PdxMan

SR, you can go to counseling without him. You may just find out that you are responsible for your own happiness. When you make a list of your ideal marriage, know that you are making a list of your future resentments. There is no ideal marriage. Anybody who tells you there is, they are blowing smoke up your skirt. You are responsible for your own life, happiness and well being. If your husband wants to participate in this, great. Fabulous. Same thing in reverse. You are not responsible for his happiness. How intimate would you say your personal lives are? Are you both able to be rigorously honest with each other? Can you reveal things about yourselves that leave you emotionally vulnerable? I have found that as time passes, it is easy to be less and less honest with each other. It just happens slowly over time and before you know it, you don't know the other person well enough to share the most intimate details of your life.

BTW, early on, I mourned food. Not being able to use food as a comfort like I was able to prior. My normal reaction was to turn to food and I was no longer getting the kind of satisfaction I had received before, so I would push it. Eating more than I should and would end up with some pain. I'm wondering if you may be experiencing some of this. If you are eating and drinking, the smaller stomach may not be digesting the food enough in the stomach. The liquid would allow it to pass through the pyloric valve early and into the intestines. This could be the cause of your discomfort, but I am not a Dr, nor do I play one on T.V. Again, I go back to the question, how well are you following the guidelines? If you are breaking the guidelines, then I am not surprised the sleeve isn't working for you.

I don't get hungry in the conventional sense, like I did pre-sleeve. I used to be a huge snacker eating anything and everything. I loved the feeling of being full ... and still do. That hasn't changed. But before, it was a giant gorilla jumping on my back screaming in my ear to EAT!! Now, it is more like the friendly nudge. But I attribute that to eating well balance meals throughout the day. Here is what my daily food intake looks like: 8:00 AM: Yogurt 9:30: banana 12:00: Soup - Chix veggie, Turkey Chili, Ham and Bean - Each well balanced with Protein and good carbs. Jelly jar size, 8 oz. Takes me about 30 minutes to eat it all. 2:00: Orange 4:30: Couple of crackers with cheese 6:00: dinner is usually a lean protein and veggies. Friday, I had BBQ ribs/Asparagus/Grilled pineapple. Saturday was Spinach salad with egg and veggies and 1 bite of chix quesadilla. Last night I had French Onion Soup and mixed green salad with lots of veggies. 8:00: Some cheating snack Crackers with cheese, maybe some ice cream. Somewhere in the day I may have a Protein Bar or shake if I get that *nudge*.

God, I know this is going to come across as harsh in written text, but please know it is not meant to be. I truly want you to be successful ... Dealing with family tragedies is just a part of life. I know I would always find reasons to abuse food. Family, work, stress ... whatever. Myself, I have had 3 surgeries since being sleeved. 2 on my back which has forced me to basically end any and all exercise until just recently. I have been out of state for funerals and many other massive life events I will not go into here, but I, too, have my reasons which make it difficult to follow the guidelines. But I am not going to let them get in the way of my resolve to follow these guidelines to be successful with the sleeve. Abusing food was an old pastime of mine. It was killing me. I had to make a change and wasn't going to let anything stand in my way. It isn't always easy, but I keep trying.

BTW, I can eat around my sleeve, no problem. I could do everything you are talking about. I could easily gain 10 pounds this April. I could drink with my meals, have caramel-latte-Starbucks-a-Grande whatever everyday. I could eat a large size DQ blizzard and suck down a strawberry lemonade with lunch and dinner. 2,000 calories ... HAH! I could eat that for Breakfast ... literally. But, I don't. I do the guidelines exactly as they were laid out for me and have been iterated on this site dozens of times. I have listened to what other successful sleevers have done and repeated. Was it easy? HELL NO! But I knew I had to change my fundamental relationship with food and I needed a tool to help me with this journey. For me, the sleeve has been that tool. Just like a saw or hammer, it is worthless just sitting there on it's own. I have to hold it and work it the right way in order for me to get the desired results. This is no different. It is hard, but there are lots of people here who can help guide you. We all want you to be successful. If we're going to make a change, then let's make a change.

I believe this is flawed thinking. Does the saw do the cutting or does the person holding the saw? It seems your expectation of the sleeve was to change you from being a mindless eating machine into a thoughtful consumer of all things good. Your surgery was on your stomach, not your head. It does require some involvement from you. The saw is sharp, but you still have to work it.

I agree with Laura. You're definitely doing something wrong if your boiled chicken is dry. You can just buy some skinless chicken breasts, toss it in a crock pot with some onions, carrots and BBQ sauce. Start it before work and when you get home, shred it with a pair of forks. Great Protein and carbs. It really is easier than you think. There is a whole sub-forum here at VST for recipes. Check it out.

The sleeve is a tool to help us with restriction. I believe the body is going to tell us it is hungry when we are deficient in some nutritional requirement. The example I use here on VST is if your body is needing some Calcium to do some repairs somewhere in your body, it is going to give you a signal to eat. If you are eating well balanced, nutritionally relevant foods, that need will be met and the signal will stop. BUT ... if you instead eat a steak or something else that doesn't meet what your body is needing, you will again get that signal to eat. "Hey! I'm still needing some calcium over here, please!" The sleeve will restrict our portions, but it does not control whether we eat nutritionally balanced meals. Especially early on. Processed foods exacerbate the problem. Ever since being sleeved I have made it a focus to eat balanced meals. Sure, I also eat a candy bar occasionally. Had one of those Snickers Ice Cream bars just yesterday. But I also had an excellent array of foods, got all my liquids and Protein in, so, I afford myself that cheat. Had I not met my nutritional requirements for the day, then I would not have had it. Does that make sense? Make sure you are getting enough Proteins, carbs, fats and minerals and I believe the 'hunger' cravings will go away.

My favorite boiled chicken method is to make Soup. I use a pressure cooker, but you can use a regular stock pot, too: Whole onion diced 4 whole carrots diced 1 full chicken in pot filled with Water to just cover it 2 tablespoons white vinegar (extracts flavor from marrow, optional) Boil on medium high for 1 hour (30 minutes in pressure cooker) Pull chicken and put in refrigerator to cool (20 minutes) Add peas, diced green Beans, asparagus ... whatever to liquid Pull chicken apart, dice it and add it back to liquid saving some out for whatever purpose you may want chicken for. Good to go I have jelly jars that I then package this into and put into freezer. I grab one on my way out to work (I have this EXACT recipe sitting in front of me right now)

Let's go with the premise that the surgery isn't flawed as the gross majority of the members here can attest it is working for them. How well would you say you are following the guidelines of not drinking with your meals, eating protein first and exercise? I know you said you can't exercise due to pain, but how about walking? You should start with something ... anything. 5 weeks out ... you should be able to do something. You say that protein foods are high in sodium and expensive. This is true if you are buying processed foods, which may also be leading to your hunger issues. You gotta stop buying processed foods. Time to make a change. Like Laura suggested, cook a chicken, make turkey chili ... time to start cooking your own food and reduce costs and sodium. This sleeve will work, but you have to work with it. It is not a miracle cure. It is a tool. You are going to have to make some changes to your routine, otherwise things will not change. Hate to sound blunt or rude, but the surgery isn't flawed ... our relationship with food is flawed.

is video which demonstrates the principles pretty well, even though it is from a bypass perspective, I have found it holds true for sleevers, too. We don't drink prior to eating because we don't want the liquid there waiting to quickly move the contents out of the stomach. We don't eat after so we can leave the contents in the stomach as long as possible. is a quick digestion 101 reminder for those who have forgotten their high school biology. I know for me, when I have overeaten, or if I need to increase my calories for an upcoming race, I could drink with my meal and consume more. I could actually feel my stomach emptying.

Wow, OP deleted profile and edited post ... ?

Excess skin is the component of my stomach butt. I won't be able to do enough crunches to resolve that, unfortunately. Love my compression shirts, though. They are my stomach-butt-b-gone.

OK, protein bars keep. It would easily take me two hours to finish one. Also, Turkey Jerky from Trader Joes was awesome. Great protein and wonderful flavor. Something with texture to "chew" on, too. Squeezy yogurts, too, work great. Do you have access to a microwave? I made different soups and froze them in jam jars. Pulled them out on my way to work. Put your yogurt in there, too and you're all set.

1 pound of fat = 3,500 calories. Did you, in the past day, consume 12 x 3,500 = 42,000 calories more than you burned? Really? I'm just going to be blunt here, sorry, no backrubs from me ... This is going to be a long journey if you really expected weight loss the day after your surgery. Are you looking to lose weight or fat? I see you have been a member here on VST since last year and have almost 400 posts. Surely you have been reading threads similar to what you have posted ... right?

I couldn't agree with this more. I think it is truly up to us how much we will lose with the sleeve. Since our stomachs don't really stretch (without some effort), we will have this tool forever. It is easy to "eat around" the sleeve. I believe by throwing away the guidelines, one can go into "maintenance" mode. I have been on this site for almost 2 years now and I can honestly say 99.9% of the folks who, after at least 1 year out, say they are unable to lose any more weight, also admit they are not following the basic guidelines. They start drinking with their meals, don't exercise and don't eat well balanced meals. Fine ... don't exercise ... but if you are drinking with meals, you will be able to eat more and if you are not eating well balanced, healthy meals, then you will be constantly hungry as you are not meeting your body's nutritional requirements. Follow the guidelines for as long as you want to lose weight and you will meet your personal goals. I guaran-frikin-tee it.

How far out from surgery are you?

I'd like to say it gets better, however ...

I think what you are experiencing is VERY normal. At a month out, most of us are in some level of ketosis. During this phase, your body secretes acetone, which is in your sweat and mouth ... gross ... I know. Been there, smelled that. So, the taste of food is a bit off, but once you are able to get your carbs up a bit, this will resolve. As far as eating being uncomfortable, it sounds like you are doing everything right, chewing to a mush, eating slower and smaller bites. My guess is that you are taking one bite too many. At this stage, your tummy cannot tell you when you are full. It will come, just not today ... so, if you have been taking in 4 tsp of food, move to 3 tsp. What I did was to put my utensil down in between bites and evaluate how I felt. Yes, some meals took me half an hour to eat those 4 bites, but it was what I needed. Just try stopping well before you have been and perhaps eat more often.

That is a great article. Thanks for bringing it here. One thing I would add is if you are working out, then … WORK! So often I see the same folks at the gym on the elliptical moving at such a slow speed. Now, I understand some people have physical restrictions, but I don’t think that applies to everyone. And each of us have difficulty giving 120% effort at the gym. I will definitely admit I have phoned in a spinning session. The problem is, you credit yourself with burning 500 calories when, in actuality, you burned more like 300 … and then you commit the sins listed above. If you want to make your cardio workouts count, my suggestion is to calculate your target heart rate, get a good heart rate monitor, and always try to maintain this heart rate during your cardio workout. … and of course, follow the guidelines pointed out in GMan’s post.

Well, thanks for the mention. For me, life is a wonderful journey. I had (have) so many obstacles keeping me from enjoying my life to its fullest. I have one go around on this experience we call life. I'm tired of not being a participant to its fullest. I'm happy to say the quest never ends, but at the same time, it does not monopolize my life, either. My usage of alcohol as medication robbed so much of my life, and I want it back. I'm happy to say, I am getting it back ... one day at a time.

Yeah ... drinking and AA are a tough mix, for sure. AA basically ruins the whole drinking thing, gosh darn it! Also, don't be afraid to get a temporary sponsor. It is difficult to understand now, but you are actually doing more for them than what they are doing for you. It is temporary or permanent, if you want it to be.

I am so happy to see you back here. Everyone's perspective is so important to get the full story. Welcome back, our prodiGAL PeaceQueen. (We need some peace around here, lately) Of course, I'm going to suggest going back to basics. Eat lean Protein first, then good veggies, then starches Don't drink before, during or immediately after eating Put the utencil down after each bite. Evaluate how you feel before taking the next bite Exercise - Your heart rate should be up there. You should feel absolutely exhausted when you are done. Welcome back!

I started with iceburg lettuce at about 3 months and slowly added romain into the mix. At about 4 months out, I was 100% romain and began adding spinach slowly. 5 months out, adding kale, which, is extremely hardy. Kale was a slow progression, for sure and of course, I don't ever have 100% kale salads, so ... You wouldn't think salads are that difficult to digest, but they sure are.