tmorgan813

It's so normal to go through all the emotions you're going through. You just went through a very tramatic experience. Your body is healing and yo need to give it time to do so. Also, my surgeon told me NOT to get on a scale for two weeks. Due to all teh water retention, gasses, and other things, you're going to gain weight right after surgery. However, I know what it's like to want to see if going through all this was worth it. Trust me, it is. Do yourself a favor and don't get on the scale for four days. In those days, get your liquids in, walk, walk, walk, walk and walk. That will help get all those gasses out and regulate your water retention. Then, you can check. But, be aware, you are still swollen and healing so don't expect to see a 10-20lb loss. The good thing is, in a month from now, you will be so happy when you get on the scale you won't even remember this emotion time. keep your head up and trust me, every day gets better.

This is so exciting. I went through the same concerns as I got closer to having surgery. Now, I wouldn't change a things. The ONLY thing I really miss is bread. I loved bread, so it's hard to not be able to eat it. With that said, I am now at a point that I rarely think about it anymore. (I'm three months out). Also, I wasn't sure if I read this right, but are you and your husband doing this together? If so, that's great. If not, it's still wonderful that he is there for you and is understanding what you will be going through. Keep you head up and keep doing the great job you already are doing. Hope to hear more about your journey. Best of luck to you!!!

@Tiffany, I did model the underwear and bra for him....he seemed very impressed but then something came on the T.V. and I lost him to the Food Network. LOL Oh well, He did at least pause the T.V. when I came out in my new jeans that show off my butt. He even made me turn around a few times so he could admire it. So, I guess sometimes my body is better than T.V. ......just not always. LOL Also, thank you so much for your kind words. I continue to try to do my best, but I'm not perfect. I have things I shouldn't....just not often and not very much....I still have issues with eating at night....something I continue to work on. At least now, I'm eating fruit instead of chips and ice cream. lol. I will make sure I keep everyone posted and you're right, when I get below 200...WATCH OUT. That's going to be a blog of pure happiness. LOL God luck to you too!!!!!

Today is almost my three month point. Also, I have my 20th high school reunion coming up so I figured it was a good time to go shopping. Now I have no idea what size I wear or where I should shop. So, I called my mother. I always like to have someone with me that will be completely honest and tell me I look like a teenage wannabe, or I'm trying to wear a size WAY to small or WAY to big. Mom will always be honest. Sometimes a little too honest. One time she told me not to buy something because my boobs looked to big. That's what I liked about the shirt. Needless to say, I bought it. Anyway, today I started at Lane Bryant. You all know the Big Girl store. I found some things I liked and grabbed a couple different sizes. To my amazement, I fit into a 14/16 shirt, and a 16 or 18 pants (depending on the cut). I can't tell you the last time I wore anything that size. Especially for my shirts. At that moment, shopping began to be fun. I started to understand why people love shopping....I could totally get into this shopaholic thing. Then I went to Old Navy. Now, understand that the only thing I used to be able to buy here was a men's XXXL sweatshirt. Well, today, I was able to fit into the woman's polo shirts (XXL), woman's jeans (size 18), and an XL woman's sweatshirt. Now, here's the funny thing. Being big for most of my life, I've always worn very baggy clothes. Because even though we all know baggy clothes don't hide anything, we feel more comfortable and let's be honest, we're hiding behind those extra baggy shirts and pants. So, when I came out to look in the mirror wearing these clothes that were the correct size and fit me the way they were supposed to, I felt so exposed. It took me awhile to get that this is what I am supposed to wear and how I am supposed to look. Trust me, it's crazy. I really had to look at the emotional issues that come with being fat. Then, I said "screw that" I'm losing weight and doing well. I have the body I would have died for when I was 25. I'm curvy, and yes I have more weight to lose, but I am going embrace my new body and not hide it being my XXXL sweatshirt. Well, apparently embracing my body cost $300. I embraced it in new bras, underwear, jeans, pants, sweats, and shoes. I also made sure that none of those things were baggy or hiding anything. Everything I bought showed my body in a tasteful way. However, the only person who will see the panties and bras will be my husband....and he'll be happy to hear that my cup size is still a DD. He was so worried about that. LOL So, now that I told you about my wonderful day, I have to tell you that I have been kind of down. My scale number has not really moved over the past month and a half. If goes up and down between five pounds. Now, I KNOW that I am working out more and gaining muscle and that my body is changing but I still want that number to go down. I want to be under 200 so badly, I can't even explain it. The last time I was under 200 I was in high school and I was working out all the time and barely eating. But, right now that's my goal and I am so upset that I'm not getting any closer to it. But, going today and seeing how my body is changing even if the scale isn't going down makes me feel REALLY GOOD. So, I decided to stop worrying about that number on the scale and enjoy my body and my new clothes. Now, I just have to figure out what I'm going to wear first.

For some reason (I am sure it's due to the ridiculous amounts of chlorine in the pool water) I have begun to have some sinus issues lately. I have been able to deal with them with out taking any type of medicine. The most I may do is put some hydrogen peroxide on a Q-Tip and clean my ears out with it so that an infection won't come on considering how much time I spend in the pool. This happened to me today. As soon as I went under, I could feel the chlorine water find it's way up my nose and in my sinus cavity. I swear, I know how to swim and usually, I don't get any water up my nose, but for some reason this pool is different. Then, to top it off, my husband and I had a very intense conversation. You know the kind. The kind with some yelling, and tears, and then kissing and making up. I always enjoy the making up part. The problem is, when I cry, I look like buffoon. I am not one of those cute, pretty, "oh, please let me just hold you" type of criers. Nope, I am the kind with the snot running down my nose with tears intermixed, eyes so swollen and red I can't see two feel in front of me, and a nose that from all the blowing now looks like I should be leading Santa's sleigh on a foggy night. I always wished I could be one of those cute criers. The ones who don't look any different except that they have some tears trickling down their cheeks. But nope, I couldn't be that lucky. Then, to top it off, I ALWAYS get a sinus infection the next day or two from it. Nothing beats having a bad night and crying only to wake up int he morning with a pounding headache and a man inside your sinus cavity with a sledge hammer attempting to get to your brain. So, I have learned that when I am done crying, I have to take two Sudafed (sp?) and two Advil (now it's Tylenol). This has always worked for me with out much issue. That is until I've had the sleeve done. Since the sleeve, I've tried to take the medication twice. Both times I feel like there is something in my little tummy that is BEGGING to get out. It doesn't care if it takes the elevator up or down. I know this is due to the size of the stomach and the amount of yucky stuff that has drained from my sinus cavity and my nose to my stomach. However. I have no idea what else to do. I have tried to take only one pill but that hasn't helped me at all. So, it ends up that I find myself in the bathroom throwing up all that gross stuff in my tummy. To make matters worse, I haven't been able to sleep tonight. So, I took my morning meds around 5am. That includes my per-natal vitamin. I figured I'd be alright since it had been so long since the crying and drainage. I figured the elevator would be headed down by down. Boy, I couldn't have been more wrong. Then it happened. Something I hate. That thing where you're kneeling in front of the porcelain god begging to feel better. Then I saw it. It was a red color in the bowl. Talk about fear ripping through me. I woke up my more husband (who wasn't able to sleep well tonight either) so he could come look at my throw up. He informed me it was fine. But, being a woman, I never take his word. I started thinking what IF ANYTHING I had that had a red tint to it. Then it hit me. My vitamin. I opened one up and there it was. The same stuff that ended up getting flushed down to the place with all the dead gold fish and a lot of other things I'd rather not think about. At that moment, I wanted to cry again. Only this time, it would be tears of happiness. So many things had gone through my mind. Did a stable pop? Do I have an ulcer? Was there bleeding due to lack of iron? I became my own doctor and the thoughts I was having were not fun. Funny things is, even with all that going through my head, all I could think was, "Damn, I really don't want to pay the E.R. 150 bucks." Funny how money can really change your perspective on things. LOL Now, before everyone gets all freaked out, please know that I've only cried to the point of needing the Sudaed (sp) two times since surgery. This is not an everyday type of occurrence. It just shocks me how much snot crying can produce, and that no matter how much I blow my nose, there always seems to be TONS left that drains into my stomach. My stomach that can only hold 3-4ounces at a time....you do the math....it's not a pleasant thought now is it? Well, anyway, I am much better now. I've learned my lesson. Don't take my vitamin when I don't have anything in my stomach except the Sudafed and some crystal lite (or and the other nasty stuff) as it WILL NOT END WELL. Sorry for the disgusting post....but as always, I like to tell you the good, the bad, the ugly, and the nasty part of weight loss. Today you got the nasty...and not in a good way.

I can't believe I didn't proof read that before I sent it...too funny.

One thing you all don't know yet is that I fall all the time. I can be walking along just fine and then BAM, I hit the ground. I've done this my whole life so I've learned how to take a fall. I also run into things and bang my head on things all the time. Again, I'm used to this. Also, I had lots of extra padding to keep me safe. Well, last night I found out that some of that padding is gone....and trust me, it HURT me to learn this. I had gone over to my parents to get a cooler for my friend and her husband to use at the beach today. I cleaned it out with bleach and water.....and ruined ANOTHER shirt. Bleach and I just don't get along. Anyway, back on track. So, last night I looked inside of it and noticed that there was still some water in it. Now, you have to understand the way my counter is. It comes out to the living room to allow for extra space and a place to eat. Ok, so I was bent down (under the counter) cleaning out the water and then I decided it would be a great idea to stand up without getting out from under the counter. Well, my head found a new friend. I slammed my head on the counter so hard that I gave myself two knots, a headache and a concussion. It was right then I knew that I lost some fat in my head. I say that becasue I have hit my head on so many things over the years with out issue. I am talking counters, the open freezer door, walls (walking into them), doors. I swear, I always have some type of bruise on me but I haven't had a concussion since I don't know when. My husband rolled his eyes at me when I told him how badly I was hurt. He's used to seeing me doing things like this and I am never a baby about it but for some reason last night he thought I was making it worse than it was. That was until he felt my knots. Thank you knots for telling him I am not a wimp. Then it all changed. He became so concerned. He wouldn't let me sleep and if I did, he made me sleep out in the living room so he could wake me up when he wanted to make sure I was ok. That was great until I woke up on my own only to find his sleeping on the couch (I was on the love seat). What is it with men, a remote, and a couch. I think there is a sleep button that we women don't know anything about on the remote. Anyway, i am fine. Knots are much smaller today and the headache is gone. I just have to be more careful now that I'm losing my padding. It's going to suck when I fall again....I better start wearing one of those dog training suits...that should keep me safe.

No, I haven't done that yet....probably becasue the last two days it's been nothing but old ladies and kids in the pool....I don't think either one would want to hear me sing or see me poop out of my top again. LOL

Congrats. That has to feel amazing. Keep up the great work.

I love laying out. The sun energizes me, and I feel so much better after being outside all day. So, when the weather is like it has been, I lay out at the pool. I enjoy getting a nice tan and I spend a lot of time in the pool as well. In order for me not get strap marks on my arms, I pull them down and tuck them in the top part of my suit. I've done this for years with no problem, as my boobs filled out the suit and kept it up. Well, the past few days, I've noticed that I have to be a little more careful with my suit if I go under water or move around a lot. I have to make sure I hold the suit near my boobs so that no one gets a R rated show for free. This has worked for me...until yesterday. Now, here is how it all went down. My friend (you remember, the one from Costa Rica) is back in town with her daughter and husband and we all went to the pool. I was playing with the little girl while keeping an eye (and hand) on my chest. Then, it happened. I had a moment of forgetfulness. I picked up the little girl...tossed her to the side and then POP...out came the boobs....nice and perky from the cold water and at attention for everyone to see. I quickly went under water while pulling up my suit. I thought I made it with out anyone seeing then BAM there he was. He was sitting out on a lounge chair with this great big grin on his face. I knew right then that my boobs had a new admirer and he didn't care that they were a little (or a lot) droopy and smaller than they have been in years. He got a free boob show and his grin showed me he approved with what he saw. Right then, I decided that I needed to wear the new bathing suit I bought. So, today I wore the new suit only to find out that one of the straps is coming undone and needs to be sewn. So, tomorrow, I will have to wear the old one. The one that wont stay up with out some support. Support that my droopy boobs can't give. So, I will have to give in and wear the straps or just accept that I may give a few more guys a show.....humm....white straps on my arms or showing off my boobs for a few strangers????? What will I do. I hate to say it, but there may be some very happy men at the pool tomorrow and Monday. Now, I wonder how my husband will feel about this once I read this to him.....maybe he will want to see them now....I got it, I think I'll read it to him with my shirt off and boobs out...that way he won't be listening to me. Yes, that will work very well. So, here I go, Shirt off....lets hope he is more interested in the boobs than what I am saying....we've been together for 12 years so you never know how this will end...but I'll let you know. Ok, did it....He held on to every word....but he did glance down once or twice...that's pretty good after 12 years.

@ALongerLife....I would so be the person wearing headphones singing out loud and not even realizing it. I sing out loud when I'm not wearing anything so it would be even funnier if I did that in the pool. I need to try that tomorrow. hehe

Working out isn't easy when you have back issues. However, being in the water is a great way to get pain relief and to get some exercise in with out hurting myself even more. I live in a condo so the pool is shared by everyone in the neighborhood. Usually there aren't many people there which is great for me and my work outs but I still get some strange looks from the people who are there (including my husband). Now, I can't just dive on in and swim. I mean I can, but I will pay for it the next day. I also can't do a lot of bending and flipping or a lot of ab work. So, what I do is walk. I walk back and forth in the shallow part of the pool. Now, this can get very boring. Also, there is only so much people watching someone can do. It get's a little strange when you are caught looking at the same person for the fifth time because you can't believe she's wearing THAT, or looking at someone's boyfriend for the sixth time becasue you are really looking at the clock over his head but she can't figure that out. Trust me honey, no one wants your man....he's not even half as attractive as you seem to think he is and by judging by what I see in his shorts, he's not that great in bed either. Anyway.....maybe that was a little much....but I'm just telling it like it is. So, in order to keep my boredom down and to make sure I don't get myself in any trouble with the girl who shouldn't be wearing that bikini or have the guy's girlfriend jump in and drown me, I've begun walking back and forth while reading my book. Not only does it help me not look at the people around me, it allows me to walk back and forth and lose track of time. Yesterday I walked for an hour. AN HOUR of walking in the water!!! I was shocked. I didn't even notice I was getting my workout....and isn't that how it should be? Why can't every workout be this easy? I could have waked for another hour except I knew I would hate myself the next day. So, from now on, I plan to get my walk done in the pool, with my head down and my nose in a book. That way, I can still be alive after the workout and not have my neighbors hate me. I think it's a win win for everyone.

@Katie I grew up near a vacation area (beach) and I have always had the mentality that no matter how big or bad I look, there is ALWAYS someone that looks worse. I proudly flaunt my jowls at the pool and the beach. If people don't like the look of them, they don't have to look. Now, with that said....I will say that I will have plastic surgery but only for me. I figure if I am going through all this, I want to look REALLY good for once in my life...and if nip and tuck is needed than so be it.

After my past few posts, I had to post these. Hope you get a laugh from them like I did.

Also, I read this to my husband and I asked, "Did you notice the skin on my legs?" He responded yes. WHAT????? How could yo not tell me. He said, "I figured you would eventually see it and deal with it...more than likely in your blog." I have to admit, he really does know me. Gosh, I love that man.

Thank you all so much for your kind words. You have no idea how happy it makes me to know that people are enjoying my journey and that I can make you all laugh. I have to admit, there are times I post a blog and get no comments and I wonder, "Was it not good? Did they think I should have said something else?" So it's always nice to get feed back! I promise to keep writing if you promise to keep reading.

I try to stay away from full frontal naked mirror shots of myself. I think this is something we learn to do as we get bigger and bigger. I can't tell you the last time I stood buck A@@ naked in front a mirror on purpose......then again, why else would I stand in front of one? But today, I did. Back story to how this finally came to be. I was laying out at the pool today and I looked down at my legs and I thought, "Hummmm, is that just weight loss or is it skin? is it a little of both." I then tried to ignore it, but ended up in the water doing leg lifts and any other leg work out I could do to help "tighten" the area. So, after a 1/2 hour of trying to work the area, I decided to just relax and enjoy the sun and fun. Now, anyone who knows me knows that once I get something in my head, I can't let it go. I do obsess sometimes....ok, most of the time....my husband is laughing and saying, "you mean ALLLLLL the time.". ANYWAY......lol So, I decided to pack up and come home. As soon as I came in, I took off my bathing suit and went to stand in front of the only full length mirror in our home. Remember, fat people don't like full length mirrors...they are the enemy. I haven't had a full length mirror in my home for over 10 years. The only reason I have one now is that it's the door to one of the closets in the house. As you can imagine, I didn't pick that door out. At first I couldn't look at my whole body. I stayed focused on my boobs and up. I am used to seeing this section of my body before or after a shower so I knew what to expect. My chin is a normal one chin, my face had thinned out, my collar bone is beginning to show itself and my boobs are hanging a little low. SIDE BAR: Every time I look at my boobs (even before surgery) I sing this tune, "Do my boobs hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can I tie them in a knot? Can I tie them a Bow? Can I throw them over my shoulder like a continental solder? Do my boobs hang low." So far I haven't been able to make a knot or throw them anywhere except in a bra to push them up. Now you all know that song is stuck in your head right now....don't lie. LOL Ok, so they looked the same. The boobs were hanging a little more and my "wings" are a little more wing like. I take a deep breath. I slowly allow my eyes to move down my naked body. The tummy area is looking smaller. There is some possible loose skin but only time will tell for sure about that. My hour glass figure is starting to show itself again (my husband is in heaven about that) and for where I should be right now after surgery, everything looks like it should. Now, I don't plan to run out and buy a bikini to show off my six pack abs. I may go by a six pack of beer to show off since I can't really drink it. LOL Finally, I look to my my legs. Now, before I explain what I saw, you have to understand that prior to my back issues, I was always active. I was never"thin" but I was toned and tight. My legs were very muscular and I always hated how bulky they were. Then today as I forced myself to look at the area I was scared to death to face thigh to eye (a little word play LOL) , I realized I was no longer 25. I still have muscle but much less. Then I saw it or should I say THEM. The jowls. Right between my thighs in the upper part of my legs under my special lady place. They just hung there, all wrinkled up and looking like they should begin slobbering soon I was expecting to find the rest of the bull dog but thankfully that didn't happen. I was shocked. When did this happen? Was it before surgery and is now worse due to the weight loss? Then I looked at my thighs to my knees? Yeap, there is all is. It all made perfect sense. I have lost so much weight so quickly that my legs already need a lift and I'm just half way done with my weight loss. By the time I am ready to have any reconstructive plastic surgery, I will be tying things in bows and throwing them over my shoulder. Then It all really hit me. Once I am done losing the weight, I will be thin but I will have the body of a ninety year old. How can I feel sexy wearing all that skin? I can see it now, "Honey, just throw that left boob over my right shoulder and then you separate the jowls between my legs to look for the "area"." Yeah, that's a real turn on. Lucky for me, I have a great husband and someday soon I will have a great plastic surgeon. My new song after I get my jowls removed and my stomach tucked and my breasts filled and lifted will be, "They don't hang low, or wobble to and fro, the surgeon cut em off becasue they were hanging to floor.......I'll have to work more on the song but you get the idea.

@4alongerlife I wish my back problems would go away...but I know they won't. Every doctor I've seen has said that I'm pretty much screwed when it comes to my back. The good thing is I have one last option and I am hoping it works....if not, then I will continue to do what I've don't for 18 years....grin and bare it. No need to let my pain control me. I take each day at a time and only do the things I know I can.

I have always been very "normal" when it comes to going number 2. Ok, stop laughing. Yes, I am going to talk about bowel movements. I have always said I would be honest and open and this is something EVERYONE does. There is no need to be ashamed or shocked. If you feel uncomfortable reading about this, move on to another blog. I won't take it personal. Ok, now that I've told everyone what's coming down the pipe (pun intended) we should all be ready for an open and frank discussion about poop. It's something that everyone does and after surgery, I have found that I do it much less than before. I used to go once or even twice a day. There were times where after a good poop (you know the kind I am talking about....the ones where when you're done you feel like you've lost five to ten pounds) I would feel lighter and have a little more energy. Now, I barely go. Then, to top it off, it's never easy. I can't just get the feeling and go sit on the toilet for five or ten minutes. Nope, I get the feeling and end up spending a half an hour in there listening to "plop, plop,plop." It's never a nice S shape poop that you hear Dr. Oz always talk about. It's more like there is a very large rabbit in my colon. And, I have the poop to prove it. Well, I don't have it sitting next to me in a bowl or anything. That would just be gross. I just mean that when I do poop it comes out in small little nuggets. I have tried everything. I have added fiber to my drinks, taken stool softeners, and even laxatives. The only change is that the little things come out a little easier. Now, the reason I am writing about this is to see if anyone else is having this issue and if so how are you dealing with it. Also, is this normal and does it get better over time. I will be honest, I don't think I can live with a rabbit in my colon for the rest of my life....I don't care how thin I am. Wait, I take that back. I used to say I would do anything to be thin....I guess little nugget poop is my "anything".

Way to go!!!! You look great and are doing an amazing job. You'll be in those 32's before you know it.

Thank you...and congrats on being in a size 18. I have no idea what size I am due to all my paints have strings right now. LOL

You are correct. Sorry. I wasn't thinking. Tylonal only. I am not sure why I think I took Excedrin. LOL

You are going through withdraw from all the carbs, sugars and processed foods. I had a horrible headache for about four days. I found that Excedrin worked best for me. It never fully went away, but it did get better. Best of luck to you. In two months you won't even remember the headaches.

The lomein is mostly for taste for the chicken. To be honest, I rarely eat the noodles...I think I do it more to have it look more like a meal. I really like beans, but I don't know how to make them. I wanted to make some re-fried beans but to be honest, I'm a little scared. I will try the eggs as well. Thanks for the info. Any crock pot ideas to try?

I was sleeved on April 12th and I am doing very well. I get my protein in via Lean Shakes and for dinner I eat chicken. My issue is that I am getting sick of chicken. All other meats don't seem to sit well with me. I am very good with bacon for some reason. I can also eat some nuts as a snack. While I was PMSing, Nutella and little pretzel stix were good too but I couldn't eat very many. The nutella seemed to hit the need for something sweet. My issue is that I don't like to make a "meal" becasue I can't eat much of it. I cook two chicken breasts and then take 2ounces at a time and mix with some lomein or I just eat it plain. So, what are you all eating and how much? I need ideas.