The past month has been really bad for me. I've been in severe pain with my back and have not been able to walk or do any water workouts. Then, to make it even worse, I've been cheating. I have been eating candy...good, yummy, chocolatey candy. At first I blamed it on my period, but unless my PMS and period are a month long thing now, that can't be the reason. Then, I really started to think about why I would be eating so badly. Then it hit me. I eat out of boredom. To make it worse, I graze all day long and not on good things. I graze on chocolate and nuts.
Now, prior to surgery I was not a huge chocolate fan. I could live with out it, even during those monthly visits that we woman get. I was always a straight candy type of girl. I liked the surgery sticky candy the best. Mary Janes, Laffy Taffy....that was my weakness. Not any more. Now I'm a chocolate girl. Even though it makes my acid reflux horrible, I have been on a huge chocolate kick and it finally stopped TODAY.
I had to take a really good look at what was going on and why I was eating the way I was. After breaking it all down and analyzing the data, I can see that I eat or graze out of boredom. I also found that I am bored a lot. You have to understand, I am a worker. I love to work and I'm good at my chosen field. However, due to my back, I haven't been working for the past year and a half. The past month, my pain has been so bad that I can't even do things around my house. Because of that, I watch a lot of T.V. and pace a lot. Both are a set up for grazing. Now, becasue I can't fix my back, and I can't work, I have to figure out how not to allow boredom to take over and lead me to the kitchen. The first thing I figured out was that I have to use my Fitnesspal.com account. I have to write down everything I eat. If I don't, I underestimate what I've had. Seeing what I've eaten and having it right there is also a good way to keep me accountable. So, today, I started using my account again. And, so far, no grazing.
Now, I know it's not going to be easy. I am going to have to be very aware of when and why I am eating. But, at least I haven't gained any weight and I figured it out before I returned completely back to my old ways. It's funny, I was doing so well and I am so happy with how I feel and look but for some reason I still find comfort in food even when I don't want to. Having the surgery was the easy part....maintaining and changing who we are and how we eat is the hard part. Lucky for me, I have all you here to keep me honest with myself. I think having this blog and having people read it who understand what I'm going through will help me make it through this hurdle and continue moving towards that 150lob goal I have. I am only 70lbs away....if I've lost 100 in five months, I can lose the rest as long as I keep myself honest and do what I know I have to.
So, today is the day I continue on my journey. I have moved over the hurdle and I will continue to follow the plan. I won't allow food to overtake my life again. I was so unhappy before surgery, and I never want to feel like that again.
