kbliss78

Yay! I finally hit my first self-imposed goal: 25 lbs down!!! WooHOO! (******cue dancing poodles and waving sparklers******)
 
Tomorrow will mark 3 months of being banded (surgery was Feb 1st), and in that time (well, including pre-surgery liquid diet) I have lost 25 lbs. Forgive me for repeating myself so often, but this is big for me. I think one of the reasons I set my first goal as one that would take some time to accomplish was because I needed hard evidence that this "band thing" could actually work for me, that I might finally have found a way to lose the weight I've been battling for as long as I can remember (I was a normal kid until I started school at age 5... I don't remember what it feels like not to be heavy). Trust me, I've been on every diet on earth, and I've always been able to lose a little weight, but it was always a slow, hard battle and it always seemed to take forever to see results, so I needed to set myself a goal that would be a "real" loss, not just the 5 or 10 or even 15 lbs I've lost so many times before. Been there, done that, gained it back plus some, not impressed. With 25 lbs, I'm finally impressed.
 
Dieting has been part of my life since I was 9 years old. In that time, I can't count the number of pounds I've lost and regained (and gained and gained). Also in that time I've tried every diet in creation, and let me tell you, they've all of them had one thing in common: they sucked! All of them felt like a constant battle, pitting me and my willpower again my hunger and my love of flavor (I would say love of food, but in this case I'm really not talking about food as comfort or emotional band-aid, but as a pleasurable sensory experience). Every time I've dieted, I've felt miserable and constantly walking a tightrope over the canyon of all the things I wasn't allowed to eat. In the past, keeping myself limited to 1500 calories a day felt like absolute torture. Seriously, it should have been covered by the Geneva convention.
 
But with the band that's all different. I eat between 800-1200 calories a day (usually around 1000) and I'm only hungry when it's actually time for a meal or a snack. I enjoy everything I eat, but I'm able to stop myself when I've either had my allotted portion or I'm feeling satisfied. I'm able to eat things that truly give me pleasure and stay in control so I don't overdo it. I just can't describe what an amazing feeling that it. It just rocks.
 
The band has changed my life in so many ways that can only be called positive. I finally have hope... no, I finally have confidence that I can and will take off this burdensome weight. I might not be one of those people who loses every excess pound within the first 6 or 9 or even 12 months, but now I know that it will come off. Let me sit with that for a minute, because that's huge. This is the first time in my life I've ever been able to say that and really mean it. That makes my heart swell with happiness. I can do this now, with the help of my band.
 
I can and I will.
 
So, my next goal is a little one: 5 more lbs for 30 lbs total. It's a small one because it will encompass 2 accomplishments in one shot. First, it will be the most I've lost in one attempt in my adult life, and second, it will put me back in onederland, 2 things I've been hoping for for a long time. Plus, hey, 30 lbs is a great round number. I can hardly wait.
 
Even better, I know I won't be waiting long.

OK, so im coming up on 11 months post op and I just now reached 50 lbs lost. At first I felt a little like a failure just becasue its 50 not 100. Then I thought I am just now getting motivated enough to excercise. I have lost 7 lbs in the past week and a half which is awesome for me since I have been on a yoyo since I was at 250.My scale is my friend again and I am looking forward to doing something, some kind of exercise every day. I get bored with the same ole all the time so I bought an elliptical in october... I just put it together about 2 weeks ago and I love it. I have worked my way up in time from 6 min to 57 minutes. I love walking around the park with my family and I have enjoyed using the wii and Kinect on my own. SOMETHING! EVERYDAY! I feel pretty good about the last part of this year long journey.

I almost feel stupid blogging about this, but had a revolation this morning! So when you are a fat chick, you can't just go to Victoria Secret for the latest and cutest bra selection. Me personally, I have found Lindathebralady.com to be the most comfortable, but they're not cheap. So as I've lost 41lbs the girls have been less than perky. I've been dreading paying another $54 for another bra. I know that's a good problem to have needing to buy new, skinnier clothes and bras, but 54 bucks is 54 bucks!
 
Here's where the "I feel stupid" moment plays in. So I'm getting dressing this morning and like a profound moment of my entire life I realize, "duh, you don't have to use the last fasteners on the bra you big dork!" Being fat pretty much my whole adult life, I've ALWAYS had to use the last fasteners. I'm proud to say I'm on the first one! Not only is that exciting, but cheaper too! It's funny seeing things in a skinnier light!
 
Woohoo!

Well its a new day and that means new obstetrical, I have found since me and lap band became friends that i have new things to deal with everyday. What are you talking about you might ask well here we go lol. Before banding i would wake up in the mornings slowly get out of bed and want to cry as soon as my feet hit the floor. my feet hurt and my back was in a big amount of pain. Then i would go to the bathroom, Then strait to the kitchen for a soda and the remote. not to menchen i would wake up at eleven if i didnt have to take kids to school. any ways after my soda i would head to the fridge for my breakfast which was usually leftovers from the night before and since i would wake up at like 11 or 12 i didnt see the point in trying breakfast. so i would eat ten times to much and then it was lay around and watch tv, play on the computer, or maybe wash a load or two of clothes. I didnt have energy to do anything any more. And my clothes where always jeans when cold and an XXXL t-shirt and if it was hot or warm basketball shorts and an XXXL t-shirt. I mean dont get me wrong i had very beautiful clothes but i was to big to wear them.
So that was my before life all that right there i didnt like to go or do anything! I was a total couch potato! Now this is pretty much what i face every morning i will wake up uncurl myself (i usually wake up with my knees in my chest) then i will get up out of bed stretch no pain. journey to my bathroom do my stuff, go to the kitchen start my coffee, feed my dogs play with them a while, get my coffee and get on the computer and usually this is all before i wake up the kids to go to school or like a day like today where it is spring break all before nine o'clock. any ways i drink my coffee and get on the computer and check my email, and i run a business from home called Pomeranian's place. after all my computer stuff is done and all the coffee is gone i start off with maybe a protein shake because its so hard to eat in the mornings or i just mix protein and fiber with the coffee that i am drinking. Then i start off my day with cleaning (sometimes lol) and running earns like food shopping and just everyday life stuff. I usually always try to eat by 12 in less i am working at my other job which i got in October, then i will eat at one because i dont get off until 12:30 most days. After my lunch time meal is done i will do some more cleaning or play with the dogs, then maybe go and get the kids from school or when they dont have school i will work in the garden i am planting or mow the yard i find that i love to be outside now. And i am just waiting and counting down days until summer when i can go swimming anytime that i want. And clothes well for one i had to by all new clothes and i find myself bying things that i really love and no t-shirts my sizes now are pants size 11-10 and shirts xl to large. but i can buy girls shorts and look good in them again nothing skanky im to old for that lol. well i dont think i am to old i am 25 but with three kids i don't want to embarrass them. My point is is that after lap band i feel better i feel the need to get out and go. instead of trying to find the closest parking spot at a mall or store i find one that is farther away i mean yeah i dont want to loose the car one and two sometimes i just want to get home after a long day at the mall.
Thats another things shopping before i hated malls and i hated food shopping. I hated malls because most stores just dont make things for big women. And food shopping because that is when people are the meanest. When they see one big girl with a basket full of food they tend to sometimes say "and she wonders why she is so fat" any one else ever hear that? It will make you cry and just leave but what they dont think about is i have four other people at home besides me. Let me clear something up i knew i was fat and i knew i had a problem but until someone is in the same place that you are they will never understand what your going through.
As for malls now i love it no one looks at me crazy when i pick up a little shirt and no one says anything about do u really thing that you can wear that? No its really not like that for me. Here is a good story it was in january when i had just hit the 100's i needed new clothes and so i went shopping at a mall. What i didnt realize was that i had no clue what i was supposed to wear. I knew the size 14s i had on where way to big for me now and the XXL shirt i had on was also way to big. I went in to a store called the buckle. I was greated by a girl and a guy, they asked me what are you looking for i said i dont know. so the guy must have seen that i was almost ready to burst into tears and he came over and said what can i help you find what kinds of clothes do u like i said well i really dont know. He said what do you mean you dont know. I said well you dont understand before now all i have been wearing is basketball shorts and t-shirts. he smiled and said why i told him because before now i weighed about 300lbs he smiled and said no you didnt, i said um yeah i did and now that i can wear things in this store i dont even know where to start. He said well how much do you weigh now i said 198. he stoped and said holly crap! but he brought me all kinds of things to try on and worked with me untill i found a pair of jeans that fit perfect. He asked what size i was wearing right now i said a 14 he said no you my friend are in a size 11-12! Thanks to that guy i can now go into a store and know exactly what im looking for and what to buy although my size has dropped again i still know where i am supposed to be.
I know many people have had to feel like this sometime in there lives right. It is just so awesome to know that when i tell people how big i was they are like no way your so little now. Ill admit after that i went a little extream with the weight loss. And this right here is why they will not fill my band i lost to much weight to fast and with out really seeing it i was in trouble. I haven't been filled since January. I wasnt eating like i was supposed to and no i wasn't eating crap i was eating maybe once a day. and my band gets tighter and tighter when i don't eat. again i dont know why this happens it just seems to happen. I would eat one slice of lunch meat for lunch and again for dinner. I wasn't hungry and if i thought i might be i would drink something. Well my husband started trying to make me eat and thats when the throwing up started and im still fighting with it but im also eating right again and im trying very hard to do what i know i am supposed to do. And the treat of going to the hospital makes me want to stay on track. What i was doing wasn't right but i got carried away with all the weight that i was loosing and weighing myself everyday wasn't helping. And my scale was way off and that wasn't helping either when i thought that i weighted 198 or like a month and what i really was weighting was 189 well that's a big difference. I am back on track now and i gained a little weight back but it wasn't bad i didnt crumple and die but im slowly loosing weight again and the way that i am supposed to so im happy and i only weight myself once a month and when the doctor does it for me. And that takes a lot of pressure off my shoulder.
So even if you slip a little make sure you have someone to catch you and throw you back in place because everyone needs someone while dealing with change. And im not going to stop im am just going to do it smarter. And at the end of the day i know i am better then one year ago. and that to me is well worth it.