Alexandra

:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: Wiser and more profound words were never uttered...

Hi Leener, The "tone" is something that can't be dictated, and ebbs and flows with time. It's also very subjective; people read into posts what may not be there, projecting. The fact of the matter is that there is and has always been plenty of room for discussion on this board. It's something we value. If people think a support board must only be peaches and cream and pats-on-the-back all the time, they're just mistaken. This is a very robust community, with people coming and going all the time. There's no reason at all to worry about the traffic.

I think you're right, you have answered your own question. The decision to tell or not tell other people should be based ONLY on whether that person's knowing will help you in your journey. That's the yardstick I used, and as such I didn't tell most family members and colleagues. Pick and choose carefully, and keep your interests paramount. There will be plenty of time for him to discover how you're losing weight, but for now you have to concentrate on you. If you don't need his help, don't tell him. You're a big girl and can make these decisions on your own.

Since the data presentation got screwed up and isn't fixable, we're locking this thread. Sorry!

The OP asked what made our decision for the band. In my case it was the lesser risk of debilitating complications, immediately postop and on into the future. For me, the primary concern was that I stay healthy, healthy enough to take care of my two small children. I had read way too many stories about bypass issues, and it seemed that even relatively "minor" ones, such as strictures, could easily involve additional procedures or surgeries. And then looking down the line, I knew it wasn't realistic for me to have to take life-sustaining supplements for the rest of my life. Daily Multivitamins I can handle; it doesn't matter if I miss one or a dozen. But knowing that if I skip a few supplements here and there I might suffer permanent nerve damage? Nope, that's too much pressure. It is crucial for us to determine which surgery is a good match for us. Banding was, for me, the answer to a lifetime of wishing I had something to help me eat less. That's what I wanted, and that's what it does. It was a perfect match. And beyond that, when I considered all options available to me, it just seemed to me to make good medical sense to try the least invasive thing first. It's counterintuitive to go right in and change fundamental things about the way my body processes food and nutrients when I hadn't even given eating less a real, long-term try. There's nothing magical about weight loss (or at least, there shouldn't be). Eat less, use more, lose weight. Those are the effects I was looking for, and in the safest possible way. There is just no arguing with the fact that banding is exponentially safer than the more invasive options.

The biggest thing I did was spend a couple hundred dollars on having my engagement ring completely re-set. It was way too big so at the same time that I had it re-sized, which would have been cheap, I had the solitaire and enhancer (which had been welded together years ago) replaced by a beautiful custom setting. Now that's too big too.

I remember what a beautiful day that was. I was standing on the porch, holding my 4 mo-old baby, paying the painting contractor who painted our house and talking about the sparkling weather. I went inside to the news that a plane had hit the WTC. I saw the second plane hit live on TV. As the news unfolded, I went to my neighbor's house. She also had a 4 mo.-old baby...and her husband was at work--on the 81st floor of the South Tower. We watched the buildings burn and crumble and faced the horrifying thought that she was becoming a widow. Her husband Bill had called her after the first plane hit and said he'd been told to stay put, so that's what she thought he was doing. We cried and prayed and clung to our children. When her family arrived I went to keep a doctor's appointment and spent the whole day holding my breath for Bill's and so many other friends' safety. It wasn't until evening that I learned Bill had escaped unharmed and my best friend, who worked on Church Street, had stayed home that day. (As it turned out, Bill had left his office shortly after calling his wife, and only minutes before the second plane crashed right into where he had been sitting.) The aftermath was never-ending. It was weeks before the area was able to breathe deeply again. I spent days and weeks nursing my child in front of CNN, day and night. The silence in the skies was the eeriest thing, and the sense of community was palpable. What a shame that it's all been utterly squandered.

Fingers crossed for a good outcome, Shelly!!

I've had my band just over three years and have had no serious complications. There have been effects and some irritation/reflux symptoms that required testing, but the tests all showed that my band is in good shape and good position. I've had no infections or surgical complications at all. It's not realistic for anyone to expect the band can be installed and then forgotten about. It inflicts significant changes on our eating habits and requires attention and followups with doctors. But it's also not true that most people have complications. In my experience, MOST bandsters don't have what I would call "complications."

I agree that fresh food is the best, always. But in this day and age you don't have to go crazy with preparation; just about any ingredient you might want is available in supermarkets already cleaned and cut up and prepared for you. Check out Rachael Ray's show 30-minute Meals on The Food Network to see really imaginative ways to use pre-prepped food.

Your secondary insurance doesn't care about your primary's exclusions. All it knows is what your primary didn't cover; the definition of secondary coverage is that it will handle claims you submit as long as you have already gotten whatever coverage your primary carrier provides. It doesn't care WHY your primary carrier might have denied something, that's not its business. Your secondary insurance has its own contract it must follow, so if it says it will cover banding and you've already submitted the request to your primary and been denied, your secondary will have to cover it on its own. You may have to show proof that your primary denied the claim, but that won't have any effect on whether your secondary covers it or not. Just because one carrier has an exclusion doesn't mean that exclusion carries over to the second. You're in great shape!!

You're facing a difficult situation, but IMO you should do whatever you can to avoid the court system. First you should try to work out whatever you can together, and if everything is settled have the final agreement drafted by an attorney for you both to sign. If you have trouble agreeing on some points, find an arbitrator rather than sue. Hard as this transition is, you really don't want to take it to court if you can help it. But I do recommend that you get legal assistance in drafting the agreement, particularly since there is a child involved. Have you agreed on custody? Visitation? Guardianship? Medical expenses? There's a lot more involved than just child support payments. Good luck!!

There is no way I personally would ever have considered taking such a big step right after giving birth. Our bodies are in flux after giving birth, and IMO that is not the time to undertake a severe calorie-restricted diet, particularly if you're breastfeeding. There is PLENTY of time to think about banding. While it seems logical to try to do it while you're on maternity leave, you really will have lots of other things to think about during that time. Don't load yourself up with a personal transition like becoming a WLS patient as well. Recovery from banding surgery is very short; I had surgery on a Wednesday and was back at work on Monday with no one the wiser. You can do it on next year's vacation. Those are my thoughts. I waited until I was done nursing my youngest child to start thinking about weight-loss surgery. The surgery is not a big deal, but going for it right on top of giving birth and nursing it would be. Do yourself a favor and concentrate on one thing at a time. The band will be there for you when you're ready. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!!

Wow, Babs, what a pain to have a bad doctor when you're facing a situation that needs addressing now! It kills me to hear about doctors "firing" their patients, and it often seems to be the most informed, smartest patients to whom this happens. Your attitude is stellar, though, and you're really lucky to have a variety of doctors available to you. Stay strong, you'll get through this and come out better than ever!!

Doughmommy, congatulations on being banded! Does drinking help this food move down? Reflux, as you know, is the phenomenon of things moving up, rather than down, the esophagus, and this is exactly what you seem to be describing. Talk to your doctor, indeed. If your medication helped before banding you may not be able to give it up completely just yet. Good luck!!

VQ, you keep on keepin' on and don't worry about typing too much! We are pulling for you and hope that this rollercoaster slows down for you. Man, you have been through TOO MUCH and it's time for some good healthy news. Big hugs and healthy thoughts from me, always. :hug:

Sorry, I don't know of any out in Sussex specifically. Are you close to Port Jervis? There's a very busy practice up there, Dr. Kwon I believe, and they may have a support group going. Sorry I don't know more. :couch2:

Congratulations! and HAPPY BIRTHDAY! It's a lovely flower, Penni; hard to believe that, um, gentleman did it. :couch2:

Hi Tiger, Come to an Abkin/Bertha banding support group! you'll get to meet a bunch of bandsters face to face and ask all the questions you want. Don't worry about Dr. A; he's very nice and will put you at ease. (Tell him I said HI and that I'm doing fine! :biggrin1: )

Oh, Babs, big hugs to you. I hope you'll realize this has NOTHING to do with you being a "loser." This is just a thing to get through and is not the end of the world. I wish I had more help to offer but all I have right now is a :hug:

Brilliant reponses, every one. My DH was like Faybie's, and every time he made a comment like "why not just eat less?" I could see he was thinking like a thin person (which he is). He just couldn't comprehend what it was like to go through life feeling COMPLETELY out of control against this monster of morbid obesity. I was healthy, relatively speaking, but what brought me to surgery was the birth of my children. Suddenly my health really mattered, and though I already had long known my weight was not something I'd ever be able to conquer on my own, my two little girls elevated the matter to such a level that I HAD to get help. My husband saw my determination and of course shared my focus on the girls. It was about way more than my appearance or size--it was about our children's safety and our family's future. He withdrew his objections, and is now very proud and supportive. My lifestyle has changed but still centers around the family rather than my weight; I'm not a gym-hound and don't obsess about calories or whatever. I got the surgery so I could STOP worrying about my weight, not to think about it more. I didn't tell many other family members; this wasn't any of their business. Months later when they saw that I was losing weight, REAL weight, for the very first time in our lives, they asked about it and I told them. Everyone was happy for me and completely on board. I say stop discussing it. Make your decision for yourself and act on it. Their opinions simply have no bearing on your decisions about your own health.

Hi Connie, We can all relate to those feelings of "I should be able to do this on my own" and "I know I can lose weight!" What brought me to the band was the realization that nothing, ever, has ever made it so that I could lose weight and keep it off. I needed help, and I wasn't ashamed, finally, to admit it. It's been a miracle in my life. I would do it again and again and again if I had to. I'm not some skinny mini who has reached "goal" and don't expect to ever fit in to a size 12, much less an 8. But the band has made it possible for me to experience a life and imagine a future of normal proportions, and that to me is a continuing medical wonder.

Hey, Stina, I had a similar piece of news handed to me about six months ago when my doctor informed me that I had to go on anti-hypertension meds. I didn't think of it as a failure of weight loss, though I can understand your feelings completely. The way I see it, my weight loss is now no longer clouding any REAL health issues I might have had and which may have been written off in the past as being purely due to excess weight. My family has diabetes and high blood pressure in it even in non-obese members, so it's not all that surprising that my blood pressure needs medicating. But all my life I've been afraid/reluctant/resistant to discussing it, because it was always blamed on my weight. The advice was always "go on a diet" and it will go away. Well it didn't go away and now I am HAPPY to take meds to keep my pressure in a healthy range. It's a real issue with me and now it's possible to focus on my health, rather than my weight.

Good luck with everything, Babs! I just renewed my Prevacid scrip that I haven't taken in months, just as a precaution. I overdid it the other day on potato chips (we visited the Cape Cod Potato Chip factory on vacation :eek: ) and can definitely feel the irritation. I've forgotten what real restriction means, and I am re-learning the hard way. Fingers crossed!

Good luck to you, LA Madam! WW works as well as anything, if you work it. And I know lots of people who find great success with it. Here's hoping you do too!