Soon to be me

I can cross my legs!!!! I can cross my legs..like a WOMAN!! WHOOO-HOOOO! It does not look perfect,(as in.. back of knee is not, FLUSH against top of knee) BUT the fact that I'm capable to in any fashion, is AMAZING! Just had to share..Can't remember the last time I was able to <3

For someone who is known for finding the silver lining in any dark cloud, an eternal ray of optimism for her friends and family...I sure am a Debbie Downer when it comes to matters of self. I have been so negative, so hard on myself about this sleeve since I got it. Its as if i choose not to trust it, and have faith in our success together, in fear of failure. When it comes to weight loss, i think all of us VSGer's have come to know that feeling at some point in time. I've thought that its too good to be true..that im eating too much at one time, that my sleeve is stretching etc, etc. Im four weeks out, and as of monday i am down 18lbs since surgery. 28lbs since the start of the process. i should be celebrating that, instead of scrutinizing it. So tonight, I went into my bedroom, and pulled out the little clothes. Particularly, my work scrubs. I fought myself, thinking, "do you really want to do this to yourself?" "Your not going to fit in those things girl, you couldn't get that one pair of pants over your thighs!"
They ALL fit!!! I had two pairs, that i bought small. I wore them things like a second skin. I actually wore spanx with them!! LOL!! I was so mad that i didnt try them on at the uniform store, that i tortured myself, and made myself wear them to work anyways. I wore them twice..Once a pair. My weight was around 236 then..where i always would seem to get stuck. Let me tell you..they fit PERFECT!! Im soo stoked! I had other articles given to me, that never fit, and Im rocking them! Even the size Large Dickies pants that I couldn't get over my thighs..fit perfectly!
Im so excited..It was so awesome to actually see, and feel the results! for the first time! Im going to come back to this post, when i start with the doubting..and remember that this is for real. <3ing my sleve!

For someone who is known for finding the silver lining in any dark cloud, an eternal ray of optimism for her friends and family...I sure am a Debbie Downer when it comes to matters of self. I have been so negative, so hard on myself about this sleeve since I got it. Its as if i choose not to trust it, and have faith in our success together, in fear of failure. When it comes to weight loss, i think all of us VSGer's have come to know that feeling at some point in time. I've thought that its too good to be true..that im eating too much at one time, that my sleeve is stretching etc, etc. Im four weeks out, and as of monday i am down 18lbs since surgery. 28lbs since the start of the process. i should be celebrating that, instead of scrutinizing it. So tonight, I went into my bedroom, and pulled out the little clothes. Particularly, my work scrubs. I fought myself, thinking, "do you really want to do this to yourself?" "Your not going to fit in those things girl, you couldn't get that one pair of pants over your thighs!"
They ALL fit!!! I had two pairs, that i bought small. I wore them things like a second skin. I actually wore spanx with them!! LOL!! I was so mad that i didnt try them on at the uniform store, that i tortured myself, and made myself wear them to work anyways. I wore them twice..Once a pair. My weight was around 236 then..where i always would seem to get stuck. Let me tell you..they fit PERFECT!! Im soo stoked! I had other articles given to me, that never fit, and Im rocking them! Even the size Large Dickies pants that I couldn't get over my thighs..fit perfectly!
Im so excited..It was so awesome to actually see, and feel the results! for the first time! Im going to come back to this post, when i start with the doubting..and remember that this is for real. <3ing my sleve!

YAY!!! My cardiologist OK'd me for surgery! Says I'm low risk and other than my weight, pretty healthy!! WOO HOO!! I know I don't have any heart trouble, but for some reason I was worried about this being a snag. So...anyway....there's that then..

See that gal on the left? Yeah, that’s me.
Oh – NOT the big gal in the picture, per se’. The vixen on the t-shirt that the big gal is wearing. Yeah. Vixen. That’s me!
 
Ok, so…I’m lying a little bit. They’re both me. Actually…all three (Left, t-shirt, Right) are…me. *duh* As if you didn’t know…
Now, under normal circumstance, I would never post a pic of myself in my skivvy’s. (note: the obvious photo editing was to make it a little less tacky, and a little more artsy *lol*) But I was going thru some clothes this weekend and came across my very favorite t-shirt – which is the one pictured – and remembered exactly WHY I bought it, and why I love it so…and why I will HATE not being able to wear it this summer b/c it’s now 10 sizes too big. (But I digress – as usual) When I purchased this shirt approximately 14 years ago, I immediately fell in love with the woman on the shirt. She was OWNING her $h!t! Every bit of who she was…beautiful, obviously sexy, unapologetic…ALL OF IT. I felt that She was Me…on the inside, at least. What I realized while primping and preening in the mirror getting dressed yesterday, was that I am truly becoming her. In every sense. Like, WHOA!
 
Now, I’m not so high on my own supply that I can’t see my obviously flaws like my belly flap & cheezy thighs in the aforementioned posted pic…but upon closer inspection, I’m like DAMN, Gina….that is…YOU! Every day, one step closer to my overall goal of getting to & maintaining a healthy weight (for me 165-170#)…but also to have a figure that is obvious, and not cammoflauged by the “[fat] suit” I was wearing in the picture on the left.
 
Now, for those who might be offended by the term “[fat] suit” – please don’t be. It’s no dis to anyone, or even myself. But the more I start coming out of denial about where I was with my health, that term really accurately describes how I FEEL/FELT when seeing “pre” pictures of myself. Like my inner vixen - or the true essence of who I have always thought myself to be/look – was being hidden…like I was wearing a suit. Might not make sense to some, but that’s the best way to describe it.
I mean, WTF am I thinking by even posting a pic of me in my drawls, anyway?!?!? I’ll tell you what. This day…it’s about acceptance. And re-learning to love what I see in the mirror. Because even though what I see is no where near perfect, it’s real… A real woman.
 
With stretchmarks,
cellulite,
saggy skin, and…
determination.
 
I see a woman with curves. I see a woman with courage. I see a woman who I done being afraid to take off the “[fat]suit”.
Hell, one day, I might even be bold enough to post a pic of myself in something and not have it so blurry! Or not… *shrug* The jury’s still out on what is T.M.I. for me *chuckle*
 
So, anyway… here I am. Love me, or hate me (or a little of both) – it is what it is…I am who I am…and gonna be who I’m gon’ be.
 
I’m ever thankful for this journey, and those I’ve met along the way who help me keep my course. I would NOT have been able to make it this far without the support system I’ve had. Even hoping to meet a few of you in person in 2012!
 
Here’s to progress, realizations, determination…and HEALTH. Healthy mind, healthy body, healthy spirit. *cheers*
 
P.S. Yup! Never in a GRILLION years would I have dreampt it could be. ME – running!!!!