whippledaddy

Lisa, how great to start this thread. You are always thinking! Except for the family mental illness part our stories are quite similar. But then, mental illness didn't get diagnosed as much when I was a kid, so maybe............
I, too, don't care much about food until the night time. This is a habit that started when I was a child. I loved to have a little picnic all by myself, in the night. Maybe it's because I have always been a loner, maybe it's because I felt ashamed of my food thing and wanted to do it under the cover of darkness. Somehow I think it's a combination of things, the two I mentioned, plus physical tiredness, hunger from not eating all day, and I tend to replay all the events of the day in my head. I replay my stress tapes in my head and then I eat.
While I'm eating I feel nothing. Sometimes, feeling nothing can be bliss. I, too, think in large terms for food. Before banding I could eat a large pizza. Sure I'd feel full, but after a quart of ice cream it'd go away.
My real issue is Twofold: 1. I find it almost impossible to eat slowly. It takes an enormous effort of will and concentration to eat slowly. You'd think it'd be the other way around, but if I don't concentrate on my eating the food is gone in milliseconds.
2. I am compelled (liiterally compelled) to do everything in my power to finish it all. It doesn't matter how much there is, I can't even entertain the notion of putting away leftovers. I've saved a fortune in Saran Wrap over the years.
Now I think these two bugaboos stem from childhood physical, mental, and sexual abuse that involved food, and these two practices. I could explain in more detail, and if someone really wants to know I'll PM the whole story to them, but it wold be fairly offensive to post it here. TMI for some folks, I imagine. It certainly is that for me.
Is that why I'm fat? No. I'm fat because I chose this particular addiction (for whatever reason, it's my addiction, my problem) to deal with my issues. There. Now I'm doing my best to own my problem. I am why I'm fat. My choices, colored by compulsions.
"Hi, I'm Food, and what's eating me is Ryan."

Lisa, how great to start this thread. You are always thinking! Except for the family mental illness part our stories are quite similar. But then, mental illness didn't get diagnosed as much when I was a kid, so maybe............
I, too, don't care much about food until the night time. This is a habit that started when I was a child. I loved to have a little picnic all by myself, in the night. Maybe it's because I have always been a loner, maybe it's because I felt ashamed of my food thing and wanted to do it under the cover of darkness. Somehow I think it's a combination of things, the two I mentioned, plus physical tiredness, hunger from not eating all day, and I tend to replay all the events of the day in my head. I replay my stress tapes in my head and then I eat.
While I'm eating I feel nothing. Sometimes, feeling nothing can be bliss. I, too, think in large terms for food. Before banding I could eat a large pizza. Sure I'd feel full, but after a quart of ice cream it'd go away.
My real issue is Twofold: 1. I find it almost impossible to eat slowly. It takes an enormous effort of will and concentration to eat slowly. You'd think it'd be the other way around, but if I don't concentrate on my eating the food is gone in milliseconds.
2. I am compelled (liiterally compelled) to do everything in my power to finish it all. It doesn't matter how much there is, I can't even entertain the notion of putting away leftovers. I've saved a fortune in Saran Wrap over the years.
Now I think these two bugaboos stem from childhood physical, mental, and sexual abuse that involved food, and these two practices. I could explain in more detail, and if someone really wants to know I'll PM the whole story to them, but it wold be fairly offensive to post it here. TMI for some folks, I imagine. It certainly is that for me.
Is that why I'm fat? No. I'm fat because I chose this particular addiction (for whatever reason, it's my addiction, my problem) to deal with my issues. There. Now I'm doing my best to own my problem. I am why I'm fat. My choices, colored by compulsions.
"Hi, I'm Food, and what's eating me is Ryan."

Lisa, how great to start this thread. You are always thinking! Except for the family mental illness part our stories are quite similar. But then, mental illness didn't get diagnosed as much when I was a kid, so maybe............
I, too, don't care much about food until the night time. This is a habit that started when I was a child. I loved to have a little picnic all by myself, in the night. Maybe it's because I have always been a loner, maybe it's because I felt ashamed of my food thing and wanted to do it under the cover of darkness. Somehow I think it's a combination of things, the two I mentioned, plus physical tiredness, hunger from not eating all day, and I tend to replay all the events of the day in my head. I replay my stress tapes in my head and then I eat.
While I'm eating I feel nothing. Sometimes, feeling nothing can be bliss. I, too, think in large terms for food. Before banding I could eat a large pizza. Sure I'd feel full, but after a quart of ice cream it'd go away.
My real issue is Twofold: 1. I find it almost impossible to eat slowly. It takes an enormous effort of will and concentration to eat slowly. You'd think it'd be the other way around, but if I don't concentrate on my eating the food is gone in milliseconds.
2. I am compelled (liiterally compelled) to do everything in my power to finish it all. It doesn't matter how much there is, I can't even entertain the notion of putting away leftovers. I've saved a fortune in Saran Wrap over the years.
Now I think these two bugaboos stem from childhood physical, mental, and sexual abuse that involved food, and these two practices. I could explain in more detail, and if someone really wants to know I'll PM the whole story to them, but it wold be fairly offensive to post it here. TMI for some folks, I imagine. It certainly is that for me.
Is that why I'm fat? No. I'm fat because I chose this particular addiction (for whatever reason, it's my addiction, my problem) to deal with my issues. There. Now I'm doing my best to own my problem. I am why I'm fat. My choices, colored by compulsions.
"Hi, I'm Food, and what's eating me is Ryan."

Lisa, how great to start this thread. You are always thinking! Except for the family mental illness part our stories are quite similar. But then, mental illness didn't get diagnosed as much when I was a kid, so maybe............
I, too, don't care much about food until the night time. This is a habit that started when I was a child. I loved to have a little picnic all by myself, in the night. Maybe it's because I have always been a loner, maybe it's because I felt ashamed of my food thing and wanted to do it under the cover of darkness. Somehow I think it's a combination of things, the two I mentioned, plus physical tiredness, hunger from not eating all day, and I tend to replay all the events of the day in my head. I replay my stress tapes in my head and then I eat.
While I'm eating I feel nothing. Sometimes, feeling nothing can be bliss. I, too, think in large terms for food. Before banding I could eat a large pizza. Sure I'd feel full, but after a quart of ice cream it'd go away.
My real issue is Twofold: 1. I find it almost impossible to eat slowly. It takes an enormous effort of will and concentration to eat slowly. You'd think it'd be the other way around, but if I don't concentrate on my eating the food is gone in milliseconds.
2. I am compelled (liiterally compelled) to do everything in my power to finish it all. It doesn't matter how much there is, I can't even entertain the notion of putting away leftovers. I've saved a fortune in Saran Wrap over the years.
Now I think these two bugaboos stem from childhood physical, mental, and sexual abuse that involved food, and these two practices. I could explain in more detail, and if someone really wants to know I'll PM the whole story to them, but it wold be fairly offensive to post it here. TMI for some folks, I imagine. It certainly is that for me.
Is that why I'm fat? No. I'm fat because I chose this particular addiction (for whatever reason, it's my addiction, my problem) to deal with my issues. There. Now I'm doing my best to own my problem. I am why I'm fat. My choices, colored by compulsions.
"Hi, I'm Food, and what's eating me is Ryan."

Rolling On The Floor Laughing My A$$ Off.