Fear creeps in when I get on the scale in the mornings. The number is getting bigger! I fight the urge to “diet” and restrict my calories. This morning I was .2 lbs below the last goal I had hit on my journey towards my ultimate weight goal. It is a number that I never wanted to go above again. I logically know that I am going to have to gain weight while pregnant. Emotionally I am fighting my demons. I strive to continue to be healthy during my pregnancy. I never thought it would be so hard to watch the scale move up. I really thought that I would just bask in being pregnant and enjoy every minute. Instead I look in the mirror and fear the fat returning. I am not a skinny girl and I don’t have a cute little baby bump at this point.
Firstly, I’m not sure who these women are that are just having easy pregnancies and glow. If I am glowing it is probably due to broken capillaries in my face from the frequent vomiting. Thankfully my all-day sickness is starting to become occasional sickness. And I am so tired, I just want to nap at my desk every day. Actually I have unknowingly fallen asleep typing. Do not take this as complaining, as I am not complaining since I am just having a few inconveniences versus some complications that some have to deal with.
The real struggle/question is how to balance the emotional demons and have a healthy pregnancy post weight loss surgery. I am striving to continue exercising and to eat healthy so both baby and momma are healthy. I will refocus on my goal after my precious baby boy arrives. 23 more weeks to go!
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