RJ'S/beginning

I've been having a hard time with depression lately myself....I am sure it is partly due to the long cold and heavy snow falls of this winter. Really fighting this episode...

@@LipstickLady I agree..TROLL!

Yes it is and I have done that myself......You know your hubby best and it is you who understands him best. We all felt your pain at the time. That is all I was doing was giving emotional support to you. I am glad it is all okay now...A slight bump in the road a moment in time! We all responded as if it were us, as we have all had the same fears as you expressed. We were defending you. Maybe not in the best words but we were there for you. I am glad all is better!

Now I have read the entire thread. He sure did not say what he meant. And it was not fair of him to say it only two weeks after her surgery. But relationships have bumps and bruises and ups and downs. What he said and what he meant are worlds apart. But that is not for me to say or judge..... All the best in your journey hun.......Whatever happens in life remember that you are very important and should and need to do this for you and your health. And the rest is gravy!

@@gal friday and @@CowgirlJane my comment was in a moment of passion. It was how I felt as I read her words. I did not read the entire thread otherwise most likely I would have skipped the thread completely and not voiced my feelings of shock. However I feel that if someone loves you they do not say things that can hurt you so deeply. They can't take it back. It is out there and the result is that you always wonder in the back of your mind the what if's.... I know I would. But I am that kinda gal. Did not mean to come off calling all the males of the species pricks. They are not....

He said that to get exactly the response he did. He is a shallow individual who wants to test the boundaries of your relationship and maybe already has. Skin deep. What a narrow minded ,selfish partner. You deserve much better. I am so mad at even the thought that he could be so cruel when you are changing for the good. When you feel better about yourself and things turn around for you, we will see who can take the inner part of an abusive man. Keep going forward and onward with your goals to good health and well being....You may want to lose the excess weight that is being so unbelievably self centered and selfish.... Sorry..but what a prick!

It always amazes me how people respond to my weight loss. And this was one of the boldest and actually a little accusing of sorts. I was asked to canvas for the Heart and Stroke foundation on my street. I have never done anything like that before and since they could not find anyone to do it I said sure why not. This last few days I have been able to do it between blizzards. ( Did I mention I hate winder now ) Everyone was kind to me and even donated great amounts. But last night as I was finishing the canvasing, I got a response that made me think say what! The husband let me in and told me to wait while he got some change for me. As he was going down stairs he asked his wife if she heard the door bell. She said no, who is it. He said I don't recognize her but she says she is one of our neighbors. Who, she asks? He says, I don't know! She says well I need to have a look. she comes up the stairs and says, who are you? I say I am Jane Hess your neighbor. That is when she said the above to me. Then she says you have lost 2/3 's of yourself. I said well I think I lost 1/2 but that's no matter. Which she replies what happened? I tell her I had a surgery in 2012 and became septic, ended up in a coma and was in the hospital for 5.5 months. Where did you have the surgery she asks. I say Moncton. she said with Dr. B right. I say yes. She said is that why extra mural was at your home for months. And I say yes they looked after me when I got out of the hospital. At the Dumont right! I said yes. She says and this was the interesting part..... We know what you did. We all know what surgery you had so stop trying to hide it from us. I looked at her blankly and was just about to open my mouth in a well " What I do is none of your F*****G business" when she proceeds to ask me about my children. How many grand children I have and where are my kids now? The thing is I have not spoken to her in over 20 years. Yes she is my neighbor but we did not get along. So I kept my distance and hoping that her husband would answer the door was ruined when to my delight he did, but then she came up because she is so nosy. So I got my 5 dollars and left. I really don't give a dead rats tail anymore who knows or who doesn't. I did at first but I no longer have a fear of judgement. How did she know so much about my surgery unless she knows someone who had it done or considered it herself? That I would like to know but was just glad to get the blink out of there.... It never ceases to amaze me how people respond to the new me and what they think they have a right to say...And it was a great reminder why I never had much to do with her.

Yes I have heard about him. Now there is one in Fredericton. Two in Bathurst. Finally some more help in N.b for these much needed surgeries.

As I mentioned before fear is a huge factor in someone not wanting this surgery or for wanting this surgery. Using what drew him to you in the first place is a huge help in winning a non compliant mate over. By example you will help him and he in turn will see the benefits for both of you... Your both going to do great if you are there for each others fears, highs and lows of this journey.

This Canadian winter is getting on my nerves so much. I am starting to feel sad and helpless. Stuck in the house and can't drive or even walk the temperatures are so cold not to mention the wind chill factor. I feel like gobbling down a box of Oreo Cookies..... Sometimes I am so grateful for my sleeve. But really want to eat the box of Oreo cookies!

I could go for one of those as well right now.....I just took an Ativan in hopes that it will settle myself down some......Have not went after the Oreo's yet. Had some pineapple spears instead. Dam this sleeve and my commitment to it.

Okay so now I don't want the bag of Oreo Cookies but a nice pastry called Pastizza I'll have the ones with the ricotta with lemon, and ricotta with dark chocolate, crushed unsalted mixed nuts, cinnamon and dark chocolate. Two please!

No that is the waiting list here just to get the first appointment with a surgeon. then it takes months to go through the process. I live in Canada. The access to Bariatric surgeons is not as easy as other countries.

Six month wait..wow...I waited 4 years for my surgery. now the wait here is between 7-10 years. Six months seems a pretty small time frame to me. Others have talked about the things you can work on..Me just be patient and calm down. It will happen and the time will fly by. Patients is a good thing to learn because nothing good comes from speeding through something good!

Opt for the feeding tube for now so that her body has the chance to catch up. I have a friend who has had the feeding tube for 6 months now and her weight loss has finally leveled out. It will give them time to think of a better solution. This may be your only course of action at this time other then a prolonged stay at the hospital with pic line feeding. I am not a Dr. but I have seen good results with the tube. If you are serious about this it is probably at this point the best option. You must think of this as a temporary fix for now..... Hope this helps... One more thing.....Please encourage her to have a positive attitude as much as possible. As it is 50% of the healing process. Personally I have been through hell and back for this surgery and if you don't have a positive attitude your body responds to it all negatively. I know it sounds strange but believe me it helps a lot!

Oh I always knew she was odd. That is why I never spent time with her...And she proved I was right....lol

Sussex N.B Canada...If so we are no further then 40 min away from each other....How exciting is that.... When I went for my pre-op interview my surgeon told me that he had done WLS on several people in my area. I was like say what! Never knew of anyone. I don't know if I would be out if I had not had complications. But I am glad I tell everyone if they want to listen....... I am a promoter for this life saving tool.......I know I got a life back..And if I did, there are a lot of others out there who need to know about it! Congrats on your upcoming surgery...Who is doing it anyway?

three years ago I would not have been at her house at all. Three years ago my back was so bad from the strain of my weight that I could not stand for more then 10 min. I would not have been able to stand there and listen to her bull. I would not have been able to walk the street. This surgery has been a life saver for me. Even though I have been through so much to be able to even do this canvasing work is something I could not have done three years ago. I am truly thrilled that I can walk and stand for long periods of time....

Most people have buyers remorse earlier on. I didn't but I am strange...lol Your stomach is giving you trouble. It is something you really need to discuss with your surgeon. There are Protein powders you can add to yogurt and pudding not to mention cottage cheese. Try eggs. Do they stay down. I can eat scrambled but not fried. Protein shakes or smoothies might be an option for now. I spent 5.5 months only consuming Protein drinks and a little ice cream which I cannot eat now..It hates me! You have to find what you can tolerate at this point. Trying is the only way. If you are not eating enough your body will stop you dead from losing. It is your bodies way of protecting itself right now. Also if you are not drinking enough Water. It will affect your stomach and bowels. That is why it is so important to get the water in. Contact your surgeon he may have a good idea how you can cope with this for now.

There are struggles of wills in every relationship. It all comes down to you looking after your health for your family and for yourself. He needs to know that you are doing this for all of you. It is not for any selfish reason but that you want to be there for him as long as you can and your health is an issue for you. You will effect him as well and I am like him in that I hate change. I always worry about the outcomes of things if things do change. It is the fact that he suffers from depression as well which affects his thinking and emotions. He will most likely get on board once he sees that you both will change for the better together. He is the other half of yourself in your relationship. He needs to know that he always will be. But if he makes the choice to not support you that will be his choice. You are a human being with a right to change your life for the better. Be gentle with him this is scary. He does not want to lose you. He really believes he is not good enough for you and that is why he is striking out. Show him in your own way that that is not the case. As you go through many changes as you start your journey. He will go through a lot too. One thing I realized as I travel this road is that I needed my family and their understanding. They experienced it all along with me. It will be up to you to make the right decisions for yourself though. And most likely he too will benefit health wise by the new changes in food intake. It takes time to change. And hopefully you both will see positive changes happening to make your lives better and happier...

Actually it is a relationship between heart , mind and soul. It is the only addiction that we still have to partake in because we have to eat. It is the worst one of all. and it will be with us for the rest of our lives. We will struggle to control ourselves to eat better. Think better about ourselves and realize the real person we are inside. But to do this we have to be up for the fight. Because it is just that..a fight. To learn how to retrain our mind to see food as nutrition and not a comfort for things going bad or good as a celebration or to shut ourselves off. Each time you have the power over food is a win! A war is raging and we are fighting it. You and I are fighting it. We are winning because we are learning every day what our triggers are and how to stay away from them. You will succeed. There is no failing here. You got this.....It is a Rocky moment and you have the gloves on! Learning and going forward....That is all we can do.....

Bravo...there will be plenty of time for you to fight with your system. Use the honeymoon period to the best. If you control this part then it will be easier to control the other more difficult times.... It is all about learning how to put food in its proper place. And not let it rule our lives anymore. It will be a life long struggle but you know if you control this you will be able to control that.... Excellent reminder!