DeLarla

Well, I just stopped yelling at him. The one good thing about being on the back of the bike while he's driving is cause I can scream in his ear the entire time.... it's not like he can stop and get out of the car, right? So I stopped yelling at him because I have to train him on the computer and about all our bills, since he has the new job of Finance Master. Then, I'm starting my bike riding lessons. La Madam probably doesn't know about MY new Harley yet since she left California at 6:00 this morning headed for Vegas. Maybe I'll go pick her up and take her for a spin on MY new Harley (are you guys dying laughing yet?) Ya know what's so funny? Five years ago while visiting inlaws in Ohio, Chris took me to the World's Largest Shoe store so I could buy some boots. Well, they didn't have any... except their "Harley Davidson Collection." Like what am I gonna do with Harley boots? But Chris said they looked really cute on me, so I've had them 5 years and have worn them 5 times. Now my old jeans fit too, plus I made skull rags and welding caps. And I made a Harley purse a long time ago that I didn't sell because I didn't want to mess with any copyright or patent laws. So, I went from regular chic to biker chick overnight. I had to get on the back of the bike so we could pick up our truck that he left at the dealer, and I fit right in with the rest of the chicks there. Except I don't have any tatoos. But I do have the big beer gut, so we're even. And if I DARE get a tattoo, kill me, because I'm a girly girl and I don't like them on chicks. Actually got a really bad one when I was 18 and had it surgically removed.

Thanks, guys. When you meet him, you'll see why I can't divorce him. He's irresistable - not just looks, but those stupid puppy things and nice things he does when I'm busy trying to hate him. And when my girl friends come over, he sits around talking about boob jobs and periods... he hates being left out of the girly circle, although he's pretty rough around the edges and sometimes we cringe at his comments. Good news is that I just went in the garage to yell at him some more. And the lawn, pool, house, laundry is done, plus he's got that entire heap of financial crap sorted out in little piles. Now he suddenly wants to "fix the mess." So I screamed at him some more and came back here. He needs several more days of getting screamed at, however, I don't have that much time since I need to be nice to him to get my bike riding lessons. He says, "I bought this bike for US, not for me!" My work already knows I'm off my rocker, so I may as well confirm it. If you can't beat 'em, join em.

Penni, Penni, Penni... what's a woman to do. I'm feeling physically sick today. Thanks, Chris. And he keeps topping it off by calling and bragging to all his friends about his new bike. I answer all the calls around here, so I'm starting by telling them our mortgage isn't paid yet. Oh, and he used my band surgery as a "fair is fair" excuse. I can have my band paid off by the end of the year with my Christmas bonus. He can have his Harley paid off next Century. Why does he have to add stupid to stupid?

It's all confusing now!

I woke up to find my house clean. Chris fired the gardener and the pool guy. The dog poop has been picked up. The pool is sparkling, laundry in washer and dryer, and Chris out front mowing the lawn. He in deep-doody with me. As far as backing out of the loan, The Terminator himself wouldn't be able to drag Chris back to the dealership to bring the bike back. As far as divorce, it's not going to happen because my instincts would have filed papers long ago. I married an irresponsible guy, and I knew it. He was a credit disaster 10 years ago, but I'm the one that created the monster by taking over our finances and fixing his credit. It took me 7 years of writing letters, making deals and sending payments, but now his credit is clean as a whistle. I just heaped 2 feet of bills and paperwork, insurance stuff, household stuff, etc., and dumped them on his new Harley manual, which is sitting on his workbench by his cigarettes and ashtray -- no possible way for him to miss it since that bench is where he lives 50% of his life. When he's done with his chores, he can take over the finances. A few years ago, when he spent $1000.00 to build some speakers, I stopped paying bills. They piled higher and higher as he asked "when you gonna open the mail." I said, "never." So he was forced to take over the bills, which completely freaked him out. But, he actually did a good job, with the exception of him throwing away anything medical related with the 9-year-old excuse of "I thought insurance paid all our medicals." Uhhh, can you say "co payments?" It was a good lesson for him, because he started doing the shopping and was suddenly eating bologna and generic soda instead of his usual $9.00 per pound deli meat. And after he goes through our finances today, I guarantee he'll run right to the thermostat and kick it above 74, since we argue about electricity all the time (he wants it freezing, I want it room temp.) I used to work in mortgage lending, and I know how damaging bad credit is. I'm anal about my credit and have never let anything go derogatory before. I called my loan company and they removed the late charge from July since it was my first time late, and they said it won't go on my credit. He announced yesterday that "we'll be cutting back to afford the bike." And he told me "no more nickel Keno." And I said, "like hell, I'll be damned if I'm giving up a stick of gum for that bike." I also have a cleaning lady because I refuse to clean up after a man. He's really good about picking up stuff and loading the dishwasher, but he never does any scrubbing. I refuse to scrub up after anyone, so he started paying for a cleaning lady. But she's moving to Mexico in September, so he said "that's another savings." I told him he's washing our floor every week, and he's taking care of the birds and folding his own laundry. He agreed to it all, but I doubt it will last. So for today, I'm not on speaking terms. I think I'll go make Breakfast for the dogs and use every pot and pan and utensil while spilling coffee across the white tiles, then lay on the couch and watch sports all day. Thanks guys, glad you're here.

Mmmmm, she said, "beer." Can anyone around here still drink beer? I was told "no carbonations" and so far I haven't tried any. I hear they are very painful, but I sure do love a good beer. I started at 313. When I got below 300 for the first time in years I simply couldn't believe it. Then I hit the 280s and was floored. When I hit the 270s, I figured my scale was broken, because there is just no possible way I've lost that much weight. Today I'm buying a new scale because my broken one says I'm in the 260s. No way. When my doctor asked what my weight loss goal was, I said "I don't want to have to rock back and forth several times in order to gain the momentum to stand up from a chair." I reached my goal. Any other weight loss is now gravy.

Leatha, your new stripper name is Dumplin... and you'll always be my lil Dumplin but you'll just be the skinny runt of the batch! And that ice cream addiction you mentioned, nobody seems to understand mine. I can pass up Krispy Kremes, cake, Cookies, and candy at work without blinking, but bring in an ice cream cake and I want the two biggest pieces. I think mine stems from an abusive and dysfunctional childhood. My mother didn't buy food for kids, yet she left us alone all day. Sure, there were frozen chickens, brown rice, bulgar, and lentils (because's she's a weird fanatic) but we'd just stare at the frozen chicken and gag at the grains. She never ever brought chips, candy, goodies of any sort. But once every couple months she'd bring home 1/2 gallon of ice cream, because she enjoyed it. We'd gather around the cutting board and with a huge knife slice right through the container into four even pieces. I was youngests, so I'd get kneed and elbowed and end up with the smallest cardboard, then we'd all run to our separate corners and eat the only treat we ever knew. I grew up thinking one pint was a regular serving. Therefore, a double dip would be 2 pints. Last night I was at my skinny friends house, and she sat on the couch eating from the half gallon container in front of the TV. I've seen this done on TV, where they have some bites then put it back in the freezer. So I took the container and had a few bites (but I was really scooping the spoon full.) But that "normal" moment with my "normal" friend brings tears to my eyes now, because it was all so damn normal. Normal rules, doesn't it?

Even though I don't have a port, looks like my band is officially normal. Today I had my first PB ever. I never eat in the morning because my Protein shake works really well for me. But I didn't have dinner last night, and I had to work today. I thought I should eat some protein before work, so I ate a handful of peanuts. They got stuck in my throat and refused to go down. It was really uncomfortable. I officially PB'd 5 minutes later in the shower. I've been living on peanuts for two weeks. It's the protein my body has been craving. Well, looks like I'm over the peanut phase of my life because after my PB they seriously lost their appeal.

Penni, read post "Lisa is in the funny farm." I'm not sure I can meet the challenge since I'll need food, drugs, and alcohol to feed my emotional breakdown. Oh, but now that I have a new (go read the post) I need my Total Gym pronto... maybe in 2 weeks we'll meet cuz I need buff arms if I'm gonna be a "HC" (again, read post.)

He's so mean I think he needs a pimp name instead!

LJ, I've never been into bikes, but you better believe I'm learning how to ride that bad boy tomorrow... and I'm riding it to work. And if he flicks $#Q$% with me, I'll ride it off a flipping cliff. This wouldn't be a problem if we had the money, but we haven't paid our July mortgage yet. I'm 41 years old and this is the very fist time in my entire life that we're behind in our mortage. I'd never been late with rent all the years I rented. So for him to do this right after spending 10 grand on my band, plus being behind in mortgage, well, I'm just gonna go the alcholic route cause I can't see a better way. Thanks for trying to make me feel better.

But the one thing drilled into my head since birth is HOME OWNERSHIP. My family (deceased and alive) are firm belivers in not paying rent. They've been trying to buy me a house since I was 17. But they're all whacked, so I bought my own, all by myself. I'm the youngest of 2 other siblings who still pay rent. My first home was a fixer upper, but now I'm in my dream home. It took 40 years to get it. It's small, but very princessy. Actually, it nees work in the princess department, but I love my house. I worked too hard for it. I laid down the law today. Chris fired the landscaper, the maid, and the pool guy. He's gotta do all that work himself. Those were my luxuries since I have no kids, and I suck at yardwork. I used to keep a clean house, but refuse to clean up after him so he's always paid a cleaning lady every 2 weeks. He said he let her go, so I told him he better start scrubbing the floor. Did I mention the bike was 30,000 grand? About $600 a month. Whole mother of spaghetti. Excuse me while I go hurl.

My biggest peeve is when people say "you have such a pretty face." Why not say "you have such a fat and flabby body?

Uhmmm... why haven't you called me yet? I'm a tough love kinda gal, so if we need to lock you in the closet for a week, my hubby would be happy to pad the walls with rubber... and I could use some time in their myself, so you'd have company.

Michelle, now we're both official. But now that we've experienced it, no need to to that again, right? But did I tell you I named one of my Cockateils Triscuit? Daisy-Sunshine, Carlo, Triscuit, and one really mean one still waiting for the perfect name.

I was gonna go home and tell my husband to flip my port, but then I remember I don't have a port. I guess I'll just have to ask him to make my ears bleed instead. DOH!

I had all sorts of weird pains, too. My heating pad worked wonders, but you also have to drink tons of liquids... sip all day long so you can flush your body of all the toxins and get on your merry way. Welcome to you!

Gina, maybe you put your "numbered" goals on hold for awhile. Instead of saying your going to lose weight, why not make your goal something non-weight related? For example, my goal is to NOT eat when I get home late at night from my 2nd job. Or another goal is to stop eating while in front of the TV. The one that works for me is that I'm not allowed to eat dinner the minute I get home (that's when hubby wants me to eat.) But I make myself wait an hour because that's one less hour I'll have to worry about. Don't put so much pressure on your goals. Baby steps.

When you say Capital Theater I think of home! Are you familiar with Wallington? Do you know Tommy's Diner there and the park down the dirt hill by the Wallington bowling alley? That's where my whacko mom lives.

Half price coupons? Still laughing.

Wow, you're throwing 1/2 price off buffet coupons with that Hawaii trip? You rock! Coupons? Hahahah, she said coupons!

Uuhmmm.... you sound completely normal to me. My head screams for me to eat. Nothing stops me once I get going. I doubt you can be any crazier than me... I don't think anyone could be crazier than me. And my mom and her sister have been adjudicated insane by judges, so when I say insane, I mean insane. However, I'm afraid of my band, I fear my band, I pray to my band. My stomach/band doesn't always feel full but I stop eating because I'm afraid my band will slip, erode, explode. Maybe because I've been through so much with my infected port and 2 surgeries, but I'm paranoid now, which seems to be the only thing that stops me from eating. I don't have the answers, but when I simply can't stop eating, I pick up the phone. People say they can't afford a one hour long distance call, but I say bullshit. If I can afford a week long binge, I can certainly afford some long distance therapy. So call people! Get a list of numbers, keep them handy, and use them. Call me, call her, call him.... call, call, call. Or try attending some OA meetings. Even if you don't like them, "when you're at a meeting, at least you're not eating."

Born in Passaic, NJ. Family still lives all over Bergen County.

OOPS, I forgot you're fresh out of surgery. Yes, you should probably be on liquids for awhile. Each doctor has different requirements for how long to stay on liquids. Did your doctor give you any guidance? After surgery, I had to stay on clear liquids for a week. The second week I introduced thick liquids, so I put cream soups in the blender and watery mashed potatoes. The third week I started adding mushy foods, cottage cheese, regular cheese, refried beans, steamed veggies, etc.

Regardless who wins, that's so generous of Donali to buy the winner a trip to Hawaii. Gosh, what a gal!