Shannalee

I so want that too. She scares me but you know what she would get my butt moving more.

Happy New Year everyone So I made it through the Christmas season without gaining a single pound. Now that is a first but we will see how the next 3 months goes because I start my supervised diet tomorrow. I have faith that I will do good and even though my doc doesn't care that I don't lose any weight I am still going to try. He actually is really excited about my journey as well as my registered nurse. I had an appointment with her on Friday and she was really giddy about me and my journey. I think that was the push that I needed to really work on the issue and be completely ready for my surgery in May. Any who....enough about that and more about the project that I have started with the encouragement from my therapist. When I was home for Christmas I looked through pictures of me from when I was born until high school and noticed the weight gain that I never noticed before. I think when I hit junior high school is when the weight started to increase. With that being said you can also notice the ups and downs weight that I had as a small child. I even found a picture of me stuffing my face (I think I was about 5 or 6) and my dad laying down on the couch eating as well. I guess father like daughter is actually true after seeing that picture While looking through the pictures I actually became sad. I noticed how cute I was as a child and what would it have been like if I wasn't as overweight in school and in my 20's. Would things be different or would I be different than I am now. I was so innocent as a child that I don't think I realized that what I did back then would actually hurt me today. I am about to turn 35 in less than 14 days and I have more motivation now than I did 10 years ago. 2013 is going to be my year and I soooo look forward to sharing it with each and every one of you all.

I missed that one and really wanted to watch it. Was it good?

You know I go back and forth watching it. I used to watch it all the time but after a while I just found me watching it for the drama rather than motivation. I do think that having the kids on there this time is good. Maybe the message about child obesity will be out there more. I don't know if I'll watch the whole season....I would be interested to see what everyone else thinks.

I agree that it's mostly the insurance requirements that make each program different. Take for example.....I started my program November 1st and my mom started her process a few weeks after that. She has a surgery date of Feb 5th and mine will be sometime in May. I have a 3 month supervised diet and a 6 week pre-op diet, she does not. I have talked with my registered nurse about this and she is sort of worried about my mom's program. I have also had to schedule all my own appointments for testing and stuff. My case worker said that it would be easier for her to do it but it gives me the opportunity to be involved and see where I really am. She did say that because my surgeons office and doctors office are on the same system she will be stalking me to see the progress of my testings and other appointments. It has been a little annoying because I feel like I'm at a doctors appointment once or twice a week.

I did the same thing about 2 weeks ago. I received positive feedback as well. Support I'm gonna need. So far everyone I've told has been supportive & asking questions because they want to be educated. It's a great feeling but I still have one of my best girlfriends that still has distanced herself but that's ok. She has some things to work out herself. I felt a huge weight off my shoulder now that it's out. You can do it...good luck.

So my dietitian recommended that I create a reverse bucket list and today I thought of one. As I was driving over the mountains on my way to my parents house I saw people skiing and I was thinking I would love to learn to do that. I would also like to start cross country skiing which I have always wanted to do but can't because of my weight. To some it might be a little weird for someone my size that loves hiking, walking, and working out but I do. I think that one of the things that I do when I have the surgery and become smaller would be to ski. That would be a great winter vacation for myself! I am sure that over time this list will be long but just today skiing is at the top of the list

Congrats. I hope everything is going well. I will be having mine sometime in May...I hope

That is awesome

You are too funny. I am a size B and weigh 400lbs....I have a feeling I'm gonna have nothing after my surgery later this year. That's gonna suck but I might be like you and get some nice ones. However, I think I will go for a C or something....nothing too big!

Don't worry this entry isn't going to be about me being sad or depressed. However, being a little sad isn't a bad thing this time of year. Went to my first suuport group last night and the guest speaker was the doctor that will be doing my psych evaluation. He was talking about the holiday blues and what happens during this time of year. I have to admit I do suffer from this from time to time but I think it's a little more obvious this time. Not sure if it's because of the surgery or just something else. Understanding it and working through it is probably the only way to heal from it. I believe that my morning for food has really taken shape this Christmas. I'm still about 4 months from surgery but I think my relationship with food was so time consuming that I am missing it already. I am trying to look at it as a change in relationship rather than a loss. I mean food will always be there but it depends on me and how I react to it. I really want food to live and not to live for food. I have more to work on as I enter into my 3 month supv diet and all my testing but I know that I can make it and know that the end results will be great

My surgeon said that because I stopped smoking before I saw him saved me some time. I should be done with that in April and that's when I should be done with all my testing, 3 month suvp diet and pre-op diet. I really wouldn't know what to do with myself if I had to wait the 6 months but then again I have been working at this since August so it's been a long journey so far.

I'm also in Spokane

I know the feeling. If I didn't have to wait the 6 months of not smoking for my insurance I would be having it in Feb or Mar like you. They did put me on this schedule of testing at the same time as my supv'd diet. I think that was a good idea. I still have to schedule my sleep study....thanks for reminding me We are almost there....but waiting does suck though

I understand all the drs appointments and I am right there with you. I feel like I've had 1-2 drs appointments every week for the last 3 months. I have my 1st weigh-in next month and I have a sinking feeling that I have gained weight. The plan for me is to have all my testing and final weigh-in in early March, start my 6 week pre-op diet, submit to insurance at the same time (doc said my insurance is pretty good with approving within a week), and then once I pass April 22nd which is the day I quit smoking for 6 months then I can schedule my surgery for May. When I started this process I really thought that I wouldn't make it but it's looking like everything will be wrapping up in less than 5 months. I am tired of all the drs appointment but I know that in the end it's all worth it. I think that once you have finished your weigh-ins and testing that the waiting for insurance approval and pre-op diet then you are good to go with your surgery. While April might seem so far away it will be here sooner than you think

Thanks I am trying to focus more on the positive side of things rather than the negative. I gave too much energy to it last week. The one good thing about this Christmas is that my mom is in the same process as me so I think my family will behave during this time. I am also starting to think that I picked a good time. I start my 3 month supervised diet early next month and surgery's not until May....I will have plenty of time to get used to my new eating before next Thanksgiving and Christmas. I just need to stay positive and I know I'll get through it. Thanks again Molly

At first I only told a few people (5 in total). I wanted to see my surgeon and get on my plan in order and then I would tell everyone. At first it was interesting to hear a few comments from people but for the most part most seem to be supportive. There are those, however, that will still try and discourage you from getting it done but as long as you are confident in your decision you are good to go. Like you, I have decided to make this journey more of an informative journey. I've also decided to make a project out of this too....more with pictures and journaling.

You bring up a good point. I had mentioned earlier that one of my best girlfriends just did not understand me getting weight loss surgery. Well she was really happy when I quit smoking and didn't care that I used a pill to help me do it...as long as I quit smoking. I think that when it comes to weigh it's the unknown on how to deal with it. I think there are some that want you to be the way you are now and not change. Over the weekend I went to a friend's birthday party. Her husband and I went to Jr High and High School together. He has seen me overweight all my life but has never treated me any differently. So we were talking and he just flat out said that I am going to look hot! We had a good laugh about it and talked about our 20 year high school reunion (which I totally forgot about) in a few years and that I'm gonna shock the shit out of everyone. Sorry for the language but I have to tell it like he said it because it's amazing. I am starting to remember and think about all the positive remarks and throw away all the negative remarks. This is going to be a struggle and I am glad that those that support me fully are there to pick me up.

This week was rough....I have been down in the dumps most of the week. I think the main issue was food and I have been going off my diet. It might be because it's Christmas but then again it could be that there have been a few individuals in my life that haven't been as supportive as I hoped. It actually kind of hurts but I know I have to let it go. I have also been beating myself up because I think I have talked the ears off some of my closest friends. I have 4 months to go before I have the surgery so I am thinking I might back off a little bit. Maybe I should focus on getting into the water and working out then this surgery. I have a feeling it is driving me nuts and those around me. Actually I just want to get through the holidays without wanting to eat everything in front of me. Being around my family can do that to this girl. When I get back a few days before the New Year I won't be traveling to visit them until after the surgery. Maybe that will help me keep on track and do my best on the pre-surgery diet and getting my knees better. It seems like I go 1 step forward and 3 steps back every other week. I know that things will get better but waiting isn't fun!

In the beginning I only told a few people and it was great. Just recently I have informed everyone and I have been getting mixed reviews especially from one of my best girlfriends. It is heart breaking but you know that making a decision like this is probably the hardest thing we can do. This isn't something we can decide to do and in the end just forget that we had this done. Shame on him for starting out positive and ending like he did. I am proud of you for taking the steps to make a better you and a more healthy you

I would seriously have a long talk with her and let her know how you feel about this stuff in your home. That maybe in time it will be ok but until them please keep them outside the home. Sometimes people just don't understand how hard this process is and when you throw things like this into the mix it makes it harder. Have a talk with her and come to some sort of agreement. I am sure she'll be respectful but until she knows how you feel this will continue.

I have actually decided not to put a number on how much I want to lose and what size I want to be. I guess the reason for this is because I have never been anything but big. I want to feel and be healthy and whatever size and shape that is I will be happy

Today was my first surgeon’s appointment and I have got to say that my surgeon is awesome. He was great to talk to and he was really amazed as to how far I have come to quitting a lot of things already. He believes that I can be very successful in this process. Now I am sure he says that to all his patients but I do believe that I can be successful. After talking with the surgeon I talking with my case manager. Now she is a cool person and she just recently had surgery herself….8 weeks out and she is bubbly and so nice. We talked about my insurance requirements as well as what they expect. In the beginning I thought that my smoking and having to wait 6 months before I can have the surgery was way too far out but seeing my schedule and everything I have to do before it now doesn't seem too far way. I am actually excited now because we are shooting for a May surgery. I was amazed and wondered if my insurance would take a long time but she said that as long as I meet the requirements it shouldn't take long especially since my BMI is 66 and even if I did lose weight I would still be in the range to qualify. So I have my first dietitian appointment on Friday and I meet with the nurse on January 4th to start my 3 month supervised diet. OMG….I am actually in this process and can’t wait to see what is next. I am not going to put a number on how much I want to lose. I want to be able to feel good in my body no matter the number that I lose. And so it begins….

Thanks guys. I used to do water aerobics when my knees actually worked. I'm gonna try & see if I can do it. It's getting in & out of the water that can be tricky. The reason I have to wait until the summer is because my insurance wants me to be smoke free for 6 months & I've only quit smoking about a month ago. I don't know if they'll let me do it sooner if my knees are a serious issue. I'm gonna talk with my surgeon about that. I just have to remember to move or they get real stiff. Thanks for the encouragment

Knee pain probably isn't new to most on here but I am starting to think that I won't make it through this process! I have my first surgions appointment on Wednesday but my surgery won't be until the summer, possibly. I was at a training last week that the only way to get around was stairs & walking to class about a mile away. Let alone I was on a plane for 6 hours just to get there & back. My knee pain is so bad that nothing is working to relieve it. Been to the doctor for shots but they only work for so long. I know that I need to workout & prove that I can lose weight before my surgery but I don't think I can do it. I know in the end things will get better but until then I hate being in this much pain & it effecting certain opportunities. Sorry about the rant but I just hate that I let myself get this far! Learning new lessons during this process!