Hi Guys,

I'm super perturbed right now and wondering if I'm overreacting and I don't have anywhere else where I can target and question a group of people, specifically men, so maybe you can help me out.

My husband is driving me nuts. My pre-op diet starts tomorrow so for dinner, I picked a restaurant that has cream cheese wontons -- yum! My husband complained the WHOLE time. Literally from the second we drove up (and he saw a couple walking in -- he hoped the restaurant was closed for Easter), to when we were walking back to the car and he complained that he felt sick.

Then we went to WalMart because I wanted to look at a Magic Bullet. Again, he complained the WHOLE time. The fact that we were at WalMart at all, then when I did a horrible thing by picking up a bottle of lotion, then when we got to the checkout and he was annoyed there was a line, then he was annoyed at how his items were bagged (HIS packs of socks and boxers) so he asked me if the worker was a "f***ing retard" and all the way out the door he complained.

Once in the car, I explained to him that he kind of made me feel bad. Was dinner and Walmart really that horrible for you, dear? I spent the day with my beloved grandmother in the ER, I have this preop diet starting, I'm nervous about surgery... can you just suck it up and suffer through a couple hours with me??

He believes there is no issue with his attitude -- the issue is with me for having a problem with his perfectly normal and fine attitude. And to top it off, he wants a blowie!! Wtf?! Am I being crazy, or is he being an ass??

Well I can't speak to the restaurant choice, but I can tell you this. For many, many years I've said that if hell were customized for each individual then my time would be equally divided between Walmart during the holidays and a Chuck E Cheese on a Saturday. I would piss, moan, b***h and then ultimately refuse to go into a Walmart for anything, for anyone. I'd rather get a male brazilian bikini wax than go into a Walmart.

Is he irritated that you are getting the surgery? When I am doing something my bf disagrees with he a complete asshat the rest of the day till he decides to talk about it..but no I don't think you are over reacting. Might be best to just give him some space to cool off or gather his thoughts..sounds like he is irritated

I equally can't really stand WalMart. The only reason we went was for the Magic Bullet because we hadn't made it to costco before they closed. Also, I asked if he wanted to go (it was on the way home) and he answered "Sure."

I would have much rather he just said, "Eh, I'd prefer not to go to WalMart.."

Eerr, where was your husband on Sunday??

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/03/31/walmart-crash-attack/2040683/

Is he irritated that you are getting the surgery? When I am doing something my bf disagrees with he a complete asshat the rest of the day till he decides to talk about it..but no I don't think you are over reacting. Might be best to just give him some space to cool off or gather his thoughts..sounds like he is irritated

No he's excited for me to get the surgery. He knows I'm unhappy with my body and my health and he's looking forward to me being happier. I plan on giving him space. He's been a major a-hole lately. Last night one of the dogs was barking and he was screaming cuss words at the dog. I was like, "What the hell, stop yelling at her!" And he told me I "better f***ing shut my g-damn mouth." Like okay he was totally half asleep, but hello dude I'm your WIFE! But he's generally a complete d**k and even though I never thought I'd consider divorce... I'm kind of considering divorce...

Is your anxiety about the pre op / surgery causing you to get frustrated with stuff that's otherwise normal in your relationship?

Normally husbands cop it in here for not being supportive of surgery, and I'm sure some aren't. But it sounds like that's just the way he is?

Eerr' date=' where was your husband on Sunday??

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/03/31/walmart-crash-attack/2040683/[/quote']

Omg, if he wasn't in his 20s and if we didn't live in San Diego, I would TOTALLY suspect him!!

And he told me I "better f***ing shut my g-damn mouth."

That's very uncool.

Is your anxiety about the pre op / surgery causing you to get frustrated with stuff that's otherwise normal in your relationship?

Normally husbands cop it in here for not being supportive of surgery' date=' and I'm sure some aren't. But it sounds like that's just the way he is?[/quote']

I'm more of an introvert. Whenever I'm upset or frustrated, I'm pretty good at keeping it to myself. There have totally been times when I'm just easily frustrated, but I recognize those instances and apologize for being short with him. He's just being a genuine jerk lately.

That's very uncool.

Yeah... We met in 2000 (freshman year of high school) and were best friends until we started dating in '05. Married in '09 and somewhere in there, respect flew out the window. This is definitely not what I pictured my marriage to be.

Yeah once my bf threatendto punch me in his sleep when I tried waking him up when was exhausted lol I know he never would but it still hurt my feelings and he felt horrible when I told him after he woke up..definitely give him some space

Sounds pretty complex. Hopefully you can sort it out. He doesn't really sound like the marriage counselling type?

Ashlie -- he remembered saying it, and apologized. But he says messed up stuff and apologizes quite often. It's getting old. If he never said the hurtful things in the first place, he wouldn't need to apologize.

Dean -- how did you know? He refuses to go to counseling. I somehow convinced him to go to anger management counseling (by himself) and guess what?! He said, "She made me mad with some of the questions she asked me..."

*facepalm*

I feel like he remembered it but maybe not. My bf has said quite a few mean things to me awake. The next time he does something like that I'm scheduling a couple session with my therapist..mine has actually gone to two but for me not for something he did so I know he's willing to try and I'm willing to be patient cause before we met he never even been on a date so he has no foundation of a relationship. I'm sorry things aren't smooth with your husband. I really think if he isn't willing to work on the relationship together or put some effort into it it's time to move on. It won't get better if he isn't willing to try. It sucks cause you guys are high school sweet hearts but marriage is supposed to be enjoyable. Sure there are bumps but both partners have to work through it.

They say you can judge the measure of a man by the size of the problem that upsets / angers him.

My wife and I have had arguments, where we've both lost it to varying degrees. I've never spoken to her like that, with a veiled threat. When my daughters are old enough to be in a relationship I'd be crushed if they were spoken to like that.

Good luck sorting it out. Communication's the key, but you both have to come to the table.