reqgoddess

oh, lord, why am I fat? well, self esteem. that is the biggest reason, no self esteem. I was sexually molested and then sexually abused (there is a big difference) when I was a kid. The latter went on for a while. Then when we moved (away from the abuser), I started doing better. Once, the abuse remarried and actually came to our house as part of his honeymoon (I had never told my parents for fear of all the things he said) and actually tried to pull that in my own house!!! Anyway, things were getting better, when all of a sudden, my father started leaving. I was daddy's little girl, even born on his birthday. He would leave, then about 3 weeks later, come back. he would do this for about a year. He was dating a woman in town that was known as a woman of no morals shall i say, and her kids would come to school and say that my father was taking them fishing, hunting etc (this was all BS but found that out 30 years later). It hurt alot. my parents divorced and then 2 weeks later my father married that woman, he being her 4th husband. 3 weeks after that, he was back home. YUP. So, we were all going to move, then 3 weeks before we were moving, my dad left again. This time, I made him let me live with him so i didn't have to face this small town of people that i so proudly told I was moving. So, at 16, i lived with my dad (my mom let me because it was a way for her to hang on) and I went down hill fast. dad didn't cook and of course had another girlfriend whom I didn't like, and so i fell in with a group of musicians. we drank (they drugged, but i didn't like drugs at all) and didn't eat and wrote songs alot. Feeling like no one wanted me, dad didn't really want me around and i felt like mom didn't really as she wanted me to be the link to dad) so I tried to commit suicide. Not very good attempt, but moved home the next day. From there tried hard to recoup. even went to college (a few) got my degree and hold a great career. At 33, my daughter was just 3 then, (i married the wrong man because i didn't think I was good enough for the other guy (that I had left 5 years before) my husband who used to call me slim as i hadn't lost the baby weight, i called suicide hotline and THAT helped alot. I saw a doctor for awhile (who said i was a poster child because many in my situation would have wound up on drugs; a prostitute ; dead or all three). I left mister wrong for Mr VERY wrong but we had the same self esteem (which i feel is like water and seeks it's own level) . He was an alcoholic emotional abuse who by the time I had him thrown out became a physical abuser. All during these 2 marriages, I put all my energy into the kids and work and ate I excelled at work and in the long run, could have done better with the kids by taking care of myself...but..I ate. I was a kid whose parents used to beg to eat. At 25, i was a bone and worked out in 2 gyms. But then all that abuse stuff came rushing at me like a ton of bricks. I have read that this happens often to those who didn't tell anybody at the time of the abuse. So, I lost confidence in myself. That confidence that got me through life and through college, disappeared. So, I started doubting all about me. left a man I loved, thinking he would leave me anyway. married a person who lacked self esteem too. He got fat and so did I but I was called slim and stupid, etc. Anyway. after the second idiot, i quit smoking, got my life back on track and am marrying the man i left at 25. He never stopped loving me, even though he did marry for 4 years, it didn't work, and we are very happy. we have been together for 3 years now and will probably marry next year. i have done a lot of learning and still am. Still need to learn more too. But anyway, i feel self esteem is the most important thing.

Laurend, Sorry, but ...no. Very FEW people in this world can be a couch potatoe and eat thousands of calories and NOT get fat ..eventually. What you find out about most people is that when they aren't around you they are working out, dieting, etc. There are a few lucky sould in this world that have a very fast/high metabolism, but very few. The most of thin people work at it. My dad was 6 ft tall, weighed 180 lbs his whole life, but he never ate too much. he would purposely move away from the food. Not have that doughnut, etc. And again, of course, the gene has something to do with it, but not all. What the gene does is help you to have a pre-disposition towards obesity. IT DOES NOT seal your destiny!!!! Some people have to work harder then others. And it is NOT jus the calories, it is the content of the calories and the combination of the enzimes with the Vitamins you eat. It takes work. It takes learning A BUNCH of stuff. It takes discipline, dedication, etc. But man, who is better equipped to do that then a teenager? Who has the drive the energy more then a teenager. They live half thier teenage life with going all day and very little sleep and can get up the next morning and do it again. At 45, if I stay up to 1 am reading then i feel it the next day as if I was out on a drinking binge. yes, i wish I had the support i do now to have had the time it is taking to learn all this and the stamina of youth to have stayed the course of implementing it. But I didn't. But a teenager whose mom is asking these questions does. She has parents who want to be there for her so she can take the time and learn this and be able to take the time to implement.

First of all, I never said you "grow out of it". Quite the opposite. The longer one waits, the harder it is . Look, no offense, but at 19, although you may be extremely intelligent, you are too young to be fully "life smart" yet (the proof is your statement of "I know all there is to know"). Heck, you haven't even graduated college. However, I know you hate hearing that, because I did too. I, too, felt that way at 19, ( actually i think I felt that way as early as 16 (lol)) so I understand. Warning: when you are 25, you will look back and realize just how much you didn't know. But that is part of life that we all experience. You have NO concept what it is like when you turn 30 then 35 then 40, etc and each time you realize the changes and just how ignorant you were at the age before. (needless to say you will realize all the things that didn't hurt (like knees) in the age before (lol)). No one is saying that the "fat gene" doesn't count. But we use it too much. With exercise and diet and the metabolism of a teenager you can overcome the "fat Gene". And yes, it looks great on paper, and like EVERYTHING in life worth obtaining, it takes work. I have been banded because I am 45. I allowed myself, for all kinds of "reasons" get fat. I yo-yo'd for years. I destroyed my metabolism, which at 45 is nothing like a teenagers' to begin with. Are you going to tell me, honestly, that in your teens, you ate healthy, and exercised? I mean, you had less calories in then you burned? Come on, we are talking about a kid here, who has the time and energy to do it, (but maybe not the stamina, because of years of bad habit eating which I am not saying is her fault, but only she can correct it). Not someone who has to go out to work each day, take care of a couple of kids, dogs, cats, (maybe even a goldfish), a house, who has lot's of things to get done in a day with no time to do them, let alone time to work out, a boss on your back and maybe a husband that is a non supportive idiot. In addition, even THAT is an excuse, because our priorities should be better so that taking care of ourselves IS important. Exercise IS taking care of ourselves. I am not saying this with disdain, but with love. Sometimes, it isn't the easy thing to say, doesn't mean it isn't correct. Teenagers fall into that mode of "the social life" is the most important thing. They will sit on computers; cell phones; ipods for hours but not have "time" to exercise. I have a teenager and I have to constantly try to get her to eat properly, stay away from soda (in which EVERY ingredient is BAD for you), etc. Luckily, thus far, she is thin, BUT she complains that she is getting a belly. Well, at 13 and now 14 she decided she no longer likes the good stuff she used to eat and at school is eating lots of carbs ( chicken patty; fries) and no real Protein (protein wrapped in deep fried bread crumbs doesn't really count does it?) She is NOT 8, (like my little one) where I can control what she eats even when she is away from me. At 14, they are a bit more independent, but she already isn't liking the results. I tell her, only she can change it. I make the healthy food, she eats good at dinner, but the rest of the day it is a horror. When she stays after school, for school work or band; she buys soda out of the machine (which thankfully is being pulled out of the school this summer). Here's the deal, banded or not: Losing more then 10 lbs is a lifestyle change. It is an important one. My sister, who has never been overweight, at 49 runs 3 miles a day , and works out in the evening. She eats no more then 1500 calories a day. YES, she watches what she eats and it is WORK!@!! Even thin people who want to stay thin HAVE to do it. If a bony-malony like her has to watch what she eats and exercise, what makes us think that we don't have to? All those things you want to avoid..i have some. All un-necessary. Had I thought better of myself and put more emphasis on me, could have all been avoided. I DO NOT MEAN become an egotistical SOB. There is a happy medium. I suffered from depression due to some things that happened to me as a child, and my ego was certainly not what it should have been. At late 20's - early 30's it all came down on me like a ton of bricks. I was smart enough to know better, but like you said, it is all easy on paper. Real life happens, and some handle it better then others. I made mistakes due to my lack of self esteem and tried to protect my kids but by doing that i let myself go, but should have tried harder to take care of me, ( again a happy medium) because in the long run, a happier mom is better for the kids. Again, easier said then done. With bad knees and hips going bad, having had 2 herniated discs; exercise wasn't an easy option, although now that i have lost some, it is MUCH easier then before. I can tell you that I was banded for many reasons having to do with health issues, so that i would be here for my kids because they are not ready to be here without me. Anyway, i kinda like life, and in this case it (the band) probably saved it. As a 19 year old person, you may have been banded, for your own personal reasons. But you cannot even fully understand the impact on your life for the future because the part of your brain that handles "long term planning-cause and effect" doesn't fully mature until about 25. So you THINK you do, but medically you are shooting dice. I hope it is the best thing you've done and that it turns out 100% happy (and in this case it probably will) but as a person whose body is still growing INSIDE, I don't think it is sound advice for all teenagers. I think it should be an exception; absolute last choice. Especially for early and mid teens. If they think they have stress now, oh PLEASE!!! I know it seems real to them, but that is why they need to get help to handle that, because this is one of the least stressful times in your life. i know it sounds cliché' but I wish i was back in high school and college. Being a "grown up" isn't easy. Exercise now before the knees and hips and back all go south. Right now, they have some of the stamina. Get the help NOW, mental and physical and it will last a lifetime. It is an IMPORTANT investment in the future, one of the most important they will ever make. Being banded isn't easy. Living with the band is something I wish i didn't have to do to achieve my goals, but by waiting too long, it is the best way out. But teenagers have their whole lives ahead of them. The clock is NOT ticking as fast even though it may seem it. Good and healthy lifestyle changes will benefit more. Remember, if you don't get healthy upstairs too, they you can gain back all the weight that you lost . I know a lady who had a gastric by-pass and has gained back 50 of the lbs she lost. And remember , they don't even absorb everything like we do, but she is the one to bring all the cakes and donuts and Cookies into the office each Friday. Anyway, i did not intend to come across condescending or mean. I nag because I love and want to help. I was hoping some could benefit from experience and such, (but the nagging part is a left-over from being a mom :-). We are all here to learn, and embrace and hopefully help someone else. I WOULD NEVER want to hurt anyone nor would I intentionally be mean or try to hurt any one. Although I know that because you cannot hear me say the words that i write, you can't know that. Many times the written word comes across cold, but that doesn't mean they are meant to be that way and i swear in this case they are NOT meant to harm or hurt.

I had a slight discomfort because i have a sit down job and the port is on the side (for me). But nothing bad. I was more scared then i needed to be. When I went for my second, much better because I wasn't afraid of he unknown (lol). Again, slight discomfort due to position of my port, worked all day both days :-) Once you get busy, you don't even remember you had it done.

jack, Sorry for the uneasiness you must be feeling due to the unknown, but I haven't heard that one before. Defective port? If so, doesn't seem to be a biggie to replace ports because my doctor told me I may need a less intrusive port, as mine is very prominant since I lost 50 lbs. It didn't seem lke a big deal to them, so I wouldn't worry too much. just that you want your fills so that you keep going down in wieght, but maybe until you know something for sure, just excercise a bit extra to make up for the fill. Wish i could help you more. I be praying for you, though.

2 cc's for me. But I should have some taken out after the first coupleof days. Okay now, though, well, getting there :-)

I have to say, that I am totally AGAINST banding for teens. They haven't even stopped growing yet. Parts of their brains won't even mature for years , like up to 25. They need to address the issues as to why they are fat. Life style and parents childhood lifestyle: THIS is the biggest reason most of us are fat. The difference is when you are 40, your body doesn't "bounce back" after years of yo-yo dieting. A teen, still has a great metabolism, but they must take some time and DO something. I don't believe the genetic crud. We tell this to ourselves to take off the blame. All the rest of the world has gene's too. many of them may have genes that are prone to be overweight, but they are NOT!!! It is called lifestyle and here in the states, we have a bad one for eating. Learn what is good for you, don't just have LESS of what is BAD. Small McDonald's fries instead of a large McDonald's fries is NOT the answer!!! Having a cup of ice cream instead of 2 cups of ice cream is NOT the answer. DROP the BAD foods and replace them with GOOD foods. Face it folks, even being banded, you cannot eat the bad food or you will NOT lose the weight. We have had to work hard to learn the good foods. Because since WWII, companies started processing foods MUCH differently and in their processing they have made many foods that once were good ...bad. We were raised with this food, not knowing all the bad things they did to it. But now the info is out there. In addition, with our lab band, we need to count calories. If we were 16 and counted the calories and ate healthy food, and exercised, NONE of us would be here banded now. If we cannot admit this and admit that there was something in us that stopped us from looking out for us, then we are not being honest with ourselves. I think that the mom is taking the correct approach. See a therapist and get her self esteem up. Get her motivated to WANT to learn about the good foods and why they are good and why she needs to get rid of the bad foods before they kill you. The older generations still don't get it to a point. my mom defends homemade pizza. made with white flour because it was unbleached, she thinks it is healthy. AGHGHGHGH!! Homemade pizza made with wheat flour wouldn't be bad except that Mozz cheese is hard to digest, and will turn to fat faster. White unbleached flour is better then bleached flour but please don't DARE call it healthy!!! This is the stuff they need to realize. Yes it is work, but better to learn as a child that nothing is worth it unless you work for it. It is true that you appreciate things more too when you work for it then when you are given it. Give the kids a chance to build their self esteem and part of that is by doing the work to lose the weight. Let's try not to put our adult feelings from when we were a teenager into their heads because if we knew as teenagers to do the "right " things, we wouldn't have to have been banded. Sorry this is so long, and preachy, but unnecessary surgery, even the band, for a teenager is nuts.

My second fill was too much. however, due to time and "not sure what to expect/do/how long will last" i waited. It has been a bit over 2 weeks and I can just now eat some meat. It has NOT been fun. I would recommend getting a little bit out. I have a demanding job and 2 kids as a single mom, and have been running. Each of the girls have been sick and my teen is into finals and got a cut on her cornea. I didn't take the time for ME, but I sort of regret it. Actually, I also thought I would lose more weight, and did, but to ao point. You get sick of the mushies so you wind up having ice cream and milk shakes something i haven't really done since being banded. I also realized that the chips do go down. However they are UN HEALTHY and FATTENING!! So, yes i still lost weight, but probably not as much as i would have had i gotten some taken out. Also, by not having as much "good" food that i used to have, i was very lethargic. So, this also stagnates the wweight loss. I am up to 56 lbs gone, but my quality of life the last 2 weeks has been not nice. Summary: Go back, have them take a bit out and do the usual that you were doing, you will lose the weight and STILL have good quality of life. After all, this should be fun and it WAS until my second fill.

OMG, i tried the a hersheys chocolate bar and some wise potatoe chips and lo and behold..no issues. Then i went and made a protein shake, and at first it didn't want it. WOW!!! Shows you that the bad stuff is really bad because your stomach isn't even recognizing it as substance!!!! i thought it was that way with ice cream because it is basically a liquid (whe melted in your mouth) but I think now it is probably the latter. At least with ice cream, very fattening and other bad stuff but you do get some calcium, vitamin D and possibly a wee bit of protein.

have to admit you have my curiosity going too, what is so bad abiut cheese?

UGH, this thing is telling me wait and try again, then when i do, it posts the original and the "try again".

haven't tried chips, etc since last fill, but I do remember them last fill that they did go down easier then food. Figures right? I have been having ice cream, and fat free pudding, but that is in afternoon. I think I will keep it too. I'll get through the weekend, but to be honest it is my family birthday party and would love to eat SOMETHING!!!! what does the 4 things at bottom of screen mean>? the digg, del.ico.us etc? I see them on a bunch of folks posts buyt have no idea what they mean.

haven't tried chips, etc since last fill, but I do remember them last fill that they did go down easier then food. Figures right? I have been having ice cream, and fat free pudding, but that is in afternoon. I think I will keep it too. I'll get through the weekend, but to be honest it is my family birthday party and would love to eat SOMETHING!!!! what

haven't tried chips, etc since last fill, but I do remember them last fill that they did go down easier then food. Figures right? I have been having ice cream, and fat free pudding, but that is in afternoon. I think I will keep it too. I'll get through the weekend, but to be honest it is my family birthday party and would love to eat SOMETHING!!!!

there is another web page called lapbandsystem.com. My doctors are a "lapbandsystem" members. This means that they have been mentored by an experienced lapband doctor; been observed during surgery by one, and have performed x amount of these surgeries (i don't remember how many). They have a list of them , then i cross referenced them with doctors in my insurance (who of course has a list and then started calling. many of the doctors have performed many more then what is on the lapbandsystem.com page but haven't updated that database. Also tells you where they have graduated from, etc. I really liked it. I love my docs and felt very good about them when going into surgery.

best me: Congratulations on the quitting smoking!!! So important for good health. You are now on your way to an eve healthier you!!!! I understand how that is and I, too, gained the wieght after quitting, but I did it before lapband. Doesn't matter, still gotta take it off before or after (LOL). I salute you!!!!

sorry about that doubleposting, must have hit the mouse twice. I am trying now to eat a yougart, and after only 3 spoons my stomach is making those noises like old plumbing (lol). Won't this subside in a few days? I am thinking it will and figure i will enjoy the weight loss in the mean time. what do you all think?

You know, my first fill, it took 5 days before I could eat like eggs. this time they put in another 1 cc, it has been 6 days and i feel it even when i have my tea in the morning. Really can't have anything like mashed potaotes until dinner, and even then my tummy makes a burp sthingy sound. Yesterday I had just a couple of sips of soup, stopped that and some mashed potaotes and because i was with someone in public, couldn't spit out teh flem my moth kept producing, so threw up as soon as I got back. UGH!! I think I might be too tight, but then again, I may not go back because I do like the weight loss. Won't it eventually get better? And, yes when threw up it was mostly slime (yuck).

You know, my first fill, it took 5 days before I could eat like eggs. this time they put in another 1 cc, it has been 6 days and i feel it even when i have my tea in the morning. Really can't have anything like mashed potaotes until dinner, and even then my tummy makes a burp sthingy sound. Yesterday I had just a couple of sips of soup, stopped that and some mashed potaotes and because i was with someone in public, couldn't spit out teh flem my moth kept producing, so threw up as soon as I got back. UGH!! I think I might be too tight, but then again, I may not go back because I do like the weight loss. Won't it eventually get better?

I also agree with Musical's husband, that is safest way to go. protein bars and shakes, but in a pinch, you could buy one that you don't normally have. I would stay away from peanutbutter crackers andf other junk food like that. It is junk food unless you are using natural peanut butter and whole wheat crackers and even then they are high in calories and fat. Junk food is abundant out there, and it goes down easy, but you will have to work 2-3 times as hard to overcome the extra calories. let's face it, 30 minutes on a treadmill won't even get rid of 1 candy bar (300 cal). So, must look at that or you will be unhappy later.

All, Although we all know that Water is good for you, there have been studies in the past that say 64oz may be bad for some. This was on MSN today. Drinking eight glasses of water a day Admit it, this is one healthy habit that’s a royal pain. Luckily, it’s also completely unnecessary. For some people, eight glasses a day might actually be far too much, leading to sodium deficiencies and potentially life-threatening water intoxication, caused by kidneys not being able to keep up the intake of liquids. In 2002, a kidney specialist tried, in vain, to find any scientific evidence supporting the eight-glasses-a-day myth. His report, published in the American Journal of Physiology, concluded that this standard health advice was complete and utter bunk that, like many urban legends, stemmed from a tiny grain of truth. Apparently, the dietary guidelines provided by the food and Nutrition Board of the National Research Council do say that humans need 1 milliliter of water for each calorie of food—adding up to about 10 cups a day. However, the same guidelines also say that we get most of this liquid from the water in solid food. There’s no need to drink more. :omg: Maybe we need to rethink/replan the some of the water goals.:faint:

You are so right wasbubblebutt. THAT is one of the hardest things. My doc toldme thatmany people misunderstand the sounds the body is making. Most of those "hunger groans" aren't really hungry at all. Our head decided it is. We hear it, and "oh, i better eat, I am hungry". Sometimes, just doing something else helps, like picking up a book, or if you are at work, take on one more task. You know I was/am a MAJOR choclaholic. So, when the going gets tough, after dinner, kids are in bed, I whip out my 1 candy kiss. I don't chew it, i let it melt in my mouth. that satisfies even my cravings.

I feel a bulge and have even had my fiance feel it. Sometimes it bothers me, but not often. it is above my scar so i wonder if it moved. I remember when my doc gave me my first fill, it felt like him moving it, he said i wasn't supposed to feel any of that, but he wasn't alarmed. So, when i see him this month, i am going to ask him again. maybe i have a little bulge of scar tissue, i don't know.

okay, ladies. i am joining,but i am going to whine first (lol). i do have trouble with the water. I drink tea in the morning, does that count towards the water? I need to drink more , though, i know this. Also, tomorrow morning, i am getting up and excersising. I have been slacking off because of my knee, but knee-shmee, i will wear my brace and off we will go. Time to get serious!!

Can anyone tell me why , medically, are these two bullets true: Obesity is one of the strongest risk factors for gallstones. Rapid weight loss diets significantly increase the risk for gallstones. I understand that there is a cause and effect relationship, but I am interested in the actual medical reason. I know there are a few nurses and some doctors that frequent the forum. Please help me to understand. To me, knowledge can help me avoid the situation (possibly).