gowalking

I want a picture or two...

I never went to any of the support groups. I'm on this site and two years ago I started therapy due to several issues related to the weight loss.

Dr. Ren did my surgery.

I'm not banded 5+ years, which to me is a veteran. I'm nearly 3 years out..so no newbie here, but again, not a real long term bandster just yet. Having said that, I'm heading into another season as a smaller person and some things I think, will never get old. When I can sit in an airplane seat and put the arm down and not ask for a belt extender..and can bend over to get something out of my bag on the floor, I can't take that for granted. Not when I can still recall with ease how those things were impossible prior to WLS. Going to the airplane bathroom? 'Nuff said, right? For the first time in a long time...not wondering if the clothing for the new season still fits from last year. Remember when you would pull out the sweaters, or the summerwear once the seasons changed? Remember the fear that something or lots of somethings that fit last year, wouldn't this time around? I moved all my summer stuff to the back of the closet and am working on bringing the late fall/winter stuff up front. I've worn some of these things again after months in the back of the closet and have not had to worry if it will fit. I hope I never get tired of that feeling. Mostly for me, it's basically a feeling of fitting. Not fitting in...like being part of a group or not, but simply fitting physically into the space a person is supposed to occupy rather than the extra space we all needed and sometimes didn't get.

I was younger than you but changed careers after my husband passed away. I was 36 and my children were 16 and 13. I did not want to continue doing what I was doing because we owned a business together and it was not my dream..it was his. I supported him but had no interest in taking it over. I was in the right place at the right time. My SIL asked me to give her my resume as her department was looking for junior data coordinators to assist data managers in overseeing data for clinical trials for pharmaceutical companies. I knew nothing about this industry but my SIL said that her company was desperate for intelligent people to move into starting positions. I got the job because I was Mimi's SIL and I didn't drool at the interview. That was luck and timing because I knew nothing about data management. Nothing. The success was my doing. I worked hard, learned the business...made tons of mistakes, but ultimately became good at what I do. Before I wound up in this industry, I had no idea what i was going to do to earn money. None. Everything I have I owe to my SIL who opened the door for me to have this second career. I'm not saying it's easy, but you have to at least give it a shot just to see what happens.

I find that a good tip for me is to see if there any any folks at my table who want to share. This way, you can have a taste of this or that and not have to pack up half you dinner, or only order an appetizer. I take my portion from what's available, put it on my plate and when I'm done, I'm done. There's nothing left to pick over as others keep eating. For those who are afraid of over-eating, this is a good tactic.

Such great advice and resources @@Inner Surfer Girl.

I've been actively in the maintenance phase for over a year and still have the same issues regarding keeping warm. I live in NYC but am typing this while sitting poolside in South Florida. My sister keeps her apartment cold as she is a furnace on two legs. Rather than freeze, I brought a long sleeve nightgown down with me this time and between that and the comforter, I stay warm. I never leave the apartment without a sweater as I get chilled so easily. Yes...even in the Miami area, I need a sweater. So far, I seem to have the same issues as last year regarding being cold. The big difference this year is that I share my bed several nights a week and happily, the heat rolls off him and he keeps me warm at night. So far I haven't needed to go to the heavy comforter at home yet. I don't know that it will be different next year but so far, no change between losing and maintaining.

Maybe talk to a career counselor at a local college? Perhaps they can let you know some of the professions out there that might grab your fancy.

Happy Thanksgiving all my BP friends. Have a safe and happy holiday. Liz

Bingo on the erectile dysfunction @Oregondaisy. My second husband had issues and he was in his 40's. The two men I was semi-serious with while on the dating sites both had this issue. One of them is my steady guy now. I've learned to let it go. He can still make love..though it's not like he was a young man...and I'm OK with it because he is a very generous and thoughtful lover in other ways. He makes me feel good and satisfies me with things other than his penis. Most important...really...is that we enjoy each other's company. He rubs my feet when we sit and watch TV..he hold me in his arms at night, he's a companion with benefits. I'll take it any day of the week. Don't look for the instant chemistry. See if you click when you talk. See if you are interested in him and what he says. I went back and forth for a while because I didn't have the 'hots' for my guy. But I didn't tell him to go away either because I really enjoyed his company. We are learning to be compatible physically but the companionship is what really counts in my mind. I know it's not for everyone but priorities change as you age and at 57, some things are not as important as when I was in my 20's and 30's.

That post from @@tink401 reminded me of something that recently happened. I have a tee shirt that I saved for more years than I care to recall. It was given to me by my then boyfriend and future husband. I was 16 at the time I first wore it, and pretty petite at that age. I came across the shirt cleaning out my dresser drawers in preparation for new bedroom furniture and thought I'd give it a shot. Don't you know that shirt slipped on like it did 40 years ago? How's that for a mind blowing NSV?

Fortunately I'll be in South Florida for the holidays and plan on swimming laps in the pool. So much more comfy in the warm Florida Water instead of the cold water at the Y at home.

It's possible she is creating a self fulfilling prophesy. She may have though that once you started to lose weight, the marriage would go south. In order to make sure she controls that, she may be sabotaging her weight loss... I may be totally wrong on this but I can even hear her in her head thinking 'well, he was going to leave me anyway. Why should I do what he wants me to do?'. Seriously...this is a major issue and I don't know that you and the wife have the capability to work it out without professional help. I even suspect she doesn't know why she's not complying. If you can't see the issue for what it is, you can't change it. Good luck. Oh...and no judgement here. I divorced my second husband even though I loved him. He was so f**k-up that I couldn't be with him no matter how much I tried. It was like being pulled down into the Water knowing I was drowning. I had to cut the rope and let him go so I could swim back up to the surface. Weight was not our issue...and it may not be yours either. The weight might be an outside symbol only. OK...sorry..can you tell I've been in therapy?

Lisa...it's kicking in. Started on Tuesday. Not hungry all the time and not grazing like I was. Thank goodness!! Thanks all for letting me know it can take a while.

Hallelujah!! The fill is working. I realized on Tuesday that I wasn't grazing and looking for something to eat. Same yesterday. In fact, I probably had too much for dinner...I was a bit uncomfortable. Today in the lunchroom is a goodbye breakfast for one of our admins who is leaving and there are bagels, muffins, and other assorted calorie laden things. I had 1/4 of a bagel with a thin smear of cream cheese and am now eating my plum at my desk. Feeling back in control again. I do hope this lasts. Anyone who thinks the band is just about the head and not the belly doesn't understand the band. I'm amazed at the difference between being hungry all the time and then having the hunger monster gone. If I hadn't had an adjustment, I know I would have continued to gain and gain. Thank goodness for this tool I have....and thank you friends for your words of advice about waiting for the fill to kick in.

This is why you should be pursuing more than one person. It's a numbers game right now. I did this for more than a year till I got lucky and found someone I wanted to be exclusive with. I will admit I wasn't comfortable with more than one man at the same time, but it's what you have to do. Just so you know...I did not become physically intimate with any of them. The only one is the man I'm now exclusive with. This isn't a judgement...I'm just letting you know how I approached it. I have been but no luck. I would definitely meet with someone else if I could find that person. go on multiple dating sites. I did three of them. Jdate, POF, and Zoosk. I emailed and talked with at least 50 or 60 men over a time period of about 14 months and went on probably aorund 20 or 25 first dates...and had follow up dates with four guys. Most of the dates were OK but there wasn't the spark or we/he/I knew we weren't having a second date. I went to alot of wine bars....lol. It can be exhausting but also fun to meet new people.

Good. Maybe between the two of us, we can get her back here. I told her I was also struggling and I needed her as much as anyone.

Thanks Bandista. Sorry to hear this. She was a regular for a long time here on this site.

This is why you should be pursuing more than one person. It's a numbers game right now. I did this for more than a year till I got lucky and found someone I wanted to be exclusive with. I will admit I wasn't comfortable with more than one man at the same time, but it's what you have to do. Just so you know...I did not become physically intimate with any of them. The only one is the man I'm now exclusive with. This isn't a judgement...I'm just letting you know how I approached it.

Veeeery good!!

I've been in touch with her. Yes..she is struggling and I've been trying to support her as much as I can. It's nothing different than so many others...but you know our girl. She feels like she's failed even though she hasn't. I'm hoping she can right herself and come back to us...or even come back as she is so we can help to get her through this. I will let her know that I'm not the only one who misses her on this site.

I ask for a receipt for petty cash. Then go home and eat them all myself. Yeah...been there, done that, got the tee shirt.

Yup...that's exactly what I mean.

Will do Lisa. You make sure all them mens in the house take very good care of my girl!!