LovelyT

Im sitting here 12 hours til my surgery & Im a ball of emotions right now. Excited, anxious, scared, nervous, hungry....
Its weird because up until today I was pretty excited about what was gonna happen but now that its finally here Im finding myself surprisingly emotional. I feel like I have been waiting my entire life for this. I've been overweight since birth & have known nothing else. I know there is no guarantee that this will work for me & I got a hell of a long way to go, but Im ready to put in the work. Im tired of living my life this way & Im ready to say goodbye. Good bye to looking at chairs with dread & wondering if Im going to fit in them or break them. Goodbye to cardigans & jackets over everything to hide my fat arms.( Even during the hot summer!) Goodbye to turning down invitations to hang out with friends I havnt seen in awhile because I dont want them to see how fat I have gotten. Goodbe to hearing "you have such a pretty face" or "You would be so pretty if you lost some weight". Am I suppose to take that as a compliment?! Goodbye to hiding behind my camera. I went to Vegas for the first time 4 months ago & took tons of pictures of my friends having the time of their lives.Tell me why Im not in one damn picture? Any picture I took with myself in it got deleted when I saw how fat I looked in it. This sounds dumb, but I cant wait to update my profile picture on Facebook with a picture that's not from the face up & from 3 years ago when I wasn't as fat.
Good bye to not being able to take a compliment from my loving fiance who tells I look beautiful, to only get my "shut up" or "whatever" response. Or even worse, that being together for 6 years & living together for 3, I still make him turn around or close his eyes when I change or I am naked. Goodbye to the looks of pitty I've seen in people's eyes. I was at a store one time & there was a lady & her child in the isle with me. When I passed them with my cart the little boy said "Whoa Mommy, she's faaaat!" . The woman mouthed an appoligy to me while looking embarassed & scolded her son. But no one was embarassed as I was. I sat in my car in the parking lot & cried. Did this 6 year old kid really make me cry? I felt like I was in grade school again. I never want to feel like that again. I'v lost 36 pounds in the last 2 1/2 monhs with diet & excersize alone & can't wait to have this tool to help keep it up. I guess my final good bye should be to the "old" me. The over weight, unhealthy & unhappy me. Im ready to start living the life I've always wanted to live & Im ready to show my body the love it deserves.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your kind words. Its funny how perfect strangers on the internet can comprehend me & my struggles more than friends & family that I've know for years can. The surgery went well. I couldnt believe that I actually did it! The nurses said the first thing I said when I woke up was "Am I skinny now?"lol...not quite! Excited for this journey to get the kick start that I need, good luck to you all!!

Im sitting here 12 hours til my surgery & Im a ball of emotions right now. Excited, anxious, scared, nervous, hungry....
Its weird because up until today I was pretty excited about what was gonna happen but now that its finally here Im finding myself surprisingly emotional. I feel like I have been waiting my entire life for this. I've been overweight since birth & have known nothing else. I know there is no guarantee that this will work for me & I got a hell of a long way to go, but Im ready to put in the work. Im tired of living my life this way & Im ready to say goodbye. Good bye to looking at chairs with dread & wondering if Im going to fit in them or break them. Goodbye to cardigans & jackets over everything to hide my fat arms.( Even during the hot summer!) Goodbye to turning down invitations to hang out with friends I havnt seen in awhile because I dont want them to see how fat I have gotten. Goodbe to hearing "you have such a pretty face" or "You would be so pretty if you lost some weight". Am I suppose to take that as a compliment?! Goodbye to hiding behind my camera. I went to Vegas for the first time 4 months ago & took tons of pictures of my friends having the time of their lives.Tell me why Im not in one damn picture? Any picture I took with myself in it got deleted when I saw how fat I looked in it. This sounds dumb, but I cant wait to update my profile picture on Facebook with a picture that's not from the face up & from 3 years ago when I wasn't as fat.
Good bye to not being able to take a compliment from my loving fiance who tells I look beautiful, to only get my "shut up" or "whatever" response. Or even worse, that being together for 6 years & living together for 3, I still make him turn around or close his eyes when I change or I am naked. Goodbye to the looks of pitty I've seen in people's eyes. I was at a store one time & there was a lady & her child in the isle with me. When I passed them with my cart the little boy said "Whoa Mommy, she's faaaat!" . The woman mouthed an appoligy to me while looking embarassed & scolded her son. But no one was embarassed as I was. I sat in my car in the parking lot & cried. Did this 6 year old kid really make me cry? I felt like I was in grade school again. I never want to feel like that again. I'v lost 36 pounds in the last 2 1/2 monhs with diet & excersize alone & can't wait to have this tool to help keep it up. I guess my final good bye should be to the "old" me. The over weight, unhealthy & unhappy me. Im ready to start living the life I've always wanted to live & Im ready to show my body the love it deserves.