MeganA

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm so sorry, Donali. I can't imagine how terrified you are. You're heart must be broken. Mine is for you. I want to make a promise to you- I will no longer take my band for granted. That's right, I've been trying to work around my band. Your story tonight has made me realize that the band is a gift that must not be taken for granted. I'm glad you can see things to be grateful for. You are a strong and brave woman, and I know that you and your doctors will make the best decision for you about rebanding. Whatever happens, know that there are many of us out here rooting for you. I will be making the most of my band in your honor. In fact, I'm going to name her after you. I've been thinking of giving her a name and just could never come up with the right one. Up to now it's been "Mrs. Onemorebiteplease". Well, now I have a name that will remind me every time I say it that I have been handed a miracle and it could be taken away at any time. Please let us know how we can help. Megan

I forgot to mention something- I have yet to tell someone about my band (and I tell EVERYONE!)that doesn't inturn tell me about their struggles with weight. I don't care if it's the skinny minny friend from high school, or a stranger- it seems that EVERYONE battles their weight or body image. What I decided to do was to not take it personally- but to be compassionate towards them because I am there, too. It's hard when you want to talk about yourself and get support- and the table gets turned and you find yourself talking to someone who thinks they need to loose 10 pounds- but it really is all the same- self doubt, anxiety, negative self talk. I try to be the friend I would want them to be. Megan

I have to agree with everyone! In my experience, friendships and relationships change a lot after banding. I know I felt very alone for the first 6 months after banding- and I did a lot of negative self talk. My friends were busy with their life, and I think a few of them were scared of who I was going to become. Well, they didn't have much to worry about-physically- anyway- I'm a slow looser, but emotionally I have become a very different friend. I don't let other people put me down or make me feel less than anything. It sounds like this is a good opportunity to take stock of your friendships and see which ones are supporting you and which ones are waying you down. Have a talk with the ones that are supporting you and thank them, and then have a talk with the other ones and put them on notice that if something doesn't change (and be specific about what you need!), your friendship has to. It's hard at first because we don't think we are worth it...but take some baby steps- start by telling yourself a hundred times of day that you are, and you'll start to believe it! Megan

Way to go, Alexandra! This is one of those times when all the hard work really shows... Megan

Babs.... I have an idea, and you can take it for what it's worth :-) You and your hubby need a little weekend rondevue. So, arrange for a babysitter for the weekend. Then leave him a note outlining what you want him to do. Have him get a hotel room for the weekend, and meet you at a bar/restaurant where no one would know you. Instruct him to act like he doesn't know you and to hit on you...or whatever you think he'd be comfortable doing at that point. Then, you go out and have your hair, nails, clothes, etc. all done...do a complete makeover of yourself- wear a slinky dress, get some strappy shoes...and for pete's sake, don't forget the sexy underwear! When you've arranged to meet your hubby a certain time.. go sit at the bar alone. His job- to hit on you and make you want to go back to his hotel room with him :-). That means that during the whole seduction phase- you don't talk about your kids, your jobs, etc...you feel wild and crazy, and oh so sexy. You two will find things to talk about, especially in that frame of mind :-). You two can spend the weekend having a wild love affair with each other. This is just one out of the box idea for spicing up your life within the boundries of being a mother, wife, career woman...I bet you can think of others:-) Then let us know what you came up with :-) Just don't forget that men (at any age!) will do A LOT for some sex :-) Megan

If anyone is interested, the yahoo group MN_Bandsters is having a support group meeting on Sunday at 6:00 in Columbia Heights at La Casita. It will be the first meeting of this group, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to invite anyone from this forum, as well. If you'd like more info, please let me know! Megan

Gabby- It is a bit of a drive for me, too but I'm so excited, I think I'd drive to Duluth if I had to. I'll suggest at the meeting that we move it around a bit to try to capture as many people as we can...but I think the person organizing it is from a northern suburb, so it makes sense this time. I'll keep you posted. Megan

First, let me say a big congrats for 34 pounds lost!!! You're on your way! The easy answer to your question- go get another fill!!!! I find that it's way too hard to follow the bandster rules when I don't have good restriction- then I beat myself up and it's a vicious cycle. Get another fill and your battle will be so much easier. Megan

UH...what I miss the most...it's not having to feel things. I don't have my coping mechanism any more. It used to be that when I was sad, mad, glad, happy, tired, lonely, bored, horny, frustrated, nervous...I ate. Now, I have to feel these things. I miss stuffing them down with a bag of chips or a few bowls of Cereal. At the same time that I miss it, I would never go back. Megan

I have mixed feelings about therapy. I used to love my therapist...I felt like she knew excatly what I needed to get back on track. Usually, she is right on with advice or helping me see things in a different way (I have lots of black and white thinking with myself). Since I had weight loss surgery, I feel like I spend most of my time educating her on the surgery, the 'rules', the emotional challenges. I don't think she gets it- she's thin and I am pretty sure always has been. That doesn't mean that a thin person can't intellectualize the emotional rollercoaster I'm on...but she can't commiserate. On the other hand- isn't she exactly what I"m trying to become? A thin person who has a normal relationship with food? So, what I've decided to do is to look to other people for their support when I just want to complain or just be sad or angry...and work with her when I actually want to change what I'm doing. They are not mutually exclusive for me . I think that just by admitting you have a problem with sabatoge you've won a major battle... Good luck! Megan

I actually just got Sheila Kelly's S Factor Video. She was on Oprah talking about stripping for a workout. I believe a rerun of it will be on tomorrows Oprah. Check it out! I've only done the video once and it was very invigorating and fun. It made me feel really sexy, too...which is a major accomplishement some days!! Also, being 280 lbs sometimes I have range of motion issues (like there's a big paunch in my way!) and I didn't have that with this video. Try www.sfactor.com for more info. good luck! Megan

I agree with Sue 100%. The issue is not your mother, dear. The issue is your need for acceptance. You know what is really interesting? Your mother has her OWN issues that she's dealing with- and her comments are not a reflection of you, but a reflection of herself. I know, because I'm a former mother(or insert another any other relative's name)-acceptance junkie myself. It only took about three therapy sessions for me to make some boundaries with my mother. But ******I******* had to do the work to get the results and to see any change. She is who she is. The best news- this is totally something you can get a handle on. And you'll feel so much stronger when you do. Best of luck, and keep us posted, Megan

I had my first PB after a night of drinking. I lost my mind and ate a piece of ham in two bites and wound up PBing the parking lot of a Krispy Kreme. NOT PRETTY. What I've discovered is that alcohol makes my band sore. I can actually feel my stomach after I drink- if I have more than one or two. It also makes me loose my mind- see above as an example. What I do have is a glass of wine or two in an evening...or one vodka cranberry or something with no carbonation. But I do this once a month at the most. Megan

J- I certainly understand the "being terrified of what you won't be able to eat" part. I was the same way before I had surgery and before I had a fill. But with every fill (and I've had three so far) I got to the point where I was actually READY to eat less. It's hard to explain, but you'll get it when you start to eat real food and the scale may- or may not- move. Mine didn't move but a few pounds after each fill and then I'd stop all together. By the time the doctor poked me with the needle to give me another fill, I had adjusted to the smaller meals and was ready to get the show back on the road, so to speak. Now that I have pretty good restriction, I've gotten used to the amounts of food I should prepare- even though sometimes I fall back into the habit of heaping a plate FULL...then I laugh at myself and put some back. There are still times when I look at a plate of my favorite food that I cannot eat any more of (note- not that I "shouldn't" eat- but physically can't) and I get sad. Sometimes I get sad that I want that food more than I want to loose weight, othertimes I get sad for the preband me that would have eaten it ALL and beat myself up for it. Sometimes I get sad that I am wasting food, othertimes I get sad that I feel like I need it like a drug. But over time, the sadness is fading as I gain more control over my eating, as I learn that having my clothes feel a little looser feels better than that food would have, and I'm happy that I will never ever have to go back. The most freeing thing in the world is to look at food that you once would have eaten every little crumb of...and to just throw it in the garbage because you don't need it anymore...you're full, and satisfied and you know if you try to reheat it later it'll be too rubbery. I'm still learning...and everyday reveals a new challenge to overcome. Just know you aren't alone, and it gets a little harder before it get's easier...but it DOES get easier. Good Luck! Megan

Welcome to restriction land, Shelly!!! I'll tell you what works for me... The first thing I'd have to say- DO NOT WAIT TO EAT if you are hungry. You'll end up eating too fast or the wrong thing, etc. The rules have changed, now...I can't do that "I'll eat after I..." thing anymore. I end up drinking most of my Water at night now- I have much less restriction, and I get the munchies at night, so I drink a few- probably three- bottles of water before I go to bed. I'm very ready to go to the bathroom in the morning, needless to say. But, I get it in... Breakfast is the hardest...I've found that I can't eat eggs anymore, even cottage cheese is tough- so I eat that Kashie Go Lean Crunch Cereal with milk....or a yogurt, or a Protein shake, or I'll have something non breakfasty that I know will go down- like tuna. I have a sip or two of my sister's soda once and awhile...and I"ve even had a fountain soda with my popcorn at the movies...but it's not pretty after. I get the burps so badly it's hilarious. Plus, giving up soda is a very freeying thing. It save you money, and it's not the greatest thing to be putting in your body. But you already know all that... As I'm writing this, I've been eating a soft taco from taco bell (fresco style, of course) and I realize I should not have taken that last bite. Another tip- that as you can see I don't always follow- is to ONLY eat. Don't watch tv, drive, write emails!, even talking to people makes it harder. Pretty soon you'll notice that you have a sense about what's going on in your stomach and you won't have to focus so intensely. Plus I find I actually taste my food and enjoy the many flavors so much more. Great questions, and I'm so glad they finally figured out what was happening with your band... Megan

Tellie- I second what Alexandra said. I did the same exact thing you are doing for a week- and I ended up so swollen that Water and even soft foods hurt. I ended up going in to see if the band had slipped, it hurt so badly. Whatever you do, try try try to not keep eating after you PB. You may want to switch to full liquids for a few days and see if that helps- I would bet you are swollen and irritated. Pretend that you just got banded again- have some full liquids for a day or so, then pureed, then soft foods and see if by the time you get to real foods- you can actually handle your grilled fish if you take it slowly. I know it's easier said than done...because I've been the one with a hungry stomach and wonderful food on my plate that I can't eat. This is what I figured out...if I tell myself I can eat it later, and I put it into the fridge, I don't feel so deprived. Then I try to find something else to do for awhile so I think of something else. I also try to change my thinking- saying things like "This band is my friend. It's helping me see that I need to slow down and be more careful with myself" instead of "Darn band I hate you-you stink". Or changing "I'll never be able to eat anything good again" to "I have chosen to change my eating habits. The band is just reminding me of my longterm commitment. I can eat whatever I want. I just have to take tiny bites and feel how each bite goes down before I fill my mouth with another one. I can do this...and it feels good to know I'm commited to something". I still have times of challenge- I can't eat french fries any more and it makes me really sad. For a while I kept trying...I'd buy a small fry with my nuggets or eat a few off of someone else's plate to see if they would work. I've had to give them up completely because now I don't associate them with yummy- I associate them with OUCH!!!!! Anyone who says that weightloss surgery is easy should read this board for a week. This is hard, but we are worth the effort. Megan

Sheryl and Donali- I've been struggling with the same exact issues you two talk about. Since I got a good fill with great restriction, I have been eating three meals a day that are the perfect size. But then I lost my mind- somewhere in my brain, I figured if I were eating such small amounts at meals, that meant I could eat all the chocolate, candy, Cookies, chips, etc. that I desired. The worse part of it was that I kept thinking that the band isn't working every time I stepped on the scale and it hadn't moved. DARN BAND! I'd say... Then it hit me. DUH. Stop eating the crap! Especially at night! Easier said than done, when, like both of you, I have many, many years of habits to break. So, I'm trying to tackle one habit at a time...and as Dr. Phil says- you have to replace a bad habit with a good one...so- one of my worst snack times was around 3-4 in the afternoon. I'm going walking every day at that time now. If I'm not home, I won't eat. The second habit I'm trying to break is eating at night. I'm a night owl so I'm up until one or so...so I bought peanuts and pistachios in the shell and that's the only snack I can have. I find it takes me so long to open them and it's doing something with my hands, that it takes relatively few to satisfy my need to snack. I hope to phase out any eating after 9 in a few weeks, but this is a nice intermediary. I have so many more habits I need to break...but it's nice to feel like one or two of them are being replaced. The best part- the scale is moving again. Donali- I have the same need for a big bite in my mouth...I didn't realize it until you said something. And I've realized that it isn't just the taste of food that I crave...it's the big bite of it AND the swollow. Reprogramming the tongue to not push stuff back until I'm ready :-) is a challenge. Thanks to both of you for all of your insights. You just never know when something that is an issue for you will touch someone else, too. Thank you thank you! Megan

My first reaction was something that isn't fit to print...it went something like this....holy s--t!!!!!!! You look fantastic! Megan

Hey everyone...I got my third fill last Friday...and WOW what a difference. I feel like I am starting all over again learning to eat with this new restriction. My question to the veterans out there is this- my new stomach feels full- but my lower stomach doesn't. Does it take time for the stomachs to talk to each other? That sounds silly- but it feels like that is what is happening. Also- I can't tell I'm full...will I get some clue as I get more and more used to the band being tight? Thanks in advance...and best of luck everyone!! Megan

Being an FDA trial guinea pig myself- for the Swedish Band- I'd say go for it...with one BIG question- that Sue actually brought up. I'd want to know what his follow up care was going to be like. I think the surgery is a breeze- he is a surgeon..it's not like it's some guy who took up installing lap bands for some cash on the side. I think the real success comes with the level of follow up...does he *really* understand that it's all about adjusting the band to YOU- not to some set protocol? I feel proud that I am paving the way for other patients to have the Swedish Band placed some day. I'm sure I'll struggle a bit more with it than they will as the company and my surgeon learns along the way- but what I gift I can give other obese people in the future. Let us know what you decide...I can certainly hear the pros and cons running around in your head over and over and over again! Megan

Donali- How did you get so smart? :-) I never dated in high school or college, and it was only after the internet revolution that I've figured out that there are men who actually dig the heck out of the size of my butt. Anyway- I realize now, looking back at high school and at college that there were a bunch of guys who were always "hanging around" me.... DUH!!!!! I acted like they were only my friend, so, that's all they ever were. There were so many times I was so terribly lonely in high school for a boyfriend- and now, I see the guys that paid attention to me and guess what- they are all married to big women. I could just kick myself :-) I don't think it is all my fault that I didn't see their affection- I can't imagine how hard it would be for a high school boy to admit his attraction to the larger girl and not the one that looks like Britney Spears. Thank god they usually get braver as they get older. :-) Megan

"at least before my band I was depressed and could eat whatever I want." I think this statement is really telling....it has felt the same for me. I don't have my old coping mechanisms anymore. I can't eat to make myself feel better about ANYTHING...much less men! I'm a single girl, too...and I do the same thing...loose some weight, feel great- and I think that everyone else sees my new outside like I do. I want to commend you for putting yourself out there...it isn't easy to be single at any weight. I have a friend who lost a hundred pounds with the Atikins diet and has kept it off for four years- she was a size 22 and is now a 4/6. She says that yes, you get much more attention- but it doesn't change the fact that only about .01% are employed, honest, looking for a relationship, or cute. Good luck, Megan

Quakergirl- If you think the guy is interested in dating you- I'd wonder if he doesn't think you look great just the way you are...OR...that he thinks that you are "in his price range" right now because you are overweight and that after you loose weight you'll be way out of his price range. Anytime someone says something unflattering, I always think that it has way more to do with that person and how they feel about themselves than it does me. I try to be compassionate and feel for them...it takes all the "it's all about me" thinking away from myself. Cause I'm a champion at that. I think we are usually bothered most by what people say when we think they may be right. Be confident in yourself and those comments will roll right off your shoulders like water- because you'll KNOW that you're right. Megan

Alright, so this isn't the first time I have posted that I'm seriously sad that I haven't lost more weight. It's been almost four months and I'm down 20 pounds. I've had two fills and am going in for my third next Friday. Thank goodness. But- I had something very interesting happen today. I bought a big bag of dog food this time- the 18 lb size...and as I was carrying it up the stairs I thought...geez...this makes it a lot harder to walk up these stairs. Then it hit me- this is what it felt like four months ago to walk up the stairs. So now I'm not as sad...I'm so grateful for even 20 lbs. Even at 288 lbs I can run up and down the stairs again. It really is amazing at what even a modest 20 lb loss can do for a person. I know this next fill will be great- I'm so close to being at the sweet spot I can just feel it (or is that a peice of broccoli stuck?? :-)). Megan

I've got the SAGB too. I've had two fills and I'm at 4 cc's. But, I'm not restricted very much- that isn't to say that certain things like raw broccoli and some breads don't get stuck nicely. I'm going in for another fill on Feb. 13th. I'm a little nervous about it because I am already sad that I can't eat all that I want- I"m definitely mourning food these days. It may be because I just got back from Las Vegas and there were some pretty awesome buffets there that I didn't even make a dent in :-). But, I did get to try everything and I know- and can feel- that food will slowly become less important. Right now, though...I'm not loosing and I get hungry pretty quickly- so in that respect- I can't wait for the fill. Megan