kckitty

I start my 2 week liquid pre-op diet on Thursday. I'm going to sort of ease myself into the liquid diet starting today. I had a strawberry body fortress shake instead of eggs and meatless sausage for breakfast. (I made mine with unsweetened almond milk and a splash of vanilla creamer - the creamer makes it SO MUCH BETTER), I'm having yogurt and maybe a cheese stick for lunch. And I have some Gardein Turk'y that I'll have for dinner with some asparagus. Then a shake if I'm hungry later.
 
Since I started my journey, I have been focused on what I had to do to get approved for surgery, not what I had to do to get prepared for surgery. Some of these things go hand in hand - like changing your eating habits, losing a bit of weight, increasing exercise - but I have definitely not focused much on the emotional journey I'm about to go on. I've been more focused on the physical journey and the financial one.
 
As a result, I had the tiniest of meltdowns at Walmart last night. I was doing "post op prep shopping" and it was like everything I picked up led me to unpleasant thoughts about what I'll be dealing with in just a matter of weeks. It started when I was at home and went online to make purchases from various sites for vitamins, supplements, protein powders, storage containers, etc. I mean, I spent nearly $200 right there simply because I'm definitely a sucker for "buy more, save more" specials. Even though I had a pretty long list going into the store, something about seeing these things pile up was just... overwhelming for about 22 seconds. I spend a good 45 minutes in the "Health" area - picking out gauze, tape, bandaids, ointment, lotions and a lot of other things like Milk of Magnesia, liquid Imodium, fiber gummies, Gas-X strips... just so much stuff. Just in case kinda stuff that I've seen over and over again in these forums that people need. And it's taking me a long time to get these things because I don't use any of these things now. I have a first aid kit that barely gets used... I don't currently get constipated, I don't get gassy, I don't get reflux, I don't get diarrhea... but I'm about to do something to myself, VOLUNTARILY, that will probably give me all of this and more, in combination with each other.
 
And yet, I read over and over that people suffer through this and don't regret a single thing because it got them to where they want to be.
 
So all of this went racing through my mind as I was in front of the fiber supplements (the last thing on my list for that section, the top shelf of the cart overflowing with all this stuff). No one was really around, so I sort of let myself go, for just a few seconds. I let out a deep breath and about 4 tears popped out of my eyes and I was done. I took another deep breath, wiped my tears, and picked out some fiber gummies.
 
Did I come this far to back out? No.
Do I want to stay where I'm at instead of having surgery? No.
 
So I'm ready to face the emotions. This pre-op fear? Well, I'm as prepared as I can be. There's actually a lot of comfort in that. Expect the best, fear the worst. That fear is making sure I'm darn prepared so I don't have to bother going out and getting what I need when I'm already in trouble!
 
Things are only going to get better... and better...

I'm in the final stretch. I'm ending Day 2 of the pre-op liquid diet. Tomorrow, I'll be 12 days away from surgery. I'm officially counting down!
 
I'm really not hungry on the diet. Well, tonight I was feeling it a little - but only a tiny bit, so I just had a shake and I was fine. I'm not saying it will continue to be easy, but so far it's been fine. I started working my way into the liquid diet last weekend by having shakes but also one yogurt a day as well. Since Sunday, I've lost 13lbs. I was on my period last weekend, so I know that's part of it (cuz I had gained about 3 lbs the week before when the period was starting-hope I don't offend with TMI).
 
Now I seem stuck in wondering how much weight I'll actually lose and how fast it will happen. I've never been thin, so I have no idea what any given weight would look like on me. I think to myself, "Will I still be plus size, but more like a size 18-20? Or will I actually be SKINNY and go for a size 10?" I also think to myself "You have a higher BMI, you'll lose faster!" and then I think "You don't wanna lose too fast because you'll look awful." Deep down, I seriously fear more than anything else that I'll look like a deflated elephant when this is all said and done. I strongly feel that I'll look terrible. I can feel myself self sabotaging with these thoughts, but I can't stop them.
 
I want to believe that this surgery has nothing to do with vanity, but if I'm honest with myself, it's almost ALL about vanity. Vanity, and the idea that if I don't do something about my weight - AND QUICK - I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life. And again, I have to stop thinking like this. Losing weight isn't gonna find me a decent man. At best, it's gonna give me the confidence to date, but even then it's not guaranteed that I'll meet a man I want to marry.
 
Maybe the part of me that's causing the anxiety is the part that fears this surgery will change nothing. That even if I'm successful losing weight, nothing else will really change in my life. I like to think that suddenly I'll be so much more fun and outgoing and happy and friendly - because that's how I was when I was younger and thinner - but it's not realistic to think that my personality will revert to a time that long ago. I've had low self-esteem because of my weight for a long time. Will that change? Or will I still be miserable and self-loathing (i.e. calling myself a deflated elephant).
 
I probably need a shrink. I've had therapists before, never really connected with any of them. And this is just, idk, embarrassing for me to talk about. :\
 
Well, on that note, I'm off to sleep. xo

I have so much going on right now and I am waiting on so many answers..... My paperwork has been turned in for the 2nd time because they needed more info before they could approve or deny. My 2nd insurance has approved and now we are just waiting on the primary......
 
Now here is the kicker...I need to have this surgery done before May, which is not a problem for my doctor, but we are waiting on the insurance company.
 
My husband and I are also waiting to find out about a job for him in Dubai. If he gets it which I am sure he has it he will be leaving in May! Same company he works for now, so he will have the same insurance. I just need his help with the kids while I recover!
 
There is just too much going on and we have to wait for too many answers! My body hurts from all the walking and weight lifting that I have been doing. The soreness does not help with my emotions at all. I feel like a huge ball of raw emotions and like I am going to cry at any time.
 
This is the first time in a while that I have logged in here because I have been trying not to think about it at all.

Hi all...I am almost 5 weeks post op! Wow the time has flown by!
 
Sorry I have not been on here in a while giving an update or posting about something I have kinda been in what some people call a "stall" for the past two weeks. Kinda puts a damper on things. The first week I was really pretty ok with it. I had just lost 40lb in 2 months and was just stoked to start seeing the changes in my body and in my attitude/personality. Then by the 2nd week it just started to get depressing, I even gained 1 pound... I started getting a little mad and was trying to figure out how to amp up my loss again.
 
I had just started adding solid foods back into my diet but I was not getting over 600-700 cal a day. (which I thought was good) I was having a little bit of a hard time with my protein and liquid intake. So I figured that must be the problem. Last Tuesday I had my first WLS support group meeting with my supper awesome friend Tina. By some amazing divine appointment God had them focusing on PROTEIN! She had a ton of samples to try from different products and gave us a bunch of ideas on how to add bits of protein to our diets through out the day. Apparently just about everyone in the group had been struggling with some kind of stall recently and so that was the topic of focus! How perfect for me
 
And because I know how common it is for us new VSG'ers to have a hard time with proper protein levels I thought I would share what I learned, my new favorite products, and a few new ideas on how to use protein.
 
First, my new best friend is "Big Train". I have always loved this brand but had no idea that they had a bariatric friendly line of protein powders. So now I can have my love of coffee and drink it too I do live in Seattle... Its almost against the law to not like coffee over here... lol
Here is the link for the Big Train drinks. I love them! The cool thing is, I can not taste the protein in them at all! I have tried the vanilla and the espresso (both are fantastic) and have just ordered the sampler pac to try the rest before purchasing in bulk...
http://www.bigtrain.com/coffee-protein-drink-mix-powder-fit-frappe-c-143.aspx
 
My 2nd new brand of protein is Chike... I had never heard of this brand till my meeting this week. I tried the coffee flavor and again it was really good! I ordered the sample pac of this brand also. I really like being able to take a little packet of powder with me rather than mixing up a whole days worth at once. I need to find some kind of little container that holds one serving though, because it is so much cheaper to buy the tub rather than the packets... Anyway, here is the link for Chike.
http://www.chikenutrition.com/buy-chike.html
 
Third... I know most of you guys know about Unjury. But recently I have made a few friends who had never heard of it. For all of you newbies out there here is an awesome product! Unjury is said to be one of the best forms of protein. One of the best on the market. Its protein has really good absorption into the body. I have been told some of the cheaper proteins don't benefit the body as well as others. I totally get that, most food now a days dose not benefit the body at all so I am sure they cheat on this kind of stuff also...
Anyway, Unjury makes a "non-flavored" powder that you can put in just about anything from soup to pudding, to drinks. I have been adding it to my Crystal Light or Mio drinks. When you add it to a fruity drink it kinda turns it into a cream cycle taste. Not bad when it is giving you 20+ grams of protein in each scoop... I also put some strawberry lemon-aid into a vanilla powder and it was pretty good too..
http://www.unjury.com/store/protein/
 
I also found this website http://www.bariatricchoice.com/bariatric-protein-shakes-smoothies-drinks-12.html It looks like it has a ton of different high protein options including Nectar (which I have ordered the sample pack but have not tried yet) It might be a cool place to get some extra ideas from.
 
(And by the way I just started loosing weight again! I dropped 1 pound yesterday. I really believe its because I am drinking more and added more protein)
 
So, to give you an idea on how I get my protein and liquids in...
In the morning I start out with either a mixed fruit and veggie shake with a scoop of Unjury in it.
Or, I have a coffee drink with either the Big Train or the Chike. Rite there in that morning drink I have just got 20 grams of protein in...
 
As a snack I will have a cheese stick or cup of Greek yogurt. (6-12 g protein)
 
Then for lunch I make sure to have some kind of meat, eggs or cheese. All of which are low in carbs. (remember we like low carbs
 
During the day I will have a "snack" by putting one scoop of protein powder in with a beverage. There is another 20 grams.
 
For dinner I have been trying to get in some veggies with my meat. So weather I have 1/2 a hamburger patty or a few ounces of fish, I try to get in either salad or another green vegetable.
 
If I work it good like that, I am over 70 grams of protein. Plus the shakes alone have given me about 30 ounces of water so I only have to concentrate on another 30 through out the day.
To tell you the truth, its the liquids I am still having trouble with. It is really hard to drink that much through out the day. But I am trying...
 
I hope I was able to help some of you guys...
I know I was really struggling with ideas on how to get enough every day...
Good luck to you all! And let me know what you think of my ideas. Also, If any of you have some products or mix ideas for me please let me know! I am always looking for something new to try.
 
Later all!!! "HUGS"
Amber