Dear Traute,
I very highly suggest you assess whatever other forms of self-destruction (education, relationships, financials, etc) might be going on through self-evaluation and/or counseling.... with a Good counselor. I only know that through counseling I rooted out the cause of my own self-destruction, addressed it, and did away with it... and when the temptations come back, I do away with them again... choosing to succeed .. maritally, financially, sexually, and nutritionally... one hard choice at a time.
We ALL have faith in you.
Candis