aumum

Thank you so much for your replies. It means a lot to have someone else understand.

Hello all, This is my first post here so my apologies if it's in the wrong spot. I'm just feeling so sad at the moment and on the verge of tears most of the time. I have 10 months to wait untill my health insurance will cover my op. I have my 1st appointment with the nurse of a surgeon next week so i haven't even started the process really. All I know is I have been thinking about it and researching online for about 6 years. The main reason I haven't gone ahead yet is because I have 4 kids and wanted to make sure we were finished with all that before having a surgery. It feels like 10 months might as well be 10 years away I just want the surgery now. Lately I have been noticing the way people treat me because I am fat. So many times I will be out with my husband and he will see a man he knows thru work and the man will not even look in my direction let alone say hello. It happens all the time. I may as well be invisible. I have a friend who I have been close to since high school and she's quite superficial. She was in my wedding but I wasn't in hers. Instead she chose 2 friends she hasn't known as long as me and fights with all the time. I know the reason she did this is because I'm fat and wouldn't look good in a dress or pics. This friend likes to hang out with me and we chat all the time but when it comes to Facebook she puts pics of her and her skinny friends up but we don't even have pics of the two of us. Speaking about photos my husband has a pic of our kids and our dog on his desk at work but not me My husband took some awful pics of me playing with the kids when my shirt lifted up because I was busy playing. I wondered if he was just taking them to make me feel bad. My sister did the same thing, took a horrible side on pic of me when I had no idea I looked awful and she put it on Facebook and thought it was funny. I wonder if they are trying to humiliate me on purpose? Do they think that will inspire me to loose weight? I used to be a pretty, skinny attractive blonde teenager so I know what it's like when people treat you well and give you attention. Now I am 5'3 and 106kg. I also carry all my weight on the top half so it looks ridicules. I envy bigger women who at least have their curves in preportion. I wear the clothes of a 60 year old because I'm just choosing whatever covers everything. I'm dont lie, cheat or back stab and I'm not greedy, boastful or egotistical. I'm kind, caring, sympathetic and none of that seems to matter to anyone because I'm fat. It's not in my nature to be nasty but I do feel like if go thu this and become attractive again and these people try to be nice to me again I'm going to tell them to go to he!!. Sorry for the long rant I just had to get it out somewhere Thanks.