dubsteppsycho

Thank you all for your kind comments. I too have yo-yo dieted most of my life im good for 3 monthes then i have that slice of pizza or something bad and then it happens again and again and next thing i know all my hard work is gone. I dont care how scared i am, i am going to go through with this, no more backing out! To stephyanders, dont be afraid to "feel" like a failure because you had to result to surgery, drugs users have to goto rehab often if not several times over many years, it just so happens our "rehab" if you will is more perminant. Of course you can gain it back, but you now have more control over your self. I just wish i could fast foward a few monthes and be on my way already! I can only imagine how much the liquid diet sucks! Fortuantly i do love soup as stated before, so if i can make some good broths hopefully i would be to bad, but i know its going to really suck staring at someone else eating regular food but hey i gotta do this for me and if i have to "divorce" myself from food then so be it because it NEEDS to be done. I have been seeing a therapist for most my life, mostly for small personal issues, but breaking the bond between food has been proven to be the most difficult thing in my life. I am just looking forward to the chance to be more normal sized, i just want to know what its like already!!!!! i want to know what its like to be cold, not have to worry about if im going to fit in a booth or a chair, and DAMN those stupid white plastic outdoor chairs hahah! man those things hurt! The ability to sit in a chair with sides or arms, and not feel like im going to lose circulation in my thighs because the chair has now become one with me! Some people truly dont understand how emotionally disturbing it is to be so over weight, and just how much an over weight personal literally anaylizes EVERYthing and worry about weight limits or be restricted from doing certain things and im tired of people calling me big guy, or any name referencing my size! Heres to greener pastures ahead! No looking back!

yes i know, ive done tons of research i guess its just going through the surgery as i said i am terrified of being put under. But i know this is something i need to have done, i distinctly remember a day i think it was the summer before i went into highschool and i weighed my self and the scale said like 265 and i was like oh hell no...now several years later and 200 lbs heavier i just cant believe i let it get like this. Now is time for change and i just keep telling my self how great life will be. Another problem is i dont know what its like to be thin, ive been over weight forever so its not like i was some skinny person who lived a somewhat normal life and then just blew up, its been forever so i guess in a weird way that is also another fear, a fear of the unknown ( being thin, or thinner) but hey i would love to never have to goto Casual Male ( Store for larger sized clothing ) again for clothes! I plan on possibly doing a blog on my journey once i get things going in motion, maybe it will help someone else out who was as timid and afraid as i was.