Just sorta my story. Hope it is ok to post.
I have battled weight my entire life. My sister was the skinny one, I was the "husky" one. Oh how I hated that word. Seriously, who calls a kid "husky" for crying out loud!? Is that supposed to make a kid feel better than calling them fat? I remember being little and my Aunt would joke around saying my sister was "the stick of butter" and I was the "tub of butter." Amazing how even adults can make kids feel bad about weight, huh?
I never really remember being a happy kid. I hated going to school. My home life was not a great one. My parents divorced when I was about 3. My Mom had a lot of personal issues of her own that I don't think she really ever knew how to deal with. She moved us from place to place. She dated different guys. She depended on alcohol a lot. Let me get this out here from the start though. I LOVE my my with all my heart. She may not have always been the best Mom, but she is MY Mom. I love her. Having said that, my childhood sorta sucked. I know now that I suffered from depression, but there was no one there to notice or do anything about it. The one comfort I had was food. I turned to food when I was bored. I turned to food when I was sad. Let me tell you, I was bored and sad a lot. When you are a teenager and you have a weight problem, you also have self esteem issues. You do not like yourself. All you want is for someone else to like you. That is pretty damn hard when you don't like yourself. Sadly, when you do not like yourself, it then becomes easy for people to use you. You let it happen because, although it is negative attention you are getting, it is still attention. So at a young age I was doing things with boys that was not appropriate. Things that, if I could go back and stop myself from doing, I most definitely would. Crazy how something like weight can totally throw off how you view and feel about yourself, huh?
I made it out of the teenage years and into young adulthood. I met my husband when I was 18. (Ok, still a kid really!) By the time I was 20, our daughter was born. Well, she was born on May 20th and I turned 21 on August 11th. He met me when I was overweight. He accepted me as the person I was....someone who was overweight. He saw me for and loved me for the person I was on the inside. I was so thankful for that. However, I still did not love myself. Over the years I still struggled with my weight. I also struggled with my depression. I actually did not get diagnosed and treated for depression until a few years into our marriage. There were ups and downs with that and the weight. In 2000, I lost 91 lbs while doing low carb. My husband and I were actually separated at the time. (We separated 3 times throughout the years. Don't worry, it has a happy ending since we are back together now and stronger than ever!) However, low carb was a temporary fix. I went through some hard times, the depression came back, and so did the weight....along with some extra. I then just gave up with the weight loss. I accepted the fact that I was destined to be fat forever.
Fast forward to 2011. In August of 2011 I broke my ankle. Not a big deal, right? Yeah, it really wasn't. Well, not until a week later when I started to have some serious pain and the cast I had on got really tight. I went to the doctor and they decide it would be a good idea to just check and make sure I hadn't developed a blood clot. Turns out I hadn't developed one blood clot.....I had developed TWO, one of which had already moved up into my thigh. I was immediately rushed over to the hospital and admitted. I spent the next 10 days there as they tried to get the clots under control. It was at that point that I realized I seriously could have died from that. I could have died and never saw my daughter grow up and have a successful career and family. It was not directly because of my weight, but my weight was a factor. Once I got out of the hospital, I was on blood thinners for months, having to go to the doctor sometimes as often as every 3 days to have my blood drawn. Not fun, let me tell you.
Fast forward to January of 2012. I will spare you the details, but I had to have an emergency hysterectomy. Not really life or death, but again another health issue. However, the part about THIS surgery that really made me start to think about the lap band surgery was the cost. I have health insurance. I work for Blue Cross Blue Shield of Illinois, so obviously that is the insurance I also have. Since I started working for them, I also got to know the criteria to be met for the lap band surgery. I mean, I had thought about it in the past, but never thought I could actually afford to do it. However, here I found myself in January having this emergency surgery. THIS surgery meant that I had met my out of pocket maximum of my insurance at the start of the year. For the rest of 2012, all of my medical bills were covered 100% by my insurance. That REALLY made me start to realize that lap band WAS possible for me. I mean, working for BCBS of IL, I knew that with my BMI and my health history, I more than qualified to meet the criteria. With my out of pocket max being met, it would be no cost to me. Why in the world NOT go for it?!?! So, one day in March I decided to go for a consult. I found info about a lap band surgeon in the area who was in my PPO network. I called and made the appointment. By May I had met with the surgeon, I had gone through the 3 hour psych evaluation/dietican evaluation, etc, and I had sent it for preapproval with BCBS. Within 3 days I had my approval back from the insurance company. This was REALLY going to happen. I still couldn't believe it. I then, however, had to wait until August for the actual surgery because I wanted to save up my paid time off at work.
A week before surgery the doctor called and told me there was something "suspicious" with my EKG and they didn't know if I could have the surgery. I freaked out. Now, normal people would freak out over the abnormal EKG, right? Me? I freaked out over the idea of maybe not being able to get he surgery. Messed up, I know. So I ended up having to get an EEG done and was able to get it back and the results to the surgeon A DAY before surgery. Everything was fine and the surgery went on as planned. Surgery took place on August 7, 2012. On the day of surgery I weighed 304.5 lbs and wore a size 26 jeans. Today, December 22, 2012, I weigh 252.8 lbs and wear a size 18 jeans. I do not regret my decision for a moment. Six months ago, I am sure I would NEVER had told someone my
weight or clothing size. Am I where I want to be right now? No, however, I am proud of how far I have come. I know the road ahead is not an easy one nor will it be a quick one. I WISH it was a quick one. My doctor scolds me all the time for being frustrated that I have not lost more. I am impatient. I admit it. I want this weight gone NOW. I know that is not going to happen, and I am slowly accepting that. I do know I am heading in the right direction though. I am heading in the HEALTHY direction.
So yeah....that is me and my lap band journey.
I'm a RN, work in a recovery unit, i'm going to be off 1 wk. after surgery. I can delegate the lifting for a few wks. after surgery. My surgery is scheduled for Aug 28th! We need a nurse group on here! keep in touch
