MichiganChic

@@bella86 I haven't heard that, but I've been thinking that must be true. It makes sense to me. Another thing that makes me ask others this question is that I think I look thinner (to myself) at this weight now than I did in my 20s (and that seems crazy to me). For a long time I was thinking it was just a comparison of my new self to my former super obese self, but I'm starting to think that it's not true. I also wonder if our organs are bigger, including skin, and also denser bones due to having had to support all the added weight, which also adds weight. Also, I've noticed my bones are much closer to the surface. I don't seem to have as much subcutaneous fat (Fat just below the surface of the skin). I think it's the loss of that type of fat that contributes to some people looking gaunt at lower BMIs. Anyway, thanks for your response and compliment!

I mostly eat the full fat version of whatever I'm having. I buy full fat cheese except I will buy 2% Kraft singles because I can't tell a difference and rarely eat them anyway. I'll buy light swiss cheese laughing cow wedges, again, flavor is good. I also buy Fage 0% plain yogurt and add my own chemicals (stevia in he raw). Other than that, I use very little mayo, butter, milk, salad dressing, sour cream, etc. So if I have any of that, I measure and count the calories. Interestingly, I track my calories on MFP, and I'm surprised at how high my diet is in fat as a percentage. I really only count calories, though I avoid processed carbs, going for mostly Protein, and I do avoid added fats. Still, it ends up being about 1/3 of my diet. All of my cholesterol and other labs are fine, so I'm not worrying about it right now. I am gradually refining my diet over time, anyway. I notice that I'm increasingly looking at organic and natural foods, and steadily moving away from processed things. Guess when you eat so little, it's normal to focus on quality over quantity. I don't picture myself ever being a health nut, though

Funny, (or not) I also think I had NO issues at first. I also know how to really push through hard times - I am truly one of the strongest people I know in times of difficulty. I'm not short sighted, I know how to set a goal and achieve it, and I don't wallow in self-pity. However, as I'm settling in for the less focused, less deprived stage, I find myself wondering what the heck. I can not take a break from this - EVER. I have made a decision that will alter my choices permanently, and I'm a bit surprised that I find that surprising! Don't get me wrong, I'd do it (surgery) again in an instant, but I wasn't not dealing with things...just never struggled with the concept of eating less. I loved it, and still do. Maybe I'm thinking this way because yesterday on Easter I was determined to eat what I wanted, but I couldn't physically do it. I would have expected that at 16 months out I would already have that concept down, and mostly I do. But if I'm truthful, I have to admit I wanted to just eat what I wanted for a few hours. At the time I was irritated and kept trying anyway. Today, I'm glad I had something to force me into compliance. I expect that I'll spend the rest of my life cycling with these thoughts about weight loss and diet.

Thanks for your kind response. It's the advice I would give someone, and I think I'm going to accept it from you I am so fortunate to be healthy, and I do feel great. I love to shop, and for the most part, think I look pretty good in clothes. I want to just let go of that number, but in the back of my mind, I KNOW it's more than just a number. My starting BMI was almost 53, and that was just a number too - a really bad one! So it does have some meaning, but probably not the value I'm assigning to it now. So, as I've read and responded to the people in this thread, I'm coming to grips with it. I've been at this weight a about 3 months, and I do think it would fine to lose another 5-10 pounds, but that may never happen. It's nuts of me to hang on to that as a measure of failure, instead of enjoying this, as you said. I know when I was 140 pounds in my early 20s, I didn't enjoy it because I thought I should be 130. How stupid was that?? As for the knee, it's mostly bone on bone. I have gotten the Synvisk a couple of times, and it does help a lot. I just can't do a lot of weight bearing activity, or I pay for that. I've had to docs tell me I should get a total knee, and it's really up to me and how much pain I can tolerate. So, that's why I baby it. No exercise equals pain free, a mile walk equals increased swelling and pain for 3-4 days. I'm going to start lifting, though, and maybe some Water zumba. I do think some increased muscle mass will only make me feel better. Thanks again for your response!

I know what you mean - I think people who knew me have that obese person as a point of reference, so I think their view can be as skewed as mine. If you are just comparing me to my heavier self, oh yes, 140 pounds lost makes me skinny by comparison. But I don't want to be compared to that - I want to be compared to the rest of the average population. That's why I always want to ask strangers this TOTALLY ridiculous question! I think the BMI has it's place, but that can't be the end all when considering this question. I'm trying to just get over that all together, and look at the whole picture. Maybe in the Quest for normalcy, it really is a combination of things like clothing size, weight, BMI, and general health and look we should be considering. I'm pretty sure the size 8 puts you in the normal category, too! Congratulations to you, and thanks for your response.

I think it varies, and probably there are a lot of variables. I'm 16 months out, lost a lot of hair, and it's barely coming back, though I do think it's starting to. And I've tried EVERYTHING, including injections into my scalp (which do seem to help). I've taken Biotin, use special shampoo, and get all my Protein in every day. I lost a lot of weight quickly, and have a tendency to lose hair easily, like after my kids were born. I know a woman who had gastric bypass in 2006, and she told me her hair is just coming back now.I know others who lose some and it comes right back.

It's normal to feel pretty rough for a few days, but I would report palpitations to your doc. Part of the weight we lose in the first few days/weeks is water, so that can contribute to the feeling of fatigue (in addition to the fact that you just had major surgery!). Make sure you are getting in your recommended amounts of fluid - it's pretty common to get dehydrated, which can lead to the symptoms you are describing. Good luck!

I'm 16 months out, and I had a capacity like you mention (but never vomited even once) for the first 5 months or so. Then it increased a little more at about 9 months, and at about 14 months I noticed another increase. I can hold about 8 ounces or a cup of almost anything fairly comfortably, except for dense protein (meat) which is about 6 oz. I wish it weren't true, but it is. I don't think I stretched my stomach, either. I've been pretty careful. I just think its the way it is. I think I could have eaten more sooner, but I just really watched it.

I am thankful for my excellent health, and thankful that it's improved even more with weight loss. I'm thankful I came through the surgery with no major complications. I'm thankful for my family. I'm 51 and still have my parents, been married 27 years, and have three beautiful daughters and a great son in law and baby grandson whom I am in LOVE with! I'm grateful that I have the emotional ability and tendency to look at the world through rose colored glasses. Life is what we make it.

Hourglass

We are all human, and it's a constant battle. The early post op days are where we can learn a lot, and paying attention to what you are doing, when, and why is important. I find tracking every bite on my fitness pal is helpful. I force myself to do that because when I see how quickly something is adding up, I can usually regroup before it's out of hand for the day. Sometimes I don't want to do that, but it's the one thing I've found that works for me. It's a reality check that I can't ignore. I'm not one of the lucky ones who can "listen to their body" because my body always tells me to eat more. I can eat more than I wish I could, and I am a grazer, and I can tolerate all foods quite well.

A wise woman on here told me early on, "just because you can, doesn't mean you should". I would measure it and set the half cup limit. It will set you up for good habits as you move through the process.

I also wondered about this....and I also wondered if it would actually work for me. Since I hadn't been very successful losing weight at all, and the older I got, the harder it was to lose, I just wasn't sure. It was a leap of faith for me. I also think that even though I'm a registered nurse, and was FULLY prepared by my medical team, I didn't fully understand what I was undertaking. I knew it was a lifelong commitment, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I didn't really embrace that idea. I also spent the last two months eating everything I ever wanted - they call then food funerals. I don't regret that - I do think it helped me say goodbye to that way of life. However, once I had the surgery, I was forced into submission at first by the size of my stomach and fear of a leak if I didn't follow the rules. Then, once I began to enjoy some success early on, the realization began to sink in that I just might be able to do this! So, each day, I learned a little more about myself and what I'm really capable of. So, success begets more success. Over time I changed my way of thinking - that I can and would succeed. Now, I'm fully committed for life. Now that I have a taste of a normal life, I never want to go back. I know what it takes to stay here, and I'm doing it every day. Not always easy, and not always what I really want to do at the moment, but I'm committed. You will need to get to that level of commitment at some point, but you CAN do this.

I work and live in data and science, and it's very easy to get caught up in numbers. After all, I'd never make a decision at work without some statistical data to back it up. I also think as I was losing, the focus was always how much farther I had to go. Initially I set a goal, but never thought of it as set in stone. I knew that I'd have to see when I got closer. I don't want to look like what I call a "weight loss victim", meaning someone who is just too thin and gaunt and can't see that about themselves. Now that I'm at this point, shifting my focus is more difficult than I thought, but I will say that this thread has been really helpful to me. Hearing what others think truly does provide some perspective for me. We should both enjoy our success - we earned it! Thanks for responding, and I appreciate your encouragement!

Thank you for your honest response. And see, you agree with my doubting brain

The good news is that if you do what you should, some day you WILL wake a thin woman. When I was heavy, I would wake up every day and the first thought that entered my mind was that I was still fat, and the obesity wasn't just a bad dream. Now I wake up every day thrilled to be a size 10. I can feel my bones and I love that. That's a few fleeting seconds of thought each day, but it does help to get things off to a great start. I am happy to be normal, and my definition is pretty similar to yours. On some levels my brain can see that I'm normal...but it's almost as if I can't shed that recurrent 30 year nightmare of obesity...like this is too good to be true. So when I factor in the science of a BMI, it adds credibility to the notion that perhaps it 's not true. Hence the crazy train in my brain, lol. Incidentally, my highest weight was also 325. Somehow I managed to lose 75 pounds on weight watchers a few years ago and gained back "only" 55 of it. Thanks for your thoughtful response and kind words. And good luck to you - you'll get there!

I was told no carbonation ever. No straws, no drinking with meals. I have had a sip of pop on a couple of occasions, but don't drink it as a rule. I also use a straw for smoothies, and can't figure out for the life of me why I can't use on, though the rationale is that it introduces air. I try to follow the rules best I can.

Diva, great points. I should have said I am fortunate to enjoy really good health, other than the knee. I was a pretty healthy fat girl, too, but weight loss has improved everything. My medical team has deemed me healthy, so I suppose that's why I turned to the question of looks, trying to decide whether or not to stress about losing more weight. I was thinking that my body is fighting losing more, and if my medical team says I'm good to go, then maybe it was time consider that this was good enough. I just didn't want to give myself an "easy out" in case I didn't see something others see. It's as if I'm accustomed to misery when it comes to my weight, or something. Almost like I'm wondering if I have the right to feel good about this weight? The more I read people's responses, the more I'm remembering why I did this to start with, and just looking good was not at the top of my list. I agree with the fitness regime, and if you were my patient, I would also recommend that. Excellent advice! Thanks so much for your response!

I agree, BMI does seem to be a personal issue. I'm an RN and rooted in science, so it's hard for me to let go of the number that's a gold standard in medicine. My common sense side tells me to forget the science on that one and look at the whole picture, but the 30 year nursing history doesn't want me to. I really think that's part of my struggle. My surgeon says I'm good to go, but I see my primary care doc sort of struggling with it like I do. He wants to tell me to get to a normal BMI, then in the next breath he tells me not to worry about it. So, I think you are right, it becomes a personal thing. The other thing playing in my mind IS about maintenance. I think it's already hard....I've been maintaining while actively trying to lose! I'm a bit panicked that I don't have any wiggle room, and that I'm going to start going the wrong way. I've learned a lot over the past 16 months, and I know I need to eat 800 calories to lose. And that is with or without exercise. It's no mystery why I was so obese - combo of bad habits and super efficient at storing calories. I need to figure out how to maintain now. I think FYE said it - I'm probably in maintenance now, and it's the increased calories on the weekend keeping me at this weight. Guess I need to see what it averages to over a week, but I know it's not much. Anyway, this conversation with all of you is quite helpful to me. It's given me some perspective while allowing me to think about what's really driving the crazy tune in my head. Thanks for your response (and I always enjoy hearing what you have to say!)

I was morbidly obese for over 25 years. Glad that's over, lol! Thanks for your kind words

Eggs are fine. I think her idea is that milk would not keep you full as long. The question was what don't you miss - so for me, it's milk. I could have it, but I don't. It's a habit I changed.

I think there could be some truth to this. I know I should work out. I go through spurts where I do, and I feel better for it. I'm irritated because walking would be the simplest thing to do, and every time I try, I pay for it in pain. I need a knee replacement and I'm putting it off. If I don't overdo it, I have little to no pain. However - I know there are plenty of other things I can and should be doing, but I have a zillion excuses for not doing them, and "I don't feel like it" is at the top of the list, lol. I have no illusions about it. Thanks for your thoughtful response - I appreciate it!

I bet those other women also have problems with jiggling and rolls, too. You are at a normal BMI, so Kudos to you! As far as comparing, I think it's human nature. I think as we adjust to a new size and space in the universe, it's natural to try to figure out how you compare in size to others. As long as self depreciation does not come with it, it might not be such a bad thing. I think it adds some perspective to help us "see" our new selves, and might actually help us change the old image.

I wish my skin was elastic as my memory, lol! I can't forget what I looked like, either. Thank you for the wonderful advice, and it's what I'd tell my friend or daughter, too. In my case, I see what's in the mirror, think "ok, good enough", but then that BMI makes me think "nope, still fat", and then I see the old fat, and rinse and repeat. That's why I've sought the outside council (all of you) of others who have been there. It's really not such a deep seated emotional issue as it is a reality check for me.

For me, it's both. I'm honestly not that hungry, and the restriction will stop me from overeating...however, sometimes my head does not want to stop eating! It's still a battle every day, but its one we can all win!