DeLarla

Frannypants, I missed you terribly. Babs and I had a rough time at the border, so by the time they let us through, she friggen ran me across to the US side as I begged her to slow down. She weighs about 90 pounds but even carried all our luggage just to get us to safety. We were both panting and exhausted and freaked out and then missed the freeway entrance. I even told Babs how bad I wanted to see you... sniff sniff. We had our sugery together... we're band-bonded silly! I regret my meeting with Ms. Don was so short and intense. Seriously, the whole Mexico experience had a permanent tape of "there's no place like home, there's no place like home" running through my head. After we got to the US side the tape finally flipped to "On the Road Again." Babs and I were exhausted. Donali, wouldn't it figure the first time I'm actually sleeping I get 2 calls? Chris called me an hour before you did! Yes, I'm normally up at that hour, but you try spending a weekend with that wild woman! Now I truly regret not going straight to my hotel room after the procedure instead of shopping, and because I'm so brilliant, partaking in beverages of the alcoholic nature. Dr. Kuri should have put me in a straight jacket till the good drugs wore off. But I couldn't help myself cuz I felt so damn good. Not only was that alien out of my body, but I likey mucho the shot. I hope I didn't screw myself up. Don't let Donali fool you guys either. Just cuz DeLarla wasn't pole dancing doesn't mean she wasn't tormenting Tijunana.... if you only knew! Uh, Donali, you forgot to tell them about the mariachis. Yes, I can now play the first several bars of Cielito Lindo en la guitar! After Lisa's surgery was over, DeLarla took over and by midnight was singing Mexican love songs at the top of her lungs at La Rocak, the bar across the street from the hospital. Sing with me... La cucarocha, la cucarocha, ya no puedo caminar.... DeLarla managed to con the guitarist to hand over the guitar and show her a couple things. Babs and I are both engaged to other men. About 4 each, so don't let Donali worry you that D's gone dull. Damn, how can I have a fever? Maybe I should just dial 911 already and demand a few R & R days in my local hospital, just for sport! Love, Fartypants.

I haven't cried since my port was removed, and I had this long "I'm back" story for you guys... but I'm a wreck now (a happy wreck) because I can't even see through the tears cause I'm feeling the love! There are no words to describe how touched I am at all these posts, e-mails, phone calls and private messages. I have so much to tell you, but hubby is dying for some attention and can't understand why I logged on here first before even kissing him hello. OOPS. This was so cool to come home to. Big-fat-happiness. I was filled, then band removed under a local anesthesia. I completely freaked beforehand but Dr. Kuri said, "you want a pill Honey." YES PLEASE. Then he said, "how about a shot, you want a shot instead, Honey?" YES, hurry please! So I went from nearly fainting from fear, to cracking jokes and offering to assist with my surgery during the procedure, which took less than 45 minutes from the time I walked in the hospital. The receptionist is a Nun, a Sister of God, and she knew my name and was waiting for me when I arrived. Not the prettiest place, but Dr. Kuri and the female surgeon that assisted and stitched me up were impressive. What is her name? I adore her. Donali, awesome meeting you, and thanks for not calling 911 and having me & Babs put away in the looney bin. We were physical, mental and emotional car-wrecks after our adventure. I looked like my dogs' shredded rag doll after a few rounds of tug-of-war, and my heart was still racing and my hands shaking from our "border incident." Will tell you guys all as soon as hubby stops humping my leg! Welcome back to me! So good...., so, so, so very good good to be home. And then some! xoxox

Here's the no-down on Lopez (lo-down isn't appropriate since stuff just doesn't happen.) A month ago when I began leaving messages for Carmen I specifically said "call my cell" and left the number every time. Over a week later there was a message on my home machine from her. Gosh, how many times can I say "cell number" knowing I work days and won't get home message till night? Plus they have all our numbers in our files. Naturally she didn't answer when I called back. Then all the B.S. you guys already heard, which brings us to Monday when I finally got Lopez on the line. I asked him several times for the "emergency 24 hour number" they promised after my surgery, but he just kept promising he'd call me directly today. I repeated 3 times "at this number" and he said, "yes, at this number" which was my work number. I'm home now but my work buddy took over listening for my phone, and no call from Lopez. Get this though. I come home to message on my home machine, duh! From Dr. Carmen, stating "now my phone is working and I understand you've been having problems, and Dr. Lopez wants to talk to you so please call." This raised the stressometer. He promised over and over to call my work number. Remember the other day I even posted the time as 9:11 a.m. Monday when Carmen heard me yelling into her line that I had an emergency? And I heard her repeat my name and number? But she leaves a message on my home machine today for a flipping emergency? Claiming phone problems? And there's only one phone in Mexico? I'd like to see her cell phone bill to see how broken her phone really is. So Lopez let me down again. As far as my incision, let's think about it under a new light. There are teens and adults paying a fortune for body piercings. If they can have bars sticking through their tongues, why can't I have a LOOP sticking out of my abdomen? Yes, now that I've desensitized the issue, it has graduated from the tube protruding to an entire loop of tube. I freaked. When I changed the bandage and saw the loop I went frazzley, freaked the heck out! Bumping into walls like a broken Cherry 2000, walking in circles, mumbling, freaking. So I called Kuri's office at 6:30 a.m. to leave a message for the receptionist to call me with a nearby hotel cuz I wanted to get there sooner. You'll never believe what happened; he answered the phone. Him, Dr. Kuri in person! The doctor! I was floored. He has his calls transferred to his house and answers them all hours! Wow. So, my babies, I'm popping a Lortab, slipping an earring through my loop, putting on the purple bra, and heading for the border. Babs will be here soon to pick me up - she's driving! You guys will know before hubby, who will have to find out about my loop and more immediate plans from the note I left. We're stating at a hotel tonight and walking to the hospital in the morn (right around the corner.) Sorry I can't answer posts but I'm rushing to get clothes together... hard finding stuff that's not binding or too hot. See you soon! I"ll miss you guys. xoxox Lisa

I woke up at 3am and couldn't fall back asleep - too excited that today is my last day of working with this thing - I hope. I want my friend to come as well, but I won't allow a child along. I've always been the surgical patient with problems, and this is nothing in comparison to what I went through when I had RK surgery to correct my vision, which was worse than horrifying. I just hope that one day my body will accept a port. Kathy, e-mail me at work today. I'm going to try to stay off the boards all day because my attorney needs me, and I haven't been there for him. He's really understanding of my problem, but I'm going to try to get a bunch of work done for him today since I'll be out of the office a few days. If you guys see me posting, yell at me or block me for the day. I'm addicted to you people!

Yep, it's pretty neat around here. I'm new but I feel like I already have family in every state. Smooches to all your pooches, too! Going nighty-night to make tonight go away. When I sleep, my tube pops back in for the night. Now my whole stomach is red, itchy and bumpy from all the surgical tape. Guess I'm allergic to that now & shoulda got latex free.

I'd rather have you and Gross Darcy do it than go to Mexico. I'm going bed now so I can get this day over with! See you guys tomorrow!

Thank you, that's Sachi our little girl Pitbull who thinks she's a lap dog. She sleeps on my pillow and snorts like a pig. The love they share is overwhelming. They break my heart because they know I'm sick. Tomorrow isn't the big day yet. Tomorrow I work, then I leave 3am Thursday morning. I'll be thinking of all you guys, too.

Good night, Silly Lilly. I wish my husband would act concerned over stuff like that. If I mentioned quarters in my butt he'd probably get a boner. GEEZE, DeLarla, have some class. Knock it off! Love, Lisa

And Big Baby Voodoo.

My other baby.

You have to eat 3500 calories to make a pound. That's in addition to what it takes to maintain your current weight. A cherry cream cheese pie has exactly 3499 calories, so you won't gain a pound. Neener-neener-neener. You better shove those quarters up your butt! Now shut your pie hole and eat your pie! You know what's funny (funny weird not funny haha) about this? Is that my band doesn't really even feel like pie now. I think I'll pass afterall. Me, passing on pie? Touche'

So you were in The Valley in 94? You think it's a coincidence that we moved to Vegas a month after that quake? YIKES.

So help me, if I have a cherry and cream cheese craving after my surgery when I'm on a post-op diet of clear liquids...! And naturally I'll have to add Graham Crackers to the craving... you better hope I don't! Because girl, you're post-op diet days are nearing fast, and I'll be right here waiting!

Penni, my Gramma never whined or complained. We should take lessons from that stronger, wiser generation. A whole chunk of you is gone. One thing I have to say, as horrible as all this is been, is that I don't regret getting the band. The day I regret it is the day I start to really worry, right?

OMG Penni, we posted at the exact time so my response sounded so uncaring - it was directed at Donali, but just playing. Holy crap, your infection looks worse than mine. My incision looks worse, but my red spot was a fraction smaller and all centered around the incision. Holy smoke, I can feel the hot from here. What facility will you be in? I'll be at the San Francisco Hospital in TJ, staying overnight. Hopefully being released Friday. I'll have my car on the SD side. Let's play it by ear, but if I feel well, I might drive to the Valley to visit on my way home to see lil' brother. Meeting all you wonderful people has suddenly added tremendous options to my life. I have peeps everywhere! We all do. You all have a home in Vegas... well, you gotta love furbabies!

My nerves are rattled about the earthquake in TJ so I can't even come back with a wisecrack. Up, down, up, down. One more day sitting at work with this flipping alien trying to escape... If I can make it just one more day.

I put frozen cherries and peaches in the micro for a minute & topped w/ Low Fat Cool Whip. It did the trick. So take that!

You girls spoke too soon! I'm not brave. I'm not I'm not I'm not! I can't handle any more earthquakes! They rattle my brains after that 94 Northridge quake. It was awful. Hell, now I'm being selfish and thinking about myself when I should be watching the news to see if everything's okay there. Any info?

Hey FOXY, it's you, it's really you! And what a cute you you are. My brain can't think any more. I like seeing your pics girlies (uh, where are the guys?) I'm thrilled with the invite but just taking it one hour at a time for now. I wish I could leave tonight. Hey, guess what I saw last night? I saw my husband washing the kitchen floor. No lie.

You just think because Kimber-lilly is the cutest name that you can throw that pie in our face without actually "throwing" the pie in our face? That's dirty pool, that pie talk. Hitting way below the belt! Marie Calendar's is right next door ya know. Damn, now I need cherries and cream cheese. Shivers. Yeah, baby!

Yeah, sure Donali, like you'll ever be able to shut me up. I'm a problem solver by heart, but by nature I'm a problem maker! The fun has only just begun!

Penni, I've heard people leak with real stitches, also. My friend had the biggest boobs in the world at an H cup (biggest in my world anyway.) She just had 4 pounds removed from each breast, and her incisions were big leakers with regular stitches. People have explained the leaking to me, but I'm not right-brained enough to relay it to you. Something having to do with a hollow cavity left inside, and the serum collects but can't make blood, so it leaks out. That's a really bad explanation, but it's the best I can do. I don't blame Lopez for my infection. However, I have to put my foot down because it's his fault that I've suffered so long. He's been made aware of his staff issues in the past, yet he hasn't resolved them. It's his fault for allowing his girls to mistreat me. Makes me think they get paid on commission so all that matters is getting people in the door.

That making a pie thing cracks me up. I'd shove a roll of quarters up my butt. Then again, I wanna be a pole dancer.

You think there'll be a pole at the border? I think I'll go straight to Mexico. After thinking about it, I'll be so anxious to just get across the border. But I'll probably be able to have decaf on my way home, Michelle. I allowed myself further frustration because my friend insists on coming with me, but she won't know till tomorrow if she has a babysitter. I'm doing that co-dependent thingy again because if I go alone, I only have to think of myself. Los and beholdings, what next?

Gross Darcy, you just made me rip the bandage tape away from my furry belly when it jiggled from laughing. Thanks for the PM, and thanks for not sending me a BM. Ever. You need to add "Gross Darcy" under your Nightingale name. I just learned how to do that today, so mine will change a thousand times before I come up with a good one.