Jessica9190

It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one struggling with this. I remember thinking selfish things when my mom lost so much weight from gastric bypass. She had been 300+ for over 20 years and when she started losing it was like she became a different person than how she was my whole life. I remember one particular time she was losing quite well and I was in one of my gaining times feeling really down on myself and she said to me "ha ha ha I'm nearly to what u weigh". Looking back I know she had just met a goal in her own mind of weighing what I did but in my mind I felt her accomplishment was my failure. I felt horrible that day an Thot to myself " yeah we'll we cant all go spend 20 grand and have surgery some of actually have to work". I know now and even knew then that she was having to work hard. I was just hurt and jealous because as i was getting fatter she was getting slimmer Here I am now the one wanting to have surgery. I only hope she can support me. The last time I was on a losing streak she was clear to let me know how I was not doing the healthy thing by bouncing back n forth all the time. It was like she had lost and become the "thinner" one and she didn't want me taking it from her. I want to stop the jealousy cycle and just be happy for both of us to be healthier and live longer. I just struggle with guilt for thinking wrong before

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I might be the only person that struggles with guilt but I've been thinking about this. I've only just had my first NUT visit sao im just getting started, but I haven't told anyone I'm even considering it except my husband and one really close friend who is also considering it. I've already decided to only tell my mom and dad before surgery (which I'm nervous bout becAuse they'll think I shouldn't. My mom had bypass but she was much heavier than I am). Anyway sorry to ramble but i am nervous about who to tell at work because i have to tell my boss something and after the surgery I am nervous about ppl asking. I would like to say I'm on a very strict dr supervised diet and leave it at that but I will feel guilty like I am lying. Technically it wouldn't be a lie but still deceiving. Anyone struggle with guilt like that or am I being my usual over analytical self?

I don't know how to tell either

Thanks so much for your thoughts everyone. It means so much to be able to talk to people who understand what I'm going thru

Maybe I should already know or take the time to look it up but what is A1C. Oops. Never mind. Found it - diabetes stuff right?

That is definitely an option. I just think maybe I've been going about this wrong I mean I'm obviously doing something incorrectly. When I've gone on diets I've exercised and ate healthily but I only stick with it a few months. I'll lose a lot of weight, feel good about myself and then some stressful event will take place and my life gets all out of whack and here comes the weight and the self loathing and depression ect. I just want to lose one more time and keep it off this time!!!

I have two boys 9 and 10 years old that need me and I just want to be sure I'm doing it for the right reasons. I have read of complicated and even deadly experiences and honestly it makes me feel really selfish for even considering something so risky when my boys need me around fat or not. I know it could and most likely will increase my value and length of life but I can't help but think what if it shortens it. I know no one else can tell me what to do. I guess I'm just searching venting and looking for friends with common decisions to make.

And my profile pic is an old one during one of my ups and downs and I was about 180 lbs there

I am new here to VST so this is sort of my introduction. I just had my first NUT appt today and I'm already in fear of how things will be. Morbid obesity runs in my family big time. My grandmother (4'11" 290 lbs) had the old lap band many years ago and lost some weight but gained it all back. She was healthy except for the obesity and degenerative arthritis that was eating her bones away but what I mean is she didn't have high BP OR Cholesterol or diabetes or anything like that. She died at only 63. She was sick and her body just gave out. My mom (307 5'6") had bypass and had a long line of complications and was very depressed and then she had knee surgery and got addicted to hydro condone she got better and after 6 years has kept her weight off and is only addicted to buying clothes. My uncle had the old lap band but didnt lose much years later he had bypass and had complications bc he was 600+ lbs and died from a blod clot two weeks later. My sister is 5'11 at probably close to 280 or 290. I am 5'7" at 234. I fluctuate constantly I've been from 150 to 242 and back again several times over the last few years. I'm a stress eater a happy eater a reward eater you name it... I've done every diet there is and I've even done the whole binge and purge thing to maintain a certain weight. The NUT suggested I get counseling because even with the surgery I've got to learn to deal with life with something besides food. I have twoboys(9&10) that need me andi want to be choosing this for right reasons. I am just nervous and scared. Any advice besides the obvious that I already know?