CandyB

Re: Band-ignorant- friends. You know, this very idea is why I'm not telling people about my band. I thoroughly understand that most of the world does not "get" obesity. And they won't "get" the intricacies of losing weight with the band. I'm just beginning to understand. There are so many variables. But I was so tempted to share it with old friends this week. I am a "sharer" by nature. We were visiting friends in Richmond, Va., and I had to "bite my tongue" several times. As much as I love them and respect their intelligence, I know they would never be able to truly understand going to these lengths to lose weight. I'm glad I didn't tell. I would have spent the whole visit talking about the band. Instead we talked about non-weight-related things. It was nice to have a break from the band. It is still very new for me (6 weeks), and I've been completely consumed by my experience. It was healthier for me to have a vacation from talking about the band. I don't want my life to be only about the band. So, I just realized that I'm not sharing it also because I don't want to be a "band" to myself and to everyone else. I want to be me. I share with all of you good people, one good friend, my banded sister, my husband, my son. and that is enough for me Candy

You can do it! I did it 16 years ago, and I find it hard to believe that I ever smoked. What helped me most was a change in my mindset. Soon after I quit, I was bemoaning, to myself, the idea that I couldn't have a cigarette after a meal or when I was in the car, etc. You know, feeling sorry for myself that I was going to miss my habit. Well, I swear, a lightbulb when on inside my brain, and I said to myself: you idiot. You're not going to feel deprived - you are going to feel relieved! You don't HAVE to have a cigarette anymore. YOU ARE FREE!!!!! And I was free. I hope you feel that way very soon. It is very reinforcing. You will feel so good about yourself, and I hope you feel proud of yourself. Congratulations!!! Candy

Jeannette, First of all, let me tell you that I think it's great that you are so articulate about the emotional abuse you have suffered at your mother's "hand." Your telling of this lifelong theme of your mother's emotional abuse seems to indicate that you are getting yourself ready to become more emotionally healthy. (Goes hand-in-hand with your decision to strive for physical health). May I gently suggest your finding a compatible therapist to help you, a grown woman and wife who doesn't need to spend time obsessing about what Mother thinks, put her in her place in your heart and mind? Only you can make the decision to let her have power over your feelings about yourself or let those feelings come from where they always should have - from inside you. Unfortunately, you were sabotaged throughout your development. As an adult, you must learn that you have the power to allow or not allow your mother to abuse you. It is completely up to you. A therapist can help you sort out the confusion, and help you to grow into an independent adult. Your mother can not hurt you if you don't allow it. You need to realize that you don't need her approval. You have never been able to get it, and it's time to let go of the unrealistic expectation that you will ever get what you need from your mother. Sad but true. Believe me, you will feel so much better about yourself and your life and all of your relationships when you get this relationship put in its place. I hope my words are helpful to you. I had to go through something similar with my mother. Candy

Thanks for explaining NSVs. When I first read Alexandra's, I thought, hmmm, I can figure it out, but I couldn't! I have had a mini NSV - my wedding rings, they're comfortable for the first time in years! My birthstone ring is spinning around. It does seem more real than scale weight. I'm exactly one month post op, had my one month follow-up with my internist, and was surprised that I've lost 18 lbs.! I don't have a scale, and the last time I weighed myself at my sister's I had a week of no weight loss, preceded by a week of a weight gain! Can't wait to begin feeling more comfortable in my clothes.

Hi, Alexandra, What a great feeling! I can feel your joy! What fun! Congratulations!!!! (I'm looking forward to the day I notice a visible difference, too.) Need clothes on the way down? One lady I spoke to said she had good luck finding clothes at a consignment shop while she was losing weight. Now that she is at her goal, she admits to being a clothes horse. Go, girl! Of course, if you're like me, you saved all of your favorite clothes on the way up, but it has been so long for me that they are probably way out of fashion. It'll be fun going through them, though. My goal is to be able to wear a particular (tiny) suit jacket - vintage - that I saved from my mother. Very pretty - charcoal, shawl collar, braided trim. I have a photo of her wearing it and holding me in her arms on my Christening day. Waiting patiently for first fill day - April 8 - and trying to eat sensibly, meaning lots of protein, and keep to the rules so that I don't have to completely re-train myself when I'm finally feeling restricted. Not too easy since I'm hungrier as the day goes on. Again, congratulations. You must feel great! Candy

Hi Marc, I'm new to this forum (joined last week), and I love what I'm reading. I wish someone in my surgeon's bariatric practice would educate him/herself by reading these threads. So far, they have been so UNhelpful about my after-care. I am amazed at how NONknowledgeable they are. I, too, had thought I wanted a bypass. My thought was - If I'm going to do it, let me do it ALL THE WAY! But after attending a few support group meetings, which are made up of mostly bypassers, I didn't like what I was hearing about bypass - too many negative "side effects". I also thought- Why do more to my body than I have to? Maybe the less invasive approach Will work. I mean, you don't cut your finger off if you have a boo boo. You use a BAND-aid! (Get it?) So, I switched to the band. So did my sister, and we were banded on 2/24/04. The more I educate myself the more glad I am that I made the decision to go with the band. Reading these threads is so comforting because knowing what to realistically expect is exactly what I need to get me through this confusing pre-fill stage. So, I thank everyone from the bottom of my stomach for sharing and caring. My best to you, CandyB, Monmouth County, NJ

Hi, Karen, Thanks for the encouragement. Congratulations on getting through your banding. What an unexpected experience you had. (It must have blown our surgeon's mind!) I hope you will be coming to the support group on Thursday evening, if you're up to it. We need all the bandsters we can get, and I'd love to meet you. I would love to hear from you via my profile contact info. Best of luck, Candy

Karen,

My sister and I were banded on 2/24/04, after a long waiting period. Our surgeon, Frank Borao in Long Branch, NJ, has the best reputation in the area; so, we felt he was worth waiting for. He's a great laporoscopic surgeon, but he has no one at his bariatric surgery office who has been banded or bypassed, and the staff just can't answer our nitty-gritty post-op questions. That's why I'm glad I found all of you. Suddenly, I feel like I am surrounded by the best people in the world. I am sharing this surgery with all of you, my sister, my husband, my son, and my best friend. That's it. I have no intention of answering the questions of the naturally thin population in our world, the people who feel superior because they think they have greater willpower and yet they were simply genetically predisposed to being thin. Let them wonder how I suddenly developed superior willpower. Ha-Ha, we're on our way to a new life. Seriously folks, the greatest factor in my decision to have weight-loss surgery was my desire to be around for my children and grandchildren, and to have a good quality of life. (Becoming as beautiful as I can be is definitely a rewarding perk, though!)

Hi, I had my band done (along with my sister) on 2/24/04. I can't believe you were allowed to have a fill already! My doctor leaves the band empty for at least 6 weeks"for our protection." But I'll tell you it is very discouraging. The weight I lost in the first 2 weeks is coming back, even though we're sticking to the meal plan. Also, no exercise except walking for 6 weeks. We must have a very conservative doctor. It is a comfort that he is so careful, but this pre-fill stage is hard.