RJ'S/beginning

COsleeveDude..I liked your honesty....... If your shell is the only reason a person looks at you.....it is not because they are serious about your personality or wonderful points that you had all along.....it was never that he was too good for you to begin with it was that you are to good for him.....you see what is going on in that little head of his.....not much I fear! You have spent so much time improving yourself and growing into the person you want to become...he has not changed or grown at all........what a smuck!

I have not forgotten where I come from or who I am as a person... I have however made up my mind that I won't be sabotaged again....... Few know what I have been through at the hands of so called well meaning friends and how I have allowed myself to retreat back into the fat me because it was safer and easier for me and for them...most people are comfortable with me being the big girl......even one of my own sisters is okay with being heavy as long as she is smaller then me.....I have just reached a point in my life where I have had enough of being the understanding and the sacrificing girl...I am doing this so I can be here for my grand daughter and my husband and those who love and support me...I am not a cold person....or shallow....I am giving and helpful and loving and caring.......but I really want to be looked at as me..not how safe others feel being around me because I am fat....or judge me because of my size.....enough is enough....

I have already had one of my closest friends tell me that she is worried that I will leave her behind and see her as boring....I told her that she is family and that my only change will be a better me and a healthier me. If that leaves her behind it will be her doing not mine....everyone is so used to me being fluffy as I have been that way for most of my life......I am looking forward to seeing just how different I will be in my activity level, healthier, happier and the real me exposed to the world for the first time in my life......I know that some will find the transition difficult as I will but for different reasons...... But if we don't move forward and grow and change in life we are stuck........They will have to change with me or be left behind.....as I was left behind when they were doing all the cool stuff...... I plan on exploring my new world with vigor and vim.......no matter how other people feel.....This is so important to me...... This tool that I am getting is a miracle......

Hello...my name is Jane....I am 54 and have finally started to come to terms with me and my world. I come from a large family of 12 brothers and sisters. Life was hard and it is not a short story...so I will go on.....I am married with 2 amazing children, girl 33, a boy 28 and a husband ( Roy ) of 35 years. I have an incredible grand daughter who is the light of my life and I spoil her beyond reason......My weight started to escalate in elementary school when food became available to me and the rest of our clan ( family ). I lost all my weight when I was 15 and kept it off for only 4 years. It has been a up hill battle to rebuild myself and learn to deal with the issues that made me who I was for so long. I am told by people that I have changed a lot over the last few years...maybe I finally started to find myself. This is the biggest change for me...the last part of my old self I have to work on.....It is the one thing that has held me back from really living.... On a positive note. I started to write and have appeared on an authors blog. I enjoy it so much I feel like I have found my knitch....I write short stories and poetry....... I have 2 gorgeous Golden Retrievers named Max and Bailey and they are great company for me..... I am looking forward to riding horses and kayaking and having the energy to play with my grand daughter. Or if they get busy...grand children..lol.. Thank you!

Writing your thoughts out is a good way of releasing the emotions that are locked away in your spirit.......keep a journal......also......gravitate to the things you like to do...if it is reading or walking or whatever........eating is just making things worse....because on top of all the pain, you are feeling horrible about this too....there is no longer any satisfaction for you in eating as a comfort...... I am so sorry for all that has happened to you..you have had more then your fair share of sadness....but eating isn't helping.......you seem like a fighter to me......losing 80 lbs is nothing to sneeze at........ So you have grown and changed......and fighting with yourself over your choices...... Look after yourself too......you need to care about yourself so you can help others and be there for them too....You will go on and come out of the other side of this stronger and a more compassionate person..... hurting yourself in the process won't change anything that has or is happening.....don't punish yourself for things that are out of your control.....find another way to deal with it........All the best hun!

There is only so much room in the sleeve for food....and if you don't fill it with good stuff like protein, water, veggies and fruit.......then you will be sick...The surgery has also removed the chemical in your body that tells you you are hungry even if you are not truly hungry......eating 5 or 6 meals a day will seem like you are eating all the time.....that is at least what I have been told.......pre-surgery myself here...I think that the sleeve makes you more cautious to eat properly and not out of the desire just to eat for what ever reason....I have a problem with pasta and sweets as well....they are my comfort foods........neither of those will help me in my journey to a smaller me.... People say all the time that the surgery changes your likes and dislikes for certain foods......I hope I really hate sugar...lol....... I also know how easy it is to roller coaster diet..that is how I got to be this big....for once and for all.....I will do this and for all the right reasons......I will be able to use this tool to help me stick to it and not gain it all back and more...... It is all a mind set....we don't like food to go bad...because we were taught that others did not have as much as we did...so eat up..it stays with us....we have to change our thinking and put food in its rightful place...to nurture our bodies ....not our pain, desires and emotions...... I have always controlled what I ate and how much...I will still be in control....for the process of losing all of this.....I still have the power and I plan on using it to help me to continue to grow into a better me....better place and finally put the real power where it belongs.......to eat to live not live to eat....... I could not do it before..too many issues....wasn't ready........really had to work on a lot of stuff to get here...now I am here and forward ho I say....engage!!!!!!! Good luck to you....

I WAS BOOKED FOR SURGERY OCT.2....THEN I GOT BUMPED..NOW IT IS NOV.6TH...NOW I HAVE THE TIME TO FEEL AND OVER THINK EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN AND ALL THE POSSIBILITIES THAT MIGHT HAPPEN..... I AM IN A REV.....MY MOTOR IS RUNNING AND I WANT TO PUT IT IN GEAR..I GET TIRED OF OVER WORKING MY BRAIN ON THE WHAT IFS. I AM CONCENTRATING ON THE FUTURE AND WHAT THIS IS GOING TO MEAN TO THE NEW ME ONCE I LET HER OUT OF THIS FLUFFY ME...... LIKE YOU .....I CAN GET CAUGHT UP SO EASILY......BUT..I HAVE MADE UP MY MIND NO MATTER WHAT...FOR ME THE CHOICE I HAVE MADE IS BETTER THEN HOW I FEEL AND MANAGE MY LIFE NOW.....SO WHEN I GET LIKE YOU DO...I SIMPLY REMIND MYSELF OF WHAT PUT ME HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE AND WHY I WANT TO IMPROVE MYSELF SO MUCH I AM WILLING TO HAVE A SLEEVE DONE...IT IS ABOUT ME AND MY CHOICES AND I CHOSE THIS FOR MY FUTURE....... YOUR NOT WEIRD...SEEMS NORMAL TO ME......JUST REMIND YOURSELF WHY....AND PUT IT IN GEAR AND GO FORWARD TO A NEW AND BETTER AND HEALTHIER YOU.......THAT'S WHERE I AM NOW.......JUST WANT TO GET GOING.....ALRIGHT ALREADY.......ENGAGE!

LOL...FOR SURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PIPLULU.........TY YOU MADE ME LAUGH....WISH I COULD SEE THAT........

SPATTERS..LOVE THE ATTITUDE...BUT I HAVE GONE THROUGH SO MUCH AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH....I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE THAT CAN SEE THINGS AROUND ME AND UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING BEFORE YOU SPEAK.......IT IS NOT A GIFT FROM BEYOND..IT IS A SENSE I PICKED UP EARLY IN MY CHILDHOOD TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM PAIN.......I HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF PEOPLES CHARACTER. THAT SAID....IT JUST BOTHERS ME FOR ME AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT PEOPLE THINK THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO JUDGE ME BASED ON MY SIZE.....I AM FUNNY, INTERESTING AND SMART......THAT IS WHY I AM TAKING THIS STEP SO THAT THOSE PARTS WILL COME FORWARD MORE.......I WANT ME TO BE THE REAL PERSON AND NOT HIDE ANYMORE BEHIND MY SHELL, FEAR OR PAIN. THE FACT IS THAT WHEN YOU ARE WORKING AT IT...NO ONE KNOWS THAT EITHER. BUT IF LEFT UNCHECKED IT MIGHT BE YOU THAT IS AT THE BRUNT OF HIS POOR HUMOR TOMORROW...I ABHOR THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR FROM ANYONE...IT MAKES ME SICK...I SHOULD HAVE STOOD UP AND FACED HIM AND TOLD HIM WHAT I THOUGHT...BUT WHAT GOOD WOULD THAT HAVE DONE.......SOME PEOPLE WILL NEVER CHANGE...MUCH EASIER FOR THEM TO LOOK OUTWARD AND SEE THE FLAWS THEN LOOK INWARD AND CHANGE YOUR OWN.........HE NEEDS A COMPLETE CHANGE STARTING FROM THE CORE.......THAT'S HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT......

SHE DID NOT BOTHER ME AS MUCH AS THE MAN DID...FOR ONE THING SHE WAS YOUNG AND SHE LOOKED VERY INTO HERSELF........WHICH I NOTICED RIGHT AWAY....SHE MADE NO EMOTION ONE WAY OR THE OTHER....I JUST DID NOT EXIST..I WAS MEAT PASSING THROUGH THE BLOOD LAB.......SHE JUST NEEDS TO LEARN PATIENT CARE BED SIDE MANNER.......FOR THE GUY..HE NEEDS TO START AT HIS CORE....WHAT A HORRIBLE PERSON HE IS TO LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.......IT AM ON A ROAD TO IMPROVE MYSELF AND AM TAKING THE STEPS....HE DOES NOT KNOW THAT....AND YET IT IS NONE OF HIS BUSINESS.......I DID NOT LOOK AT HIM AND LAUGH AT HIS IMPERFECTIONS......IT JUST FELT DEGRADING....

I got bumped to Nov.6......I am no longer an Oct. sleever

TY FOR YOUR KIND WORDS..........

I WAS AT THE HOSPITAL HAVING MY PRE-SURGERY TESTS DONE....IT TOOK MOST OF THE MORNING AND I HAD ALREADY ENDURED A NURSE WHO TOOK BLOOD FROM ME AND WOULD NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE I WAS IN THE CHAIR...I AM BRUISED DOWN MY ARM FROM THE NEEDLE BEING INJECTED........SHE DID NOT EVEN SLOW DOWN WHEN I TOLD HER THE PAIN SHOT DOWN MY ARM......SO BE IT...FINE.....B#$%H! WHAT BOTHERED ME MORE WAS WHEN I WAS FINALLY FINISHED THE TESTS...MY BACK BOTHERED ME SO MUCH AS I HAVE BACK PROBLEMS....I MET MY HUSBAND AT A SMALL coffee SPOT IN IN HOSPITAL AND WHEN HE GOT UP TO LEAVE I ASKED HIM TO STAY SEATED AS I NEEDED TO REST MY BACK A BIT BEFORE THE LONG WALK TO THE CAR.......( WHICH HE WENT AN GOT THE CAR FOR ME INSTEAD...) I AM SITTING THERE DRINKING MY BOTTLE OF Water WHEN I CAN SEE OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE THIS MAN AT THE NEXT TABLE TAPPING HIS WIFE'S COMPUTER TABLET TO GET HER ATTENTION SO THAT SHE CAN SEE WHAT HE IS LOOKING AT.... IT WAS ME...HE WANTED TO GET HER ATTENTION SO THAT SHE COULD SEE ME AT THE NEXT TABLE.... I LOOKED OVER JUST AS SHE RAISED HER EYES TO TAKE IN THE VIEW AND OUR EYES MET........SHE LOOKED SURPRISED THAT I WAS THE ISSUE HE WAS TRYING TO GET HER ATTENTION FOR. SHE LOOKED AT HIM AND THEN WITHOUT EVEN SO MUCH AS A BLINK SHE WENT BACK TO HER COMPUTER.........HE AND I LOOKED AT EACH OTHER AND HE STARTED TO GRIN...I STARED AT HIM AND HE CONTINUED TO GRIN.......HE THOUGHT I WAS FUNNY ( NO ) I HAD NOT SPOKEN OR CRACKED A JOKE...HE WAS ENTERTAINED BY MY SIZE...MY PAIN, MY FLAWS.......FINALLY HE LOOKED DOWN AND I RETURNED TO DRINKING MY WATER....HE WAS THE KIND OF PERSON WHO LOOKED LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.....NOTHING SPECIAL....JUST AN AVERAGE JOE WHO THOUGHT THAT LAUGHING AT THE FAT LADY WAS ENTERTAINMENT FOR HIS PERSONAL PLEASURE....HE IS JUST ONE IN MANY THAT I HAVE DEALT WITH IN MY LIFE WHO HAS A THING FOR LAUGHING AT PEOPLE IF THEY DON'T LOOK LIKE HIM..... WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING....YOU ARE NOTHING SPECIAL YOURSELF MAC. I CAN IMPROVE AND YOU..YOU WILL STAY YOUR IGNORANT SELF...AND PROBABLY TEACH THAT TO YOUR CHILDREN AND GRAND CHILDREN......IT JUST HURT YOU KNOW..IT JUST DID!

One wonderful thing about the pre-op liquid diet is that it detoxifies your body.......gets you through the crunch of giving up sugar, salt, fat and caffeine........your body will take a hissey fit while you are doing this the first week....but they tell me week 2 is much easier and you feel so small.....! lost 10 lbs....those 5 days I was on it...and it made me feel like I was so in control of it all........ All the best...seems to me your ahead of the game by deciding to make it easier on yourself after the surgery......

I have already done 5 days pre-op liquids...and then I was bumped to Nov.6... So now I have to wait until Oct. 23 to start again...oh goodie....... NO one is going to stop you from doing a pre-op diet if that is what you wish...if it makes you feel better do it! Won't hurt.... <3

Been on liquid diet for 5 days....went today to get pro-op tests done and found out I was bumped off the schedule.......I didn't cry or anything.....I knew the emergency had to be bad becasue we are the last elective surgery they cut... The good news...I'm down another 10 lbs...oh yah! They took me off the fluids and I will have to restart them again when I get my new date.........not looking forward to that.....

Gives me extra time to write recipes out and listen to all you guys and learn more about what I am doing........not all bad.. Just not looking forward to redoing that first week again

Today I went for my pre-op tests........When I got into the nurses office she told me that I was bumped off the schedule for Oct.2/12. Since the sleeve is considered elective surgery there is always that chance...I had no idea this could happen to me.....even though I was disappointed and even sad..I understood that it had to be. ... They went ahead with all the tests and meetings with everyone....so they were happy to get that done..... The girl who took my blood was a vampire......The pain shot down my arm as she hit a nerve........she did not even care........grrrrrrrrr Other then that it was all good! 5 days on the liquid diet....I lost 10 more lbs.....yes........ Going to be careful what I eat or drink until I get the call......want to keep it under 1200 calories....... Hubby took me out to lunch and when I felt that lettuce between my teeth, it felt amazing..........chewing never felt so good!!!! So I'm still here but delayed.....

My daughter who is a nurse told me that my body is taking a hissey fit because of lack of sugar and salt and all the other good/bad stuff I ate.........She said it is natural for this to happen.......today I had trouble keeping the fluid down .........almost lost it a couple of times...and yet yesterday....I felt good......I think I will go with her thoughts on it.........will power over body...who knew ...another adversary to put in its place.....

4TH DAY PRE-0OP DIET......SO TIRED...STOMACH BLOATED.......NAUSEA ........EXHAUSTED......CRANKY....GASSY.... INDIGESTION ....COME ON...THERE IS NOTHING IN MY STOMACH BUT Water AND Protein shakes.......IS THIS NORMAL........10 MORE DAYS OF THIS......I MUST REALLY WANT TO BE THIN BADLY TO DO THIS...... AND I WAS JUDGED SANE ENOUGH TO HAVE IT DONE...PERSONALLY I AM WONDERING IF I AM CRAZY........... ANY ONE ELSE HAVE THIS AND HOW LONG DID IT LAST FOR YOU.........UGGGGGG

Rats....allergic to peanut better..I will strike that off my to buy list..

What is PB2 please!

They will be glad you last the 4 lbs.....everyone loses at a different rate......don't get discouraged......your doing great....Hope your not weighing yourself every day...once a week is plenty...... How you react to the mandatory diet will tell them a lot about your body type and how it works.....it's all good.....keep going forward because 4 lbs is forward....congrats!

My surgery is Oct.2.....my pre-op diet consists of 4 Slim Time protein drinks and as much water as I can handle..I really don't get how everyone is complaining when you are eating some real food as well...you need to think of me and my Pre-op diet...you will feel better.. Everything else you stated......I have felt the same way and will for some time yet.....But I was never confident about myself and my looks......many well meaning people saw to that! I have only told a few people and if they discourage me.....they are out of here! There is a new me on the horizon......look out every body.....she's going down and making skid marks....this journey is truly for me......I'm scared but ready! I know you are too.....all the best!