Bedhead

I'm with so many of the others- I don't track anything but Protein. I get MAYBE 500 calories a day on a really really good day so I'm totally not worried about anything else as long as I'm eating stuff that I know is good for me.

You look amazing- and so does the photo! You non professional friend took a stunning photo!

I'm 4 weeks out now and things are getting better. I can drink fresh, cold Water now instead of lukewarm flavored water. I don't have to sip, I can gulpgulpgulp (but only 3x, if I go for a 4th gulp it will be uncomfortable for a few minutes).

I'm having a LOT of trouble getting all of my water and Protein in. I think the best I've done so far is to get 30G of protein and maybe 40oz of water. I really really need to work on that.

But I can eat pretty much anything! My surgeon and NUT ok'ed me to move onto regular foods as long as I chew chew chew and they don't bother me. So I've gotten to eat all sorts of foods and am feeling less and less deprived each day. Over the weekend I had a "Protein Taco" which was basically 1/4th of a low carb wrap with refried Beans, ground beef, cheddar cheese, greek yogurt in place of sour cream, and a tiny dribble of mild salsa. I'm pretty sure it was the most incredible thing I have ever eaten. Granted it took me nearly an hour to eat most of it and I ended up giving the last bit to my daughter it was still so incredible. All of the flavors and textures totally thrilled me- and I'm guessing there was at least 15-20g of protein.

I'm doing better now. I was released the day after I made my last post here, but admitted again for almost a week less than a week later with almost the same symptoms, only this time I was dry heaving bc I had nothing in my sleeve to vomit up. Turns out that bc of the initial infection I developed pretty bad erosion. I was put on a double dose of prilosec and Sucralfate. It's been totally amazing how different I feel. I still have some pain when it gets to the 4 hour mark when I need another dose but I'm hoping that will ease up with time.

I'm glad you guys enjoyed it! I knew if anyone would be able to understand it would be all of you.

This is a letter that I wrote from my overweight self to my skinny self. I thought that since we're all on this crazy roller coaster together, you guys may get something from it so I decided to share.

Dear Skinny Bedhead,

I don't know what we look like, what we're up to, or how long the winding road was for us, but I do know this- there are a few things that I want to say to you.

It seems like we've been fat since the Dawn of Time... or at least since the age when body images start to really matter. Through all of these years there have been so many excuses: Injuries. Surgeries. Pregnancies. Illnesses. No more excuses. Excuses are easy to make. Changes aren't. But it doesn't matter anymore because the biggest change (surgery) has been made, and since I'm writing to my skinny self- I have to assume that we finally stopped using excuses as protection.

Remember all of those nights sitting on the couch in front of the TV eating ice cream and Jax? Remember spending hours on Pinterest pinning outfits that we loved and wanted to wear someday but never really thought we'd be able to? Don't ever let us go back to that again. Don't dream about a life instead of having a life. I need you to be stronger than me, even though we're one in the same. I couldn't do it, no matter how many times I lost the weight, so I need you to be strong and never turn back like I did all of those times.

Don't get discouraged by stretchmarks, sagging skin, or hair loss. Right now none of that matters. What matters is getting healthy and being able to to comfortably get on the floor to play, to go on rides at the fair, to ride the stupid warhorse at the Ren Fest. The kids. The kids are what matter. Being healthy and full of energy & life for those amazing little people who deserve so much more than a fat, lazy, tired, depressed mother. I'm ok with saggy skin and Hair loss if I get all of those wonderful moments instead.

Take pictures. Take a LOT of pictures, every chance you get. For years we've hidden behind the camera and there are thousands of pictures of daddy with the kids, but almost none of mommy with the kids. Change that. Smile huge, loving smiles.

Teach the kids (our daughter especially) to love their bodies and treat them right. Make sure not to ever give them self esteem issues, but at the same time be sure to teach the absolute importance of living healthy. Do not ever let them become what we became. Be their support, their guidance, their teacher, and their friend. Don't be the voice of their self-hate.

Never forget that we were fat. Don't ever look at an overweight person and judge them. Don't ever be cruel or snide or hateful. Not everyone can or will make this journey for a myriad of reasons that are nobody's business but their own. Always remember how much it hurt. Always remember the rude glances, the harsh words, and the utter desolation of obesity. Don't take this amazing gift for granted. It so easily could have not happened for us. We're lucky. Most people aren't so lucky. Be a candle in the darkness for those people. Uplift them, support them, love them unconditionally.

But most of all, uplift, support, and love US unconditionally. Don't hate me for what I did to our body. Don't look back with bitterness or scorn. We learned so much through our battle with obesity that even though I hate the toll it has taken, I'm glad it's a burden we had to carry. Look forward toward all of the beauty, wonder, and awe this life has to offer. Grab it by the reigns and don't let go. Live life, don't let it slip away.

Be the mother, daughter, sister, and wife we were always destined to be- Because it's better late than never!

With so much hope,

Your Fat Self

My NUT wants me to get around 45 right now (4 weeks out) and try to work my way up to 60-80 as the swelling in the my stomach goes down and I'm able to eat more without the shakes.< /p>

I'm hungry a lot too and I think one half of it is real physical hunger (because my body needs energy and I haven't eaten more than a few teaspoons in hours) and the other half is head hunger and awful cravings.

I have an extremely symmetrical face- which I know sounds a bit odd- but I hate when people say that they are 'pretty' or 'beautiful' because I feel like that is all in the eye of the beholder. What's cute to one person may be gorgeous to another, and what's gorgeous to one may not be appealing at all to someone else.

So I don't necessarily think that I'm pretty or beautiful, but my face is pretty much perfectly proportioned and I love that.

I bet that the 'hunger' you are feeling is actually acid. Your stomach has been split wide open and stomach acid is extremely caustic. Without a good PPI you are going to have a constant, nagging ache that mimics hunger really really well.

Acid control- like Prilosec, Zantac, Nexium, Protonix

No surgeon goal, but my personal goal is 143-147 because that will put me smack in the middle of normal.

Drinking 8oz in a few minutes 3 days after surgery does not sound safe to me at all. My surgeons goal for me was to get in 4oz per hour! Definitely no solids.

Are you on a PPI?

I think I would recommend seeing a therapist who specializes in people like us. You could cause yourself a ton of harm in doing what you're doing. Figuring out why you do it and how to redirect is important.

My surgeon told me that typically those stabs of pain are the nerves that were cut healing together and learning how to work again!

I think that sounds totally reasonable!

Expect the unexpected!!! I felt amazing the first day or two after surgery but after that things went crazy and I spent two weeks in and out of the hospital. I'm finally starting to feel ok again and I've gone a full week without being hospitalized! I have always done great after surgery (I've had 3 previous abdominal surgeries) so I figured this one would be a breeze too.

It's so funny to see how individual experiences are! Kathy and I had the same surgeon, only in different hospitals (in the same town) and I did not have a catheter put in. The nurses just had me go pee right before I was taken back and I got up to pee again shortly after surgery.

Do it! I am so not the self deprivation sort. It's not like you're getting one every night on your way home from work. It's a rare and special treat for you- ENJOY!!

I ate a piece of KFC popcorn chicken, a bite of Mac and cheese, and a bite of mashed potatoes and gravy!

And it was sooooooooo good! I have never salivated so much in my entire life.

I spent 10 years researching but could never commit because all of the options (DS, Bypass, Band) all scared the living hell out of me. Then I heard about the sleeve, realized my insurance covered it- and I was full speed ahead. If this doesn't work for me, then I'm stuck being a fatty for life. I won't go further.

I buy mine from GNC because they have pretty good sales and if I don't like something I have 30 days to return it- no matter whether it's opened or not. I like that.

Preop I ate like I was never going to eat again- I know that most people wouldn't agree, but I'm glad I did! I didn't go overboard, I even managed to lose a few lbs- but I spent many evenings at the Olive Garden or the drive thru for taco bell and McD's. I'm not advocating eating horribly, but I don't regret it for a second.

I had surgery in the US and have a triple staple line. I've also had an MRI since surgery and my staples did not go ripping out of my body- since they're titanium there's really nothing to worry about.

Ohmygod that's terrible. I'm so sorry- and you are so right. My oldest is 8 and I can't imaging him not having any pics to remember his mama by.

If you don't mind my asking- was her passing WLS related? How are her kids handling it?