PdxMan

Nope, she definitely would not have found out about the surgery. No way no how. No way to know ...? Dropping 60 pounds in 3 months? Uh ... she has an idea something is going on. Even on the greatest of diets, a small fraction of people can be hitting those kinds of numbers. You say she is observant, my guess is she is also respectful. If I were to try to go inside the female mind for a second, I would think: "Something has occurred with her that she is losing this weight. She looks healthy and appears to have great energy, so it must not be an illness ... it might be a bariatric procedure ... but we have been friends for so long, surely she would have told me about this decision. Maybe we are not as close as I thought we were. I don't know exactly what it is, but obviously she wants to keep it to herself, so I will respect her privacy and not say anything." I post on this site quite often about expectations. They are future resentments. Communication here is key. If you want to know about something, ask. It is not their fault if you get a resentment over something. Oye! I am so glad I'm a boy! I'm just curious, since the wedding is in October, how are you going to do the whole fitting thing? This is going to be something you are going to have to discuss with her. You will have to ensure the dress you get will be easily alterable. Not all dress styles nor materials are conducive to alterations. (My first wife was an extraordinary seamstress)

Uhhh ... I don't think anyone has judged you here. I think quite the opposite, actually. I know it was clear in your mind what was meant, but there is some ambiguity there, as Recycled points out. That is why I also went with the angle I did. Please keep in mind it is difficult to tell the "voice" used when you read a forum post. It would appear you may be reading these with a cynical point of view, which makes them sound negative to you. Please try re-reading them. When Recycled says he doesn't know how to make of some posts, perhaps what he meant was he doesn't understand exactly what your struggle is. Not that he is rolling his eyes. He follows this with a question about it, so ... We really do want you to succeed and are here to give and receive support.

Just a reminder, ladies, this is the Man Room. As is stickied in The powder Room: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/250198-attention-men-the-powder-room-is-for-ladies-only/ the same applies here in The Man Room: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/250199-attention-ladies-the-man-room-is-for-men-only/ I'm guessing you ladies aren't looking for our input on these topics: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/299928-ok-i-have-a-super-private-question-ladies/ http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/253274-xxx-rated-super-serious-question/ These rules were put in place because about a year ago, some folks were crossing the line of appropriateness. I'm not saying your contributions are inappropriate, but as is in the stickied post, these should be havens where our individual genders can receive specific advice. Thanks

Well, as you said, everybody is going to lose differently. There are too many factors and afterall, what good does it do you? If someone is losing faster than you, do you follow the guidelines closer? (You should be doing that anyway) Do you start exercising? (You should be doing that anyway) Or what if you are losing faster than them? Do you stop following the guidelines so close? Stop taking walks? Like I said, there are too many different factors: Age, starting weight, gender, hormones, base musculature ... the list goes on. The bottom line is to follow the guidelines as best as you can and your body will lose at the rate it will lose at. There are going to be stalls along the way and your body will go into starvation mode at times. All you have to do is follow the guidelines as close as possible and know that you will lose weight. Weighing yourself daily will only set you up for sorrow. There is no way you will be able to meet the unreasonable expectations you set on yourself. The scale only measures weight, not fat. I weighed once a month and always saw a loss. It kept me focused and motivated.

When was your surgery date?

Have you looked into compression garments until you stabilize?

My local "Best Bariatric Surgeon in Portland" quoted me $35,000 for self pay for the sleeve as my insurance does not cover bariatric procedures. I ended up going to Dr Umbach in Vegas for $10,400. There are a few screwy things with this ... $35,000 is by far the highest I have heard for this surgery, so when you say your Dr charges $50,000, I would get a detailed breakdown of those costs. $15,000 max payout? For surgery? I have heard of max payouts for vision, but not for medical. If they are covering it, then it should fall into the same boat as other surgeries. Either it is covered or it isn't. Is this a rider which runs along side of your current policy? Perhaps involving your HR people might be best to understand this, but this seems unusual to me. Almost like your Dr's office is working you over a bit. What is your insurance? Are there other bariatric surgeons covered?

You know, when I started losing weight, I had a much sunnier, brighter disposition about me. I believe I smiled more and probably opened my eyes a little wider. That is what I see as a difference in your pictures. For many reasons, you are not the same person you once were, so don't be surprised when people you know say how different things are. IMO, you look great!. Happy and healthy.

Am I that obvious!!?? LOL! I make it no secret here that I belong to a 12 step group and try to use many of the principles on BariatricPal. Especially the last step as it is a constant reminder of where I came from and where I will end up if I return to abusing food the way I did. But alas, I do not wish to hijack a very good thread. PM me if you have any thoughts.

I would lead a group in the Portland, OR area. I would have a group conscience decide (along with the leader) as to how often meetings are viable. I think in some larger cities, you could pull off weekly meetings. Having them be closed exclusively to WLS patients would also be my recommendation, but I would also want to have open meetings where family/friends/researchers can come. Perhaps these open meetings would be once a quarter with a general WLS presentation and sharing of a few people's stories then a Q&A or open discussion would follow. I have lots of thoughts on how a meeting could be organized.

I think this is spot on. Myself, I used food to comfort. Now, I question my motive every time I put something in my mouth. Am I feeding my body or trying to feed something else? If it is the latter, then I dig deep to find out what is going on with me emotionally. Why do I think what I am eating is going to satisfy whatever is motivating me to eat right now? I do a lot of breathing and try to re-focus myself. It helps me to center myself and my resolve.

This was my reaction, too. I had to zoom in and compare. WOW! Congrats!

I made two and brought them into work on Monday with cabbage, carrots and onions. We all ate it yesterday, too. I think there are some final leftovers which we will attack today. I love it!

Uhhh ... to those reading at home, this is not a good way to test your sleeve's effectiveness. Even though I am not a Dr, nor do I play one on TV or the internet ... from what I understand, this is a great way of raising the risk of a leak. Now, before the folks on this thread flame me, I am not judging what you did, or what you do going forward. I just know there are going to be hundreds of folks reading this and they need to know they need to consult their Dr before performing a similar test.

I feel you pain. I did purees for 6 weeks post. Part of my problem was fear of progressing to solids, though. But when I was eating tilapia, I was also eating tuna whipped with ranch dressing. I would put this on a thin piece of sharp cheddar cheese. It was heavenly. This first thing I ate which had bold flavor and a semblance of texture. Talk to your NUT, take small bites and chew ridiculously well.

Hey PDXMan. Are you a FOB? Uhhh ... maybe ... what's a FOB?

Boy you really put it all together. Kinda a smart one aren't you! Feel your pain though. i have not been without my old friends as long as you have. I hope I handle it as well as you do...I don't feel so alone in my situation now. i see that someone else experienced it and came through it. I really want to be like you when I grow up in this area. Esp. when the pain eases. For now it is still fresh for me. But you give me hope!! Thank you for that You know, I had to move on. If I were to stay in a place of pain, then all I would receive is pain. I felt empowered to move past these toxic relationships and begin new, healthy relationships. Ones that I still have today and value these people as I know these folks do care about me. How can I move forward if I can't get away from my past? I had to let it go. Lamenting those relationships is like being sad I can no longer lick the sharp edge of a knife. Why the heck would I want to do that!!??

I agree with #3. The scale can only bring disappointment and resentment in the long run. As far as friends/co-workers asking me how much I had lost, I would tell them, "I've lost 500 pounds! Can you believe it? You would have never guessed I weighed that much before!" (I was around 300# when I started) They would look at me like I was speaking another language and they never asked me again. They got the point.

Then work out ... it is the best of both worlds. Is it important to you to lose weight RIGHT NOW or in the long run? Let's look at it this way ... what would be better for you? After a year, you have lost 75% of your excess weight and had lost a little bit of muscle mass, or lost 75% of your excess weight and lose a lot of muscle mass? This is really the question. So many folks want immediate results and don't understand that to be truly successful at this sleeved life, it is a journey.

I believe the bottom line comes down to a basic question. What are you willing to do to meet your weight loss goals? Let me tell a little side story when I first got sober. I had abused alcohol for years using it as a crutch to avoid feelings and emotions I just as soon not have or just tried to displace them. When I had my "A-ha" moment, when I realized I could no longer go on like this, I sought help. When I came out of the hospital, I returned to my life as "normal", getting support through groups, but at the same time, trying to hang out with my "friends". They wanted to go to the bars and shoot pool, play darts and do all the things we did. I would go and drink soda, but they were very threatened by my sobriety. The bartender of our oft visited place pulled me aside and told me that other people at the bar, not just my friends, were very uncomfortable with my presence there. He said I was like a mirror to them revealing their own issues with alcoholism. Every time I walked in, I showed them their faults. Like your friends, mine tried to buy me drinks and shots. That way, I would once again be "just like them". Someone in my support circle told me it was time to leave that life behind. If I continued, there would be no way I could stay sober. It was merely a matter of time before I returned to abusing alcohol as I once did. So, I had to look deep inside myself. Which was more important? My friends or my sobriety? As you may have guessed, it was my sobriety. I let my friends know this and told them I would love to do other things with them which did not include alcohol. Hiking ... seeing a movie ... whatever. I never received a call from any of them. That was the price I had to pay, but it was so worth it. I discovered they were not truly friends if they could not support me in this decision. That was 14 years ago and I haven't heard from any of them since. So ... how does this relate? Re-read this and substitute "food" in there wherever you see alcohol (and related thoughts. Alcohol=food, bars=restaurant, sobriety=WLS). I don't think there really is much difference. If I have people in my life who would rather sabotage than support, I would really need to weigh the value of their presence in my life. It doesn't matter if it is food, alcohol ...

I think it is a rare person who doesn't understand your feelings to some degree. But we have to remember that we will never be able to live up to the expectations we THINK other people have. Right there lies the first fallacy. We often believe others have greater expectations of us than they actually have. And I am not just talking about weight loss. I believe I have to be a rock star at work everyday. Every project, I must hit it out of the park because I believe that is what is expected of me. Then I go in for my review and my boss tells me I am exceeding his expectations and I should dial it back sometimes. When I reflect on this and other situations, I have come to understand it is actually the expectations I place on myself. Again, I will never be able to meet those expectations. I have to remember that like others, we are fallible. All people including myself are not perfect. I just need to focus on doing the next right thing. And when doing the next right thing, I focus on doing it the best I can. If I can do this, moment to moment, I have right-sized the expectations I have placed on myself, and therefore, right-sized the expectations I believe others have placed on me. I get to breathe, relax and enjoy the fact that I am making moves which will result in a healthier me. People will question my progress, which will then make me question myself. But you said it perfectly: "Trust the process" I know deep down in my heart that if I continue to follow the guidelines, there is no way I will not lose the fat I want to lose. I am my own worst enemy, at times. When I want to do things contrary to the guidelines, that is an opportunity to really get deep with myself and discover why I have these demons which led me to a life of morbid obesity. This truly has been an incredible journey for me of self discovery and I hope it is for you, too.

I quit a few years ago and used the patch. It took a few months and I slowly weaned myself off of them. There are a few risks: http://www.webmd.com/smoking-cessation/news/20101019/smoking-raises-surgery-risks http://www.medpagetoday.com/MeetingCoverage/ASMBS/20921 The thing that gets me is the delayed healing. You want the suture line in your stomach to scar over as soon as possible to remove your risk of a leak, which, IMO, is the greatest risk of VSG. Then, of course, there is the whole thing of we're getting this surgery to improve our health, so ... If it is time to make a change, then let's make a change. Believe me, I know it is not easy and when you have some emotional turmoil in your life and your usual coping mechanism was to turn to food and/or a cigarette, and now you have neither ... well, it will force you to confront the factors in your life which made you turn to these vices in the first place. Having a therapist in our lives can be a blessing beyond our current understanding. Got shrink?

I guess the big question is are you wanting to lose weight or lose fat? If you are wanting to lose weight only and do it rapidly, stop working out. You will lose A LOT of muscle mass and your fat will have lots of room to nestle itself. If you want to lose fat and retain muscle, then work out and do it vigorously. When you work out and begin toning/building your muscles, you are also allowing them to store glycogen more efficiently. When glycogen is stored in muscles, as opposed to the liver, it is stored with 4:1 ratio with Water. So, if you are able to store and additional pound of glycogen, then you are also storing an additional 4 pounds of water, so you will have a net of 5 pounds. This is a good thing. This is one of the reasons people who work out feel they have so much more energy and they have such great endurance. Plus, you are helping you muscles instead of losing them to the cannibalistic process of weight loss. When you lose weight, do you really believe it is all just fat? It is not. Fat and Protein contain the same number of calories, so as the body metabolises itself for energy, it is going to chose from both repositories. Working out will lessen the effects of muscle loss. So, you choose what you want to lose. Fat or weight. I wanted to lose fat and so I worked out like a mad-man. Got to goal and have been maintaining for over 2 years now.

Been posted a million times, but it just never gets old and the information is relevant. The video is for RnY, but is relevant for the sleeve. I know when I was carbing up for a race, I would drink with my meals and could easily double my calories for the day. If you are not exercising rigorously, you do not want or need to be doubling your calories. Drinking with meals releases the feeling of restriction so much sooner.

I believe the best takeaway from this thread is to ensuring we all keep our EXPECTATIONS in check. It is often said, expectations are future resentments. I believe most folks researching and those early post-op often have unrealistic expectations. It is a difficult pill to swallow sometimes, but alas, it is reality. How we deal with the resentments ... Now that will be a test of character.