The past month has been really bad for me. I've been in severe pain with my back and have not been able to walk or do any water workouts. Then, to make it even worse, I've been cheating. I have been eating candy...good, yummy, chocolatey candy. At first I blamed it on my period, but unless my PMS and period are a month long thing now, that can't be the reason. Then, I really started to think about why I would be eating so badly. Then it hit me. I eat out of boredom. To make it worse, I graze all day long and not on good things. I graze on chocolate and nuts.
Now, prior to surgery I was not a huge chocolate fan. I could live with out it, even during those monthly visits that we woman get. I was always a straight candy type of girl. I liked the surgery sticky candy the best. Mary Janes, Laffy Taffy....that was my weakness. Not any more. Now I'm a chocolate girl. Even though it makes my acid reflux horrible, I have been on a huge chocolate kick and it finally stopped TODAY.
I had to take a really good look at what was going on and why I was eating the way I was. After breaking it all down and analyzing the data, I can see that I eat or graze out of boredom. I also found that I am bored a lot. You have to understand, I am a worker. I love to work and I'm good at my chosen field. However, due to my back, I haven't been working for the past year and a half. The past month, my pain has been so bad that I can't even do things around my house. Because of that, I watch a lot of T.V. and pace a lot. Both are a set up for grazing. Now, becasue I can't fix my back, and I can't work, I have to figure out how not to allow boredom to take over and lead me to the kitchen. The first thing I figured out was that I have to use my Fitnesspal.com account. I have to write down everything I eat. If I don't, I underestimate what I've had. Seeing what I've eaten and having it right there is also a good way to keep me accountable. So, today, I started using my account again. And, so far, no grazing.
Now, I know it's not going to be easy. I am going to have to be very aware of when and why I am eating. But, at least I haven't gained any weight and I figured it out before I returned completely back to my old ways. It's funny, I was doing so well and I am so happy with how I feel and look but for some reason I still find comfort in food even when I don't want to. Having the surgery was the easy part....maintaining and changing who we are and how we eat is the hard part. Lucky for me, I have all you here to keep me honest with myself. I think having this blog and having people read it who understand what I'm going through will help me make it through this hurdle and continue moving towards that 150lob goal I have. I am only 70lbs away....if I've lost 100 in five months, I can lose the rest as long as I keep myself honest and do what I know I have to.
So, today is the day I continue on my journey. I have moved over the hurdle and I will continue to follow the plan. I won't allow food to overtake my life again. I was so unhappy before surgery, and I never want to feel like that again.
OK - so I went to Smoothie King and they have this category of smoothies called Trim Down and I thought - GREAT!! A strawberry banana smoothie with extra protein will be great for breakfast. Until I got to work and went on their website and saw it had 84 carbs. Are you kidding me? How can that be categorized as a slim down anything???
Off to the garbage it went. It was soooo yummy, but that many carbs? No way!!!
I don't know if anyone will really read this or not, but on the off chance that someone out there finds me interesting, I thought I'd be polite and say hi.
A blog is something I've wanted to do for quite a while. I need a place where I can vent and just let it all go. I can vent to my husband, but there are just some things he doesn't get.
You can expect to see entries about the sleeve journey, my work, my school, my selfish friends, my struggles, my success, things I've tried, and things I've learned. I hope you'll find me not too dry and boring and that you'll enjoy reading.
The first few entries will be catch up for stuff I should have put into a blog and didn't.
So after much consideration I decided I would go ahead and blog my sleeve journey.... I wasn't going to because of keeping up with it but after surgery I find myself on this forum 3 and 4 times a day! So I guess I'll start out with why I decided to even get the sleeve and go from there This first blog will be long!! sorry!!
In May this year, I had a meeting with my knee doc who explained to me that if I did not lose at least 60 to 80 lbs in the next year I would have to have a knee replacement because it was simply not holding up to my weight requirements. I cried and complained, went on yet another diet and failed and then ran across an ad for Dr Nicholson's weight loss seminar. I thought yay! I'll get the lap band and get this weight off! Well, I went to the seminar and loved him and all of the information, if you can possibly absorb all of that info in one setting! Anyway, after hearing the info I went home off on my own new journey to find the best option for me because what he was saying about the lap band was definitely going to be a no go. I did not want to deal with the fills and unfills and the possible erosion complication just from the info he was giving me. I started to look at video blogs of people with the lap band and couldn't believe it! There were problems with food getting stuck, vomiting if your food didn't like your band (ex: a piece of lettuce covering your opening), NOPE! the band was def a no go for me.. I did not like the extreme of the RNY or Gastric Bypass but the sleeve seemed like a good fit for me! Low complication rate, quick recovery, back to normal (albeit smaller portions) food after a couple of months and people are keeping the weight off! So I sent off my paperwork to Dr Nicholson's clinic!!
Now for the Doom and gloom .. lol
My Aetna policy has a weight loss surgery exclusion on my policy, as I am self employed so if I was going to consider going on with the surgery I was going to have to self pay. I contacted several medical financing companies and even my bank but for what I was doing and the associated costs it was just simply not going to happen. As I said before, I am self employed, as is my husband so those are hard circumstances to get financed for a large unsecured loan like I was talking about, approx $14K. Now, you have to know my personality, if I want something, I don't just sit back, I am a go getter and something like financing was not going to hold me back! I researched and dug and found a couple of companies would either 1) finance me or 2) do it for much cheaper. I was thrilled! Until I learned that these surgeries were in Mexico AHHHH!!! Are you kidding me?!?! Surgery in Mexico?!?! Don't they harvest your organs there?!?! I know, I went a bit overboard but I couldn't believe I could afford it so it was at least looking into right? Well, I researched lots of Dr's in Mexico and decided on Dr Jose Rodriguez in Juarez. He operated out Star Medica hospital. I researched his credentials, his staff, the hospital, the area and on and on. I found out that he had been doing these surgeries longer than Dr Nicholson and had a low complication rate. He was out of a company called Belite Weight and they would finance half of the surgery for me as long as I could cover the other half up front! Woo Hoo! So Mexico it was!!!
Now for the surgery
My surgery was scheduled for June 29th and I was completely prepared. I did the preop diet of Dr Rod's choice, basically the Atkins diet but with 50 carbs a day. I could handle that, as a matter of fact my husband and daughter (21 yrs) went on it with me and we lost weight! I lost 19.2, my husband 30 and my daughter 10.4. I was so stoked to get on with this surgery! I had bought our airline tickets in the early part of June and gotten our birth certificates to cross the border (don't believe the hype, the birth certificates worked just fine, no problems!) finance documents signed, family doc here on board with my journey, and so on and so on. I was prepared! We landed in El Paso and the hospital sent a shuttle for us to take us across the border to the hospital. We crossed the border and Juarez was a pit... a desolate pit. Scary as a matter of fact, sand lots with kids playing in them, people living in conditions I couldn't even fathom! They lived in cinder block houses!! businesses boarded up, people driving like idiots, I freaked completely out! I thought, what the HELL have I gotten myself into?!? Now, please know at this point that my husband and my daughter insisted on going with me so I am not alone but there were 2 other women there who were alone! I couldn't imagine being alone! Well, we finally got to the hospital and man was I relieved!! It was so nice! It was super clean, modern, smelled nice (not hospitally lol) so completely different from the outskirts of Juarez! There was mall across the street, nice restaurants within walking distance, the US Consolates office was 2 blocks away. Couldn't have been more pleased! Anyway, we did a brief stay at the front desk (I was with 4 other patients) to get our arm bands, checked in, pre op, etc. All went well and we headed up to our rooms. I was completely floored! It looked like a spa hotel room with 2 rooms, leather couches, cushy futon with giant pillows and a really nice bathroom. So nice! I was calming down at this point and happy we were in a safe area!!
Day of Surgery!!
I was so nervous the morning of the surgery! They came in and drew blood and took my vitals and EKG the day before so the day of surgery you don't have much to do or think of except that you are about to embark on a journey of a lifetime! Your choice! The thoughts that went through my mind were... 1) What if I am not one of those people who recovers quickly? 2) What if I die on the operating table? 3) What if I need a blood transfusion? How does that work in Mexico? Do they have the same strict testing as the US? (the answer is yes by the way lol I asked!) 4) What if I don't get to see my grandson ever again? CRAZY questions!! My mind was playing tricks on me and I was doing this surgery electively!! What the crap was wrong with me? doing this in Mexico no less?! My husband was wonderful in calming me down and so I just cried instead of backing out =) When they finally came and got me around 11:30 I was about ready to just back out, call it quits and go back home, stomach in tow! lol They got me down to preop and I was praying (along with my husband :wub: ) that everything would be fine, quick recovery, the whole bit! I remember them giving me something to "relax" me and off I went..... I woke up in recovery and they wheeled me back up to my room quickly so I was with my family. I had a little gas under my shoulder blade and a little pain from the drain site but great other than that! I got up after about and hour and walked walked walked! The gas pain went away after the first day and I never really had any nausea problems so I was a lucky one!! God is good!! My mom and her boyfriend came to the hospital to see me, yep! they drove in my Dallas and came to Juarez for 2 days to spend some time with me! I love my supportive family <3 My whole family and all of my friends were so supportive and good to me the whole time! I love them all!! Anyway, fast forward a couple of days to going home!!
Home again, Home again, jiggity jog!!
We left for the airport around 9:30 am although our flight wasn't until 1:30pm. We needed to make sure we got across the border in time to catch our flight and had heard horror stories about it taking sometimes 3 hours to get across. Lucky for us, it was the Mexican Election day!! There were only 3 people ahead of us to get through the border so less then 20 min to get across! Woo Hoo! We got to the airport with plenty of time to shop, go through security and time for me to sit down and rest for a while. The flight home was uneventful and once home I was content to take a nap =) Happy to see my kitties (Bella and Momma) and my 12 year old lab Buddy. I have a grandson that is 1 year old and lives with us and seeing him made me melt!! There is nothing better than a grandbaby!! I love him dearly!!
Well, after all that, I am home! I work from home so it is nice to be able to work, nap, sip sip, work, sip sip, nap lol I feel like one of the cats! I feel good though! I have walked, done some laundry, cleaned and even cooked a little. I will venture out tomorrow!!!
Thanks for reading!!! They will be shorter here on out! PROMISE!!
Oh by the way, my weight!!!
6/15/2012 247 lbs
6/29/2012 227 lbs -19.2 lbs
7/1/2012 229 lbs (gotta love the IV fluid and being swollen!0