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I was on xenical as well- it is really useless for wt loss and yup, bowel problems, when you least need it!

Babygirl, well I guess we are just missing what we don't have right now. Yes as we do get older sex we expect that sex will be less frequent, but when you don't have it often when you are young.... well what can I say. Youre right though intimacy is WAY more then sex. Would we call it a lifestyle? or a marriage style? anyway, it does take 2 people serious about keeping love alive and validating each other. I don't think I'm validating my husband much anymore. It is amazing when I think of it, how easy it is give up or not to try. I'm glad to hear that you are really working at it.

Lepez: I have never been in the rants and raves section, but thanks for the heads up, who needs more nastiness in their lives, not me. This is actually the first time for me to be communicating on a forum like this. I didn't know the rules, or what threads were etc. I know the results of not feeling loved and desired helped me pack on the weight. I think my love language is touch, or maybe I just think it is because I don't get touched often. My husband isn't touchy feely in any way and he doesn't like hugging etc. one second and then you get a sml push away. It has always been like this. So Karik I don't think it is a medical problem. (but thanks for sharing that with us) It may also be his personality as well, because he is so friendly and personable. My oldest daughter is very much like him. She's a social butterfly but isn't much on being hugged. My middle girl is the hugger in our family and I know she feels the loss of not being hugged by her dad. I understand exactly how you feel about the embarrassment.

Musicalmomma: I wrote this to another gal, who wrote me in private but I will use some of it here. You know I didn't want this to be a discussion about gay or not. BUT in saying that, I do appreciate your comments though and I thank you for sharing your own personal experiences. I just don't know what to believe right now. My faith about this whole issue is before God right now. I do know that he has never been unfaithful to me. I do know that he is very dedicated to God and wouldn't want to ever go back into the life style. Regarding did he make the full transition to heterosexual...I feel shaky... I'm not sure what I feel. I wish I could put in words what I feel, but then I would have to know how I feel so I could say it! I'm scared. But I started this thread to talk about the results of lack of intamcy in marriage. There are lots of reasons why us ladies are not experiencing intamcy. Every one of us has a reason. They are all different, but we are all experiencing the same results. We lie awake at night, we cry, we feel lonely, shame and sadness etc. We miss the tenderness and comfort. We are all wanting. We will all come to our own conclusions about what is best. I wanted an anonymus place to just say my feelings out loud. Eventually I want to get up the courage then to say it to someone face to face and then I want the courage to change my situation. Every one has been wonderful to share and be supportive. Thanks! I agree with you lizrbit I dig it too.

Do you think we just settle? Afraid of confrontation? I have spent many nights lying in bed with 10 yards of space between us wondering, praying and never solving. Mazziemommie, I wish I could tell you what to do but I can't. But its true the years just slip by and when we don't deal with the issues, face them, they just get shoved under more and more pounds of fat. I think for me it is shame. I don't know if I could sit down and just talk to someone about it all face to face. I am going to get to that point I think. I am starting to face it, admit it- things aren't right. We are worth loving, each of us are. Now to believe it!

Hi everyone, sounds like all is well. I just had my consult today and I am feeling pretty excited. I didn't make the surgery date because I'm not sure how long it will take to save the money. I have a prayer request. We are in the process of severing our carriage house from our house. The carriage house has been renovated into apartments. We then want to sell the house and move into the carriage house. My prayer is that it will all come together supernaturally quickly for us. This will really free up some money. I am feeling very positive about this surgery and I feel so much peace with my decision. So much prayer has gone into this. Thanks,

Well, I guess many of us have the same problem but with different causes. I am sorry green that those medications have caused this. Your husband must be terrific and understanding. When we watch tv we see sex everywhere, so what is the real reality in people's everyday lives. What is normal? and is there even a normal for how often couples have sex? But it is not just sex. I think it is feeling loved and desired and that can be wraped up in it.

Thanks everyone for you virtual hugs! Faithmd and Maziemommie what are you going to do about your situations?

Our home life is pretty peaceful. My husband and I don't argue, we are not good at addressing our issues. That is probably why we have stayed together so long. The kids of course can see the lack of intimacy esp. compared to our friends. But my kids are happy and well adjusted- you just don't tamper with that easily. Anyway, since I have been facing the issue, I do feel that I have alot of supressed anger and for that reason alone if not for all the other issues, I know I need counseling but it will be hard to find someone who doesn't know us. My husband denies being gay and he wouldn't walk away from God. It is so complicated!

Do you have that kind of a relationship? Deeply in love and loved in return? I have a friend who does. It is amazing to watch. The first thing her husband does when he comes in the door is go straight to her and kisses her. They are very cuddly and invest in their marriage by taking several "away times" a year. I have 3 children, I have always put them ahead of myself- it is the right thing to do.

For me it has been 2 1/2 years. I am not happy with it at all. My husband was gay before he met me. We are Christians so, it become complicated. We have been married for 27 years this august. It was always me who inititated sex, but he put up alot of barriers, so for us 10-12 x year, even as newly weds. I was 130 lbs when married and over 200 now. I have never been happy about it at all. I want to feel loved and desired and I don't believe it is to much to ask. I live with the shame and silence- is that right? I don't think so. We are just room mates with kids and bills in common. But for us if it was just sex and there was other types of intimacy- well I just don't know.

Thanks argon: it was exactly what I was looking for. It seems that more lose sensation then don't, I guess its a big chance. Pudding when you get yours done, let us know. You look wonderful. You are so beautiful.

Congratulations!! I am going for a consult with Dr. Coburn on Wednesday. Where are you from?

Lepez, I agree Marriage is very complicated. Divorce is very frightening. It is very embarassing to talk about celibacy in marriage. So many things in life are hard to face. I never talk about it to anyone, until recently, I admitted it to a friend. She didn't understand. It affects us on so many levels, it is easier not to look, to just pretend everything is okay. What are you going to do?

I am sorry ladies, I am new to all this. I have started a thread called Intimacy in the support forum. Lepez, can I talk to you there? I was wondering if anyone had the answer to my question on breast lifts: I have a question to the gals who have breast lifts, I know that they remove the aerola and nipple then sew it back on- so are they now numb? I was wondering because I would hate to lost that part during sex.

I haven't been banded yet but I need this surgery already. I have also heard that it scars alot and can be quite painfull. When the time comes I will research it carefully and talk to PS and hopefully make the right decision.

I don't know why I said anything, I don't ever talk about it. I can't believe I did that.

Hi I'm new to this site and I too have been reading the posts. I am going for a consult on Wednesday about the lap band and I'm ready to start a new life. I have a question to the gals who have breast lifts, I know that they remove the aerola and nipple then sew it back on- so are they now numb? I was wondering because I would hate to lost that part during sex. Not that my husband would like to touch me- we have been celibate for over 2 1/2 years. He doesn't like sex- never has, he considers it a duty and I really have given up on it. We are christians but he was gay before. It is such a mess. He is a very personable guy, but I really don't know what to do. We have children and have been married 27 years. I have wanted to divorce him so many times, but I live in denial about it all and about my weight and about everything.

Hi everyone: I am so happy to get to know you all. I have been considering the lap band for over a year. I am from Canada and we don't have access to health insurance that will pay for this surgery. It costs 17,000. I am considering going to mexico but honestly, going to a foreign country for surgery, well, it just scares me. I have heard nothing negative about mexico, I guess it is just the idea. I have been looking into Dr. Joya in Peurto Vallerta. He charges 8,000 and it includes air flight as well. Has anyone heard anything about him? I think I have lived my whole life in denial. It is time to start looking at my life and my weight with real eyes. I don't feel that God is against me getting this surgery but I won't have any family or friend support.

I have been researching this doctor. Is there any more information you can give me regarding your whole experience?

Hi does any one know anything about Dr. Joya from Peurto Vallarta? His price is 8,000 us includes air fare. The surgery is 17,000 in Canada. I to am nervous about Mexico but 17,000 is a lot of money to come up with.

Hi everyone. My name is Cheryl and I am booked for a consult about the lap band a week from Wednesday. It is very expensive, so it will take me some time to save up for it. Has anyone gone to Mexico for the surgery? If so can you share what your experience was and what about follow-up?

<p>The surgery here in Canada is 17000. I see that mexico is much cheaper but is it safe to have surgery so far away and what about followup? Has anyone had this experience</p>