whippledaddy

I'm healing up from my banding. Walking into the bathroom several times a day and lifting up my shirt so I can see my incisions in the mirror. It's real. I've lost some weight, but there's a secondary benefit that I didnt' expect. I'm a different person, because, for once in my life I did something for me. So many times I have stepped back, and let others have what they needed while I made do. Then I would use that little setback as a reason to gorge.

Now I have taken a step that is for me. To make me better than I am. To make me healthier, and maybe a little happier too.

I would like to say that when I'm looking in the mirror I can see the man that I'm becoming, but I can't. I do see the man I am, and he's better than the man I was yesterday, and that gives me a kind of quiet joy. That I can get better, and that I can recognize it, and not hide it from myself.

Truth is I have always been thin, but under wraps. The thin Ryan is a man I visit only in my dreams. Now the world has taken on the quality of dreams. Maybe the drugs they gave me haven't all worn off, but then, I think not.

Maybe it's that I'm not only new to Bandland, but to Taking Care of Myself land. I'm new to dealing with my feelings rather than heaping a bunch of cake and hamburgers on them to shut them up. Maybe I'll grow easy with my new life. Maybe there are some rocky places in the path.

Truth is, now that I am on the Bandland boat, I can look back and see the shores of Fatville still close at hand. I know that the sail will carry me away, but "then" is still pretty close to "now". The wind will blow, I'll have my trials, and my setbacks. There will be storms, and the desire to attack all problems with chocolate. But I have the Band. One day I'll look behind, and the shores of Fatville will only be a grey edge on the misty horizon.

Then I'll shade my eyes and look ahead to where the boat is pointed and I'll see the shining spires of Thin City. And if I cock my head and listen, above the creak and moan of the ship and ropes, I'll hear the music and the cries of the citizens of that place singing the sweetest song, whose refrain is: "You can do it".

It will be a bright day. So is any day I visit the stellar folks of LapBandTalk.com.

Leatha, this thread is awesome. If the guests and lurkers can read your beautiful post, see your pics both before and after, and not be moved to action, then they must be made of stone.

Know that your thread is saving lives, and you'll never know how many.

So, the mystery has my mind spinning....what do your new initials mean under your picture?

"No! That Can't Be Shrinking, Too!" NTCBST

Well, morning finally came, an invisible sun lent meager light to a gray and soggy world. I showered, shaved, and brushed my teeth. My little travel bag was already packed, and I put on the loose clothing I had set aside for just this day.

I helped Patty get around, either she was having one of her better days or she was pretending to, just for me. I took off my rings, didn't put on my watch, and she carried my wallet in her purse.

I signed the book in admitting, and they put a hospital Bracelet on me, it had all my info on it, including my age, sigh. alma is a little town, but the biggest one in our rural county. So our hospital is a little bigger than it would seem for a small city like mine. It has to take care of the whole county, you see.

The waiting room was teeming with old people and families waiting for loved ones to come out of surgery. I may never understand that. Patty would wait among them, alone, for me. Inside, that knowledge made me happy, and a little tearful. Someone should have been with her. But she did it........just for me.

Back in a room, divided from the world by a billowing blue curtain-wall, I got as vulnerable as a man can get. I got naked. It's an uneasy feeling, but the crew getting me ready were all people I knew. It is, after all, a small town. When Patty had her roux-en-y I bribed this very crew with chocolate covered strawberries. That was nearly three years ago, I realized.

Soon my abdomen was hair free, and an IV was in my hand (painful bit, that). Then a shot of something and nighty night. Almost immediately I awoke. It was two hours later and I was in a different room. And it was done!

Groggily I contemplated the past and the future. Never before had my own fate felt so securely placed in my own hands. I napped again. Moments later I awoke as I went through the recovery routine. My simplest accomplishment was met with oohs and ahs and praise. It urged me to continue.

Then the room, and the face that I love best staring down at me. A long happy kiss (she'd had coffee!) and a squeeze of the hand. My wife, my love and my truest hero stood before me, with her epidural bag in one hand, and her purse in the other. "You did it!" I was too overcome, and too groggy to talk. I napped again.

Later friends came and said "hi". Patty got tired, and headed home, still no one to be with her other than a good friend who was spending the night at our house. But it would be a couple hours before Becky got there. Patty is the strongest person I know. Still much stronger than I, yet I feel I should protect her. Good old genetics!

The night was interminable, a series of slipping into sleep for mere moments to be awakened by a myriad of raucous interruptions. My roomie talked non-stop the entire night. On the phone, to me, to passers by in the hall, to nurses and aides, and even to himself. Nurses checked on me twice every nano second. One even woke me to ask if I were sleeping well. Bless her pointed little head.

They wanted me to walk. I walked. They wanted me to suck on a blue plastic thing. I felt silly, but I did it. They seemed inordinately interested in my bathroom habits. I told them there are doctors for that sort of obsession. Morning came. The world was in a blanket of fog. The second day in a row that the deer hunters had bad weather for their sport.

Enter the Doc. You can go home if you can hold down liquids and pass the x-ray with dye. I was so thirsty that the dye tasted good. Sad, isn't it? I went back to the room and sipped broth and some coffee. Coffee! My old friend, who had been with me every morning of my life.

There is much less pain than I expected. It is much easier to get around than I expected. All in all it was a good thing. Now I just gotta get my head around the changes that have occured in me.

Those of you not yet banded: It's easier than you think. You're involved in the hard part right now. The decision, the plan, the path to surgery. Those are more stressful than doing the deed.

Thanks to all for all the kind words. The caring. It's time for a little tea now, and maybe a bit of sleep.

Everything went well. I'm now home, and kinda tired. I'll post more later, and thanks for all the well wishes you guys!

It has been a long day, and as bedtime approaches I want to share a bit with you. I navigated this day with many stops here, LBT, for here I found solace in my pre surgery jitters. This will be my last post as an unbanded man. There are things I want to share, while I am still a LapBand virgin.

It took years for the larva to weave the cocoon. It took ages to construct this soft and cushy fortress I find myself in. Bite after solitary bite, in the dark Patches of the night, standing in the glow of the refrigerator: my worst enemy, my best friend.

And now the time has come round at last. To protect the transformed the cocoon must fall away as gradually. But it's time. Tomorrow the cocoon will begin its deconstruction. It will take time, maybe even measured in months or years.

But, one fine day, however near or distant, the butterfly will pull it's way out of the cocoon. He will stand and spread his wings in the sunlight. Then, on a puff of warm breeze he will launch, and flutter, and fly. He will spiral upward, and with sun dappled laughter on the lips of a free man he will.........................SOAR!

I expect the world will look different then, seen with new found eyes. Emotions once stuffed and hidden and buried under graves of Pasta will emerge and be felt, and validated and dealt with.

Other new things will be felt, and lived. The caterpillar had no need of vanity, he was comfortable and warm and fuzzy. Now the clothes will start to droop, then sag. The new man must pay attention to his wardrobe. For years he only had to worry about how many "x"s were on the tag.

Through it all he'll depend on the help of loving and caring friends. People who many times constitute the best part of his day. He'll turn on his computer, when he's not walking, and look out his window on the world and see the smiling faces of the people at LapBandTalk.com.

Good night. I'll sleep now, albeit fitfully, and maybe in the middle of the night I'll rise and come here, to warm myself in the LBT glow. Tomorrow will come, and take care of itself. And all of you, take care of yourselves.

And if it should come to pass that any of you are ever fretful or worried, or sad in any way, I want you to know that you are loved.........

Thanks guys. I'm taking this day easy, well kind of. There's a thread about laxatives around here somewhere. I'm doing a little dashing around, lol.

Gotta shave the legs yet, gotta pack my Hulk underoos. I'm ready, I'll post later tonight, and see you all when I get back home.

Great Trip DeLarla! Love the photos.

My wife was just blown away by guys flirting with her when she lost her weight. I let her enjoy that wonderful form of NSV, and all the guys escaped unharmed. Chris must be thinking the same way I did. "You guys can start it, but I'll finish it!" Is what I said to my self when they flirted with Patty. After all, they could all tell what a lucky guy I am.

Congrats on the trip.

I mean I've ate nothing but vegetables for two weeks. You'd think I'd be pretty clean by now.

Well, that should take care of the laxatives, I mean how much can they do? It's not like I've been eating real food, or full meals. So I can finish this post.

As I was saying, it's going to be a relaxing day here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,oops.

talk to ya all later. Gotta go.

Yup, they're working.

Glad that's over. Now I can relax with my liquid diet today, watch a little TV, pack my bag. Guess the laxatives weren't so BA

Well, I'm all ready. Tomorrow I get my lap banded. No, I get lapbanded. Not my lap banded. Gotta lose a few pounds before I even have a lap.

I've eaten veggies for two weeks. I've just taken the last of three laxatives but I feel fine. Thought the laxatives would be tough, but I don't even think they're worki

And so, today, the pre surgery visit. Tests were done, I'm down 21 pounds since this started, and people came and talked at me. They did their job.

Now I stand a foot from the shore. The ship is in sight that will carry me to a new land. Here I am besieged on every side, enemies seek to destroy me. But before me is a path I have never trod.

It is dark, that path. Sometimes it feels like I will be jumping into the abyss. Maybe I'll stand on the edge, lean over, and look into the darkness.

But, once on the ship, and once on the journey, I'll arrive in sunlit lands. I'll step ashore a quite different person. I wonder if I'll like him. Will he be kind and gentle? Or will he be full of himself? Will he temper his words to the unfortunate? Or will he ridicule, and hold himself above others?

Will that thin man deal with his emotions or will he supplant one addiction for another?

Who is this voyager who looks like me? Will he strive to make a better life for himself and his wife on every front? Or will he take the easy way? He has done that before. Will he put his new found energy to use? Will he dissipate it in childish endeavor?

Let's hope I can stand with the fine people here at LBT. I know I will do well in these things. The only path to failure is if I forget where my path originated. I'll keep my before pic close to my heart.

I ramble because sleep is far away, yet morning is looming ever closer. Good night you good people. I am honored to have met you all here on this paperless page.

I am thankfull for so many things, in a way I am thankfull for everything.

I'm thankful that I still take joy in blue skies, so high and so clear. And yet I'm thankful for the storm; it washes away the dust of yesterday, and gives me a small hint of what wonders abide just outside my door. And when that wind shakes the siding, and lifts the shingles playfully, I'm thankful for my home, cozy and warm, and a cup of tea to drive away the chill.

I'm thankful that I can vote my heart, and speak my mind. And still I'm grateful for the laws we all must live by, I see the results of defying them every day.

I'm thankful that, however challenged my daily life, I am loved, and I have the chance to love. I know that there is one waiting for me at the end of my journey. There'll be a smile and a kiss, and if a bad day a tear, and if a good day a smile. Both tend to break my heart, though in different ways.

I am thankful that I built this prison around me, encased my thin and healthy frame in fat. My insulation against the world. For without it I might be one of those mindless pontificators who have no true sympathy for the addicted and the sad. Who calls illness "weakness" and thinks that they are strong because their demons can be hidden and not displayed around their middles.

I am thankful for those who tormented me all my life about my fat. Had I been thinner they would have teased me about my ears, or my large feet. But they would have teased. Rather than rising above, they feel success is putting others down. Thanks to them I temper my words, withold my judgement. I know I couldn't have done it without them.

I am thankful for the starry eyed dreamers. They have enriched my life. They bring a bright light on the darkest night, they send me pictures through the air. I can hear music, like the voices of angels, coming from a box. I can make friends all over the world, feel their love, share their sorrow and their joy. All because someone dreamed of what could be, and ignored what could'nt be done.

I am thankful for this post, already too long, and those of you who read it. Thank you for holding me up when I am weary, for making me laugh when I feared I would cry. For making me cry with stark tales of truth and tribulation at the twists of life.

And, in the end, when sun is setting, and all are sleeping from too much tryptophan, and the game plays to a snoring audience, I am thankful for the opportunity to be thankful.

Life is good.

Half as cute as that little one would be a vast improvement for me. I'll take it!

Lisa, it was in your blessed energy thread. I bumped it up and it should be visible now to everyone.

just bumping up this thread because some nice folks were lookin' for it.

Our new format doesn't seem to have all the archives the old one did. Perhaps that thread was lost when we switched over?

Maybe, if we knew where to look, we could find it in an archives area. I dunno, just a guess.

Hi guys, and thanks, I love that pic, he's a great looking kid!

I didn't delete the post with the Hulk undies, but I sure don't know where to find it.

Thanks for the well wishes. I'm getting excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ya know, I read the title. But I clicked on it anyway. I got no room to complain. But, since I'm here I'll put in my two cents:

My wife had the roux en y. She's now lost 270lbs. Stuff isn't just sagging anymore. Most of her has headed South. She is 5'4". She was a 50 JJ bra size. Now when she takes her bra off real fast...........every line goes out of her face.

But, to me, she's beautiful. Look at the journey she has made! She was beautiful before, and she's beautiful now. I tell her that those sags and bags aren't just hanging skin. They are badges of bravery and honor. She should wear them proudly, and so should you.

But the only other answer is more surgeries to nip, tuck, lift, tighten.

There is that old corny twelve step chestnut:

"Everything will be all right in the end. If it's not all right, it's not the end."

The afternoon is over, and it sounds as if it went well. So probably you're better off without my advice. But here it is, late, but maybe it'll give someone a chuckle.

If you want to keep how you lost weight close to your chest, then do what I would do in the same case. Lie. That's right, lie and make it so outrageous that they won't know if you're telling the truth or having them on. Something like this:

"Oh yes, I've done quite well on those new chocolate suppositories. Pop one in every morning and you don't crave sweets any longer. Too bad they're only available over the internet from a Swiss company."

I can't be a closet bandster, I wear my heart on my sleeve (in case no one could tell), but I hope it will have a good outcome. Maybe I'll save a life. Maybe if I can be successful and open about it someone else will be inspired to help themselves to a better life.

Though, I"ve had a couple incidents where I wished I had just not told anyone! lol.

Well Alexandra, congratulations on a good day. I suspect this day meant far more than you were willing to tell. Even to yourself. Enjoy your victory.

Sometimes, when I'm wondering on the great "Whys" of life. I think that maybe, just maybe, those of us who carry this extra load of fat got it from stress. Maybe not everyone, maybe not all the time. But I listen a lot. And I hear a lot of fat people talk. I hear some common threads: childhood illness, or childhood stress. I, too was deemed allergic to nearly everything in the universe.

Another common thread is childhood loss issues. My loss was being systematically abused by a brother sister babysitting team. The abuse was physical, psychological, and sexual. If you don't understand why that is a "loss" then you haven't experienced it. I lost my childhood because of those two.

It sounds like you, too, had the loss of your childhood to contend with.

Then these traumas follow us into adulthood. If the weight went on early we felt the sharp knife of prejudice cut us more than once. We become a little desparate, we want to love, and be loved, but the mirror, our own fickle hearts, and the world around us conspires to prove to us that we aren't loveable.

Well, if I can't be physically loveable, I'll be emotionally loveable. Perhaps some of our subsequent problems are linked to co-dependant type behaviours, maybe not. I know I go above and beyond the call to remain loveable to people I love. My first marriage proves that. I suffered every indignity just to stay feeling loved.

I notice how many of us are caregivers. Being indispensable is a way of being loved. For me it is.

So, in many ways we have all walked a mile in each other's moccasins.

So I ask you Lauri, why should you feel guilty about being depressed, even discouraged? From the life you've led you certainly deserve to feel that way. They are your feelings, you're only human too. It's okay to feel those things. My goodness, girl, you've been given enough reason, and each day brings new reasons.

As it does for us all. But there is one thing: You deserve to feel free, and healthy, and happy as well. You deserve them as much as anyone who walks the earth. And you deserve so much more. You deserve to love and be loved. And it will happen. Perhaps, if you can look around you with brighter eyes, you will see that it is already happening. You have a family. You have troubles, yes, that's how we all know we're alive.

You deserve one other thing. And you deserve it above all others. You deserve hope. I can't say it enough. Hope is the best thing, maybe the only thing. And if I have learned anything in my life, I have learned that the only really effective anti depressant is hope. It's simple, it's effective, and it's free. Reach out and grasp it. Stop being afraid to hope. Let it be. Let yourself give in to the siren cry of "Hope".

The other thing I know is that if you hope and hold on long enough things always get better. Come and read some posts. Laugh here, and find hope. Cry here and find hope. Learn here, and find hope. For there is hope, it hovers before you on the gossamer wings of cyber light. Reach out and take it. Welcome.

Read and post, and live life moment to moment, and know that here, in this place, you are loved.

I love this thread. It shows two great truths, for one thing.

It shows how different we all are.

And how similar. For we share something others will never know.

Different genders, different ages, different weights, races, religions, careers. But not so different after all. We each had a moment, or series of moments, that stopped us dead in our tracks. Made us stop and think for a second. Made us realize that we must do something to get this thing, this disease, under control.

And when that moment came we also shared a common history. The judging looks of others, the patronizing comments of those we love and trust. And the harming of that trust based on our size and shape. We had even stopped trusting ourselves.

We ceased being kind to ourselves. Each waking moment brought with it the stinging bite of failure. For didn't you feel a failure every time you ate? I know I did. Not just any failure either, a big fat failure! Of course. How did phrases like that ever get into our language?

So, before my moment, I failed three, four, five or more times a day. And I punsihed myself for it. My only friend, me, was mad at me, so there was no solace, save to eat.

Then each of us, separately, hopefully with some research made a decision. We decided to break out for freedom. We sought restriction to make us free. For without restriction, there can be no freedom.

Then, afraid, alone, and a little cold, we found this place. These people in this kind of waiting room in cyber space. We sensed ourselves in each others words of encouragement, acceptance, love and hope. Most of all the words of hope.

Hope. So powerful, yet so fragile. It can change the world forever, or be crushed with a single cursory glance.

Hope. It's the glue that binds us together. It's what is saving our very lives, right now, even as you read.

You, who have walked a little farther down the path, call back to us, on our unbanded side of the bridge, and give us hope. Hope to enter the darkness, hope to let strangers take over our bodies. Hope to find a new way, a better way, and a happier future.

We, who follow just a few steps behind, cheer you on, amazed, delighted and encouraged by your progress. And don't forget the truth of paths. The more travelled, the easier the way.

I love these stories of all our moments, pearls they are, with a grain of sorrow at their center. Yet how beautifully they shine!

Shine on. Let's have some more, please.

I've thought it would be nice to have all those helpful links in one place. Maybe it could all be combined?

Okay, with a constant influx of new people, it gets very confusing to explain the jargon that is specific to WLS (Weight Loss Surgery) and LBT (Lap Banding Together) as well as the Lapband (Laparoscopic Gastric Banding) to new Bandsters.

So how about a glossary thread that has been stickied?

We can appoint one victim to do it, or we can all post there and help the new folks out.

I mean: Fill, Unfill, Port, Port incision, PB (what if you PB a PB&J?) WLS, Swedish vs Inamed, restriction, etc.

What about it? Huh?