Mrs.Prisses

It' s VALENTINE'S DAY. Big romantic deal. My hubby is sweet and all...but someone brought these cupcakes to work...and they looked REAL good... Here's the deal; I have been sleeved and have changed my life. I live an active lifestyle and make healthy eating choices. I exercise regularly and take vitamins and drink water. I live a healthy life now... That being said; it is VERY unhealthy to sit and obsess over a little ball of dough and some icing...and sprinkles. So I ate half a cup cake...AND?

I am a recovering faker. VSG Ready- I, too, have put on airs in order to keep those at bay who may threaten me in some way. That threat me be emotional, like potential rejection, or mental, like if they find out I am this insecure surely they will stone and flog me. But, I learned something while buying mascara. Want to hear it? Here it goes; Usually I put on my make up, maybe some hair, and then sit in front of the closet for an hour thinking about what to wear and what it will say about me. I don't want to look unprofessional, but I don't want to look out of date, but I don't want to look matronly, but not like a trend follower... and on and on. So one day as I am sitting there going thru my usual, this commercial came on for Falsies Flared Mascara. Now, I don't consider myself a superficial person by any means...but, I do place value on MY OWN outward appearance based on how I feel about ME that day. In particular, I value having a pretty face and nice hair because it distracts ME from the obvious (I won't dignify IT with a name...you know where we are, you know what it is). So, on this day, this commercial came on and I thought "Dang, that stuff gives you 'wings'? I need lash wings!" *sidebar* All of us have SOMETHING we use to distract from SOMETHING ELSE that we don't find desirable about ourselves. Many of us here are natural caregivers, sweet and cheerful people with strong personalities. But, in efforts not to be the "jolly fat girl" or the "Big mean black girl" or the "Mammy, advice giving and enabling black woman" we mask our natural qualities (even if they align with those characters). Sadly, too often we feel so different then we look that we misunderstand or over exaggerate how others see us. Its time for us to see ourselves as we are- Created fearfully and wonderfully by God. So, I go to Walgreen's to buy the stuff that gives you wings and its like 8 or 9 dollars. Being the frugal lady that I am , I had to ponder; "Is this worth 9$?" Then I thought back on all the fast food meals I bought, all the money I spent on clothes that were "slimming" (yea, put on the fat suit then buy clothes that cover it up), and I thought about how messed up I was making my mind. Eat for comfort, lie about who you are and how you feel about it, then hide try to hide it, then be sad and angry about how OTHERS treat you? Psyco big gurl say wha?? To make a long story short, I did get my mascara...but I started putting it on to ENHANCE who I am, not hide me. I do still wear make up and sometimes hair...but because it makes me feel good to put that kind of time in on myself. I am sleeved and losing so I am having an even harder time finding clothes. But, I don't worry out what people think. If I FEEL good, then I'm good, dangit! And you know what else? Sometimes, I AM an angry black women, and sometimes I am in a jolly a$$ mood. So what? I now wake up everyday knowing that I am not perfect and I will say something real stupid today. And I will probably lose my keys, or trip over the corner of a rug...and I'm just fine with that. God didn't make no junk and HE made ME. He loves me unconditionally and knows the number of hairs on my head (and in my weaves)! I honor God by accepting me and accepting that I change daily and it's not always perfection. I hope that all of you feel me when I say- You are HIS and HE ain't make NO JUNK!

Thanks for all your comments, guys. I recently talked to the psychiatrist (my follow up visit since being sleeved). He said the same tips you guys have. See, I don't need him after all

Today I went to lunch with co workers for the first time since being sleeved. Its the first time eating in front of anyone besides family and close friends. We went to this swanky, high end place in a very pricey and exclusive part of town. (Think mid-west Beverly Hills type scene). Lots of noses in the air and foods with no prices next to them. I would have been more comfortable at Chili's *sidebar* Last week we had a meeting at work with a taco bar and I was able to eat my half taco unnoticed. There were like 20 people in the room. THIS lunch, however, was very intimate. There were 7 of us at a table in this mood-lit room. I was being very quiet (which is SO not me) because 1- I was freeezing cold and 2- I knew what was coming. There were 2 people there whom I am sure do not know about my sleeve. Anyone who knows me, though, knows that I don't mind sharing. The other people who knew (one was my boss and one my best work friend and one who is getting R N Y) had told the secretary (who was at the table as well). Keeping up? That's 4. One of the 2 who did not know...I don't really like her so I had no interest in speaking to her at all...and the other (who sat right across from me) I don't really mind so much. BUT he is a loud, gaudy guy so...make your own inferences. So...We all sit and ponder what to order. I noticed that there were many foods on the menu that I am allergic to AND that I just can't have yet (raw fruits and veggies). What happens? I was forced to order the most expensive menu item AND ask for a substitution! Now, my co workers all look at each other like "Uhm hum...HERE goes Mrs. Prisses...BOUGIE!" But I really had to order the best thing for my sleeve. It doesn't help that I am the only...ethnic one...at the table (of maybe 4 in the whole establishment). Mind you, I am not so bothered by this...I am very secure in myself and can hang with any crowd. Here comes the part that bothers me... Everyone orders dessert first (none for me, thanks)...Then orders the meals. They SCARFED down their food...FAST! I mean these people didn't conversate between bits or anything. They ate like some starving Ethiopians! So...here's me with my filet and roasted asparagus with wild mushrooms...looking around like "Uhm...stop watching me eat!" And here is the guy across from me like "Oh you don't like your food?" Then the waitress "Oh, is there a problem?" and me again "No, its wonderful thank you." And I have to tell the guy all about my sleeve just to keep him from going on and on. Now...I didn't HAVE to tell him but I felt so awkward and icky... What I did learn; 1- no pressure or situation will MAKE me over eat again (YAY) 2- nothing can embarrass me more than having attention drawn to BAD eating habits, so its fine to get looks and comments on "eating like a bird" (but weird because I am STILL fat so it just ends up looking precocious.) 3- Always order off the appetizer menu 4- Thank GOD for giving me the visual of what it looks like to eat like a wild animal...and that I will never do it again! 5- There are going to be many awkward moments, and that's okay. I am doing this for me...not ANYONE ELSE!

GIRLLL that sukka was good! BUT- then I had a tummy ache lol. The thing is, I don't want to be tripping over the dang thing all day long or tripping over trying NOT to trip over it all day...so I just bit it a few times. Then my sleeve reminded my WHY I don't eat sugary foods. THAT was the coolest part!

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!! WAY TO GO! I am very proud of you! That's what it takes. Dedication to making healthy choices. I won't sit here and say I am perfect (check the blogs) BUT- I do now consistently make healthier choices. And so do you! YOU GO GIRL!!

Oh...and protein STILL sucks

12/26/2011- I am down over 40 pounds BUT have not lost in 2 or 3 days I am eating regular foods but quickly finding out that BREADS are not cool! I walk and do cardio work outs as well. I am having some issues lately with nausea, swelling in my legs, and terrible head aches. But, in general, I am great. Loving that I can actually DRINK water now...now take little woodland creature sips!

LOOKING GOOD! Keep it up!

Today while preparing for a meeting at work my bosses boss came up to me and inquired; "I heard you had surgery. What does that do for you?" After hearing my spiel, she asked if I was interested in speaking about the journey toward health. (I work for a nation wide fitness company who has many other ventures on the fringe of what it does). My initial reaction was not shock or offense...even tho I wondered who had been talking about me. It made me feel good that she noticed how much weight I lost, but, made me feel even better because I would LOVE to shout to the world that you don't have to take morbid obesity sitting down! In essence, I think that what the devil meant for harm (gossip) was turned into a great opportunity (as God often makes it). I didn't wear any makeup or hair or any jewelry today. I didn't have much in my closet that fit so I picked basic black pants and a button up top. Nothing about me today stood out in any manner. To be noticed because I am pursuing health, weather its negative attention or positive, says something to me. Today, I woke up with my mind on 1000 things. I asked the Lord to guide me thru them all. I may have skipped the "Prisses" today but I managed to focus on what is real. Today, keeping it real went right.

oh...and I will conquer my double chin too

My surgery was on 12/26/2011 and I will conquer a single digit size clothing! I want to be able to shop WHERE EVER I want to (not in the big girl everything with flowers and ugly patterns section)

First- always consult your surgeon. That being said...I know JUST how ya feel. I have experienced that nausea with eating/drinking MANY times. For me, its been eating too fast usually. But, sometimes it isn't. The PCP told me it was the swelling in my stomach. That some days is going to be easier than others to get and keep things down because that swelling makes you produce lots of mucous. That mucous nauseates you. I found it to be even worse when I am having my woman time. But, always consult your surgeon because it may be serious or it may be normal. I had my surgery the day before you did so if I am still swollen and all screwy, maybe you are too. Just make sure you are eating slow and chew chew chewing. Also, remember your water because that helped me. It'll be okay. *hug*

Okay...that's a Harry Potter word! Good info, tho.

Oh yea. GOOD carbs and foods high in protein and nutrients will do that to you! Its funny because being heavy, its hard to tell the effect that healthy foods have on you. But, having cut down portion size so drastically, you will feel every bit of energy your meals provide. That's why we must choose to eat healthy foods. The protein is important too...but why must they make it so ICKY tasting

IDEA: skinless Mc Nuggets I'm just sayin. Also, I have an ap called LoseIT! It is great. I also use Daily Cardio Free (i do the 5 minute work outs at my desk!). There is also Workout Trainer, My Fitness Pal, and the Noom Calorific app. The Noom one is good because you can log your small bites of food, no exact measuring needed. And really, if your journaling what you eat and how much you exercise, you can pretty much bank on making healthier choices. You will see your missteps and begin to correct them soon then just with trial and error alone. Eventually, you will learn what works best for you. I like Atkins style eating because it is less sugar and more protein. I try to stay away from fats and concentrated sweets. But, you have to blaze your own trail. Definitely try to steer clear of anything that doesn't have nutritional value. You need every nutrient you can get with such limited intake. YOU CAN DO IT! GO YOU! :not_ripe:

Congrats! I am no physician or nutritionist...I just want to gently remind you that in order to have long term health success, you have to change your lifestyle by choosing healthy foods. They took our stomachs, not our appetites. Its up to us to choose wisely what we give our bodies to live off. Nutritious foods should always be a first choice. Not judging or anything cause I think that its wonderful for you to be taking charge of your health and all. I'm just gently reminding you BTW: I'm just gonna keep it real and say McDouble may not be the most nutritious choice, but, we all have time constraints now and again.

I am so thrilled that I have begun to have boring mealtimes. Usually, they are full of excitement. Well, at least after the meal. I would have to dramatically over chew and swallow just so that I make myself aware of what's happening in my body. And that drinking thing? Aye! I would have pains over just the smallest sip of water. Today, though, I had a steak sandwich (without the fixings or bread). I had myself 3 NORMAL size bites and felt nothing but SATISFACTION! No weird neck pains or stomach gurgglies...This is the first uneventful meal I have had since being sleeved. 30 minutes later, I had some water without incident. No cramps or pains (which usually occur after drinking). Yep, just a boring, boring, lunch. YiPpIe! *sidebar* I worked out extra today...maybe there is a connection...hmmmm.

JEALOUS! Congrats, girl!