Nykee

lol teresa Well they DO kinda slip as I drive or sit in a car... I have to pull them up... THATS NEW Ya know the phenominom that you cant feel when your fat is sticking out.. well maybe its just me but that problem is like 10x's worse now .. But no complaints

selfish shameless bump

HEY moderator.. WOULD YOU LIKE TO MOVE THIS THREAD TO THE NON lapband area... (any you think is right) I think that I posted it in the wrong place and dont want it to be a bother.. THANKS A dream from friday night : (sorry if this offends.. i think its funny now that I am over the shock of it) In real life my 14yr old girl had a friend spending the night. In my dream.. I think I am awake and in my real life and I hear her vigerously brushing her teeth in the bathroom (right by where I sleep) and then I hear her friend say "Matt says your breath smells so bad cuz you swallow when you give him a jimmy ha ha" (BJ ya know) Amberlin goes "shushhhhh my mom! stupid!" and my heart leaps into my throat And I wake up It takes like a full minute before I realize that they had already been asleep the last time I rememner and cant imagine why they would be up NOW brushging their teeth. Then I realize i kinda SAW amber brushing her teeth and her friend standing to the side and in real life I wouldnt see it. JUst hear it.. So.. I DID check the sink when I got up to go pee and it was of COURSE all a dream.. The scary part was how my heart really lept like it would have if it wasnt a dream... Funny thing Her friend wakes up like at 3am puking her gutts out and I wonder if I am dreaming.. I am not. and then I ask amberlin if its possible morning sickness and amberlin really screams at me for that and I have to tell them it was my dream that made me be so bold to ask that. virgin this and that.. I am such a blah blah... Fluck.. ya never know these things these days .. she has some funky friends lately! the girl was like 190 poounds.. sometimes they do it at this age.. (GOD I am glad I didnt say THAT to them.. THAT sounded horrible as I typed it) sorry<!-- / message --><!-- sig -->

well thank you your really sweet!!!! my avatar is like 10 yrs old (lol) and blurry (THATS WHY I USED IT IN THE BEGINING>> I should change it. and I am at NOW at the weight of my avatar (but CRY, not the age) and when you say pictures.. I only got one up did those great BIG ones I was trying to post come to your guys notifications or something? I am so sorry if so.. lol Thanks so much for saying my white hair gives me style!@!! its all I have and I love it although its so ratty and Unstylish and stands me out and gosh knows what people say behing my back.. But going brown will make me feel so ugly.. weather its true or not.... its what MY MIND will think and I have to focus on that! So thank you so much.. its a little issue in my life and ITS so WONDERFULL to be complimented on it! P.s.. I spend an half hour at the ymca showers TODAY.. with conditioner and a brush (and a chair) to brush it out... Oh what we do for style.. LOLOLOL THANKS again you made my day I havent dated in three months..... and well I wanna... BUt I am stuck in a rut who ever though LOOSING weight would make me feel like NOT going OUT?? ITS weird.. but I make up one excuse after another... to two cute boys and a sexy girl.... and thats not like me.. lol I have a feeling I have stopped dating for about a year.... and when I start again will be more traditional... But this trip to the YMCA was so fun and I feel so clean.. lol I kinda felt the bug, not enough though Well I rambled But you mention my hair and I think of dateing.. lol (that head shot is after a very nice date,,uh huh)(oh and the beanie has a deep meaning to me thats about dating and all that) thanks again

I have resinged my self to the 60% average... I will be lucky to break average and that means being about 220 pounds and THATS FAT to many that they even get banded at that weight i will LOVE to be 199 and its possible to be 150 BUT I WILL BE HAPPY AT 220.!! I cant exspect to beat the average

I also think 'starvation mode' is very short term.. I have lost tons of weight in this mode through my life.. and fast.. I just lost 30 pounds in 2 months (aug to oct) (liquids... mushies only) and then for the last month (oct to nov) I have been on solids.. and I gained a pound. Ummmm NO I rather eat nothing... ya know.. It was a fine two months and I want it back.

YOu dont throw up when you eat too much (in so many words) you have to have lots of self control many say they are hungry ........ many say they are full and saticefied IMO the answer to your question is that you will benefit by not being as hungry..NOT by the pain and trauma of PBs or overeating stessers I been lucky so far so Not be hungry and not care about food as little as I can eat.. But as I read through here, thats kinda rare

I used to always have the runs (well not hard at all)... many many times a day, for many years. I would be on the pot so much I would cry about it and its uselessness and waste of my life.. NOW... the band has made that HELL, gone I am a normal pooper now..lol Once a day and its hard now (yeah) Lots of band benefits huh.. lol BUT I still cant hold my pee Its called stess incontinence I guess I dont take nothing for it, but its embarrssing though no one knows (but you and my kids) I cant hold it is the problem.. if I try it leaks out as I walk to the toilet OR I pee while I sleep and wake up during and cant stop it. this happened last night and like once a week (always my fault for holding it in, but its hard to beleive even to yourself that pee will just run out with no control) THIS is obese related and I cant wait to not have this problem

I will have tons of hanging flab, and I have NO way at all that I know I can do anything about it.. ever. Its hard to think about.. but I guess I wont till the time comes.. I have TWO c cection scares.. the panyline one.. and one in the middle of my gutt.. I havent looked at them for ever I can feel the panyline one when I wash.. its a raise kind of scar But the other one? who knows.. lol

OMG I just went to look at the cloaks I didnt know you meant THOSE cloaks WOOWWW I love em.. what a wonderfull idea creating this business I have a gothic 14 yr old who would be so jealous.. lol I wish we werent poorer than we have been in over 10 years.. It would make a great gift (her BIG gift.. since so far I cant think of anything else..) (we are kinda forgoing xmas this year.. living in a camper..lol) I really really want one..!! your pics make them soooo appealing.. I wanna wear one outside.. and at camp and well.. lots of ways.. MAYBE this is what I can reward myself with when I loose alot of weight! I have a friend (net friend) who says when I loose the weight she will give a 250$ shopping spree at hot topic (or anywhere) and although I NEVER plan to accept her offer... Its on topic.. I can sew great!! I used to make halloween costumes all kinds of things..... I mean I USED to be able to .. but the cutting and sewing is too painfull for me.. BUT as I get well It would be cool to try to make a cloak! BUtthat alot of fabic... how do you make a profit?? anyway WOW THOSE ROCK!

This is cool and so nice nana I dont measure.. But I did take measurements and I shoudl dig them out and re measure and see whats happened.. Kinda hard to take accurate measurements on a 400 pounder.. I know I am not in the challange but I wanna keep track unofficially... here I hope thats OK!! So since Aug 3 to oct. 7: I have lost 30 pounds.... So I guess sept.. to now I could call at 15 pounds... and I am EXTRA excited to see what happens by december GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU!!!!

Comments to me: I wanna come read them easily the best me: Aw Nykee I think you are just beautiful. You are very brave...it's hard to get that first pic out there, but you have had an avatar pic forEVER! so I was only shocked to see that you are prettier than your teensie weensie avatar pic indicates. I do, however, agree about the couch. Not my fave, and I have NO taste. I wouldn't claim it either! LOL <!-- / message --><!-- sig -->__________________ dessertmom Nykee, If I can figure out how I will post my before pics to.....and my in the middle pics.Girl,compaired to some of us you are beautiful.......You have a very pretty face......Work this band Nykee.You must do this for yourself.The one thing that I know is,well,I am still ugly as sin but damn I am not exhausted anymore....I have way to much energy for anyone to even keep up with me now.....and I am not finished losing by a long shot.....do it woman...it is well worth the effort.....Success with this band is to not live with self condemnation everytime we fail but to just keep going and making better choices all the time..... Nana: I think you are a beautiful woman! Check out my before photos, Do you think I wanted to put out that photo of me in the pink shirt?! No way! If my Father had not of been so Ill, That photo wouldn't have been taken( it was taken at his medical fund rasier show) I'm now glad it was taken! It's a great photo for before and so will yours! Hugs! Nana~ --------- pink mary Hi! i saw your pictures and you look way different than in your avatar! you have very pretty face and your platinum hair gives you style! keep working your programme and you will see, one day you will be the sexy glamorous gal you have seen in your dreams and that it suits in such a lovable face!! Love more yourself you worth it!! harley Nykee - I think you are beautiful already! Thanks for sharing your picture! <!-- / message --><!-- sig -->__________________ <!-- / message --><!-- sig -->

all my pants fall off as I sleep too... they never did that before! so yes, changes are a happening even when 65 pounds isnt much for us biggins.. we can still feel it happening

I am running through all the pics right now.. I am trying to get to know people I may respond to an old pic..as I am starting on page one.. plus I will respond to people I recall.. but i am so bad at remembering things, sorry if you know me and I didnt respond to you,, I am trying. Oh also I am reposting the comments made about me before penni erases them, so I can read them any time. Delarla... the change is real obvious Megan.. standing by ther door is a great idea, 80 pounds! wow.. you can really tell, especially in the face, Penni.. i have looked at your pics many times already.. You really inspire me, you look fabulous.. Nana.. post 8 (looks like you were always a stunner.... even before) post 89.. sorry, I think you were real nice looking in the pink! and I WISH WISH (but wont happen) that I can ever look like that at under 200! your sexy..(as I wanna be,,lol) Are you young? Or just young looking? Is it rude to ask your age? Alexandrea... like penni, your new bodies are amazing.. they look so healthy and fit, not just smaller... do you excersize alot? Do u plan for plastic surgery or hav you had any yet? post 43.. your before looks alot like me and how I feel... shows so much doesnt it... and your after is as if its not the same person at all!!!! WOW Letha.. it says 70 pounds loss.. looks like alot more to me!!!! lamadome... amazing! georgeous women was hidden under that extra weight for sure. I love harleys.. you remind me of my mama.. you look fabulous, I love seeing waists emerge! POST 120.... aLL i CAN say is wow.. your HAVE changed ALOT.. The best me.. post 60.. I am unable to see it for some reason.. hope theres more, Infaith.. looking real 'skinny' dare I say dylins mom... looking great.. am I missing how much you have lost...?? bigbellykelly... post 74.. you say you have a long way to go.. but you look great! hagger teresa....... 100 pounds.. and sure CAN TELL!! donali.... has a shape too now.. wow I'llsuceed... post 36.. thats how I have ever always wished I could look.. I would be so happy as your before pic! ruthie.. you inspired me to do a head shot to see how the face can change.. yours in really nice!

what we go through ugh I hope you get better soon!!!

yeah.. pauls is crazy interesting!!! porc doll, I once woke up with my toe throbbing and in my dream I had dreamed I was bit by this big faced man freak with a ton of teeth! So I know what its like but its not so common with me like it is with you. nana... SOMETIMES I can manipulate my dreams.. and sometimes I can force my self to dream a certain something by the stimulation I have right before bed.. but not as much as you do.. I used to do it alot more. glitter.. I am usually not fat either... isnt that interesting! like 5% of the time I am fat. And I always dream in color.. I cant recall ever dreaming in black and white and I kinda wish I would.. they say thats more common? nana... THATS JUST SCARY!

There.. Now I have a before pic.. (of my face anyway) Sad thing is, I already lost 40 pounds in this pic I think this is JUNE 05 I am down 65 now, but my digi cam is broken. I will get a after pic soon... asap I am most interested in this fat ugly engorged deformed face looking normal again, (sorry.. but thats how I feel, its SOoooooooo hard to post this) I wont post many ugly pics until i have nicer ones to set next to them, I got some dozies... P.S..NOT MY COUCH and NOT stoned~And not pissed off either.. thats just how I look.. its an exhausted FAT lady..

gosh jack Thanks thats jut how I feel about so many foods now just not the chips.... I wish I felt just like you described!!!! in time I hope

I really hope you're keeping copies of these notes somewhere you can get at them again if you need to. >>>its all here. lol After a year or two of being banded, you may start to find yourself veering back into old habits, because the novelty of the way you feel will wear off. >>>>>>>OR just a few months.. Old mindsets can and do come back, and a reminder of how this feels now will be a big help to you when that happens. >>>thanks,, and exactly why i am here posting... I'm so proud of you! >>>>>thank you.. I pray this is for real and for ever <!-- / message --><!-- sig -->

I really hope 100 is alot better than 66 pounds of loss, cuz I am not happy so far.. and I gained a pound I am not happy at all

definate chip problem/ snacking problem well it was a cheeto problem now its a chex mix problem (but it says 40% less fat on the bag) too bad I can eat half a bag a night and candy I tried a meal FINALLY it was meat loaf, mashed potaotes and corn (Protein, veggies carb, right) I ended up mixing it all up in every bite I took a bit of each on my spoon I am affraid I will NEver eat the meals right!:think

yes theres more.. lol NOW.......... credit for ALWAYS STOPPING eating at first band signals and avoiding PB, slime and all that. ALWAYS! High on control...(hate and ego..feeling real good though) (need new verbs) I refused to let my band control me... I would one up it by stopping eating before it made me.. NOW thats credit and control and power to the max. I simply just stop the second it feels weird.. I know I can eat more, lots more even...but I dont. I STOP before the band has to do anything. I mean, I wont chew slow and carefull and deal with some little feelings to get down more food... NO WAY, thats my band controlling me. NOT WORTH IT. I still like food and want to eat and have to stop before I wanna and wish I could feel saticefied and full more often, plus I really want more juice and to GULP it...(the one thing I cling to and want to still do) But I stop... I can stop at my first signs, no matter how little I get to eat and avoid all pb and such.... Um, thats like so cool and all I have to do is stop at that first sign and I am sure that will protect it from happening... ever.. and my goal is NEVER.. (well for now) I know I need the band, I know I need to know it will stop me if I tried to go too far.. restriction is my salvation... The band a necessary tool for sure. But right now, I am in control of my food. Ok.. kinda.. I still have problems, I need to control.. But this is the most I have ever had or ever thought Id come close to.. so I get all giddy and dramatic.. EXAMPLE: I cant imagine I would ever want to eat a Protein, veggie and carb meal as regular and eat healthy vs. junk. But I know I will.. I even see being a vegetarian and NO milk as possible in my life. P.S. I was ready for this, I knew I was. I argued I was to skeptics. I felt I was not mentally messed up just cuz I was 400 pounds still... I felt I was basically healthy a number of years ago.. BUT the beleife is we are fat for a reason and when you fix the mental. you will be able to fix the obesity.... This being able to happen to me like it did.. PROOVES i was right... This disease does deep....some arent even close and think they are, some are close and feel so far..... its hard... everyone is different.. But somehow I KNEW.... ITS NOT whats eating me, DR. PHIL! lol The reason I knew this was cuz I heard it all... did it all.. nothing was ever new to me... and I had thought of every angel to every option.. Nothing, not even Dr. Phil had anything to tell me I didnt already know or explore or try and such... I wasnt skepticle.. THERE was nothing new. IN YOUR FACE (assholes who analyze me as a way to critisize and condem and dissmiss my surgery options and my mental state!) (about weight) (I do have mental issues on other stuff.. lol) ha ha ha ha I have more to report in about a week, changes..challanges I dont wanna say right now, things are happening faster than I can type and post. THANK YOU FOR LISTNING!

Now.. I admit I am motivated my hate and ego the most... The hate kicked in (aBOVE and now the ego: (I have always been this way... I cant help it..sorry..I get high on being better ever since my accomplishments as a teen got me hooked on the rush of not feeling shitty but bright.....I do it in my own little ways I am not better than anyone.. I never do it to make anyone feel badly. If I didnt swell my ego, my self pity would destroy me. Call it survival of how the cybils of the wordls function.) So now I am not into food like before.... and um I am gonna like proove it and show off that amazing fact to the EXTREME as usual....I cant help it. This is what I did: First I choose to keep a shame to myself (my old eating habits list) and hold the funky feelings in my tummy and let them fester... cuz its a new feeling and stronger than ever and I am not too good to feel it. Plus I am interested. I may not feel this bad for a while or ever. Its kinda good to feel bad. To know its all mine. My secret. I feel deep disgust for living and raising my kids like that and cant shake the shitty feelings...But I cant express this either..... I am quiet for once in life. SO!!!!!!!!!! I drive around ignoring that fast food even exists. I dont see them. They are dead to me. I cant recall seeing them the first month at all.. they are all over. Did my kids even ask to go? What did I say? Just No.. ?? hummmmm Later I felt discust for the fast food places. They were trash, grubby, no good, dirty rotton scum who I would protect my kids from and myself... To stop for anything supported them. I DID get KFC mashed tatoes and two other things once, so dont hold me to my ramblings as 100% facts.. ya know. I may forget other disclaimers as this one, The thought of putting one of those little burgers in my mouth for the cost of one dollar..... was deplorable, I wouldnt stoop so low... I looked at them and saw ugly, dirty, cheap, .... pity, poor, low class people who need shaken and slapped and deprogramed. I didnt think of future trips to my old favorite resturants cuz they had taken so much of my money and their food wasnt worth it and I was robbed and I wasnt about to give r anymore of my money like some fool to con artists..... Their exteriours no longer enticed me, ugly and cheap, bad service... I for one wouldnt be caught dead inside. WAIT IN A LINE? Oh hell no You had to do way better than THAT to get me. If ever a food place caught my fancy, I bet it would feel divine now to deny such grand notions as if I am a flucking GOD! EATING Food could NEVER be better than Dissing food and being special and acheiving such a huge goal many do not, many do. Proof I am who I am once again, (I could be wrong.. a nice place who didnt piss me off might sound yummy one day)(this is another disclaimer) THEN Then things happened I didnt plan (not mad at) enforcing my new life... I posted here about my new grocery shopping experience's.. INSERT that story here. Short version: Soon I find myself not grocery shopping at big chains as usual. (winco, walmart) serious and FUN.I shop at little markets now (safeway) AND not caring to even go.. I send a kid with a list. What was fun and exciting and a big event to me... is now a chore.. thank god the highlight of my week isnt grocery shopping! how lame. sooooooooooo All those good feelings... some created, some surprising, all amazing...... unexplainable. You cant imagine till it happens.

fun4mat.. yes thats what I am sayin cali.. I was in portland,(kid) tillamook,(teen) then ashland (adult) and now albany (old lady)lol everyone.. THANKS for appreciating this I did finish thinking and now I will ppost what I wrote to myself on word... The rest of the story I exspected a 20 yr goal like kicking food addiction/obsession/inability to eat and exersize to the point of being not morbidly obese........ to be something I fininshed off like a thesis and came to a conclusion and saw the efforts pay off right then and there..... It wasnt like that, so thats how I missed it...and had to do all this dang thinking... But as I realize these things just happen eventually and sometimes you never know exactly what did it, BUT you did it and all those years have finally paid off. (THUS THE CREDIT) I can see how it happened. I can see it totally possible. I can see how it snuck up on me when I wasnt even thinking about it and NOW I will revel in its glory.. in the future my freedom from food story will not start with how it just happened like magic, went loonly, got thinkinhg and found my credit..and then tell how and why.. I will start at the how and why (well I will start with the band) The band did NOT do it... my tight fill gave me a chance to feel and see and look at food and the concept... with out the Fix running through me, clouding my mind, making me lie, burried in food aka slow death.....and in that chance I was able to do all the things I ALREADY had been thinking and doing deeper inside. All the time I thought things... the things that would lead a person away from foods grasp.. .. and finally I had convinved myself. WOW. Never thought it possible. These are the things I think and have for a long time all the time that show I lead my self to the freedom from food. Random typing (lazy too) can skim this..part in red we are a bunch of hogs, makes me sick, why do we let this happen, we are so much smarter, i mean nothing is healhy, whats healthy anyway, you gotta go through all this crap to find healthy these days... we are americans and we are all fat cows and dont care.. as 400,000 of us die a year... we dont care.. we think we aretn worth help cus it was food that made us fat.. food, food, food... its like evil. Why do I let it control me.. its JUST food.. I can do anything but I cant NOT eat a stupid food item? I would kill anything that could control me like that, I am above this shit, I am smarter than this, americans think they are so smart.. IDIOTS, ruining our bodies.. thats the ultimate sin and here we go and do it like its the good life. I want to be a vegitarian, I hope I am someday. Its just wrong to eat all this shit, eat animals?? I am above that arent I? Someday when I am normal sized and dieted. I never want to eat dairy products ... ever and soy is good and I am choosing taste of YUM over my decently and morals..??? I ignore my core for a taste of food.. FUCK THAT.. goooooood... 3 weeks no milk and I quit.....shameful trash. How can you even claim to are about the animals and the cause? I admit, I dont really care about the chickens.. I just dont?? BUT DRINKNING MILK IS the worst and I KNOW IT! I hate me... I am nothing but selfish and low life human trash.. That 'super size me movie' really hit home, I beleive in that stuff.. I am so glad he made the movie.. NO ONE SHOULD GO TO mcdonalds or BK... its sick what they call food.. the food can be worth a shit, but no one cares to make it even close.. I know its MY choice to eat it, but why even exist at such levels.. YOU know that can taster the same with like 10 grams less fat.... we shuffle through like cattle... pay our dollar, make em all rich, ... I never fall for those healthy items they pretend to carry to fool us and I wanna wring their neck... APPLE and carmel slices for kids NOT healthier. Salads a joke. Low carb stuff not even low card.. grrrrr.. money money is all they care aboiut.. at whos exspense.. we grew up like this is normal.. its gross.. brainwashing I love fruit.. how come I dont eat it? I love all kinds and dont have it... WHY? No way a corn dog is yummier that fresh pineapple or a cold orange. If I buy it it rots.. am I affraid of healthy foods or what? I want an orange!! now.. and watermellon too.. and somehow its not as good as I thnk it is, my taste buds are shot on all this processed food.. I mean I really think the bbq steak tv dinner is steak? I slurp that nasty gristle and cheap sauce up like Its alllll that. I like peas too.. no peas.?? One month I spent all my food money on foods I liked but never ate and STILL didnt eat them. pudding, aplesauce, mixed fruit, veggie melody, peas and carots.etc.... sat forever as I asked 'what is there?' But keepiing me from oranges is an outrage! Everyone I see.. kids, adults, skinny, chubby, normal.. all eat crap.. go to 7-11 and fast food and pizza and on and on..... I see like a health nut one out of a hundred and I dont even know whats in their cart.. how hard can it be to learn? Look it up.. simple! Go Organic? Do it for the kids for christ sakes.. OH MY.. the vending machinnes at school give out fruitsensations (?) and its not EVEN JUICE! oh why why do schools let kids eat all this crap? My school lunches as a kid included a roll and a dish of cream butter with every meal... who is gonna helpo the kids? The parents dont care, all these fats kids, why why why.. skinny moms, dont think they do a thing to help them..ruining thier kids lives..stupid bithces... I wanna slap them. Here I am most obese mom of all... my kids arent fat and THERES a reason for that! I MAKE SURE! I know its true even when many are skeptible.. I knew from my second childs birth what I was doing and I have done it everyday, their entire lives... couldnt done better, coulda easily not made it, cuz I went with the flow.. almost bare minimum I think, it was hard.. Still do it.. NO one can possibly fathom how many moments are about my doing some thing haivng to do with their weight. No one ever will.. Cuz its crazy, but I know.. I know had I not done and do not do these things... my kids woulda easily been fatties for sure..I am proud of that, but wish it was healthy too.... I am sick sick sick of not knowing what to do, being judged, fought at every corner over its issues... it all so unfair how it gets some and not others... I wanting help so bad for my kids sake and yet cant do it for my kids sake and and sick of feeling less human and sick and tired of being sick and tired and wanting a real life and health and mobility shouldnt be too much to ask if I have prooved myself.. ITS A DISEASE, no one can tell me its not. IT IS. I have it. I blame mom. I blame her mom too. I dont know her moms mom, all I know is I am not who I am.. I am not me. I am a lie. I am not a human being..as its meant.. and if this shit is OK, human beings destroying bodies than I dont care for humans... Human to me is HUMAN.. MOST powerfull, The highest power..... and this is our chosen life? HELL with it all.. Moving on SoooooooooooooooooooooI been itching to kick foods ass and leaves its no good home and move on to freedom knowing it cant touch me no more. Ready to stop bitching and being a hypricrite and doing something about this obese existance thats destroying my body, like I have some sence and smarts. Proove to the world that I am not lazy, unmotivated and menatlly ill but trapped in disease and can find a way out..no cure. And pissed at america for being hogs and refuse to join in the minless destruction like the rest. I am not a sheep. Move to canada. I wanna make pain, hold those accountable, cuss em out and destroy their worlds... but dont know how or who to blame. I wanna get my morals back and keep them near and treat them as all I have in life that makes me who I am thats good. I want to diss it, diss it, diss it, I cant even think of how to do so. AND having a tight fill where I couldnt eat but liquids for a month....and thus soon out of any food coma.. It was the last thing I needed before it all dawned on me and became (kinda ) clear. I wasnt goona let food fluck with me ever again.

What do you mean by not eat for three weeks? Like what did you intake those weeks? I am curious..