DeLarla

My husband has never been fat, but now he's getting a bit of a belly. But he's proud of it and says it's a sign of wealth. Men seem to accept being overweight more than women, I think. Plus, women have more body fat (don't we?) Men have more physical strength, which makes them have stronger muscles, and muscle burns fat faster. Heck, I don't even know what I'm talking about, but yes, more women get banded than men. However, I think eventually men will catch up. I had my surgery in May and asked my doctor why there were no men. He said he's been doing quite a few, and more men opt for the surgery every day. You never hear society cracking jokes about fat men. It's always fat women. It's simply not acceptable to society for women to be fat.

There ain't nothin' belated about it, Darcy... today she is a my birthday! Woo hoo, thanks everyone for the Happy Birthdays. I really, really, really wanted to post a picture but I was in a big hurry this morning. Attached is the best I could do (pretty goofy and embarrassing but I was in a hurry.) Alex, are you out there? Can you flip the picture for me? Anyone? Love, Birthday Dork aka Biker Dork.

Thanks, Kathy! Look at your pretty picture! I love love love it.

I always had crappy birthdays till last year. Then I decided I didn't want any more bad ones, so last year I planned my own party. No lie! It was a blast. This year same thing - Chuckie Cheese Pizza. Far out!

Zoe, that's entirely disgusting! Liver flavor - uggghhh! I'm cracking up here just thinking about that!

Good to know. I have an autoimmune disease called Sarkoidosis. I don't know much about it, but I think I'm quite sure I'll suffer from osteoarthritis. I should start taking GC now. I had my dog on it for awhile, so maybe we'll both share.

Hey now Miss Becca Lee! Just because I'm having my 42nd birthday dinner at Chuckie Cheese with all my neighbor kids doesn't make me one. I'm not a kid. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, but if I don't win I'm never coming out of my room! Actually, Penni, it sucks that you binged... but did you really eat too much, or just the wrong stuff? I'd rather eat the wrong stuff than too much. Every time I see a pound go away I tend to binge. Today I was good, and I had no intentions of being bad for dinner, but then Chris cooked, and it was just too damn yummy. He fried an entire chicken in garlic and olive oil, baked potatoes stuffed with butter & soft cheese, plus corn. Throwing away half my potato still has my head freaking out - it's right there in the garbage, and it's really mad at me. But for a banded person, half a large baked tato, cheese, 2 chicken wings plus corn is too much. My belly is filled. Penni, good to have you back. It's weird around here without you. So, now let's talk about me some more - HAHAHAH. Don't throw your shoe at me! Chris gave me presents early because he won't see me in the morning, and it only took him 13 years to figure out the true meaning of giving. I told him not to spend much, so he got me beautiful leather gloves, biker goggles and 2 charms for my charm bracelett. But that's not the good part - he snuck over to Harley and picked up my jacket that I didn't know was in yet. That's the kinda gift I like, the one where he goes out of his way to do a nice thing for me. So he made me put all this black leather on, and I look like James Bond. I feel ridiculous, be he's all excited that he finally has a biker wife. I finally made it to the "surrender" stage, so I put on my new goggles and gloves and hit the streets. I went farther today and got involved in more traffic. And I even went to Bab's and took her for a ride to the corner and back since she only weighs 80 pounds soaking wet. She was so excited. It's all so funny. I go from being fat polyester girl to big bad looking biker broad overnight. I'm actually embarrassed riding that thing around - I feel so flipping stupid in all my Barbie Biker gear! But it's kinda fun, I suppose.

Zoe, nice to see someone other than me that goes to a vet instead of a doctor! You missed my post several months ago when I had an infected incision. Kitty had a vet appointment, so while I was there I lifted my shirt and showed the vet my infection. She's the one that diagnosed my problem and told me I needed to have the pustule lanced and packed, so she sent me off to Urgent Care. I asked her to do it, but she said that would be illegal, but I'd trust my vet before my doctor any day. Glad to know our fur babies are in good hands!

I disagree. To me, five pounds a month is fantabalistic. Think about how much five pounds is. That's a bag of potatoes, or 20 sticks of butter. In 30 days? Sounds amazing to me.

I was a Tylenol girl pre-band, but sometimes I need something stronger. How about Percocet? Is that a band no-no? I always answered "no" to any allergies at the doctor. But now it says in red pen that I'm allergic to NSAIDS, just in case I forget.

Ice cream is a liquid. And if they tell you to switch to solids, it's also a solid. That's the beauty of ice cream. The Nevada Ice Cream Counsel (a.k.a. ME) Michelle, try adding a splash of something to your water. Juice, even soda or Koolaid. Just a splash makes all the difference. During my motorcycle class it was blazing hot, so I was gagging down water. Everyone was drinking Mountain Dew, and in that heat it looked so, sooooo good (and I've never been a Mtn. Dew girl.) So I asked the instructor for a shot. He added a small shot of the Dew to my water, and it was so nice. Made all the difference in the world - just a few capfuls did the trick and got my water down real easy with no carbonation.

Marie, before I was born my parents were nearly killed on a Harley (they weren't even married yet.) I'm all about safety. My husband thinks I'm a geek because I earned safety reflective stickers for my helmet, so it doesn't look "cool." Even the makers of the helmet put a brass button on the side of the helmet that says, "Boneyard" and the Harley emblem is written in bones. Last night when I rode, I actually pulled to the side of the road when the traffic got heavy. I'm not going to pretend anything. But I did it! I got onto the streets - only for one block - but I did that 3 times. Thanks guys, it feels good to have won the game against Chris. I got a 95 on my driving test... he got an 85. HAHAH, he says it's cuz I tested on a smaller bike, but hell, I only had a few days of training compared to his 3 decades. ONE BIG ONE FOR THE WOMEN!!!! Donali, do you seriously want me to have a heart attack? Another bike? Now where did I put those bankruptcy forms. Yes, Penni, a big hi-five across the internet for getting Mr. B. back. Classic moment. All I said during his tantrum was "You opened a big ol' can of worms, didn't you?" Whipple, you seriously don't need to egg Donali on any more! Two bikes? Hell, I guess I may as well stop plucking my chin hairs and grow a beard!

Damn, I just remembered I'm highly allergic to bandages and those tape patches. I have extra scars on my belly in addition to the 5 incisions, because I actually blistered from the bandages after surgery. Where's that stuff we can roll around on the floor?

Wow, Teresa, I can't imagine an instructor falling. I got "saftey safety safety" crammed in my head 20 times every hour for 3 days straight. The entire course revolved around safety with huge portions on "suprises on the road" such as rain, oil, debris, gravel, etc. If one of my instructors slipped, I'd have been really discouraged. But guess what? It's official... I have my license. I went to the DMV today and got my new photo taken, and here's the major bonus - I took a good DMV picture for the first time in my life! So not only do I have a bike license, but it's a cute one! I left work to go to the doc this morning. Nothing's broken, but they x-rayed my foot because it's swollen & bruised. I have a torn muscle in my chest-wall, but I'm unable to take NSAIDS, so I just gotta wait it out. I seriously had no desire to ride the Harley tonight (needed a night of rest.) But I HAD to go because the license was official, so Chris stood out front while I rode around the block a few times. Then I decided to go for it! I went across a busy street to my friend's house! I stayed close to home, but I actually drove in traffic for a few minutes 4 times. I'm not too confident yet, so that was a big deal. I was gone 1/2 hour, and Chris was pretty damn pissed at me (like I give a crap?) He told me I wasn't supposed to go in traffic yet. Will he ever figure out that I don't listen to rules? Especially from a man? So when I came home, he was mad, and all I could say was, "Honey, when you brought home that Harley you opened up a big ol' can of worms, so you better get used to it!" So he stormed in the garage mumbling about buying another bike (just picture a 9 year old throwing a tantrum cause he can't have $100 for a new video game.) Boo hoo. BOO.... HOOO.... HOOOOO!

Darcy, my body WAS lost in the desert! After class, we were all wiping dried salt off our faces. And the men all showed off their salt-stained arm pits. Attractive bunch. The desert is brutal!

I have to go see the doc to have my new shoulder & foot injuries checked out. Maybe I'll have them scope my band... how much study has been done when you get in an accident (can the band slip?) I fell pretty hard on the ground and hurt my shoulder... if my band slipped I'm gonna hunt down that woman and make her fix it!

I woke up this morning with a shoulder injury, so I won't be riding for a while. I must have pulled something when the bike flew out from under me. The instructor was extremely negligent by taking control of my throttle. I'm pretty pissed - have a sore foot and screwed up shoulder. At least they suspended her. I didn't learn to ride cause I want to ride. I did it to get even with my husband. I'm not sure if I'll do much riding, since I enjoy being on the back of his bike, but know I know how to hide it from him! Michelle, I'm not sure I'd have done this with 50 extra pounds. I'd have been a sweaty mess. Plus it would have been that much harder to get on the back of the bike. Bikes are dangerous - I'm kindof a safety girl, so I'm proud that I passed the tests, but I'm still no biker chick! Although I wish Harley would call with my cute jacket!

Sue, how did you know I partied in a dumpster?

I'm up 1.5 but I spent 2 days in the frying heat, so I'm probably bloated. I'm a very slow loser. I'm slowing to like 3 pounds a month, but as long as I don't see a gain by the end of the month then I'm good.

Going back to the original question of, "Why Mexico?" Did I forget to mention how much fun I had in Tijuana when I went for my 2nd surgery? Ole' !

Lisa Green, girl, you're gonna have to keep up with the posts! We're not going to the Cerbat ruins for 2 more weeks - it's part of the Vegas Bash. This whole weekend I was in motorcycle school. But I posted Motorcycle School under a separate post if you want to read it. I'm always either in trouble, or getting someone in trouble. Today I had one of the motorcycle teachers suspended because she hurt me.

NSV - Non scale Victory Onederland - When you get below 200 pounds PB - Productive burp NSAIDs - Non-Steroidal Anti Inflammatories Anyone want to start a new "Band Language thread? Anyone old enough to remember Steve Martin's stand-up acts in the 70s? He was hysterical and said a fun trick is to teach kids how to talk wrong. So his kid's in 1st grade and has to go to the bathroom, so he raises his hand and says, "Me am amm moo dog face in the banana patch." ??? Maybe you had to be there.

I'm really Lisa B. Mrs. Bones, if you may. But DeLarla comes out when she wants to play.

Wow, Neicy. That's pretty impressive. How do you know about these patches? I may need one - I had a motorcycle fall on me today! And it was the instructor's fault. I'm pretty sore and may need a foot x-ray depending how I feel in the morn.

Biker Boot Camp was brutal hell (and that's an understatment.) Sorry to say. Friday night, all day Saturday, and today, Sunday morning starting 6:30 a.m. till 5:30 p.m. Nearly 100 degrees, long sleeves, gloves, helmets, boots, hot bikes, steaming concrete; but that's not the worst of it. I got an instructor suspended. Yep, only me. You won't believe this one. It's a beginner class. Out of 10 people, 3 dropped their bikes. Not good. I wasn't one of them. But a bike did fall on me, so that's 4 bikers down. But mine wasn't my fault. Now you're thinking, "sure, everyone says that" but listen up: Our instruction was to go from 1st, shift to 2nd, increase to 15 mph, then stop on a dime between cones while downshifting into 1st using both breaks. Now you gotta understand how complicated that sounds to a bunch of brand new people when 2 have already fallen. It's all we can do to shift and stop, but the force us right into complicated patterns. But we try. Everyone is screwing up, then it's my turn. My first round I stall. No biggy, you get to keep trying till the whole class gets it. My 2nd try, I was lucky to stop the bike, but screw downshifting. So I take my 3rd shot. But I still didn't coordinate all the movements, so this psycho instructor woman starts screaming in my face about my clutch, then grabbed my throttle and opened it full-throttle till my bike (that I was sitting on) started smoking, and then it took out from underneath me and landed on my foot. I screamed 3 times, "GET THIS F-ING BIKE OFF MY FOOT" and she finally lifted it, but by then the other instructor had run over. I was screaming bloody murder at the idiot as she tried justifying her insane actions. That's like reaching over and pressing someone's gas peddle to the floor while they're at the wheel. She stood there like an idiot trying to justify her actions by saying she thought I had control of the bike. I screamed, "that's my f-ing point, I'M the one on control of MY bike, not YOU, yet you grab my throttle and try to kill me?" Long story short, the other instructor immediately followed proper protocall & called the supervisor of the Dept of Transportation, who showed up in 20 minutes. The filled out incident reports then sent crazy-instructor-woman away. They tried forcing me to the hospital, but I refused. Major ordeal. I became irate and refused to leave after waiting so long for the course and being 1/2 way through it. They checked my foot, and nothing is broken, so I started limping around burning off my anger & fear. They decided to let me stay because it didn't impair my ability to shift. So the Big cheese took over as our 2nd instrutor. Problem is that the bitch freaked me out so bad I may never ride again. But that's why I stuck with the class - because if you don't get right back on the horse you probably never will. My hands were shaking all day long, and my heart won't slow down - that bitch stole my confidence, so I'm surprised I passed because once nerves take over, I'm a wreck. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. Brutal Biker Boot Camp!! Can't believe they put beginners through the stuff we had to do. But the good news is that it's over. Two people failed. I wasn't one of them. So I earned my license... passed with a 95! Only one guy got a higher score but he rode bikes when he was younger. So there, done deal. I can walk into the DMV tomorrow and switch my paperwork in for a motorcycle license. Whoda thunk it?