gustavo52974

I don't know what the big deal is...if you look around, there seems to be quite a few threads where people are doling out advice....mostly along the lines of "divorce that bastard".....as well as quite a few recommendations to seek counseling (marriage counseling). Apparently it's perfectly ok on a WLS forum to give advice about marriage, but not eating.

Although I agree with you, I'm now just trying to make my responses on here as clear as possible so my intention, tone, and meaning is not misinterpreted. And I no longer wish to give advice on here, so I like to make sure whatever I write on here going forward is not interpreted as such. My intention in giving advice never is, was, or will be to set a course of discussion into play that will lead to someone being insulted, nor do I want to be accused of it.

I am *

I hope you don't take this the wrong way, and I'm only informing you because I find it quite useful, but whenever you realize you've made a mistake after posting, there is an "Edit" button on the bottom right hand side of the text box next to "Multiquote". I use it a lot because I often forget to proofread my messages before I send them. Only trying to help here, no disrespect intended.

Thank you Susan! I apologize to "Gustavo " that I'm not an english lit major like he is...this poor guy who asked about Doritos, unfortunately probably will never ask for A-D-V-I-C-E again!

I was a microbiology major in college. Not that it matters.

I know this statement has nothing to do with the subject of this forum, but I didn't want assumptions made about me that are inaccurate. I also intend no insult or tone of retaliation by this statement. Thanks.

Gustavo,

I'm the sort of person who can manage something if I'm able to understand it. If I know that little voice inside my head...the one screaming for something bad...is the result of someone's intentional attempts to control my brain (in a very unhealthy way), I am able to not eat whatever it is that voice is screaming for. Its a function of awareness....like controlling what/how much you eat by beginning to honestly track everything you put in your mouth. (If that makes any sense.)

Yes, that makes perfect sense. There's a lot of brainwashing going on in today's society. Awareness is one of the first steps towards wisdom. And wisdom begins with the words, "I don't know." I'm the kind of person who'd rather know than not know. I can see how understanding the process of manipulation helps break the chains of it. Thanks.

By the way, the above statements are my opinions and not intended to insult, admonish, criticize, or advise in any manner.

I'm sure you guys will do great! Good luck and keep us posted!

*This statement is meant as an expression of encouragement and support only. Since I'm not a medical professional, none of the above statement is meant as medical assurances or advice. Nor was this statement in any way to be rude or condescending and shouldn't be taken as such by any current or potential reader or forum member participant.

The same people, thinking they are perfect.

Oh don't worry. I'm never giving advice on this website ever again.

Lol! Thank you Gustavo! As a former colligiate athlete I AM gung ho about excercise. I never stopped. It just got harded and harder to do as I got bigger. I know you will OWN those weights and rock that muscle tone! My goal is to be able to run Pats Run this year. Also to continue to kick the crap out of my guy friends in basketball lol! For the last year they have been able to beat me grrrrrr! JK! I love those guys! BTW its a little sad some people are so sensitive you have to write a disclaimer. I personally appreciate the support!

What sport did you play in college? I played volleyball.

Yeah, well...a forum administrator on here took issue with the fact that I suggested to someone that, among other things, they might consider counseling. And she brought it to my attention that I shouldn't give advice to others on here unless I was a medical or psych professional. She also found some of the things I said were rude even though I came to the defense of myself and others who were unfairly attacked and insulted by someone else. I'd rather not have to deal with this again, and I have a feeling I've been "flagged" and my posts are being monitored or something.

It's nice though that you have an enthusiastic gung ho! attitude about exercise. I was finally cleared for light weightlifting (beyond 10 pounds). I'm excited and a little nervous about returning to the gym. I really want to get back my muscle tone.

*I'm only posting this statement as an expression of "togetherness" and my first sentence is meant as a compliment only. Since I'm neither a medical professional nor a personal trainer, none of the above statement is meant as advocacy or suggestion for any current or potential reader or forum member participant. Any description of my experiences or plans (present or future) are purely my own and in no way meant as criticism or insult.

Yes, mine did that for a while after surgery. It sounded like my stomach was having a conversation with itself. I think it lasted about a week for me.

*I'm only posting this statement as an expression of sympathy and not in any way suggesting that my experience is or will be the same as yours. Since I'm not a medical professional, I cannot claim that this phenomenon is or isn't normal or that you should or shouldn't seek the advice of a a medical professional. This is simply my experience and in no way should be regarded as advice or the like.

I like gustavo's suggestion of asking your surgeon...

I appreciate that. However, I should mention that although I had a positive experience with counseling, I'm in no way suggesting that someone should seek counseling. I'm just sharing my experiences here.

So.... I am 4 wks out now and today I had a new and not so pleasant experience. I had very bad diarrhea and it was oil like. There was oil floating in the Water around it.... Should I be concerned?? Really sorry if TMI.

I had the same experience a couple times when I was one or two weeks out (I don't remember exactly when). And although I'm not a medical professional, and I'm only mentioning this for purely sympathetic reasons, and I don't in any way suggest that this will be your experience, but I haven't had an oily diarrhea experience since then. I admit that I have absolutely no idea why and this is only MY experience. I will say though that I still have my gallbladder.

Regarding Jennifer Hudson, didnt she lose for a role as Winnie Mandela? Did the movie ever come out? I always thought that was just an excuse, personally.

The movie was called "Winnie" and was premiered in September 2011 at the Toronto Film Festival. But it wasn't well received and a different distribution company took over; they plan to release the film this fall.

Making suggestions and telling people what to do are very different things. I've never told anyone on here what to do. I can't make anyone do anything. If someone doesn't want solicited or unsolicited suggestions, they don't have to take it. I never said I was a medical professional just because I had surgery. If no one is allowed to give advice, then why does this forum exist?

And I'm sorry, but I don't like to be called a "pot calling a kettle black."

And b

Ahhhhhhh, breathe in, breathe out, deep cleansing breaths...

Don't we feel better and calmer now?

I have to be honest, if anyone had ever suggested to me that I needed/need counseling, I would have been personally offended and probably even angry. I probably would have demanded to know what their credentials are to be telling me I need counseling. Heck, I worked in behavioral health care for 13 years, but even then, I don't feel qualified or confident that I would gain enough information from reading a couple of posts on a message board from someone to recommend they get counseling.

But, that is me and my opinion. I respect your opinions and am happy to discuss them without attacking anyone personally.

Sent from my iPad using VST

By that same logic, because we're not medical professionals we shouldn't tell people about WLS or even suggest it?

Heh heh gustov...I thought I was the bad guy lol. Maybe I'm off the hook for a few mins : p

No, I'm always the bad guy. People can attack me all they want, but god forbid I say something that someone doesn't like, I get chastened or chastised. I have found this forum to be extremely helpful and the people friendly and generous of spirit (for the most part). I guess I just get tired of people attacking the forum in general and telling us that we hurt their feelings, or they don't like what we post, or we aren't helpful so they don't want to come back, or we're a bunch of know-nothings for suggesting they get help beyond this forum, god forbid. Isn't there a rule against THAT?

So what kind of thearpist do I seek out? I've never been to one but I'm sure I could benefit from thearpy. Can those of you who have done "all" your homework and have sought out therapy tell me which kind to see?

I asked my surgeon. I don't know if I was lucky that he knew someone good, but it's a place to start I imagine.

My weight gain was a result of more physical than psychological reasons. And once my physical problems were solved, I was still fat and was going to stay fat unless I did something about it. I'm not saying that someone put a gun to my head and told me to eat more than I should, but counseling helped me sort out the differences.

I LOVE THIS RESPONSE!

Yes, this is a place for sharing, venting, questions, cheerleading, etc. But it is also a place for realistic responses and A-D-V-I-C-E. I agree we might all have a weak moment and eat a "bad" food. Then we get over it, and keep it moving. When you ASK FOR ADVICE...BE PREPARED FOR THE TRUTH! I, for one refuse to enable people here,and talk to them like they are children. We're adults who have made an adult decision to get healthy. Sorry, Nacho cheese Doritos don't qualify as a healthy alternative.

As my grandfather would say, "You'll never get permission to do something wrong. It's far easier to get forgiveness."

I'm not saying the Doritos guy was asking permission...but the principle still seems to apply.

And would it be a violation of the forum rules to actually post a picture of my ass in chaps? I need to look that up...too many people seem to need a little visual punishment

My hat off to you! I raise a glass of Protein Shake in your honor!

These boards have been a lifesaver for a pre-op's like me to ask questions and seek advice on how others have experienced this surgery and I love it! I want your advice. However, I have been told and I have read where others have been told (frequently) by members on this forum that they should "really get professional help for their issues with food". Can I just say "Duh" to all of those that feel the need to say this. Of course we do and ya know what? So do you! We all do or we wouldn't be in this situaiton. After many failed attempts at dieting I went to a LPC and it didn't help one bit. I just gained more weight and felt like a bigger failure. None of us should be so quick to make a referral for professional treatment. It is the pot calling the kettle black and is not helpful. If you want to be of help, share what your LPC told you about your issues with food and maybe that will help us too!

Thank you!

Fist, your failure with counseling is YOUR experience, not everyone else's. I went to a counselor who specializes in weight problems because I wanted to know why I started gaining weight. I thought maybe I was an emotional eater, but that wasn't the case with me. I found out that there are MANY reasons why someone puts on weight, both physical and psychological. I was successful at pinpointing my problems with food, but that doesn't mean I necessarily have to share it with others. Everyone is different and I can't tell people what their problems are--I'm not a licensed therapist. I've already talked about what my problems were and I don't like repeating myself. If you're so desperate to know, read my collected posts.

And I decided to get counseling AFTER reading this forum because I read a lot of different people's stories and viewpoints. I wasn't sure which applied to me. So it was BECAUSE of other people's suggestions on here that I sought counseling and I feel so much better about my own situation.

So to hurl these criticisms at those who recommend counseling is undeserved and a failure of logic. Just because it wasn't helpful for you doesn't mean it couldn't work for someone else. You took a seriously wrong turn there. You shouldn't rely on lay people to give you psychological advice. "Duh!"

You can throw all the nasty posts you want at me now, but I will not read them or any other posts you make, so you probably shouldn't bother.

I'm starting my 7th week and so far I still can't eat sugar without having a terrible bathroom experience. If anyone else has had that problem, do you have the same reaction with fruit? My post-op diet says I can have fruit, but I'm scared to try.

I always measure my food! I invested in a good scale that also tells me the caloric value. At three months out, I don't eat more than 4oz. There are times, depending of how dense the Protein is, I don't finish. I am desperately trying to teach myself not to eat until it hurts. I need to be content with the amount my body needs to be healthy. Not a bite more. That's how I got in trouble in the first place.

That sounds like a great scale! What kind/brand is it?

Oh yeah, I also have this problem. The "fullness" feeling is so sudden. And I have a problem eating slowly too, especially if I'm eating by myself and I'm in a rush. I simply HAVE to change this.

But I find that if I eat with other people, I enjoy frustrating them by eating in slow motion and eating only a tiny portion. I love watching the dawning shock on their faces. But I'm snarky and self-centered.

Oh..one more thing...I have to keep reminding myself that the rate of weight loss isn't as important as knowing that, if I do everything I'm supposed to do, I WILL reach my goal. Besides, I've read that the faster you lose weight, the greater the loose-skin problem can be.

Wow! The sheer physics regarding the amount of physical activity versus your caloric intake makes it rather surprising that you've stalled. But the whole "stall" thing is a science I have yet to clearly understand. I stalled for about 5 days in week 6. I wanted to smash my scale, oh yes I did.

I think we get so used to the weight coming off daily that when it stops for a while, we automatically go into panic mode. I did. But just knowing, from this forum, that stalls are common and completely normal did me a world of good.

I'm actually amazed by you. You're exercising, keeping busy, following your diet, etc. I can't see how you would fail! It sounds like to me you're on your way to success.

Intellect and emotion are two very separate things. Intellectually, he might know that you can't eat much. But emotionally, people who are foodies and/or love to cook can have a negative knee-jerk reaction to those who can't eat, or can't eat MUCH, of what they put in front of you.

My Italian grandmother was an amazing cook and she needed validation for this by seeing everyone clean their plates. And when I spent time in the Middle East, the way you showed your host that you enjoyed their cooking was to finish everything that was served.

I've been on both sides of this issue, and it involved two "new" friends. I met friend #1 at a party (way before I had the surgery) and we hit it off (just as friends) so we decided to hang out one afternoon. We were hanging out in my neighborhood, which is known for lots of great restaurants. Unfamiliar with the area, my friend told me to choose a place to eat. So I picked a pizza place that is known for having NYC's "best" pizza. I was excited to have him try it because I believed it was the best pizza I'd ever had. He ate three bites and left it on his plate.

I knew he had had weight loss surgery (in his case, the Lap Band), and I knew intellectually that he couldn't eat much, but my emotional reaction was that I felt insulted. "You didn't like it?!? You only ate three bites!" It was like being told it WASN'T the best pizza and I was wrong. Then I remembered he had the surgery and I felt a little better. But the emotions kicked in before the intellect.

I met Friend #2 after I had had the surgery. He knew I couldn't eat much, but he was one of those people who prided himself on his cooking. I went to his place to hang out one day and he had just cooked a big meal for himself and his brother. Despite the fact that I had gone into detail about the stages of the post-op diet with him (he was really curious about it, so I told him), a lot of the food he cooked I simply couldn't eat. But he shoved a plate in front of me and wanted me to try it. He stood over me with an expectant grin as I took the first bite of his mashed potatoes, which were really the only thing I could eat.

I took three bites and told him that they were indeed excellent and put my fork down. "That's all?!? You don't want anymore? You didn't like it?" I kept telling him that was all I could eat, but he still seemed rather hurt. He got over it and we went on to do other things, but seeing the pained expression on his face when I put my fork down made me feel bad.

My point is (and sorry for the novel I just wrote), people who make food a priority in their lives might be a bit of a challenge for those of us who have had weight loss surgery. That doesn't mean you can't have them in your life, and I'm still friends with the guys in my story. But it took time and understanding to get used to the idea of a stomach that could only hold a few ounces of food.

I'm glad to hear someone say they too feel like they are mourning food! Don't get me wrong I am so ready for this journey and I know there will be hard times but I also know it will be worth it. But I do feel as though the ones around me have no idea what I'm fixing to go through. My surgery is sch for 9/12/12

Oh yes, mourning food is a big part of this process. I went through it. It's bitter and difficult, but you get over it after a while. I know it seems scary now, but you'll look back and be amazed at how much your outlook on food has changed so much for the better.

Some people have a food funeral before they start the pre-op diet. I tried that myself but it didn't help at all. In fact, it made me sad and I just wanted to eat more.