insubordination

Thanks for your posts. They were very interesting to read actually. Hugs to Phyl and everyone else too. It is nice to talk about this stuff because I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing this kind of thing with most people. Not even my friends. They are all thin and pretty (but lovely people too). We just skirt around the fact that I am big. It's the elephant in the room LOL!

Toni - I really noticed your absence (and HT). Welcome back! Janine - Congrats. Glad it went well. QuadMom - Happy to hear from you again. The fill will be great. I think a piece of food is sometimes too big for the small banded opening (the size of a small coin) and it gets stuck in the hole trying to go through to the lower pouch. If you keep eating or drinking, you then add food or liquids and it backs up like a blocked toilet. At least I think that's how it happens but I'm not exactly sure. Sometimes I have food passing really slowly through my osophegus. It can hurt a little. Not sure why. Not having problems getting cals unlike some of you. I guess my surgical centre is 'aggressive'. They want us to have 3 or 4 fills in the first two months until we hit the 'sweet spot' and then come back only when we need one (maybe every 3-6 months). I have a Swedish band and it's 11ml (or is it 10? I forget) I got 5mls on the first and 2.5 on the second. I have the third next week (could've had it today but I cancelled). I'm definitely not as 'tight' as some of you are. I was tight a few days after the fills but now it's OK. I can eat whatever type of food I want but I have had to learn to have small quantities, to chew more and to slow down. I love it when the band gives me signals because it stops unconscious eating and swallowing. I guess it's different for everyone. Some of you have AP bands, they might be quite different when it comes to restriction. My moodiness and anxiety continues. I'm working 10-12 hour days at the moment (I'm an idiot). I finally remembered I used to take St John's Wort when I was PMSing or depressed so I took some last night and it worked. I got to sleep quickly and woke up feeling normal. Wish I could take it in the day too but I drive so don't want to be drowsy. I know it will pass. It always had in the past. Thanks for the advice about tackling one thing at a time. I do tend to take on every problem at once and get overwhelmed. In the meantime, I will look into some relaxation techniques.

Hi Phyl. I was very surprised and upset to read your response so I read my post again to understand how I ticked you off. I think I can see why now. You must have thought I was having a go at disabled people. I guess my post did imply that you were in a scooter solely because of your weight. I know that's not the case. I didn't mean to be condescending or insulting so I'm sincerely sorry if that was communicated in some way. I guess I was projecting my fears onto you. My biggest fear is/was becoming so massive that I couldn't walk around anymore. I thought I'd have to get a scooter or similar in the near future. Rather than thinking it would be liberating and a way to be more mobile like it is for you, I imagined people looking at me in disgust and judging me for being too fat and lazy to even walk around. I guess I assumed that you had experienced this kind of judgment and the purpose of my post was trying to show empathy. I didn't consider your knee ailments etc. I was imagining me in a scooter because of my weight and how society would react to that. For me, getting to the point that I could no longer walk or work because I could not stop eating would be the ultimate humiliation. My Grandma is in a wheelchair and when I go to the shops with her, people look at her in a pitying way. I imagined that if I were in a wheelchair or scooter, I would get no such pity (and pity is bad). I imagined I would get outright hostility. My fear is that people would think I was too fat and lazy to walk around and stare at me and make comments. I get verbal abuse yelled at me now (particularly by males in cars) when I walk down the street sometimes. Isn't this one of the reasons why a lot of MO people remain housebound? I am very big and encounter a lot of disgust at my size. I feel like Frankenstein's monster sometimes. Fat people are treated differently and they are treated unkindly. The reason why I got the surgery is that it was getting really hard to just walk around and perform my job. My fear was losing my mobility and becoming a shut-in. I hope I've explained myself properly this time and I hope you can understand what I was trying to say and where I was coming from. Even if I was off-the-mark, it wasn't my intention to say people in scooters were less than others or to insult them. I'm sorry if it was that way for you. I don't like conflict and the last thing I want to do is upset someone on a lap band forum.

MOM and TOM can be equally disturbing. :-) Let us know how your fill goes. I haven't been exercising and it'd my TOM too. My weight loss hasn't been that great. Maybe that goes a long way in explaining my constant anxiety lately. The hormone release theory is interesting. I've read that somewhere before. It just nice to know it's not just me so thanks for sharing. I love this thread! BigBaby, please let us know how you get on ASAP. Maybe it's only a little bit out of place and they can put it back. How disappointing! I still remember the poster (OK I forget her name...Rita?) who couldn't get the band because of a massive hernia. We all want things to go smoothly and normally but that isn't always the case. Stef, I've never seen those cherries in Australia. I want one!

I can eat nuts. Just chew them up well. I have tried pistachios, macadamias, almonds and pumpkin seeds. Ate some walnuts a little too quickly and they didn't go down too well. Must have been the husks (skins?). I often grind sunflower/linseed/almond on my porridge. I'm a vegan so nuts, though high in fat, are essential nutrients for me. Just make sure you eat raw nuts as they are MUCH healthier than roasted or dry-roasted. A handful is a good portion but it depends how big your hands are and how high you pile 'em, the calories can mount up very quickly! After being in a good mood for weeks post-banding, I'm a suddenly (seriously) down in the dumps. I'm even applying for new jobs because I can't handle work at the moment. Anyone else experiencing extreme emotions/moods?

They found one while they were banding me. The ultrasound never picked it up and I never had any symptoms. Recovery was a few days longer. It's the perfect opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. As irrational as it is, I get what you were saying about why you didn't get it checked out.

I'm not losing super-fast but above average. This is because I still eat chocolate and only exercise on weekend (and even then, I have to push myself to do it). I was interested to read that some of you had to purchase a disabled scooter. I don't know how you got through that. It must have been so hard with the looks you got but to think that walking was even harder. My highest weight was 374 when I was 29 years old. Luckily my knees held out. I'm now 310 but I don't feel too different yet. Maybe I will soon.

It really sounds like you were born into the wrong family. I'm a little horrified that they manipulated you into WLS and I know the kind of messages that must have been sent to you psychologically. I can understand even wanting to get fat to pay them back. All I can say is that you have to do what's best for you, without reference to them. I hope you can figure that out.

Congratulations Heather. It's not easy restricting portions with no fill, especially on holidays. Suzzie, you did so well to choose a healthy option and be satisfied with that. Janine, I'm proud of you for going to step class even though you were embarrassed to do so. I tell you, all of you are doing great (the ones I didn't mention too).

I got my second fill a week ago. In the last few days, it has loosened up considerably. The first few days were really tight. I think the effect will lessen. I'm enjoying eating a slightly bigger meal but will have to get another in a week or two. I say leave it Stef unless you are PBing/refluxing.

Watching The Biggest Loser, I think moobs are genetic. Some huge guys go back to normal and some smaller guys suffer terribly. They will definitely get smaller.

With those arms, I doubt it. She reminds me of that actress Jamie Luner but it's not her. Actually, I'd forgotten about her because you can get rid of her in the settings in the userCP.

I used one called BINGE! years ago and tried some of the exercises. I can't say it worked long-term but I didn't put the effort in. I have some exercises from my band psychologist. I'm only just starting to try them however. Please let me know if the book's any good.

$59 000! That's 8 times more expensive than Australia. I don't know how you subsist on 600cals. I'm going to take 3 times as long as you to lose but I can wait. Well done! Dawn, that's no good. I can't imagine how desperate you must feel about the setback. We all just want to be normal, functioning, losing bandsters. I agree that not many June bandsters have been posting. Let us know how you're doing.

Suzzie, sounds like you're not eating enough (or any) fibre. That's why you're hungry. I know protein is supposed to fill you by balancing blood sugar but it has no fibre. I try to have vegies at every meal including high-fibre vegetables as well as lentils or beans and in the morning, hot porridge or bran + strawberries/finely cut prune. Also, you need fibre to stay regular. I guess I'm not as protein obsessed as some people are (glad my doc's not either). I understand its importance but would rather have a more balanced diet. It's a controversial opinion on here but I think it's just an Atkins-related fad and that too much protein much makes the body acidic. I ate a half a nashi pear today and it became stuck from not chewing properly. It hurt but went down after a few minutes and some hot water. Cucumber was fine but I took the skin off. I have read about this 'first-bite syndrome' on this forum. Things go down/become stuck on the first bite. Some people say it helps to drink a little bit of hot water just before eating, then you're fine. Interesting to read about the adventures in popcorn. Well done on choosing the small! I can resist popcorn but I'll just pretend I never read 'Oreos'. Lost 2.2pounds/1 kilo when I saw the band physio today. Yay! Just the mental boost I needed after using very little for the past couple of weeks.

Janine - How was the movie and were you able to resist the popcorn? Good Luckwith your 2nd fill Stef. Suzzie, were there any large peach/nectarine chunks that you swallowed without chewing? It will settle down soon. We just have to become familiar with how our bodies react by experimentation. We are just getting to know our new selves at the moment. I guess we won't be proficient until a few months with the band. I'm constantly making boo boos (mostly cooking/serving myself too much food and then having to throw it out/put it back). It's winter here and I find I can't eat much early morning or evening but the daytime's fine. If I eat in the evening (say after 8pm), I have a stomach ache upon going to bed. I'm thinking maybe the tightness is affected by the cold. nvalicia - that's such a shame. Rest assured that it will be corrected and you will get your fills and you will lose weight. It's just you might have to wait a bit longer. It's not fair but you'll really, really appreciate it when it starts to work. Hang in there and post here if you're feeling down.

I haven't figured that out yet. Perhaps um...self-pleasure. Of course, that wouldn't be appropriate at all times. Seriously though, I think that you have to figure out why you eat. Pleasure: Find something pleasurable Stress: Meditate Procrastination: Have a list of tasks to attempt To supress feelings: Express them or get a punching bag Hunger: Focus on nutrition This sounds all amazingly rational. I don't do any of it. I'm hoping to learn in time.

Food will still be there. You just have to be content with quickies rather than a commited life-long marriage.

Argue your limitations and sure enough, they're yours (Anon?) and (a funny but true one) Gluttony is not a secret vice - Orson Welles

The majority of us slipped a couple of times. Just go straight back on it.

MK - that is an amazing weight loss. Congrats. I have the 'water/food' pausing higher up in the osephegus too, especially in the morning. I'm not sure why it goes down more slowly either. I have to say since my second fill the other day, I do seem to have good restriction. I'm fully expecting it to subside sometime soon but I can eat only 'bandster' portions. Far less than last week. I begrudgingly admit that I have to stop no matter how much delicious food is left. I'm only talking 3/4 cup max. Soft food too. Hard stuff is well....harder and breakfast is barely possible. It's a real shock when I compare it to last week. I know I can't eat more simply because it will hurt whereas last week it was because I shouldn't be greedy. Fortunately, no sliming or PBing (phew!). I'm eating slowly with the TV off and chewing a lot. Only been having soup at work as I didn't want to do anything embarrassing. I'm also burping a heck of a lot but know how to do it quietly. This is great, I guess. I'll just be disappointed if it goes away in a week. Also, it's a little bit annoying not being able to eat. I guess we'll just get used to it after a while and stop putting so much on the plate.

Wow! That's an amazing loss. Congratulations!

Tell them that your doctor ordered a blood test and that you must fast for it. Of course, then you wouldn't be able to drink either.

Having kids must be so hard. I have a difficult enough time managing my own life. I think you're right about forgiving yourself for past dietary transgressions. There's no point punishing yourself or vowing to go on liquids for the next week but there's not point in eating even more either. I've been having a lot of food issues this week. You're right, the feelings don't just disappear but maybe they'll dissapate over time when we realise we physically can't bulk overeat. Maybe then we'll find healthier ways to deal with feelings. Of course, then soft/liquid food could be a potential problem. I have not been exercising much at all and have been eating chocolate in the evenings (to cope with work pressure -silly, I know). Anyway, I went for my 2nd fill today 7.5/11 (I have a Swedish band) and I had only lost 0.4kilos/0.88 pounds. I don't mind. A loss is a loss is a loss. It's more than I deserved anyway but it doesn't seem a whole lot for two weeks for a banded person. The Doc said it's normal to maintain or put on weight between the first and third fill and that I will lose 60% of the weight slowly over 18 months. He says that this can be improved markedly with exercise. Didn't even notice I was having a fill because I was chatting. Then it was done. It feels tighter (no water got stuck this time) but we'll see what happens in a few days. The restricted feeling went away last time. Hope it doesn't this time.

Yes, I'm Australian MVR. Bandsters are really ripped off at those all-you-can-eat places. I'm going for my 2nd fill tomorrow too. I'm sure I've put on weight but I always think that. Hopefully, I'll post back with a loss.. I have to remember that it's not a race and it's not a diet club. We won't start really losing until we're properly filled. I was fine the first few days after my first fill but then the restriction went away. I don't have high hopes for the 2nd fill. I'm thinking the 4th might be more realistic. So what's everyone else up to besides obsessing over weight? Any NSVs? ETA: Hair loss. I had an undiagnosed thyroid problem for several years. I used to have gorgeous hair but it thinned to the point of baldness along the part. Luckily I'm tall, so it goes unnoticed for the most part but it was really, really bad for a while. It started to grow back a little once my thyroid issues were corrected. I'm a blond but it grew back a brownish colour. It was really funny as it was never as long as the rest of my hair. I hope it doesn't drop out again now but I'll live if it does. My aunt has lost all her hair in chemo just now, so I have some perspective for the moment. Just want to say that it *can* grow back and you won't be bald for life.