gunn4ya

ONE MAN'S STORY... If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. Dear Diary: For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 25yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr. old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!!! She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, Although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy Iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me. WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whines that is VERY annoying. My chest hurts when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too. THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to workout with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank. FRIDAY: I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleading bitch. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the*&%#(#&** barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel. SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my wife (the other bitch), will choose a gift for me that is fun --like a root canal or a vasectomy.

Marys - it sounds like you are not getting enough calories and your body is in starvation mode which basically means its holding on to everything its has to survive. Try getting those calories up to at least 800-1000.

Yo Teresita, we betta hurry up and buy those shoes so we can take that Ho'Robics class with Mdlitchick. LOL!!!!

Nice read. Thanks for the free download.

Can we hear it one more time cause I am Betty Grable!!!

Congratulations Connie!!!! When is the baby due????

Doriana, Doc will probably give you a numbing needle first. Then when they perform the fill you just feel pressure but no pain. Ask your doc but they may tell you to go on liquids for a day or so. I dont know why you would have to stay for 2 hours cause my doc fills me in about 5 minutes. Keep trying to wean yourself from drinking while eating. What I try to do is fill up on Water before my meals then you aren't so tempted to drink while you eat. Good luck to you.

Wishing all my Marylander Lapbanders a Happy Holiday and Happy New Year.

Carlene, Nice pictures. Your granddaughter looks just like you. I bet you look at her and see you all over again.

Cat, I can tell you that Jeffrey Allen helped with mine. He was training the doctor who did mine. I was my doctors first. So I thank Dr. Allen cause I am alright!!!

TammyJ, It shouldnt be a problem I have had both a gallbladder and tubal ligation done laprascopic prior to getting my band.

Ok, so now everyone else is confessing, here's mine: Thursday - Sunday Oven roaster Ham Sweet potatoes w/marshmallows mac/cheese Kale greens Too much eating, I am going home and throw everything that isnt eaten away.

I watched it and I said I know who lives in that house!!!!

You'll be able to enjoy the game. It's nothing more than like getting blood drawn. Have fun.

Yes, it is very important to check with your doctor. The first time I started feeling a litte dizzy so the doctor dropped my prescription from Toprol XL 50mg to 25mg. After losing another 20lbs (total of 50lbs) my blood pressure dropped so low that I was dizzy, light-headed and almost felt like I was going to pass out. It was 80/50. After dr. checked me he took me off Toprol all together.

Carlene, you're right Medicaid did kick in to pay for the rest. My mom was in the nursing home for almost 2 years. When I say they ask for your assets, I did not mean that you would turn over the money to the nursing home but if there was insufficient money to cover expenses like from a pension, ss, etc they would have the right to have a family member pay from those funds. That was just a way to get around a bunch of dumb stuff by having her bank account put in my name. It sounds like your MIL will be ok.

Carlene, I have been down this road with my mother. Ok, so here's my story in a nutshell. The nursing homes will usually want to assume all of the assets. Step one, we sold the house before she went to the nursing home and her bank account was transferred into my name. When it was time for her to actually go to a nursing home they took her pension and social security checks which both totalled about $1375. Because she had medicare it took care of the rest of the payment. The total bill for the nursing home which was a very nice one was $3600 a month. I live in Maryland. So if you are looking to pass on an inheritance start thinking about what to do with her house if at a minimum have it transferred to someone else's name and have a responsible party take over her bank account. My mom's attitude was that I was her only child and she and my dad wanted to make sure that I was left with what they had worked hard for. I hope this helps.

CrystalStar, Glad you made it to Bandland!!!!

Wow, that was a good loss!!! Keep going Teresita...:whoo: :whoo: :whoo:

I get tight after exercising. Usually have to wait about 2 hours before I try to eat something.

Welcome Kee to Bandland!!! Please use your Maryland girls for as much support as you need. We'll be there for you!!!! :)

Wow Penni, I know you are like a kid in Hollywood. It has got to be exciting. Make sure you dont forget to tell us when to watch so we can see your house.

Puglet, Let me just say that your weight loss with no fill is really great. You should not even be concerned. It usually comes off really fast at first because you are on liquids. The fill is just nerve racking for the first one but thats only because you dont know what to expect. Just relax, the only thing you will probably feel is the small need that they use to numb the are with, it feels like a bee sting. The stuff you drink has a chalky taste. Mine tasted like thick lemon milk but it was bearable. One last thing, you dont want to drink caffeinated drinks. The caffeine will make you hungrier. Try the decaf coffee, I switched and got use to.

Welcome AriesGirl, You are fitting in just fine. All of of have had those same feelings --- not sure what to expect, am I doing the right thing, saving money for surgery. Its all part of the walk you will take on your journey of becoming a lapbander. Good luck to you.

Southern Maryland here and 44 lbs gone!:cheer2: