Globetrotter

CGJ, please pass on any wisdom the trainer gives you regarding this tipped pelvis and flat butt thing, you just described my body type to a T!

Okay, I have a serious deep thinker/mind blower here to discuss... When I was M.O. I would look out at the world like a trapped princess in a tower, seeing the world and unable to participate. I had impotent rage and frustration, not being able to play in all the reindeer games... and it occurs to me, am I repeating the pattern, even now? I stay in this job, remote and isolated from life, the tower is no longer obesity, but it is a tower all the same. I watch as good life happens to other people and once again I feel trapped, screaming in a sound proof room. And yet, I live rent free, neither cook nor clean, have free access to a good gym, have free electricity and use of washers and dryers, and am saving money, so what am I complaining about...?

You know, there is a flip side to all of this, people in our lives who refuse to accept that we have lost a lot of weight. My Mother INSISTS on buying me clothes and bras that are the absolutely wrong size. Does she think I am lying about my size? Is she hoping I am still fat? Example: I am a 34 DDD bra and she insists on buying me 38DD. 38!! I finally had to tell her Mom - the last time I was a 38 I was over 200 lbs! I wear a size 10 trousers! WTF!

I just don't know what to do, I really don't. Eating very very little (600cals) DOES slow down the metabolism, you eventually stop feeling hunger, this is true. But, my body doesn't want to lose weight any other way! I ate 1500 calories yesterday, ran a mile and lifted weights and stretched out. I think the compromise that I will try is a steady 1400 a day and two days at 600 with a daily compound gym session, I will do this for 2 weeks faithfully and then weigh myself.

My colleagues are convinced I am starving myself and that my metabolism has tanked as a result, they want me to eat 1600 calories a day!! I am giving up white sugar for Lent, along with anything made with white flour. Before I had surgery, 2 years prior, I hired a personal trainer and tracked everything I ate. I was faithful - my job depended on my losing weight - I ate 1400 calories a day and worked out with a trainer 5x a week. At the time I was 240 lbs and 4 months later I was 220 - At that obese level, with dedicated trainer led exercise and eating 1400 calories of healthful food, my body STILL didn't want to lose weight! I barely lost 5 lbs a month!! So I am despairing, I just don't know what to do.

I have heard your issues for awhile now regarding the care you are receiving from your Dr and I do not feel that this Dr is providing you with the sort of care you specifically need, instead they are just giving you what they think you need, not the same thing. You sound overwhelmed and rightly so, have you considered taking a weekend mini-break by yourself? There are always legitimate excuses not to, but I really think you might consider it. For your tropical moments, have you thought of placing scarves or kercheifs in the freezer? Pop them round your neck when one strikes you, also, there is a line of jewelry for hot flashes, to cool people down. Also food - there are foods that will reduce hot flashes or intensify them, black cohosh and yam reduces, white flour intensifies. Once you get those hormones behaving I think everything else will fall in line. Do you carry a folding fan in your purse? It is a stylish and effective way to combat a flash, I started my Mother on collecting them once I began my international travels as a teen (Spain) and she was never without one during her transition.

Okay, I just got berated by my entire office for my eating habits, or lack of eating rather. The chastized me but good, demanding that I eat more - at LEAST 1600 calories! I'm not "out" to my colleagues, so I had to restrain my tongue and just smile and nod but it frustrates me. They don't understand, my body only loses weight when I eat 600 calories a day. Oh BTW - My scale arrived yesterday. I popped fresh batteries in, jumped on and ...... same weight I was 36 days ago :/

I know, CBT kind of blew my mind, and I have been ruminating on it ever since....

You have an actual workload now, and there is no reason to fear it, you are actually capable of doing all of it, and you know this. It feels good to acknowledge your capability, what does pretending to be unable do for you? That is old, outmoded behavior that yields no rewards.

Dang, CBT, everything you just said is so freakin' RIGHT ON. I totally totally agree. And with a lot of what CGJ said as well, regarding the fears of the formerly obese (5#=100# = FAILURE) and that our now trim gleaming machines can oftentimes camouflage interior scars, both physio and psychological ones.

Listen to Mustn'ts, child, listen to the Don'ts. Listen to the Shouldn'ts, the Impossibles, the Won'ts. Listen to the Never Haves, then listen close to me. Anything can happen, child, Anything can be. Shel Silverstein

I did Insanity 5x a week because I am in a deployed environment and that is all I could do as my schedule allowed. Also, as Fiddle will attest, my eating plan was flawless, as I am battling an autoimmune disease and must eat clean for reasons beyond weight loss. I did not gain on Insanity, but I did not lose, not one ounce. Liifting however, within the first week of heavy lifting I lost 6 pounds.

Okay, I am donning my protective gear, in anticipation of the flaming I am sure to receive... You say that it is partly your fault for not giving yourself adequate rests. In my personal non-physician opinion, it is almost completely your fault. I have watched your progress as a crossfitter from here, I too am a crossfitter (when stateside) and you overdo it. There, I said it. You attack fitness to the point of crossover addiction. These issues are not the fault of Crossfit per se, but in your approach. You are going to experience this same bodily failure no matter what you do, if you pushpushpush without any consideration of the needs of your machine. I hope it is understood just what esteem and respect I have for you, how I am in no way saying these things to be hurtful, but because I am concerned that you will continue to experience pain and frustration, without understanding why.

Coops, I'm not 100% sure that this was the intended take-away, that there is an emptiness as a result of weight loss. As I interpreted it, it was the adjustment to life without the fat that can knock a person sideways. Speaking for myself, I cannot deny that life was very very different in every conceivable, and some previously unknown!, way possible. For some people, I do believe that the adjustment required is more intense than others, that it really can be almost to the level of phantom limb, or post-partum. The public identity changes more swiftly than the internal one. I think this especially applies to those who were continuously abused psychologically in childhood, by those who were supposed to support and protect, for being fat. That aside, I agree with Swizz that readjustment to life post-WLS is a different thing than the mid life crisis, I have a notion that we seem to see it often as one thing because by and large the traditional patient for WLS was a person, often female, in middle age (we are now starting to see the average age be much younger).

I have been rigorously fasting lately and this has led to a lot of free time when I would have otherwise been eating and it also strips bare my impetus for the eating in the first place. I self-medicated for 15 years with food in the same way that opiate addicts do, to numb, to ignore, to bliss out, to feel SOMETHING OTHER than what was truly going on, be it physical or psychological pain relief, the altered state. I'm pretty convinced that I physiologically actually did not feel a lot of things, because of the fat. Now I feel everything, bumps, bruises, sore joints from contact with a hard surface (no padding). Sorrow, anger, lust... I believe we have phantom pains, like someone who has lost a limb but is convinced it is still there. Sarah, can you give me some examples of these bodyweight exercises? I do squats regularly but still have yet to manage a single "real" push up :/ Sheryl, you sound so lost, I really hope you will consider concerted efforts with therapy, specifically a therapist with experience helping adults come to terms with childhood trauma.

Those are the same reasons why I will try P90X, strength training. From my non-fitness professional standpoint, I believe that Insanity is meant for the actual professional, to mainbtain their edge or come back from time off, but not for the person actually looking to lose weight or build muscle. It seems like a maintenance thing. As for me Fiddle, you know how much I adore lifting but I am actually purposefully stopping my fitness routine. The more I researched, the more I came to understand that you can build muscle, and eat more, or you can lose weight and eat less, but you can't do both at the same time. Since I am still so far from goal, I am making the choice to lose weight rather than gain muscle at this time. I will continue to do squats and push ups in my room at night but that is it. Weight loss happens in the kitchen and I am going to be my own guinea pig.

Thanks to my extra skin, I am still in a size 16 pants that are only a little loose, even though I weigh 165 lbs. Technically I can squeeze into a size 8 trousers but of course it looks simply hideous with the lower moose nose below my belly button :/

You don't have to be chipper, or ignore bad feelings, utilize them, dismantle them to better understand, your analytical brain is an asset here. Notice the changes in your emotions, in your fears and negative thoughts and anxieties in correlation with your choices in food. Let's use the emotions washing over us to get a real comprehension of food addiction, of addiction in general, you are going to use this in your practice when you are a therapist.

Hey Fiddle, you already know my opinion, I think, on Insanity. For me personally, it did nothing. I saw no measurable gains in strength or stamina and certainly no rewards on the scale, and I did it faithfully 5 days a week for 6 weeks. Lifting on the other hand, yielded results after just one week, both in change of shape and the scale. Were I to participate in another specific program, I think I would do P90X or something that focused more on strength training.

I'm really glad Stephen said what he did Sheryl, as I have been thinking it for awhile but as just on online aquaintance it is not my place to say STFU already with your pity party and take a damn hard look at the blessings in your life. Feeling low and blue is a part of being alive, and if it lasts for longer than a spell that is what therapy and reflection and drugs are for. But constantly looking at ones life through a gloomy lens is a habit, and a bad one. So I'm really glad that Stephen, who has such sway in your life and in the way you view yourself, brought the light to you. I have been without a scale for close to 3 weeks and I am petrified that I have gained, I washed and dried on hot a pair of size 10 Levis and yeah okay jeans are always stiff after that but this was beyond stiff, this was TIGHT in a painful-on-the-hipbones kind of way :/ I've fasted the last 2 days and am fasting today as well for good measure, I'm averaging 650 cals. Since I started lifting I have conducted research into the best methods for muscle building and fat loss and professional after professional after professional, across many styles and methods, say the same thing - you can build muscle but that will require you eat more, or you can lose weight and eat less, but you cannot do them both at the same time, you have to choose. So, I choose weight loss. I will continue to do squats and push ups in my room just to keep my strength up, but I am officially stopping "working out" and we will see what happens. The proof, as they say, will be in the pudding.

What you have to offer is solid and worthwhile, you have the ability and the willingness to be an excellent friend and you have learned from your relationships, romantic and platonic, where your strengths lie. You have also learned some truths about yourself and you are ready to apply this in your life. You are learning how to give responsibly.

lsereno is 100% correct, and all the above mentions of body dysmorphia are accurate. For the body though, I have found that weight lifting, making my muscles smooth and hard, along with yoga to lengthen and sculpt, helps a LOT with the sad misshapen state of our skins. I am also a firm believer in plastics being a part of our journey, it is reconstructive surgery after major trauma, IMHO.

I can tell you the last time I had such nutritious fare as those roasted sweet potatoes - July, when I was home in CA on R&R. Today is the fast and I am doing great. For me, once I have experienced a positive outcome, any work that is necessary becomes easy in my mind, because I KNOW it works. So this, this is a piece of .... kale ;P because I KNOW it works, I've got the 25 lbs lost to prove it. I'm currently riding a wave of awakening/awareness of my Self, "coming out" so to speak, on admitting my incredible strength and ability and what a fearsome woman I am. I know I can do this, not in some granola I'm okay you're okay sort of way, but in an actual, realized, self aware way. I KNOW I can do this and I have the final say in what goes on. I will probably clock in at just shy of 600 cals, depending on what veggies they have at the salad bar tonight.

No more hiding, it feels good to be "out", no longer pretending to not be the commanding huntress that you are. Let your ego be what it is, deserved and earned. You are truly learning the meaning of "be yourself" Admitting to the world how bad ass you are is so freeing, they are afraid of you, and they should be.

Yeah, I'm with Sheryl, the minute you started mentioning this constant companionship behavior of Bills, the first thing I thought of was, "hmm, this could explain the ex" - especially if he is the kind of guy who lavishes attention and gets you "hooked" on him, and then suddenly cold turkeys you, so you appear like some clingy psycho and he appears all reasonable and detached. effers. I am going to fast today, yes I am!!!!!! 600 cals or therabouts. THIS WILL HAPPEN! RAWR!!!!!! Okay, had to come back and edit: the fast will NOT be happening today but not because of weakening in the face of snacks - at the difac tonight they had actual real roasted sweet potatoes and I simply could not pass up such nutrition!! I could hear every fibre of my body singing "nutrition!! nutrition!!" So, tomorrow will be 600 or less.