wanderlust_76

Today I am doing something I haven't done in FIFTEEN YEARS (15) YEARS!!! I left my house with my shirt tucked in and put on a belt. HOLY COW!!! Actually, skinny cow!!!! I am so excited. And people are talking. I have had a TON of people ask me how it feels. I am so freakin' happy. I just had my 6 month anniversary and I have lost 74 pounds. If you are just starting this journey, stay strong. One day you too will leave your house with your shirt tucked in!!!

So I went to weigh in and my nurse was excited to tell me I am now "obese". I was like "uh...thanks". She goes "no, I mean, you're not 'morbidly obese' or even 'severly obese'. Now you are just obese. Next stop overweight"...hahahaha!

I have been sleeved. My four month anniversary was the 6th. We are going on vacation at a waterpark on the 25 th and I want to be in one-derland when I go. I'm ok if I don't make it. It is just a goal. I was kinda laughing at myself this morning. I just tell myself I'm not going the rest of my life without eating a donut hole. I do want to read one of those books though. I do think I self-sabitage.

Ok, so I'm pushing to lose 11 lbs by July 25. I woke up thus morning, worked out for an hour, came home and ate 3 donut holes...really?

Do you eat or drink before you workout? I did that too and I started drinking a protein shake or eating a yogurt before I work out and it helped with dizziness.

I just have to keep reminding myself I didn't gain the weight overnight, so I can't lose it overnight. Take a deep breath and smile! You are on your way!

I did the same thing my second week. I remember crying I was so upset. I did start losing again. I have lost between 1-2 lbs a week since. Some weeks it's four lbs, some weeks it's less than a pound. Try to stay off the scale, but once a week and use the same scale every week.

Thanks! I know everyone has a story. I enjoyed sharing mine. I have to say that on this site, there are so many people that feel the same way. It makes me happy to know I am not the only one struggling with food choices or guilt for eating.

I defintately struggle with this every day. I, too, believed that I would make better decisions. I keep telling myself, "You cut out half of your stomach, do you REALLY want to eat this?" and get furious with myself when the answer is yes. But like my dietician told me, and I am sure your's did too, it is a lifestyle change. Here is my thing. I am going to eat cake. I don't plan on going the rest of my life not eating cake. I am just not going to eat it daily. I think we have to forgive ourselves some. I also think that over eating isn't just a coping mechanism for trauma. Mine is a learned behavior. I am a Catholic, Itailan. We do everything with food. We celebrate with food, we grieve with food, we visit with food, etc. I wasn't raped or beaten. I just learned to eat. Don't be so hard on yourself. It took you YEARS to get where you were before the surgery. Don't think you are going to change overnight. The fact that you are writing about it and worrying about it says that you know the right things. Take it one day at a time and you will be fine. Good luck!

I know I already posted this, but today is my 4 month anniversary and I feel GREAT!!! The surgery is just a funny story I get to tell my friends as they are staring at me in shock that there is so much less of me. My favorite is when I see people that don't know I had surgery (and I don't tell them. Where is the fun in that?) They always say, "Have you lost weight?" My answer is "Yes, thank you for noticing." They always look a bit puzzled. So the moral of the story, the pre-op, not great. The surgery. . .sucks!!!! Everyday after that. TOTALLY WORTH IT!!

In my opinion, the sleeve is the best choice. The lab band might be cheaper at the beginning, but it keeps costing you money when it is done. The sleeve doesn't. In the end, it is cheaper. My hint would be to try not to drink anything 30 minutes before, during or 30 minutes after eating. After surgery, you can't drink and eat at the same time. The dr said it stretches your pouch, but for me, it is painful. If I take one sip of water while I am eating, I am done eating. I got used to doing this before the surgery and I had an easier time than my mom (who also had the surgery) post op. Also, start getting into an exercise routine now. The more you exercise, the more weight you lose. If you get in the habit before, you are more interested in doing it afterwards. I think it is a great idea for your parents to go with you. The more people on board the better. My husband, mom and dad were all familiar with what was going to happen and what to expect. They all asked questions I didn't think of. It also opened the lines of communication. Ask all the questions you have. I would keep a pad in my purse and as I thought of them, I would write them down. My dr. got a kick out of it. Anyway, good luck. If you have any more questions, you are in the right place. ..lol.

I took 2 full weeks off. I teach and my doctor said if I promise to walk into the school, sit in my chair, walk to my car, go home and walk to my chair, I could go back. He preferred 3 weeks. He is very conservative. Probably around week 6 I was able to start working out and getting back into a routine. I started walking around 4 weeks, but it was really slow. I would give myself plenty of time. I wouldn't plan on moving your son or daughter for 2 months at least . . . imho. I will say the more I exercise, the better I feel and more energy I have.

I still WANT the stuff, but I am ok not being able to eat it. Weird, huh? I guess that is good. I talked to my dietician and she said everything I am feeling is normal. I am really not that worried now, but I am worried about five years from now. As far as eating out, I just share with my husband. He is nice enough to let me. I am a Mexican food fan as well. I have two sons and I will order a big dinner and we all share. I take a few bites of the taco and chalupa and the boys eat the enchiladas. It works out. Most people recommend eating off the kids menu, but there is few things I want to eat on the kids menu. I think the trick is to listen to your body. When you feel full, STOP EATING!! If you have any questions feel free to ask. I feel like an expert. . . lol.

Today is my four month anniversary, and I have lost exactly 62 lbs. I have to say the day I woke up from the surgery, I was not sure it was worth it, but 4 months later I can safely say "IT IS WORTH EVERY OUNCE OF PAIN." I still have some things that I am struggling with such as eating out. I thought by now my brain would catch up with what my stomach already knows, but I find myself still wanting to eat everything on the menu. I still want to order the big meals. I find that frustrating. I also feel like I am not eating as well as I should. I just don't eat as much. I know that right now it is ok, but in five years it will bite me in the butt.

Congratulations! That is a great success story. Keep up the good work!

I have to admit I laughed when I read this because I have thought the same thing! My husbands family is the worst. I think people believe if they ask if you lost weight, they are calling you fat.

I just read your blog and giggled a little because I swear I could have written it. Other than telling my mom, I was in the same boat as you are three weeks ago. Here is my advice (for what it is worth).. . 1. As far as mom is concerned, she doesn't have to live in your body. She doesn't have to live with the constant thoughts about why you are overweight and the constant feelings of judgement. She doesn't have to feel the guilt you feel when you eat something you know you shouldn't or the defeat you feel when you give in. This is for you. Not mom. And as the saying goes, "sometimes it is better to ask forgiveness then it is permission." 2. My baby survived. He got to hang out with his grandparents and daddy for week and they are closer now than before. My feeling is he will not remember the few weeks I couldn't run to his side, but he will remember all the times I run with him because I have lost enough weight to be able to do it. 3. You are the only one that can decide if it is worth it. It is not easy. But, like I said, I am three weeks out and I am already wearing jeans that were stuffed in the back of my closet with dust on them. For me that is worth it. Last. . .you wouldn't be human if you weren't scared. Especially knowing there is a little one involved. Put your faith in God or Allah and he will get you through it. It will be worth it in the end. Good thoughts and prayers are coming your way. Let us know how you do.

March 6th had arrived. I was so freaking excited!! My parents had decided to take the boys to the lake for a week so I could recover. The only thing that was giving a twinge of worry was the drain. I am not good with medical things. I even hide my eyes and gag a little when a doctor gives a shot on TV. So this drain is a huge source of panic in my world. My surgery was scheduled for noon. I had to be at the hospital at 10 am. That gives me time to sleep in a little, spend a little time with my family, and reassure my husband that this is what I want to do. I am going to a side note here, but this is not a sillly observation, it is a sincere one. My husband is someone that I can say truely loves me. Not who I think I am or who I want to be, just me. He has loved me at size 12 (when he met me), size 18 (when he married me) and size 22 (when he followed me into the hospital that morning) and all the ups and downs in between. He has never made me feel fat or ugly. He is truely a beautful human being. When I made the decision to do this, I saw the panic on his face. Not because of the money or time, but because he said he is scared to live without me. I have had to give my brother my medical power or attorney because my husband said he won't pull the plug. He said he can't be the one to kill me. He did assure me that he respects my decision and will not fight my brother; he said he just can't be the one that makes that decision. So, at 9:30 we dropped my boys off at daycare. With tears in my eyes, I kissed them each good-bye. I knew that I was going to be fine, but there is always that chance. Telling your kids good-bye is a little scary when it might be the last time. I sent my step-daughter a message telling her I loved her. Then, we started out for the hospital. I was chatty and my husband was nervous. He did not feel like talking so we fussed at each other. I took it with a grain of salt. I knew he wasn't mad at me. When checked into the hospital, we were immediately sent to the pre-op (no time to change my mind). I weighed in there and I had officially lost 20 pounds before my surgery. Woo-hoo!!! I was put in my room, changed my clothes, and met all the pre-op nurses. My parents and mother-in-law joined us and helped me pass the time. I cherish those moments. I guess when you are in a situation like this, you sit back and thank God for the little things that make us happy and my family is it. The nurses came in and tried to start an IV. Because I had been on a liquid diet for a week and clear liquids the day before and NPO since midnight, I was a little dehydrated. It took two nurses one hour to find a vein they could use. They kept saying, "Your veins are so deep". (Sidenote: If any of you are nurses reading this, when you say something like "your veins are so deep" what your patient hears is "You are so fat, your arms are even carrying a load. Stop eating cake, fat butt" Well, they finally got the IV started in my hand using a baby needle. If that didn't solidify my decision about having this surgery I don't know what could have. The time had come and they were finally wheeling me to the OR. The nurses are just talking away. I finally looked up and said "You know I know what you are saying". The nurse looked at me in shock. They apparently forgot to give me the wacky juice I was supposed to get before they carted me off. When I got to the OR, a line of nurses was waiting for me. They even did the wave as I passed by. I said "They forgot the wacky juice, I am soooo going to remember you doing that!" Everyone laughed and began talking at once. I was able to help them get me to the operating bed. I talked to the doctor that was going to put me to sleep (Side note: I know what the name is and no idea how to spell it, so don't judge!) I mentioned to him that I was going to remember speaking to him and I BETTER NOT remember any of that surgery. He promised me that he hasn't had a patient remember in 18 years, and he promised not to blemish that record. Thankfully, he was right. Unfortunately, when I woke up, I did not like him or anyone else very much. I HURT!!!!!. . .

When I began this journey I did it with gusto. I am the type of person that makes a decision, and it is done. I do not dwell on the decision. I accept the consequences as best I can and move on to the next decision. In August I decided I was finished being fat! I lost 50 lbs a few years ago. Then I got pregnant, put on bed rest my first trimester and the rest is history. I am now a 100 lbs overweight. I am a pretty typical person. I teach high school. I am married with 2 sons (1 and 5) and 1 step daughter (13). I am 35 years old. I have fought my weight my whole life. Bones only, I will be lucky to be a size 9. I actually look sick at a size 12. My goal is to be a size 14. Isn't that weird? I want to be what most people believe is over weight. I am ok with that. I do not want to be a model. I just want to be healthy and I want to shop somewhere besides Lane Bryan and I want to look at something and not think about whether I will fit in it. One of my favorite commercials is the one with lady walking down the street with a scale attached to her ankle. It was a weight loss commerical. (Go figure). I think that is the most PROFOUND commercial. I am that woman. Everyday I have weight on my mind. Everybite I take I decide where it is going to go. This bite will go to my hips, this one to my right breast, ect. Sidenote: Have you ever wondered why you lose weight in your boobs first? I do. Then all my shirts fit my hips, but my clevage hangs out for the world to see. Solution: layer. I put a tank under my tops and poof. . .add an extra size on my hips. Who layers when you are size 22? I mean really? Once I decided to have the sleeve surgery, I became very excited. They told me that my insurance paid, and all I had to do was pick a date. I went for my consulation. The doctor told me the three types of surgeries to choose from and suggested the sleeve surgery for me. I researched it and decided that this was it. All I had to do was pick a date. I decided that I wanted to do it the week before Thanksgiving. Then I would only have to take 4 days off, I could be skinny by New Years. . .win-win. Yeah, right. When does anything like that happen so easy? After my consultation, the nurse called to tell me that the insurance now said I had to wait 6 months before I could have my surgery. My husband also decided at this point to have medical issues that would take any extra money that we had. As a good Catholic girl, I believe in signs. I decided that all the signs were pointing to me not having the surgery. I continued going to the dietician with little enthusiasm. I watched my weight go up and up as she told me what I was doing wrong. I wanted to tell her "I know what I am doing wrong. I know how to gain weight and lose weight. I have done it a million times. Why do you think I am fat?" So, as all the signs on the map told me to give up on the idea, I get a phone call from my doctor out of the blue. It was a sign! He was so nice. He said he just wanted to check on me. We talked about the surgery and what was keeping me from having it. Turns out, my surgeon is as much a shrink as he is a weightloss doctor. We decided that I would still do the surgery, but I would wait until Spring Break. That would give me a chance to enjoy the holidays (and there is nothing like the holidays when you are larger than life!). On January 1st, I joined a gym and started trying to lose weight again. I set my date for March 6th. In the two months leading up to my surgery, I was able to lose 10 lbs all by myself. I felt defeated. I mean, I was eating right, I was exercising five days a week and nothing. I say I was eating right. I was eating the right things, but I was still unable to pass up a cake or cookie. I was still hating myself for being so weak. When i finally started the pre-op diet, I had a renewed sense of self-worth. For one week, I had to drink my diet. My docotor told me there are very few things that I can control in a surgery, this diet was one of them. And as I stated, "I did it with gusto!" I monitored my intake, I followed the rules. I was going to make sure my liver was a skinny as it could possibly be. (Side note, why do doctors feel the need to tell us we have a fatty liver? I want to respond, "I have a fat butt too, but you don't state that obvious"). So March 6th arrives and it is surgery day . . .