vinesqueen

I actually need to reject it because it is a false image. I need to replace that with a positive image. As a general rule, yours is probably good advice but it doesn't work for what I am trying to achieve. If I don't reject it and replace it with a realistic picture and positive picure then how will I ever have a positive self picture? I know where I've been. I know what I've been through, but to go somewhere new, I have to have a destination in mind. For me, that destination looks like a size 14 or so. I have always had a fat woman living in my head. My body dismoryphia has always had me fat, even when I clearly wasn't. The picture of me in my head was/is fat. If I change that picture to one of when I normal, then perhaps it will be easier to get there. If we have never been to a city like, Moscow Russia, and we have never seen pictures of it, how will we know when we get there? There are signs, but we don't read cryillic and we have no translator. How will we know when we get there? We may have read discription of Red Square, but how will we know once we get there? How will we know we are in Moscow and not Prauge? If we have pictures of Moscow, or a tour book we will have a better idea that we have actually reached our destination. We can look at the pictures of Red Square and look at where we are standing and be able to say, "Hey look at me! I'm at my goal!" By changing the picture in my mind I hope to be able to do the same thing.

I walk a lot, plus I dance. I listen to music nearly constantly and when a rockin' song comes on I've been known to get up and dance in my cube at work. The guys I work with think it's pretty funny, but like I care. Dancing is so joyous! Belly dancing is wondeful. Not only does it do great things for your flexibility and balance, but it also does wonders for your self esteem. One of the best things I learned from Belly dancing is the attitude. To be really good, you must be hot shit, and KNOW IT. Even if you don't think you are at first, you learn to fake it, and once you learn to fake it, you learn what it feels like. Once you learn what it feels like, you internalize it and you own it. So Dance, Dance, Dance! (ding!) Once I get back to school I'll be horseback riding again. And hitting the gym...

Some people find they need a snack in the afternoon to make it from 11:30 to 6, which of course, is way past the 3-4 hours of feeling full. I typically have about an ounce of nuts in the afternoon, about 200 calories. but I always make sure I eat them one at a time. not a handful... If you have trouble getting in your calories, then have a snack. If you are hungry, have a snack. But make sure you get your Water in. That helps. Because the band is so individual, i think of them more as "guidlines" as opposed to hard and fast rules. Except the ones like CHEW TO GOO and "don't drink while eating. If you don't follow those two you are just borrowing trouble.

tomorrow is today, so welcome to Bandlandia!

bumping for HeavyLady

oh good, emotional blackmail. You deserve better. The next time he threatens you think about calling his bluff. Or if it isn't a bluff, do you want to be with a man who doesn't value your health? Can you emotionally afford to be with someone that doesn't value your health. First off, this is not 'THE EASY WAY OUT." This is major surgery. This is drastic. This is serious stuff. The Band is hard work. Not magic. Long and hard work ahead. Not only will you be changing the way you eat, but you will be doing a lot of hard work by really examining what got you to almost 400 pounds in the first place. This can be very scary. Many people consider being fat a sin or perhaps worse, a personal failing. If only we were stronger people we wouldn't be so weak. Yeah, I know, it makes no sense. Let me bump a thread for you about this topic. Change is difficult. Difficult for the one changing, but possibly more difficult for those around us who are not, who do not what things to change.

I have to laugh, I actually have a Brown Belt in Judo. DH and I actually had the same judo instructor about 15 years apart... And most of the time, I know that I'm a sex kitten. ... And yes, your post made perfect sense... I suppose for me it is easier to believe the negative than the positive because I heard the negative far more than the positive. Maybe because the wolves were always threatening to eat me, it was just easier to be on my guard, to be safe. If all you hear is negative, then when you hear positive it is foreign and something to be distrusted. I've been working on changing the audio tapes for many years. I've use daily positive afformations for years, and I have indeed seen results. I know there is a lot of literature about doing this but I haven't seen anything about changing the pictures. I figure that I need all the tools in my tool box I can possibly cram. I need all the tools I can learn to use. If I change the way I look at myself, if I change the mental picture I have of me, then I am not locked into the previous picture. Its sort of like when I rejected the picture of girls I was given at school. I have to reject that horrible bathing suit image. I have to accept that I was at one time the perfect size for me. I just have to be able to know what that looks like. I may never change the picture in my mind completely. But when and if I get to a size 14, I will know that I am not the same size as the woman who wears a 26. I will be able to look at the mirror and compare the that image with the image in the photographs. You are right, how do we know when to be satisfied? When is good enough actually good enough? I choose a size 12-14 because I remember how I physically felt. I remember how I could work physically demanding all day, how I could do yard work and dig holes and chop firewood and all the I remember how it felt to be an active person. Sex wasn't better at size 14 than it was at a size 26. Sex is a brain thing. My face is thinner too. I notice that my eyes are a little crepy looking. (I know that isn't spelled right. I mean crepy like crep paper, not serial killer crepy). But my grandfather was married to a beautiful woman who we all thought had been a Showgirl. At 80 Ruthie was still very beautiful, even though she looked "crumply" as my spudboy so eloquently put it. Ruthie was no less beautiful with all her wonderful wrinkles than my Grandma Daisy who at 92 has hardly a wrinkle.

Very sad. I've never thought of the wording for a strange animal obit. I'm useless

thank you for your kind words, <3 Kare-Bear. I needed to hear such kindness, because I cannot be kind to myself, no one is harder on me than I am, not even my mother. One of the reasons I tell everyone to be kind to themselves, it will hopefully serve as a reminder to me to be kind to me. Doesn't work as often as I would like. You are, of course, right. That we should be focusing on our souls and tending to that which is not temporal. But I am a creature of vanity, which is not entirely good for my soul. I want to look good, I want to feel good. And these are matters of the physical world, not spiritual needs, wants, or even desires. I was banded for purely physical vanity. Well, that and the fear of a lingering death from resperatory failure. 100% of my other attempts at weight loss were purely based on physical desire on my part. Vanity again. I do not know if souls have a shape that corresponds to a physical apperance. I cannot imagine they would, since our journeys would be limited to that shape, and the experiences that shape or condition give to us. I do, however, know that if I cannot picture something in my mind, I cannot achieve it on this plain of exhistance. I know that for ages the picture of me, in my mind was that horrible brown bathing suit, clinging to my wet body, my hair in a rat's nest tangle from the cold Water. Fat and ugly, fat and ugly, fat and ugly. My mind's picture of me has always been distorted, whether it was from a temporary but horrific case of poison oak, or the things that other people told me was reality. The picture on the previous page is neither distorted, nor fat and ugly. Kind of dopey, but not ugly, and certianly not fat. If I change the picture I see in my mind, perhaps I can change my reality.

nothing again. I'll not be weighing again. I will post my pix at the end though. Wait, I know, I'll just post the same pix I started with.

Not only did I lose weight on the Nutri system, but I also lost my gall bladder! Be patient, practice the Bandster way, and save your money.

I really enjoyed Starved. Hit a little hard for DH though. Of course, he's the one with the eating disorders.... He said the digging through the garbage is more a bulimic thing than an anorexic thing, but the thinks the thin man has a combined anorexic and bulimic thing going on. I wouldn't wish eating disorders on anyone. I've been learning about them from DH and from some of the folks here. We also have a couple of bulimics in my program at school. Their behavior remeinds me of one the teens I used to care for--she had a heroin addition, among other drugs...

well, I think I would prefer the cookie to the egg salad too. But maybe that's just me...

{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

Congrats, and a job well done!

hey Lisa, I was simply confused by the first post, I thought it was a real case that you saw on the news. Oh, and I don't doubt that it could possibly be real. I don't doubt that there are people out there that were subjected to the RNY (or maybe even the band for that matter) because of their crazy parents. We know all about crazy parents, except for when you are in D-E-N-I-A..... I was just a little freaked out at the thought of a skinny young woman getting the RNY, what with having recently re-read Jessica's blog. That and my friend is recoving from the RNY...

Hi Gang, what a small world. I used to live in Oak Harbor & Woolley too... My DH and I used Northwest Weight Loss Surgery. I could not be happier with them. Everyone is just great. Jessie, as in she wrote the book on banding, does the fills, so you know the staff is experienced. In fact, everyone who works there was banded. DH has lost close to 200 pounds and I've lost about 35 pounds. I will be at the support group tonight in Everett, in case anyone else goes. Please feel free to PM me with any questions. Cheers, Crystal

okay. this was FICTION, and didn't really happen

I think this got burried in other posts, but Flower is having a port revision today. I don't know any of the details, but I just wanted to get this put out so people could send her some positive vibes. Sending you waves of white protective and blue healing light Flower.

Ah, right gotcha. I'm very glad you got the unfill. You don't want to risk your health or your band. It is a very good thind indeed that you had the unfill. I don't think of a total unfil as a bad thing. It will give you a chance to further reflect on things.

This weekend at the Beach I discovered that forgot a jacket. So I had to buy a new one. I picked up a 2x and it fit fine. A lttle roomy but that's okay. Wait a second... The sleeves are a bit long. Let's try the XL. I know, I know, an XL? that's crazy talk. Hey! this XL is pretty roomy... but the sleeves fit. so. I had this totally insane idea... What would happen if I try on a Large? oh, it's never going to fit, it won't even zip up. Nah.. I'm too fat for a LARGE. oh my gawd, she's actually going to try to put on a LARGE jacket??? What, is she nuts? Is she a glutton for punishment? No! She's the proud owner of a poweder blue fleese Long Beach Washington jacket!!! SIZE LARGE

Oh, and I thought a stone was 16 pounds...

I've been thinking about this all weekend, and I just wanted to tell you how proud of you I am. I really and truely am so proud that you have decided to be content with yourself, just where you are, just for now. I know that this is a phase in the process of "being here now." I know how difficult it is to live right now. Be focused on right now. Not on where you want to be tomorrow, where you want to be in the future. Not where you wre yesterday or a year agao. But to be here in the now. Not an easy task. You have done well to decide that you are going to be happy at the right now. I'm very proud of you, and you should be proud too. Self acceptance is not easy for us. Especially those of us raised by wolves and circus freaks, not to take anything away from real wolves and/or circus freaks, I'm sure they are lovely people, honestly.

Yay Jane! I don't have a good answer for you. I could easily make one up though... Maybe bandsters don't on average loose 100% because we have been heavy for a long time? I could just be making this up. I know that my "Ideal" weight is 125. Ideal only by the books, but not by what actually looks good on me. I've been down to 150 and I looked downright sickly. But I've got that frame that is really large... When I was seriously working out I could bench press close to 300 pounds. We are not talking petit flower... I'm not built like the ladies from Vietnam at the nail salon by my house. But again, congrats to you Jane and you too Yvonne! Congrats and a job well done!

Yay! Very glad to hear from you. Thought about you this weekend, and hoped you were doing well! Yay! Flat tummy! Yay! Early halloween costume! Yay! Mummy woman!