Nykee

ITS MY PERIOD!! YEAH. I got the cramps around 10pm and just now found some pink. So... I am gonna assume its my menstral. Now, I just feel so much better about it all. I dont know for sure, but I have a feeling I can stick to some lower calorie eating for a few days now. I didnt want this Journal to be about all this crap.. BUT, I guess it will be what ever it is... Go with the flow. ............. Tonight I almost went to the coast with my daughter.. she jsut got back today, but had to go back cuz Dono forgot his wallet in her car. I was gonna ride along. But in the end chose not to go. I was debating whether to go, cuz I know it would be painfull and it was a quick trip, not for any certain kind of fun or activity, but I have been bored and it was something to do.. Plus I could stay at my friends house for the night and thats something to do too.. BUt my daughter said "cuz I can" to something I asked her and I acted like I didnt want her company..... Well, that was obviously me using that as a way to justify my social anxiety and sheer lazyness and fear of pain. All of which I HATE allowing to control me. I layed on the couch and watched Southpark all night, helping Cry with her nonexistant family tree and fighting with Ambree to do her chore. I coulda been in bed with my friend feeling all calm and relaxed knowing the ocean was nearby and feeling wonderfully small. I have a date this weekend with Reese. I AM going, no matter what. If I find a way to weasal out, I may as well give it all up and But I am nervous. I think its gonna last Saturday to Monday cuz his work schedule. Well, I will talk about this later.

Queen, No Doubt, Marilyn Manson, and Black sabbath are some more absolute loves.

Rob Zombie, Metallica and Ozzy mostly. I also love Hedwig.

I am watching it right now.. LOL cool

I have one , but I dont go there. My kids live there however.

FEB 6th The whole day I have been restricted. Right now I am going to bed, But that doesnt ensure I will actually sleep and not eat anything else,.. BUt if I dont, that will be a good thing.. CUZ.. I finally have low calories.. I didnt eat right, AT ALL... BUt the band is working not to let me pig out. 12pm 1 ounce of milk (I took this drink right before I left the house.. I made gurgling noises for over an hour on the milk and then it was obvious I was making the little noises over my saliva) 2;30pm Two little bites of mashed potatoes and gravy from KFC (Here I was trying to see if I could eat somthing more solid and maybe fill my pouch without risking it on anything solid.. it didnt work, It still felt funny and I had to put it away. 3pm to 5pm I tried some broth (2 bites) I tried some chocolate chips (a few) I tried a bite of mashed potatoes again (one bite) I ended up eating a few chocolate chips, (1/4 a cup) 6pm to 7pm 1 reses pb cup. 1.5 cups carmel corn (My daughter brought one home from the coast along with the carmel corn and It took me an hour to eat this much and I didnt dare drink with any of it.. BUt FINALLy I got something yummy.. LOL) 8pm Slice of procesed cheese Tomatoe Soup, 1/2 cup 9pm rest of the can of tomatoe soup one slice processed cheese 10pm to 12pm 2 cups nesquick 1.5 cups 1% milk Half a serving of almonds 1am: NOW.. going to bed Fitday calories.. 1698 fat....74 carb 209 Protein.. 59 Well, I ate more after 10pm cuz I never went to bed after all.. But hey I am still down alot of calories and I got my protein in.. lol Soooooooooooooooooooo TONIGHT after I got off, I got pains and alittle bit of blood, so Its official,, I AM on my period.. and THUS, I am atributing these last two days of extra tightness to my period and will wait for it to subside. Plus for some reason knowing I am on my period and thats causing the tight restriction, I am less worried and I THINK I am gonna be able to go on a nice liquid diet while I am tight.. HOPEfully i can stay around 1500 calories for a few days? I DONT KNOW, just wrtiting down goals makes me feeel like a fool, cuz I never stick with them. WE WILL SEE. Goals for tomarrow. Dont sip anything before appointments. Do the 1 oclock and the 2 oclock Go grocery shopping Try to have some juice (4pm?) See how it goes.. Have tomatoe soup and parm if possible for dinner Have milk and juice the rest of the night Have SHERBERT NOT CHOCOLATE OR CANDY Dont munch on chocolate chips Revel in the deprivation and feel good your such a cool bitch for it.

Well, Its 8pm and I am STILL having problems.. sipping tomatoe soup and its sitting in my throat.. ugh. EITHER its my period a coming, OR the restriciton has "kicked in" like many people have described it doing to them. I will give it a couple of weeks.. Making sure not to irritate it to the point that It hurts or causing the chest pains. LASt thing I want is an unfill. But OF course if I get the pain, I WILL get an unfill ... I am KINDA excited and QUITE frusterated. I want to lose weight like I did with my last fill.. BUT unlike my last fill, I am not so happy and overjoyed about NOT eating.. They called it the honeymoon period and I thought it was divine majic or something.. lol I cant imagine I would get an unfill to simply be able to eat.... BUT, I also dont see it as impossible.. OF course.. 25 pounds or so will losen the band anyway.... well thats what happened last time.. MY calories have been averaging 2500, my fat 100 and my carbs 300.. I have GOT to be under that today.. But thats what I thought yesterday. lol .......................................... Today we had an appointment with Joe.. and tomarrow is the school and the center. Dawn goes to her thing on wednesday. Lots of changes. I need to turn in my request to MOVE!!!!

Well, Its 8pm and I am STILL having problems.. sipping tomatoe soup and its sitting in my throat.. ugh. EITHER its my period a coming, OR the restriciton has "kicked in" like many people have described it doing to them. I will give it a couple of weeks.. Making sure not to irritate it to the point that It hurts or causing the chest pains. LASt thing I want is an unfill. But OF course if I get the pain, I WILL get an unfill ... I am KINDA excited and QUITE frusterated. I want to lose weight like I did with my last fill.. BUT unlike my last fill, I am not so happy and overjoyed about NOT eating.. They called it the honeymoon period and I thought it was divine majic or something.. lol I cant imagine I would get an unfill to simply be able to eat.... BUT, I also dont see it as impossible.. OF course.. 25 pounds or so will losen the band anyway.... well thats what happened last time.. MY calories have been averaging 2500, my fat 100 and my carbs 300.. I have GOT to be under that today.. But thats what I thought yesterday. lol .......................................... Today we had an appointment with Joe.. and tomarrow is the school and the center. Dawn goes to her thing on wednesday. Lots of changes. I need to turn in my request to MOVE!!!!

JACK) So please....apply what you know to what you do... girl) OK, since you said please. (((HUGS)))

Nykee: This post is sent with all the love and support I can give you. >>>>>>>I KNOW. I DO> I am defensive of my situation NOT of you caring and sharing and posting to me!!!! Please don't take offense to anything I am saying here but honey you are definetly taking in way too many calories and certainly WAY too much sugar. If I were to eat like you are I would not be losing weight. >>>>>>>>>>My weightloss will prolly stop when i get beyond a certain level too.. Hopefully I will be able to make better chocies by then, havent been able to in 20 years.. but hey, maybe some weight loss will help that. I too have lived on $300 in food stamps for myself and 4 small children so I know how difficult it can be. IT SUCKS!! But if I remember your children are teenagers and more specifically they are 18 and 19 is that correct? If that is accurate then they can certainly fend for themselves for meals. It is TIME to start taking care of NYKEE. >>>yeah, well they take care of me.. I dont really know what you mean.. my son works and my daughter is in college and we do have to buy more food than the foodstamps I get.. BUT MY KIDS ARE NOT READY TO leave, they DO fend for themselves in food. I dont cook, and I only sometimes do the shopping (like once a month) Find a Farmer's Market that accepts Food Stamps. They are out there. Find a Co-op that you can barter with for fresh veggies. They are out there. >>>>>>My town doesnt have that stuff. but I been in towns that did and sometimes I went.. Just cuz they are there doesnt mean I will use them and do the right thing. You say you are bored. >>>>Hey I figured out why I keep saying that..I am not sipping on my cup of milk and juice all day cuz my fill is tight and its making me bored... that sounds crazy, but not really .. like a smoker who deosnt know what to do with themselves. I have been there as well. IT TOO SUCKS!! But find something you LIKE to do. Get up and do it. >>>OK Stop finding excuses to NOT do things. >>>OK No one can fix your issues but you. >>>NEVER said otherwise We here can offer all the support and encouragement there can be and it does no good if it falls on deaf ears. >>so you decide its falling on deaf ears..? I respect your situation cause I have been there. I know what it is like to want a better life for your children and the frustration because it seems hopeless. My life is not so bad,My kids have an obese mother.. and the shit that goes with it.. I COULD break out ALL that is GOOD and it will outshine MANY.. BUt I dont do that at places like here, I save the internet for my neggatives.. IT ISN'T hopeless unless you let it be. I am sooooooo far from hopeless.. I dont mean to make it sound that way,. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE IT. And when you realize that the possibilities are endless. >>so true OK if I haven't succeeded in pissing you off then know that I have the utmost respect for you and believe that you can succeed in whatever you want out of life. I almost never get mad.. I LOVE it when people show me they know a thing or two.. ignorance makes me sad. thank you

Just my 2 cents here Nykee >>>>>>>I APPRECIATE IT, EVEN THOUGH IT might not sound like it when I respond. The reason you seem to want to eat more is because you are eating crap.. >>>>>>I dont know what I want to eat, I only know what I do eat and I log it.. I dont know if its more or not... I made that statement cuz I began to eat my kids solid foods and drink less for like a day... I am trying to see how accurate I am at what I eat, when, why and the calories, fat and carb content. food that the band will not or does not restrict..liquids go right through.. Not always.. I gone all day to day getting stuck on liquids..but I know what you mean, once its open, I can drink and drink until I dont want to drink anymore due to fullness. (not band fullness) junk goes right through.. Yep, at night when I am open, this is very true,, and if you say you can not eat any solids ..then girlfreidn you are too tight... I can eat solids, look at my log.. I can. Just not all the time. I know I am too tight, but I have to be.. people can live never eating solids again.. But I dont abuse the band by going too far so its fine. (and if its not fine, too bad, its all I can do to lose weight right now) the band was not designed to just drink your meal or eat candy..you need some real food..protein, >I get real food. I get PLENTY of Protein too. the protein will curb your hunger >>That prolly explains why I am not hungry more often.. I get 60 to 90 grams of protein every day. so if you can not get anything down but liquids atleast drink protein drinks instead of grape juice and chocolate milk >BUT I get plenty of protein. IF I ever find myself able to cut out all the milk I drink and need to suppliment my protein, yes, I will do it and i know how to. all that sugar does is make you crave more sugar.. >>>>>BOY, do I KNOW THAT. its a vicious cycle in my opinion you have fallen itno the soft/liquid food syndrome... >>>>>>Prolly. NOTE: I drank OVER a gallon of milk and juice, coffee drinks, slurpees and milkshakes EVERY SINGLE DAY prebanded. and that my friend will not help you to lose weight, if anything you will take in more caloreis then if you ate solids.. >>>Maybe, I hope that wont happen. Thing is, If I can eat more solids.. I will be eating MORE solids.. CRAPPY fattning carb loaded solids. (plus I have lost almost 75 pounds in a year) .liquids and soft foods go right through the band, they do not stay in your pouch plain and simple which is exactly why you are hungry >>>>this isnt about hunger, I know I mentioned it a few times, but that doesnt really bother me much I AM POSTING THIS STUFF.. FOR me.. PLEEASE dont feel compelled to respond... I am not looking for attention, or trying to show off or claim I am right.. I am just doing it, to look at ,myself,.. I I know its bad

easy way out: those skinny bitches who never watch what they eat and do no more excersize than any other normal person. lol

For me it wasnt the easy way, it was the only way. and I dont even know if thats true yet.

FEB> 6th GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Ok.. So I did not eat any almonds this morning.. At noon, I took 1 ounce of milk and clear through a 1;00 appointment... I was burping and hiccuping it. Its now almost 3pm.. SO, NO.. ITS NOT THE ALMONDS causing the restrcition to last so long into the day. I AM HUNGRY, I used to NEVER EVER be hungry. WORSE .. I WANT TO TAKE A NAP, yet IF I do.. I wont be able to eat till midnight.. AND I AM BORED to death. AFTER my period, I will decide if I am overfilled to the point where I cant take it. IF I am not choking on my own saliva, I am NOT overfilled.. (this is MY rule.. IF I am not abusing the band by choling, sliming or PBing than its fine.. BUT I WOULD LIKE TO at leaste be able to drink) BUT then again I may get really frusterated not being able to drink even till 3pm. Even on my last fill I was able to drink milk and juice by noon,.,. So.. GRRRR. I think I will just go to the dang YMCA. (WHICH I HATE.. for many reasons) GAWD I CANT WAIT TILL SUMMER!

It occured to me while reading your logs that if you just switched from regular juices to sugar-free juices (like no-sugar lemonade and no-sugar grape drinks), and switched from milk to any other kind of no-calorie drink, you'd be saving yourself hundreds of calories every day. >>>>>>>>>that has occured to me too.. lol.. I have had them ALL,. Ibet you couldnt name one I havent had. Also, kids don't "have" to eat foods like mac-n-cheese, ramen, and corn dogs. All of these are really loaded with fat, salt, and calories (which I'm sure you know). I know, I meant they are cheap.. I get 220$ in foodstamps to feed us all a month.. and thats not meant to be an excuse for feeding them poorly.. just the truth of the matter Incorporating healthier (but still delicious) choices (low fat microwave popcorn, fruit, string cheese, frozen banannas, homemade Pasta with marinara and turkey meatballs, etc) will help both you and the kids. I know. I buy this stuff all the time. Low fat string cheese, lite microwave kettle korn, lowfat grahm crackers, non fat cream cheese, lite sorbet and sherbert, sugar free fudge bars, diet pop, always 7% lean beef, chicken breast patties, and much more are also the things my kids have regularily in the house. (I have two adult children) I also buy cases of flavored Water and crystal lite every month for my children, they like it jsut fine and know its better for them and prefer it. Also, I noticed that you don't seem to have many homemade meals or regular meal times. Nope.. rarely.. Could you make a goal to incorporate more regular meals into your schedule instead of snacking instead? You would think so. It seems like everything is a snack rather than a meal, and snack foods are so loaded with calories I can see that it would be a major deterrant to weight loss. YUP, it sure is. Small changes can add up to big ones. Boy, do i know it. But the main things is switching from the calorie-laden fluids to no-cal fluids. This alone would cut your calories drastically. I know everything there is to know about this stuff.. But you didnt know that and your advice is wise and appreciated, THANK YOU

Makes me all nervous about where to post what about what.. so many different rooms and threads..

I never had a pipe in my life.. I remember a bong though, but that was a long long time ago, and it was my step dads.. lol

I was so confused. I have never been in here and I didnt know I was in here and I was like so confused. I thought I was in the main lapband area,.. I sure didnt click in here on my own. Learn something new everyday

Vegas aint so far from me.. But may as well be Mars .. lol Sounds like a blast for sure. Its real nice of you DeLarla!

OUCH All I want is OZZY on my fingers and I was told the letters would distrort ALOT if I lost alot of weight.. so I am waiting and MAYBE by then I will get the stupid idea outta my head, right now I feel if I dont get an Ozzy tat before he goes and dies on me, i will never forgive myself..

FEBUARY 6th So, yesterday I felt like I could hardly eat at all. I never had a meal. I sipped on milk and broth all day.. and around 6pm I was able to chew and spit some chicken and then I had some applesauce and pop and milk and almonds and candy. BUt it all added up the same as every other day.. About 2500 calories, 100 grams of fat, 300 carbs... So I didnt like that. It really goes to show how things can add up.. Like I had chocolate chips, two at a time.. but WOW the calories really added up and I had the smallest amounts of pop and those calories added up too.. Had I left out the pop and chocoalte chips, witch would of been so easy. I might of had a lesser calorie day for once.. Its been 4 days since I been loging my food.. and it seems like two weeks for something.. I think tomarrow I may break down and weigh myself.. I wanted to wait till the 14th but tomarrow I will be in the town that I can weigh on the real accurate scale. Maybe if I see how far I am from Goal (75 pound of loss by Feb. 14th) than I will kick it in this last week?? I MUST BE 340 POUNDS... I JUST MUST. I could drop 10 pounds in a week, if I really tried.. BUT whats the use? Just to say I made goal? I would just gain it back anyway. AS USUAL.. I cant get a fill cuz I am too tight in the AM. PLUS I am eating around the band anyway I can.. how obvious is that!

FEBUARY 6th So, yesterday I felt like I could hardly eat at all. I never had a meal. I sipped on milk and broth all day.. and around 6pm I was able to chew and spit some chicken and then I had some applesauce and pop and milk and almonds and candy. BUt it all added up the same as every other day.. About 2500 calories, 100 grams of fat, 300 carbs... So I didnt like that. It really goes to show how things can add up.. Like I had chocolate chips, two at a time.. but WOW the calories really added up and I had the smallest amounts of pop and those calories added up too.. Had I left out the pop and chocoalte chips, witch would of been so easy. I might of had a lesser calorie day for once.. Its been 4 days since I been loging my food.. and it seems like two weeks for something.. I think tomarrow I may break down and weigh myself.. I wanted to wait till the 14th but tomarrow I will be in the town that I can weigh on the real accurate scale. Maybe if I see how far I am from Goal (75 pound of loss by Feb. 14th) than I will kick it in this last week?? I MUST BE 340 POUNDS... I JUST MUST. I could drop 10 pounds in a week, if I really tried.. BUT whats the use? Just to say I made goal? I would just gain it back anyway. AS USUAL.. I cant get a fill cuz I am too tight in the AM. PLUS I am eating around the band anyway I can.. how obvious is that!

Feb. 5th Today was a fickle day, I felt like I ate nothing.. and yet my calories and such are the same as every other day.. 10am 1 serving almonds 2 hard candies in middle of night. I think these are giving me problems for the day. So I moved the jar away from my bed and put it in the kitchen cuppord.. I will got his morning with no almonds and see if my band opens up easier for some afternoon liquids. 10am to 5pm bout 8 ounces 1% milk bout 1/3 cup broth bout Half cup of chocolate chips This was me all day trying to sip milk and broth and sucking on chocolate chips like 2 at a time.. Later and later it got and I just couldnt have anything much with out feeling it wasnt ok yet. MAYBE because I am sure to start my period anyday now??? I tend NOT to think that has anything to do with it.. Thats why i am going to try to be real dedicated to this food log, to understand my band.. I mean I just told sandie yesterday that my band acts the same everyday and then I see thats not really true.. is it??!! 6pm BBQ chicken skin and some bits of chicken.. 3 ounces in my guess OK, this is how that happened. My son came home and reheated a plate of BBQ, KFC chicken from 6 days ago. When he was done, I took his plate (he didnt eat it all) and I decided to would do some chew and spit cuz I was hungry and frusterated wanting to eat. So I picked the bones and the skin and I sucked on it and I spit it out, and in the process, I think about 3 ounces of the goo, went down.. and I realized I was OPEN.. so I tried some milk and BEEHOLD, I really WAS open,.. but plenty full on that thick coated skin 4 ounces 1% milk AND the rest of the night till bedtime at 10pm 3 cup nesquick chocolate milk for the night (thats 6 dixie cups) Applesauce, 1/2 cup 3 teaspoons brown sugar 6 ounces root beer My child got this from our complex's pop machine and I felt thirsty and we had no juice and milk wasnt cutting it.. so I had some pop, usually I dont have pop cuz I dont like it all that much.. 6 ounces MOUNtain dew Then the other kid got a dew and I did the same thing. I had two dixied cups (with ice) of each.. I need to grocery shop and buy me some juice. I grocery shop tomarrow. One reses Peanut Butter cup pack (2 cups) Well, a kid had to go buy some milk at 7-11 and I told him to get me a PB cup and he said no and I said "pleeease" and so he did.. I KNOW HOW I CAN STOP getting these every night on milk runs.. ALL I HAVE TO DO IS TELL MY SON "DO not get me ANY candy, NO matter if I ask you or beg you or make excuses like "its all i can get down"... DO NOT buy me any..and guarenteed he wouldnt do it..HE would never ever buy me any candy again NOW, my daughter still would...( I have tried all this before) ohhhhh grrrrrr blah Milk 1%... like 3 more cups And another serving of almonds at my bedside. Looking at it all.. I wouldnt have guessed I got in so much.. BUT I DID. NO DIFFERENT THAN ANY OTHER DAY.. seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee FITDAY calories 2610 fat 121 carbs 304 Protein 93

I havent noticed any difference at all I wish

I am going to weigh in on the 14th... I KNOW I have lost weight.. I feel it Plus I have been weighing at the ymca, its a scale not to be trusted but it HAS been moving.. lol PLEASE oh PLEASE.. let it say 340 AT leaste