madeformore

I planned this surgery for a year. I dreamed about it for a lot longer than that. So, when my surgery finally got approved and scheduled, I immediately hid it from almost everyone close to me. No one at my office knows I was sleeved. Only my husband, best friend, 2nd Mom (my mom's best friend.... She stands in for my Mom), and one brother (of five siblings). Everyone else knows the "vague truth" story.... A procedure done to remove some of the fat in my liver and "roto-rooting" to discourage more fat build-up in my otherwise compromised liver. Still.... Sort of the truth. So, what's the big deal? Why am I hesitant to just say, "yeah, I got sleeved to lose weight?" Why is there shame around that? Is it because John Q Public who has always been height-weight proportionate is quick to judge it? It's the easy way out, right? More admiration and respect goes to those who lose weight on their own and keep it off. Right? Somehow, this is cheating?
 
It's cheating to sacrifice 80% of a vital organ for the REST of my LIFE? It's the easy way out to never get to enjoy a big Thanksgiving meal with my family EVER again? I'm taking a short cut by undergoing general anesthesia and getting punctured - not once - but five times in the gut? It's just a vacation for me knowing my hair is going to fall out and I can only hope it grows back?
 
Right. Still, I feel the social stigma of the shame that goes with. Today, I've been reflecting on this. And this is the peace I'm making with it.
 
Society says they admire a person who loses weight "on their own." This includes people using appetite suppressants. An appetite suppressant is just a tool to prop them up, but THEY are the ones doing the HARD work. THEY are having to change their eating habits and choices. They couldn't do it without the appetite suppressant. It is a needed tool to accomplish their ultimate goal - lose weight.
 
The sleeve IS AN APPETITE SUPPRESSANT. The difference is, IT actually WORKS, and works for the long-term FAR FAR FAR better than any prescription drug that is swallowed. And, I'm not adding chemicals to my body. I'm not forgetting to take it, or changing my mind about taking it, or dealing with unpleasant side effects. I have an appetite suppressant THAT REALLY WORKS! And, after the weight comes off, I won't rebound like most people do who "do it themselves" (according to John Q Public).
 
So, I am thinking that we Sleevers have a responsibility to TEACH others. We have every right to hold our heads up with pride for being COURAGEOUS ENOUGH to make this lifelong commitment to change a lifelong brainwashing about healthy-eating and healthy-living. I refuse to accept any snide remarks from anyone. I will communicate pity to them for their ignorance and lack of evolving. And, I'll certainly offer to enlighten them on how one should think about their health going into the 21st Century.
 
Sleeving isn't just giving me my life back. It is SAVING my life. I'm not ashamed of myself. I'm PROUD of me! I found a RELIABLE tool to use to lose weight. The most reliable tool available.
 
This is the hardest work I've ever loved!

So I had a rough weekend. I got to add soft food to my diet on Friday. One would think that after three weeks of not eating any "real" food that it would be great, and it was! I got up on Saturday and I was up a pound from where I was Friday morning. Now, I know that my body is saying "Hey! I finally got some food, I need to hang on to it cause I don't know when I'll get the next round," and that is why the scales haven't been really nice this weekend. I still am bouncing around the same stupid half pound since Friday and its just frustrating. In my "previous life" I would have been irritated and just eaten something that I shouldn't have to justify the increase on the scales. Now, I didn't do anything or eat anything I shouldn't have but, boy, did I have a battle with head hunger all weekend. One of my favorite places to eat used to be Moe's, my husband has never really cared for it and I think that we have eaten there together just once in the past 5 years. Yesterday I had to run across town and what does he ask me to bring him back for supper?? MOE'S!! i couldn't believe it and it just plain made me mad when I had to go in there and order his burrito. I wanted one so bad but instead, I ordered his just like he asked (with absolutely nothing that could be considered healthy on it) and brought it home to him. I fixed my supper and was satisfied with it. My dad used to say that it didn't matter if you got full off of black eyed peas or steak and potatoes either way you were still full. That is very true, steak and potatoes just taste much better, as would have Moe's last night. Anyway, I needed something to take my mind off of the negative and I figured I'd list the NSV's that I could think of to lift my spirits a little
 
1. I can get my wedding rings on again, I haven't been able to wear them individually since last June and it has probably been more than a year since I have been able to get both of them on at the same time.
 
2. I already have a pair of pants that are too big and I can no longer wear (at least my husband refuses to be seen in public with me if I do!)
 
3. Its easier to shave my arm pits cause they aren't so full.
 
4. I can bend over to paint my own toe nails again!
 
5. The seatbelt in my husbands truck doesn't lock just because I'm trying to put it on and pulled it out a little too far anymore. I can actually bend down and pick my purse up from the floorboard and it doesn't lock!
 
6. I can put on and tie my shoes with almost no effort.
 
7. I have bad breath. (Okay so maybe that one isn't so exciting but apparently when you are breaking down fat you get ketosis which causes halitosis aka bad breath. I must be doing good breaking it down cause even my 5 year old tells me my breath is stinky! LOL!)
 
I know there are more but these are all I can think of right now. I'm going to keep working at it and keep working my tool. I know that I did the right thing and I know that I'll be able to eat more normally again some day. I did this for my kids and they are going to have a more amazing mom because of it.