mommymary81

Feel free to add me, Im mommymary81
I've already added a few of you from this post so if you get an invite I would love it if your would accept. :wub:

mommymary81 I also am looking for someone to help me get back on track. I was banded Oct. 5, 2010 I lost 50+ but now
because of bad habits and no support I'm starting to gain. I would love to keep in touch and maybe we can help each other set
new goals and get rid of the bad bad habits.

No hard feelings here. And you're right about babies who arrive with or without advance planning, and with or without the use of contraception. My house is full of unplanned and beloved children. They happen to be canine kids, but we love them all. If we'd been able to have human children, our house might be full of grandchildren by now. Whatever species, they all need feeding and loving! And so do their parents.

I can totally relate to everything you said Mommymary. I lost 60 pounds and then learned all the ways around the band went back to old eating habits and for years did not lose weight. My band was actually too tight so I really couldn't eat the healthy stuff and like others was embarrassed to go into see the lapband doctor. Why are we embarrassed we paid alot of money for a great service, hold our heads up high and go and take the support that we are entitled too! I have recently had a small de-fill .5cc and am now doing great! Planning, eating slow, listening to my band, staying away from food triggers, using this site and having a goal in mind all things that are helping me. Put your self number one, if your husband is not behind you then put him on the back burner and forge ahead we are here for support and encouragement. You CAN do this............use the tool as needed to be successful!!

Have you tried the my fitness pal or lose it apps? That was my first step in the right direction after getting off course. It made me focus on exactly what I was eating, if I was drinking enough Water, getting enough Protein. It kept me from popping that cracker in my mouth because I didn't want to log it! It has saved me too- we were at Bjs brew house & I wanted the fiesta chicken salad. I keyed it into my fitness pal & it was over 1000 calories!!! Take small steps. What's that Chinese proverb (?) "A journey of a 1000 miles begins with 1 step". Set 1 small goal today- "I will log all my food on MFP". Do it. Pat yourself on the back and set another small goal. You can do it!

"I really haven't been doing good at all since my last reply. I've continued to do the same exact things as I had been doing to sabotage any chances of weight loss. I'm beginning to feel like this is never going to happen for me again, like it's just not meant for me to be thin and healthy."
again, dont hate me
in yellow. those are your words--- if you continue to (not eat correctly) which his high fat/junk food etc, you are just doing what is is you claim to want to change. if you want to to be healthy, you attitude needs to change first. the band wont solve your problems, they will still be there. i am not one who will say thats ok, just do better tomorrow. i am one who will say, do better today.
you have to either do something about or you will stay the same
right now all i am reading is i want to lose weight but still doing bad.....why is that?
this is about you.
you are the only one who can do something to make your self happy and get well.

At a support group meeting a few years ago, a pre-op woman and her husband argued openly about her desire to have WLS. She clearly needed major help with weight loss because of some serious medical problems, he was vehemently against it, and the argument kept escalating. The facilitator of the meeting was struggling to get him to calm down enough to talk about why he was so against it. Suddenly he burst out that he didn't want other men looking at her and wanting her. He was so upset (and embarrassed, probably) that he got up and stomped out of the room.
It would be easy to say that he was being a jerk and inconsiderate of his wife's needs, but all I heard was the agony in his voice, and his terror over the possibility of life without his wife.
I hope that couple was able to get some counseling or other help. I've been married for 25 years to a guy who I love but who still has a hard time talking about his feelings. Men are acculturated to be strong and silent, and I have to take extra care to reassure my sweetie on a regular basis. Because I can't bear the thought of life without him.

It's not mean, it's arithmetic.
Let's say your basal metabolism needs 2000 cal/day just to keep you alive.
To lose 1 lb/week, you need to eat 500 cal/day less, so that's 1500 cal/day.
But if you're pregnant, you need to eat 300 cal/day more than your basal metabolism needs, so that means you need to eat 2300 cal/day.
Bottom line:
Pregnant Mom > 2300 cal/day > healthy baby
Pregnant Mom > 1500 cal/day > unhealthy baby

I think all of us deal with self-sabotage to some extent. Even "normal" people do it, but it's expressed not in eating behavior but in other areas of their lives. With a big family, you have a LOT on your life's plate besides food. The approach that works best for me when I'm trying to make major changes in my behavior is to pick one small behavior and work on that until I feel I've got it under better control before I take on another one. So for example, you could decide to get all junk food out of your house (give it to friends, family, food bank, dumpster) and promise yourself not to bring home anything else like that for (say) 2 weeks. Trying to make big changes all at once is a setup for failure, in my opinion.
I know very well what it's like to get trapped in hopelessness. I think you need to get some small successes (see above) under your belt so that the hopelessness loses some of its power over you. And as you said, you need lots of support. You can get that here on LBT, in an in-person WLS support group, in a group like Overeaters Anonymous, and/or in counseling with a therapist experienced with WLS and eating disorder patients.

momma mary, it sounds like you are a great momma
you have wings waiting on you with 6 young uns. YOU go girl
i think getting the band and having children must be hard. i do not think ms jean meant to come across as (mean). i think she is and was concerned about you. you got the lap band (which is a major surgery in itself)
and all that goes along with it. and then 2 gorgeous babies. follow shortly thereafter.
but now that you are wanting to (get back on track) you need to buckle down and do something about it. my brother told me once, either do something about it or shut up.
(i dont want you to shut up, i want you to do it).
do this for your kids, be healthy. be who you can be GF.

Sorry if that came across to you as mean, because that wasn't my intention, and I don't think the OP (original poster) took it that way. My point in recommending birth control is that having babies and losing weight are both worthwhile but incompatible.

You've gotten some very helpful responses to this thread. I just want to add one thing...congrats on the 2 post-band babies, but you need to find some birth control that works, at least until you get your weight and your eating problems under control. Just sayin....

LBSept09 is right.
I was ashamed after FIVE years of not dieting at all! But I sucked it up, went in and they were SO happy to see me. Now I am back on track and going strong!

That is exactly right. Start your liquid diet. After a couple of days it will get easier I promise. It was for me any ways. Then I called my doc on Monday and asked for a rush about before I had a chance to change my mind. I was so ashamed that I put this off for a year. Ugh!!!
They were so happy I came in. they will know you are beating yourself up over this. Time to stop using that excuse and get into the right track!!!!!!
Good luck, I think today is the day...

One thing that will help tremendously is to tell your husband to not bring such trigger food into the house, at least during your struggling phase. You have a young fanily that needs to eat as well, but you don;t need to fall off the wagon every time there's bad food around. If the family eats a meal that you should not eat, then be prepared to make yourself an appropriate alternative meal for yourself. There are alot of Mom's and Dad;s on here that have to do this. You can do it too!
My husband and I recently went to a friends house for dinner. This family eats nothing but junk food and everything that is not on my particular diet, so I brought my own food so I wouldn't make the massive mistake of choosing to eat their junk food. They were very accomodating and understood.
You just have to surround yourself with cupboards, refridgerators and freezers full of all the yummy stuff you CAN have! Be prepared for such a food "attack". You can do it, you did it before.
I wish you the best... and take carolinagirl's advise!

sounds to me like head hunger arrived to visit you. he ordered pizza and had soda (and your head said go on, eat it). been there done that... first off get the (diet thing out your head). you need to eat to lose weight the exact same way you gained it. you will change what you eat how the band says how much (but its up to you to use Portion Control. just because that pizza is there, did you have to eat it? one piece is fine but did you stop after one piece?? or eat that piece and say the heck with it and eat the whole thing....heck that is what i use to do. so yeah, i know exactly what you are dealing with. i did not get up to almost 350 by eating lettuce.
(you said you want this bad enough but cant motivate yourself enough to stop making excuses)..unless you decide to do something about it, nothing will change.
you got to make that choice.

with that type of attitude missy, you can accomplish anything. :wub:
just begin is all. if you dont do well on one meal or one day, do better the next. beating yourself into a pulp wont help. we cant bring back yesterday so do it today.

I am just a few weeks in front of you, but did the same thing.
I have more excuses then anyone could dream up on why I needed to wait and eat correctly tomorrow.
Finally, I come in here, yay!!! I stopped eating mid day on a Friday even. I started right back at my preop diet and following every rule to the exact.
I am doing much much better this time around. Not allowing my mind games to control, nor the food!!! I spend lots of time in here when I want to eat.
Soo, good luck. You can do this!!!!! Have fun, and enjoy the challenge.

I really do need to talk with my surgeon about this and see if he can refer me to a nutritionist. I have also been considering trying to re- train my mind (so to speak) by starting all over again just like I had never had the band by forcing myself to do the pre and post op preps and liquid diets again. I know I can do it and I am going to do it, but I wake up every day with another excuse and I am so embarrassed because I keep doing this to myself. I would like to start going to my surgeons supports group, and I have even considered joining Overeaters Anonymous, but with 4 kids and a full time job I just wouldn't have the time. Carolinagirl, I really think your response has hit the hardest. I need to get over myself and these excuses and start doing what I know is right. I see that you have now lost 50 lbs, congratulations! I remember that milestone and how good it felt, not to mention the extra energy I had to have that much weight off. I want to be there again so bad. I am very determined that starting right now that I will eat only 3 meals a day and only until I am full. I will not drink anything during my meals, and I will wait at least an hour after I eat before I do drink anything. When I do drink I am going to drink ALOT more Water and stay away completely from the regular sodas. I can do this!! I've done it before and I can do it again but better this time. I am actually going to hit my goal this time and stay there!!

Everyone is so supportive here!!! I love it! This site has helped me so much. I just wish I would've known about it when I was banded 3 years ago. It's been a struggle for me too- lost 40 but gained back 20. So it's great to hear people cheering each other. I too loved what carolinagirl said. Thank you guys!

I really do need to talk with my surgeon about this and see if he can refer me to a nutritionist. I have also been considering trying to re- train my mind (so to speak) by starting all over again just like I had never had the band by forcing myself to do the pre and post op preps and liquid diets again. I know I can do it and I am going to do it, but I wake up every day with another excuse and I am so embarrassed because I keep doing this to myself. I would like to start going to my surgeons supports group, and I have even considered joining Overeaters Anonymous, but with 4 kids and a full time job I just wouldn't have the time. Carolinagirl, I really think your response has hit the hardest. I need to get over myself and these excuses and start doing what I know is right. I see that you have now lost 50 lbs, congratulations! I remember that milestone and how good it felt, not to mention the extra energy I had to have that much weight off. I want to be there again so bad. I am very determined that starting right now that I will eat only 3 meals a day and only until I am full. I will not drink anything during my meals, and I will wait at least an hour after I eat before I do drink anything. When I do drink I am going to drink ALOT more Water and stay away completely from the regular sodas. I can do this!! I've done it before and I can do it again but better this time. I am actually going to hit my goal this time and stay there!!

I really do need to talk with my surgeon about this and see if he can refer me to a nutritionist. I have also been considering trying to re- train my mind (so to speak) by starting all over again just like I had never had the band by forcing myself to do the pre and post op preps and liquid diets again. I know I can do it and I am going to do it, but I wake up every day with another excuse and I am so embarrassed because I keep doing this to myself. I would like to start going to my surgeons supports group, and I have even considered joining Overeaters Anonymous, but with 4 kids and a full time job I just wouldn't have the time. Carolinagirl, I really think your response has hit the hardest. I need to get over myself and these excuses and start doing what I know is right. I see that you have now lost 50 lbs, congratulations! I remember that milestone and how good it felt, not to mention the extra energy I had to have that much weight off. I want to be there again so bad. I am very determined that starting right now that I will eat only 3 meals a day and only until I am full. I will not drink anything during my meals, and I will wait at least an hour after I eat before I do drink anything. When I do drink I am going to drink ALOT more Water and stay away completely from the regular sodas. I can do this!! I've done it before and I can do it again but better this time. I am actually going to hit my goal this time and stay there!!

Bite the bullet and spend a nickel on a nutritionist. Preferably one from your surgeons list of nutritionists. Be prepared to be brutally honest about your eating habits. Honestly, all we can do here is give you attagirls but a dietician/nutritionist who understands bariatric surgery patients can offer so much more insight and knowledge if you've fallen off the bandwagon.
Locally here we have support groups mentored by a very good nutritionist and you could get your feet wet if you tried finding a local support group near you. Then take the plunge and go one on one. You will gain so much more if you're serious about losing weight.
tmf

So sorry you are having such a hard time. You have at least acknowledged that you are strugling and that you are doing all the wrong things. That is a step in the right direction..Now, you and only you have to make up your mind that you are going to loose this weight. The prenancies did not help matters but you can work through this and get back on track. You made the decision to loose weight and have this band installed some time ago- now it is time to get serious. Good luck and we will be looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Melinda in Florida