lbs, became another person entirely, and fell into a deep and lasting depression. After taking just one dose, I quit. Since then the weight became next to impossible to lose and more painful. When I has a car accident about nine months ago, I took a trip to the ER and was told I had fatty liver and pre diabetes. That with the fatty liver it would be next to impossible to lose the weight on my own. I spent a few months looking at before and after pics of gastric bypass and crying because I felt trapped in all this weight. I spent all of my twenties at least fifty lbs overweight. I could never understand how anyone could find me attractive at my weight and I quit looking at my own reflection because all I saw were more flaws every time I looked. It has left deep scars that I'm sure won't fade as fast as the weight. We are programmed as children to look down on overweight people. People judge without knowing the story behind the weight. Name calling like fatty or fatass. Taunting someone with eat another cheeseburger fatty (I got that at a gas station when I was nine months pregnant and 150 lbs!) it all seems okay by society. When someone is overweight they feel it everyday, in their body in their heart and in the eyes of others. All the thin people say "just stop eating" and you think, if I eat any less, I'll die. When someone is overweight, people think its a free for all on advice. My entire family is thin and it's all I had dreamed of for the last ten years. Soon I'll have it. But I wonder if I'll find real happiness in it? I feel better when I wake up, but I also know that nobdy took the time to know the fat me. And now it's like I'm walking around with a neon sign on my head. I will feel great when I can wear a swimsuit without looking like a whale. But it's not about vanity. Because we will all get old and beauty will be a thing of the past. Its about being comfortable in your skin. Be it tight, or loose. I would be happier knowing the people around me were the same ones who cared about me when I was a big girl. I'm am down 60 lbs and proud to say, I'm still the same person at heart. I guess once you go plus size, your outlook on life never changes. When the outside looked a mess, I was busy working on the beauty of the part that will never fade with time, the inside. When you have everything handed to you because of your looks, sometimes you don't work on your heart. So remember all my current and former plus size family, no matter what happens with our bodies, never to lose the heart you found, the diamond in the rough. Thanks for reading.

I just want you to know, I am not bawling like a wet newborn! My self esteem issues began long before the weight. I was a really unpretty young girl and suffered at the hands of a lot of cruel school children because of it. I have my days. I don't always choose the best things and I'm a criminal when it comes to my protein intake. Or lack there of. I think it's great that a man shows his emotion and I thank you for all those kind words. For they are seldom in my everyday life and much needed. *hugs* I never understood why people felt they had the right to offer unsolicited advice. I remember eating because I was sad. As a teen, I did the opposit. I could remember just before the surgery, eating like I was going into hibernation. It was a slow and insidious addiction. Not like heroin or meth. I never drank or did drugs. I smoked for a year and said one day " okay, I'm done" no withdrawals or moodiness. So why on earth food? Because we are told to clear our plates as children. Because food in life equals health. So we give ourselves permission. I remember when it hit me that it was a real problem. When I would go hungry all day because I wanted to be alone when I ate. I would be sad, alone and have no one to turn to, and I always found comfort in the fridge. It was always there for me. Good grief I'm crying now. It's something I have NEVER talked about with anyone before and I'm pouring it out. I remember how happy I would feel walking to the couch with a plate and glass of sweet tea. My though being im already fat nobody wants me so whatever. Then feeling like a pig after eating. Funny how easy it was to push that guilt away with another plate. I remained active but I noticed it taking a toll. My once Awsome I can eat anything metabolism left with the depo. And when you get depressed, who wants to work out. Followed by feeling self conscious about people being able to see the fat girl working out. As I regain my body, it seems like a rental car gotten back from a teenager. I don't remember the damage being there before..lol. I feel good being able to run up the stairs and not give in to lungs that are screaming halfway up " bitch! You do know your fat??!!". I think I have a long road ahead of me, but as long as I have someone who keeps my best interest in mind and lovingly screams at me for doing this when I'm praying to the tidybowl gods. And I can talk to wonderful people like you who understand what it's like to say " screw it as I'm eating a piece of pizza while I walk to the bathroom because I know it's on it's way back up" life is full of little slide backs and getting right back up. No judgment here and it's freeing. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I did post my story, and I didn't really expect anyone to comment. And you don't know what it means to have such heartfelt loving replies. Good tears!

Welcome to the forum!

Thank you! It is one crazy trip and the more people I have to take it with like you guys the better! It's funny how it feels like just yesterday I was walking out of the seminar in tears thinking it was never gonna happen. I have days when I wish I didn't do it. Usually when I'm staring down a pizza, but I slip on those pants I never fit and it's gone. It's great to have you guys to turn to.

The ex husband now takes them on weekend and that began a year ago. It feels amazing to have a little me time. Though when they are gone if the bf and I don't go out for a drive, I'm sleeping...lol the bf has no children of his own but he says everyday, these kids are his. He jokes that people think he's nuts when he's in public calling five white kids his. He's black and he says the only one who can pass for his is my oldest little dark one. The rest are blonde hair and blue or green eyes. But genes do not a family make.

If that is the case, what you are saying is understandable! But what makes what you are saying okay, is you said you would leave him. Not perpetuate the problem by playing him. The only thing that makes me sad is you didn't think yourself good enough to do it before. You are a beautiful woman and thick or thin you can do better! :')

Amen Mami! I stayed until he left. When he did, I didn't beg for him to come back. I moved on! The best thing that came from it were my children. I'm so happy where I'm at. And if I had done anything different, I would not be with him now. Sure he can be an ass at times. But he has taken care of all five of my children and called him his own since my youngest was 6 months old. Everything happens for a reason, and I'm glad I found my reason. Funny thing is, my ex and he get along great. I also regained the friendship I thought I lost with my ex. And I have the best children in the world!

Oh for cripes sake! Damn! Not Dan!!

Dan iPhone and it's i know what you meant to say spell check! Bend your KNEE not know!

@ Kevin- the problem with such extreme weightloss is that it takes the padding as little as it may have been in the first place, and shifts things around. All the padding you once had around your tailbone has headed south. Even If it's not something you notice. Your best bet is a pillow either one you have at home or the round ones made just for that reason the ones shaped like a doughnut. To fix said problem there are tush tightening and toning exersises you can do. Try holding a chair in front of you, bend one knew and swing the bent leg behind you. Do it slowly and you will feel the glutes flex. Keep doing reps on each leg and in time the you will tone and build up enough to keep you from sitting on your tailbone. Do stay off it because bruises take so long to heal and you can also cause a stress fracture. Doesn't matter how silly you feel sitting on a pillow, because if you don't now, after the damage is done you will be anyway. I hope that helped. Feel better.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Men can be such boneheads! I told my ex when our first daughter was born and me being half Mexican she came out dark. She's darker than me! He's German and looks at our black hair red brown skinned daughter and jokingly asked me if she was his. I looked at his ass and said if I had her with another guy , he would have money and I would not worry about lying to you. It sounds like you are better off without a man who would think that. You are stronger for walking away knowing you never once questioned being mom. Men make themselves look like an ass when they do that.

Thank you Mami! I don't want you to have an accident over something I posted. It feels good to share that. There is a lot I keep to myself and it feels good to open up. And even better that anyone cares enough to read. It's hard to talk about my weight because skinny people just think its all excuses. So I was always the one to make the jokes before others did and laugh about my weight with them. What they didn't know, was at night I would cry myself to sleep. I got good enough to smile while pushing back the tears. Even my bf doesn't know that I would be crying right next to him. The bc started this whole thing and I strongly recommend that people look into all the possibilities before putting anything into their bodies. Since then I swear I would refuse a blood transfusion if one of the listed side effects were weight gain!....lol I will post before and update pics as soon as I find the courage. Again, thanks Mami for making me feel less alone. *hugs*

Not sure how the THC will affect your metabolic system. If its the smoke that is the only problem, then your best bet would be a vaporizer. It only gives you the THC and no smoke. It can take a bit of getting used to, because you are not going to cough. No smoke just a cloud of vapors. It is the only way it tastes like it smells. But it does use a lot of green. No longer a smoker myself, but what can I say, I was a teen at one time in my life. Also try cooking it with a sauce. There are tons of was to cook with it if you look online. In order for the THC to be released and active, it has to be heated to at least 325 F. However speculation says it can slow down your metabolic rate, and that is counterproductive. Good luck on your journey and yes, by all means, stay away from actually smoking. No filters and the heat is ten times stronger than the pissy little protection of a filter.

I have the same don't lose that ass told to me. Lol I told him, when I was skinny I still had an ass. They lose sight of just how special a " you look beautiful " is to us. They think in their male heads, I'm with you aren't I ? I know that because when I ask the bf if he thinks I'm pretty still, that is what his reply is. We are a more complex creature than that full of self doubt at our best and down right cruel to ourselves at our worst. This is a change that shows us just how important to them we are. It leaves them feeling like a kitten belly up in front of a wolf. Our fat was security to them even if it was a subconscious feeling. You look great and soon enough you'll be getting hit on by guys so much you'll wish they would stop. I thought it would never get old, but last week I was driving and at a stop light some random guy yells out that I'm sexy as hell. After turning my head to see if he was talking to someone else, I turned red as a strawberry and said thanks. I hate when guys say stuff like that. It's good to know I'm not invisible don't get me wrong, but it makes me feel soooo uncomfortable. I guess it always will until I believe it.

I'm sorry to hear that. It's so hard when all these changes take place with your body and you are struggling just to deal with that and finding a new sense of self. And a separation to top that. It's a painful pill to swallow. My husband and I separated five years ago. He left our five children and I to struggle on our own. I got back in contact with a friend I had known since I was twelve. He has been with us since. Vamp it's his loss really. Keep your chin up and be miss independent.

I agree, I'm sure both sexes are going to be peaking in on one another, it helps us understand each other as people. Let's us into the minds of the opposit sex. I would shrink into my seat if a guy came in and told me why my period is late. But at the same time i understand the feeling of wanting to offer comfort or advice. It's part of being a woman. We often do that to people we care for. E even if we have never met face to face. Here I can understand the feeling of one big family.