lisacaron

I love this thread....OK so I am 44, not yet at the age of Senior discount I'm hopeful that I will grow older gracefully...and still be my bad ass self. The funny thing is that when I think about my mother...I see the woman I am today. She passed away at 50, so the times I remember her best was through her 40's, and I used to think she was old then. Boy was I a dumb ass teenager!!!

Let me apologize up front for posting here, since I'm now happily married I wanted to share some of my insight with you from that single perspective, paying 50/50 and online dating. First, when I began dating it was shortly after my husband of nearly 20 years and I broke up. A friend set me up on what was then Yahoo personals and it went from there. Profiles...what do you say...what don't you say...what do people want to hear...you can go on and on. The answer here is the truth. For me honesty is a big one, so I went with that. I was honest about who I was. When the winks, and ice breakers and all that "fun" stuff came along and you had to decide respond or not...send one out or not...I had to have a deep conversation with myself. What was I looking for? What kind of person did I want to meet and spend my time with? Was I looking for a good time? A relationship? A friend? What.... That helped me to narrow things down for myself and all the fish in the sea Once I knew what I was looking for (starting with something simple like a person in the same "area" as me) it was much easier. I wasn't looking at height, weight and body type, but I was looking at pictures and the place and people that person chose to share in their pictures. You can tell a lot by the places someone has been and the people around them I think. OK so now on to the dating bit. For me...I didn't want anyone to pay for me. If I chose to meet you, for a drink or coffee I always kept it light for the first meeting even if the gentleman insisted I would pay for my own beverage or what have you. My reason...I didn't want to feel beholden to anyone. I was giving them my time and in turn they were giving me theirs. If we chose to move forward to date 2 and 3 and all is comfortable between the two then I would accept him paying for dinner and I would leave the tip, and the next date well I would pay for dinner and he could leave the tip. After many years of marriage (for me) I wanted to feel that I was independent and could stand on my own. It was something I needed to do for myself and I have to say that the gentleman...who today include my husband were all very understanding of that fact. (I probably would not have seen them again if they weren't but that's me) I met my husband Ken through that same Yahoo personals page and though neither of us were looking for "love" and both had said we would NEVER marry again...well here we are 10 years later still together and happily married to each other!! Never say never I wish you all the best, and my advice is to be honest with yourself and others. Know yourself and what your looking for, and go for it!

@@CanyonBaby prayers are with you!!

@@lovelypoison you want to be cautious because your body is still healing. Even though your scars may be healing well on the outside and your starting to feel really good especially as the weight comes off, your insides are still tender and healing. We can't see and feel what's going on inside and we want to allow our bodies to heal in the best way possible for long term success. It really stinks to go through what we have termed Bandster Hell, that point when your craving food and you just can't have it. As you start to get fills in the band if you need them this will help to take the edge off of those feelings. In the mean time, try shaking things up. Change flavors and textures of the mushy foods your eating. Try some Chili my favorite thing when I was able to eat mushy foods was Wendy's chili. I threw it in the blender to mush it all up and the texture was thin and grainy but oh so delicious after months of sweetness. Once you move to a more solid food, like tuna or chicken you still want to chew it up to that pasty consistency before swallowing because getting stuck where food doesn't want to pass easily through the stoma is miserable. Wish you the best, you are doing awesome so far!!! Emotions are all part of the healing process and it's not just from surgery that we are healing...it's a multilateral approach to healing. Body, mind, and soul...if you need help working through the feelings, never be ashamed to reach out here or to a therapist who specializes in bariatric surgery.

My husband and I are a couple that take advantage of the fact that the band is "adjustable". I love the fact that I am able to adjust the band to fit my life style. For an example, last year when my husband required hip replacement surgery he was able to un-fill his band enough to allow him to eat the amount of food and nutrition that he needed to help his body heal. When your band is at a certain restriction you may know that there are certain food intolerance that you might experience with fruits and vegetable and when you are recovering from major surgery it's good to be able to get those in without worrying about that and being banded he was able to relax his band during that time and concentrate on healing. The same has been true for myself. When I was sick with severe flu, I was able to relax my band to allow my body to eliminate the extra Fluid and mucus that my body was battling with. I have had to have several invasive tests and have had periods of high intensity stress that relaxing my band helped me to process and recover more quickly from. On the flip side going back to the Dr. once things are in balance I and my husband are able to add fluid back into the band to achieve that level of restriction where our food intake is lower due to lack of hunger and craving, and our weight loss continues. During the times when we have had our bands relaxed I can say that the most weight gained was about 2 pounds maybe 5 for hubby after hip replacement surgery but mostly due to IV fluids he lost that with in a week after discharge from the hospital. Slow and steady for us....the goal is at the end and today it's all about the journey.

You know when I had to go in for tests on my band my Dr. put me out. They ran all those tests and I was not aware of it. I also had a colonoscopy while I was out. Rotto Router both ends, but don't torture me!!

I think the bottom line is that you want to do what's right for you. Yeah Dr.'s can have a chip on their shoulder about weight gain and not following their rules, but you know what we are the customer so to speak and well I don't go to the Dr. to get bashed I'm there for their expertise and assistance. If we could have lost weight on our own we would not be WLS patients or needing to be in their office, so there's that. I need them and they need me and you Yes they need to tell us what we are doing wrong, but they also need to be supportive and help us to understand and make the changes we need and if they are mean about it well it's gonna go in one ear and out the other. I would go to the Dr. and ask them to help you get a handle on things and help you not only get back on track but give you a jump start. You don't have to take negativity from the Dr.'s or staff. Go in there positive that you can do this, and ask them sincerely for their assistance and things should go well. Let us know how it goes!!

@@LipstickLady Awesome pictures!! Nice to put a face to the name!!! I'm never shy of posting pictures I still have a ways to go...but it's all in the journey for me and my hubs. Here are some before and after shots.

@@PSRS520 try not to think the worst. Go for the upper GI and let them check it out for you. Perhaps you are a bit too full or your stoma is irritated from the acid. For now if you can try sticking to some liquids and/or soft foods and give the stoma a chance to heal if it's irritated and perhaps the swelling will go down and you will feel better. It's always good to have the upper GI though and they can get a really clear picture of what's going on. I had one when I switched Dr.'s and I was happy that they didn't find anything wrong with my band or my insides Let us know how your doing.

Great posts everyone!! Support is so important even for those of us that have been banded for a number of years. We all are experiencing different things as we go through our lives, and sometimes we experience similar things so it really helps to share our stories both new and veteran bandsters there is always something new to learn about what another might be experiencing.

@@Short and Chunky I'm so sorry to hear about the slip and all that you are going through. I would want to know that the band is in the right place and working properly. Can you schedule a floro or barium swallow with your Dr? Then you can see along with the Dr. how quickly or slowly things are moving through the band and maybe adjust properly from there. I know there are several on here who have had their bands replaced with new bands, and I hope they will come out to give their experience and advice. All I can say is that I know since I had to have my band unfilled due to a dilation and then went back for fills I haven't felt the same, and weight loss is really non existent for me. I haven't gained but I am not losing either....I feel like I am at a stalemate right now.

For me different things cause my band to be tighter and/or looser. If I am congested, or have an infection...that causes my band to feel tighter as (nasty) stuff usually goes down my throat and can create more mucus around the stoma. If I have a stuck episode the regurgitation can irritate my stoma and cause swelling which then makes my band tighter and the more I try to eat and force food through the opening the more irritated it gets. Also for me certain medications cause the opening to feel tighter as they may irritate my stomach I don't "feel" irritated but clearly my stomach is inflamed and the opening through the band is tighter. Also spicy food can do this for me as well. It really depends on what affects you. We each have different reasons for why the band might be tighter than other times. My husband and I are both banded and he is totally different than I am he may be eating something with no trouble and I can't eat it and vs versa. When we run into those issues or we just can't tolerate something I won't keep trying. If I know I have had a bad stuck episode the next couple of meals I will switch to liquids. I have had an issue in the past where I just ignored the stuck episodes and kept on trying to eat solid Protein and it caused a pouch dilation and I had to have my entire band emptied and it took me more than 6 months to get even close to the green zone again. So my advice is to pay attention to what irritates you, and if you are stuck give your stoma a break and eat something that won't cause more irritation the next couple of meals. Then resume eating as normal. If you find your "tight" go easy with the meal and try to eat things that are not going to get stuck. For me when I am not feeling well and I have that extra mucus feeling something warm like coffee or tea helps tremendously. I usually start my day with a warm cup of coffee every day, but that's just me

Great work my friend!!! I have to say that I haven't seen much movement on my scale at all...but I can see the difference in my body from working out. I am much stronger, and leaner. I really need to get back into the routine, but this last week I have been having some terrible time breathing with the humidity...it's just miserable. 2 steps out the door and I'm panting like a dog. COPD really stinks!!!

This was a good one for me to read today. I often ask myself what I want to be when I grow up Truth be told though I can't remember the last time when I wasn't the "adult" in the room, even in kindergarten I am happy to grow old (means I'm still alive!!) and I hope to do it gracefully....but youth is definitely something that I do miss, just to be able to recover quickly from the adventures of life!!

@@Shauny08 you should be OK. My sister went in for a fill about 2 months after her baby, and though it took a minute to find the port she was able to get her fill and is doing great. Have patients with the Dr. and technician while they search for the port. Sometimes if you do a crunch they can feel it a little better as the muscle contracts. They will guide you....you just relax and breath Congratulations on the birth of your little one!!

It makes me very sad to read this and know that your daughter is suffering. That alone should be reason enough to have the surgery. I would go to the hospital and have them x-ray and show that there is trauma going on in there and that this needs to be removed before more than pain is the issue. It is abdominal surgery but no longer bariatric since she is not having WLS. She is not revising to another surgery she is simply having a foreign body that is causing a danger to her organs removed. A general surgeon and/or a gastric surgeon should be able to do this procedure without issue and the insurance company should not dispute it. I would contact and visit a gastroenterologist and see if they can be of help with the insurance company. Please let us know how things work out.

OK so I can't help myself here...because this happened to me just the other day! I am NOT at goal and I am still Obese, and I'm sorry but there are just some fashion violations that the obese girls and boys alike require that the authorities be called in to intervene because my big mouth is gonna get me into trouble! Good thing my hubs was there to clamp a hand over my mouth! I was no where sweet and nice like the pool or even the beach, where I might expect flesh to be hanging out. I was sitting in the tattoo parlor waiting for my artist to finish drawing up my newest addition. Out from the back walks a couple and let me just say I am all good with the biggins. My hubs and I still fall into that category ourselves, but I am sorry call the fashion POLICE because when your skinny jeans are hip huggers and your camisole is 3 sizes too small for you has to be pulled all the way down to cover your belly hang since the jeans only make it to about the pubic bone and your boy friend has to keep pulling up your top because your balloons are about to float out of it as you simultaneously pull it back down to cover that belly hang I have to call for an intervention!! If that was not bad enough the artist calls them back and those jeans that are already screaming for mercy have wiggled their way down to where it is now nearly a full moon wearing what else but a red thong!! Yeah I was about to scream for an intervention here when my husband reached over and grabbed my arm to sit back down and put his finger to my lips and said shhhh you can't take on the world. So for the entire time I got my artwork finished...I was thinking...does she NOT see how she looks? Did she intentionally pick out these things thinking they look good? for crepes sake the flip flops were screaming to stay between her toes too....I was thinking what a pig headed judgmental brat I am!!! I think that when I see my step son heaping on the ketchup, splashing the soda down his throat like a crack addict asking for second, and third helpings of food or bags of chips to snack on. When we think of going out to dinner and taking them with us...how hubs and I are going to share a meal and they are going to need 2 entree's or at least going to ask for them.... I was thinking of my little doggies who are now also on a diet also for their long term health (vet requested no less.) and I think and sometimes tell the doggies OK pudge you ate your bowl now walk away.... holy crap when did I get to be so judgmental?! The one thing I can say is that I apply this to myself as well every single day, for good and bad. I have the self talk in my head when I want to eat what I know is not good for me and is not in line with my "goals". This can be the positive side of it and then there is that self deprecating talk when you put on something that doesn't fit quite the way you think it should and I become pudge or flubber or some such name, and I realize that this is really where my judgmental thoughts come from and I need to put a finger to my own lips and say shhhhh!!!

@@mmartin3 You should not be feeling chest pain or tightness in your chest. That is concerning....if you are having that feeling it's not something to wait on. It could be band related and it could be something more serious. Please call your Dr. ASAP, and do follow up and let us know how you are doing.

This statement is right on the money! Your body can not absorb that much Protein at one time and you are going to overwork your kidney's and liver as the body eliminates it. Typically a woman will metabolise protein at a much lower volume than a man would and the max is about 20-30 grams. I'm sure the shot you are drinking has calories so just cut that out and opt for Water before, during and after your work out. Prior to the work out if you are going to have a few carbs that's OK but know that your body is going to burn those carbs off for energy before it is going to tap into the fat reserves that we want it to burn. If you can steer clear of it, and then after repair muscle with some protein even in the form of a Protein shake, and even some amino acids. As for "hunger" your not hungry in the AM....so your skipping Breakfast. I get that I am usually pretty tight in the morning and I have no appetite until around 10-11 and I am typically up at 5:30-6 am. I start my day with a cup of coffee and around 10 I will either have a Protein Bar or a protein shake. It's rare that I will have eggs or some typical breakfast food. Some of the reason for the hunger pains later in the day could be that your not getting enough through out the day on a consistent basis to fuel your body, and/or your giving it too much at one time that it's eliminating it all and then needing to be replenished. It should take about 20 minutes no more or less to consume your meals. It's OK that you are eating half of what you used to, most of us are eating much much less than before. Put the rest away and make that lunch for the next day, that's what hubs and I do when we go out to eat if we don't share the entree (most of the time we don't because we have different palates.) As for vomiting and PBing. When this happens you are actually irritating your stoma and making it even tighter in there. Not necessarily from the "fill" but from the trauma of the vomiting and PBing. What I find helps when I have an episode (and I try to avoid them at all costs) is to take a day or two and go on liquids, and/or soft mushy food to give my stomach a break and the chance to heal and allow the swelling to go down because if I don't the next meal is not going to go so well. I don't "feel" anything in there until I start to eat a few bites of the next meal, so I have learned that when I have an episode I need to stop eating and move to liquids for the next couple of meals. I hope some of this helps. TGIF!!!

@@ChelleChi1969 I have to ask if you were at a good restriction why did you get another fill? The gurgling can be normal right after a fill, but it can also be an indicator of being tight. I would give it a week or so to settle in and if you are still gurgling every time you drink something you may want to go back and have that 1/2 cc taken out. If ti all levels out for you and the gurgling stops and your feeling good with eating solids again and hunger is dimmed eating only every 3-4 hours or more then don't worry about not seeing the Dr. for a couple of months. You want to be accountable to yourself to be sure your doing what's right for you, and if you need them they are just a phone call away. He's really trying to tell you that your doing a great job and he doesn't need to medically see you every month anymore, so that's a good thing Keep in touch here and let us know how your doing. This is a great place to share and question and get support, it helps me a lot especially when I need focus.

@@angry sometimes it's all about our genes, and yes breast feeding can take a bit of toll on the girls. I'm 44 so I've got ya by about 10 years Trust me even after breast augmentation of any kind even with implants, bra's are the key to keeping those girls in place and healthy. The same is true for the tummies ladies. After 3 kids and about 150 pounds over weight, even now my tum tum has that "hang" that I despise. Crunches and all that stuff help but what helps the most is support, when we go to the gym you see all those sporty people in their compression garments, and now I understand why they wear them! It's been too darn hot here in NY, but in the cooler months I wear the long sleeve compression garment when working out to help reduce some of the wing span. (you know what I mean) I know that not everything is going to tone right back up, and yes I can see some plastics in the future but I'll do my part to get them as tight as I can. Those girls on here who are youngin's take our advice, because you have the advantage of your youth behind you. Don't freeball!!! Get some support and use it especially when your working out it aids in the toning and tightening of those area's. It's not a miracle...but it does help, even at 44 I can see the difference, also people in the gym like it that my bingo wings don't flip out and hit them

As several people above mentioned you are not so much feeling your band as you are feeling "full" in that area and perhaps even more than a bit sore right now. These early months are all about healing you did have major surgery ya know So take it easy and use the time to practice all the good band eating habits and start adding in some exercise by increasing your walking taking it slow and steady. Try to make good choices in the items you eat, and if you are still on mushy foods don't lean towards things like ice cream and chocolate. Steer toward sugar free ices, yogurt, turkey chili, and some hearty Soups you can blend up. You want to keep the Protein high and the carbs and sugar low. This will help with losing weight as well as help you making choices of what to eat and not eat for fueling your body. Take at least 20 minutes no more and no less to eat your meals. Sit and enjoy the food and try not to mulit task while eating if you can help it. If you are eating past 20 minutes you are eating into your next meal, if you are finishing your food before 20 minutes slow down. Practice getting in all your Water for the day, if your drinking your not eating...and if your hungry try drinking some water first and then waiting 30 minutes before going to that snack or next meal if it's been less than 3-4 hours since you last ate So many tips and tricks that will help you as you get your band filled that you can put into practice now and all these will help with the ultimate goal of losing weight and getting healthy!

@@WoodenHearts love your title! Hunger games very appropriate and yes as @@Bandista said you are in the middle of bandster hell right now. The way around this I found was to use this time to practice the band eating habits. Measuring out the portion sizes, making sure to get that Water in, eating slow and taking at least 20 minutes to eat a meal and most importantly at this time taking ONLY 20 minutes to eat and stopping after that. Anything you eat after 20 minutes is eating into your next meal for the day! Take the time to chew up the food and cut small pieces practice eating with a knife and fork and at this stage if you can't cut it...then you don't eat it. This way you are sure to avoid those devil slider foods. It's not an easy time but if you use the time when you start getting those fills and the "hunger" dims a bit you will see how all those habits you develop over the next few weeks/months really come into play and help you. Also start a low impact exercise program, when your feeling the cravings take a walk, read a book, make a cup of coffee or tea with some flavored sugar free creamer to help reduce the craving. I wish you all the best and may the odds be ever in your favor!!!