joatsaint

The snooze button is life’s way of saying that waking up sucks.

I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up . . . cause, you know . . . I'm still looking for ideas.

Do not do today what you can do tomorrow, but remember to save a little for the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.

I do my best proofreading after I hit “send”.

I’m definitely not the person you want to put on speaker phone.

Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second rule has now been extended to 10 seconds. 15 if the surface is dry and the food surface is irregular, like popcorn - unless you already licked it.

Finally broke below 250 this evening - 248.6lbs. It's not official yet, gotta see it 2 days in a row. But it feels good just seeing the numbers on the scale.

A bee is willing to end it's own life just to cause you a tiny amount of pain. I can relate to that level of pettiness.

My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.

Why is it that a rabbit only eats vegetables, runs and hops all day, but only lives 5 years...But the tortoise hardly moves and lives over 100 years? :-)

If walking is so good for your health, why isn't the postman immortal?

Is it just me or am I the only one that gets into bed and then realizes I gotta pee! And then wonders if it's worth it just to pee the bed rather than get up. :-P

Does anyone else have a plastic bag filled with other plastic bags in the house? Or is it just me?

Coffee isn't working...Get The Paddles! CLEAR!!!!!!!

Friday morning and I feel like the walking dead. Do zombies feel like this every day? or do they get pumped up for the weekend? I mean, it must get old... biting people as a full time job. :-P

My girlfriend was complaining, "You only hear what you want to hear!" "Thank you," I replied, "I HAVE been working out."

How come you can't capitalize numbers? :-P

I was all, "I SWEAR I'll BURN THIS PLACE TO THE GROUND! YOU HEAR ME?!?" and she was like, "Sir, your straw is in the bag."

Today I am wearing my grumpy pants... and the matching shirt and tie! :-P

Going nuts cause I heard a beep and dodn't know if it was my cell phone, ipod, ipad, Wii, Skype, Facebook, email, Twitter or TV.

Is it just me or do you also have a "People I can't stand" list?

I've reached the aget that my brain has switched from, "I probably shouldn't say that" to "What the hell, let's see what happens."

It only takes a second to show someone how you feel about them - unfortunately, the police call it indecent exposure.

Dear 7-11, instead of selling condoms and novelty items in your restrooms, how about toilet paper that doesn't make your ass bleed? Just a thought.

I not really a fan of Apple products. Mostly because I'm a bigger fan of not being broke.