OK, here is a bit of a rant. Lately, it seems that everyone has the opinion that I have lost too much weight and need to stop. I currently weigh 186 lbs, just at the top of the 'normal' range for my height. I don't want to look sickly, and don't think that I do, but my image of myself is distorted, and I know that. My mind hasn't caught up with the rapid weight loss yet. It is starting to piss me off how everyone is insisting that I need to stop losing weight. I know that, and plan to, but don't even know how to at this point. I can't eat more than I do now.
Yesterday, my family and I went to a 50th anniversary party. We saw my stepmother, who I haven't seen in about a month or so. She kept telling me I was done and needed to stop. I kind of snapped back at her, which is out of character for me, and I'm sure threw her off guard. I said that I wished people were this concerned for me when I weighed 274 (and growing) and had ACTUAL health issues because of it. Her reply was that I was more open to talking about it now, since I was so open to talking about the surgery. I guess that's a fair point, but still annoys me.
When we got home, my wife told me that my stepmother told her that I looked like a little old man, and that the surgery made me look 15 years older. This REALLY hurt and upset me. I told my wife that I wished she hadn't told me that. She couldn't understand why it upset me. She said that my stepmom was just stating her opinion, and that she was concerned about me. I said that I was upset because I didn't go through all of this to look like a little old man. While I had the surgery for health reasons and not vanity reasons, I still wouldn't like to look older. I'm 42, and don't want to look like a little old man. My wife also said that it could have been what I was wearing. I had on a polo shirt that was kind of long and made me look taller and thinner than I really am. My wife agrees that I'm getting too thin, but doesn't agree with the little old man comment. My wife also had the surgery, and looks amazing. She is 40, and could pass for 25 now. She is not yet to goal, so who knows how she'll look if she also gets 'too skinny'. I told my wife I don't want to look like the old man dating the model. I'm not even rich! LOL
I was really depressed by the whole thing last night. I'm a little better about it today. The whole process has been an emotional roller coaster. I really think they need to strengthen the psychological requirements for weight loss surgery, and have mandatory psych follow-ups AFTER surgery. This site is what has kept me sane, just knowing there are other people who have had similar thoughts/experiences as me.
I've attached a before and after photo of myself to this blog post. I'd love opinions about whether I look 'too skinny' or 15 years older. Thanks.
SURGERY Friday, JULY 12TH at 1:15 p.m. Home Saturday 5 p.m.
It was frustrating to have to change surgeons and clinics, but now that I'm home recovering from my surgery, I couldn't be more pleased that it worked out like it did.
Dr Smith and his staff and all the people involved in my care were excellent. I was at peace the whole time and felt protected and pampered and informed.
My pre-op diet was not a big deal. I mean, I've been dieting for what feels like my whole life anyway. This time, it felt like a privilege. I feel like I'm getting a do-over. I'm getting a giant helping hand to get myself healthy and finally lose weight. Anyway, I drank two protein shakes a day then had a bowl of soup for one meal. I could have yogurt or popsicles for snacks but I only had yogurt once. There were a couple of days I had two bowls of soup instead of a snack.
On Wednesday I went and got pre-admitted and had bloodwork done. That day and Thursday were my clear liquid days. I did better than I thought, except for dealing with bad heartburn. The time for surgery was set. My husband was home and ready to take me. He works in the oilfield so he had to get time off to come home for the surgery. He's been amazing. But I knew he would be. He's my biggest support.
Friday we loaded up and headed to the hospital around 9 a.m. It's a two-hour drive from our house. We got there, I was pre-admitted, so they just checked me in. It took about 5 minutes till they were calling me back to pre-op. The nurse gave me what I needed to change into. I got on my gown, booties and hair cap. A few minutes later the nurse was putting in my IV. A little after that the anesthesiologist came in and introduced himself. My daughters and husband came back then to give me hugs and support and visit a few minutes before they took me to surgery. Within no time, they were wheeling me out to the operating room.
Last thing I remember is the nurses that were guiding the bed and saying they were bad drivers. Then, I was out of it. I was told it took about and hour and fifteen minutes. I remember being semi-conscious and coughing (that was painful). But then I was out again for a little while, then started coming to. The pain wasn't bad at all when I regained consciousness. They said I coughed up a little blood when they took out the breathing tube. That's what I had remembered. My throat was a little sore, but not too bad. I had dry mouth but was told I'd just have to deal with that because I couldn't have anything at all in my mouth until after the swallow test the next morning.
It was done. Everything went well. My hernia was just a small repair, taking one stitch. So after being in recovery about 30 minutes, I got to go to my room. There was my husband, daughters and parents waiting to see me. The nurses, techs, RT all introduced themselves. They made sure I was comfortable. I texted my other kids and some friends that everything went well. It was nice and relaxing.
After a little visiting and making sure I was okay, everyone but my husband left. So about two hours after surgery it was time to get up. That wasn't too fun, but I made it. I was able to go urinate and then walked one lap around the floor of the hospital. The nausea was difficult at times but I never vomited. I was very thankful for the quick acting pain meds when I needed them. I was able to do the deep breathing with no trouble at all too. Every two hours or so I'd get up and walk and use the bathroom. Hubby and I just visited, napped, watched TV, as the nurses would come in and check vitals, give meds, change IV, etc. all through the night. I had to call and ask for pain and nausea meds only twice. My incisions aren't huge, but a little bigger than I thought they would be. I have five scars healing nicely across my abdomen.
Saturday morning was restful and just tried to walk occasionally and stay comfortable. Around 9 am I got to do my swallow test. It went just fine. I was afraid to drink the barium, but there was no problem. It wasn't the best taste, but not too bad really. NO LEAKS!
Then, I got my water. One ounce at a time, every fifteen minutes for four hours. If I drank too fast, I got nauseous, so I had to slow down. The doctor came in around 1 pm to see how I was doing. All good reports. So it was time to get checked out. Before I knew it, I was getting dressed, signing release papers, and walking out of the hospital.
Now, the ride home was the worst part of my whole experience with surgery. I hadn't had a dose of pain meds since about 11 am. It's a two hour ride without traffic home, but, let me tell you, after abdominal surgery, you feel every single bump in the road!!! Plus, I had forgotten to pick up all my prescriptions before surgery so we had to make a side-trip to the pharmacy which took another hour. By the time we got home at 5 p.m. I was in pain, big time. I got to my recliner and that's where I've been most of the time. Our bed it tall, so I'm not going to try that till my belly isn't so sore.
I took the pain medicine (liquid, thankfully), but didn't look at the measurement right and only took a third of a dose. Because of that it didn't help much with my pain. I was suffering and concerned, so I called my doctor to ask if it was okay to take a dose sooner than 6 hours apart. He okayed a dose four hours from the first. That's when I realized that I had not taken enough the first time and after the correct dosage, I was getting relief. I kept drinking, but only tiny sips. I took a dose of nausea medication with the next pain med dose, but haven't needed any more of it since. I'm taking the pain meds to help my body heal without stress. I got my cpap hooked up beside my recliner and then was able to get some pretty great sleep.
Today, Sunday, has been really good. My sweet mother made my husband and daughter yummy meatloaf, veggies, banana pudding and cantaloupe and brought it over on their way to church. I am blessed!
I'm more relaxed, walking around the house a bit, still feeling pain in the incisions but less than it was. I was able to take my liquid vitamins and opened my iron capsule, omeprazole capsule and vitamin D3 cap into the multi vitamins and took them together. I just put my b-12 sublingual under my tongue as I normally do, and chewed up my biotin dots. Then took my liquid antibiotic and a dose of pain meds. I was feeling pretty good and mixed up a unflavored, unsweetened protein powder in water. No problem at all. I just drank it an ounce at a time and gauged my tummy reaction. It was all good. About an hour later I had some beef broth. I think it gave me some gas. I took some gas X.
I've ordered a bathroom scale and it should be delivered tomorrow. I think I've lost about 15 pounds since starting my pre-op diet. My belly already looks like it is deflating, Yeah!
I'm so glad to be on to the next goal. That goal is to make it through the week of clear liquids and get some energy back and the surgery pain over with.
