sophrosyne

That's easy to say when you're not the one in the thick of it. You don't see where breaking your home over moments of dislike or attitude is a bit of an over-reaction? I think the problem with people today is that they're all so eager to break their homes, they don't actually give fixing their relationship a try. The first reaction is always, leave him, he's abusive. If you've been in an actual abusive relationship, you'll understand the difference between abuse and rudeness. And until you know my husband and daughter, you don't have the right to decide what you think my home will teach her. Sorry if I sound snarky, but I'm a little upset this morning.

He doesn't openly dislike me all the time. It's a lot of smooth sailing punctuated by moments of open dislike. It's those moments that drive me crazy. But moments aren't worth tossing a marriage out the window. Besides, I saw what a broken home did to my stepkids. As much as divorce is okay nowadays, I don't want my daughter to go through what my stepkids went through.

I think I have to get past my anger before I can have any of those types of conversations with him. I thought things were getting better last night, but this morning, I tried talking to him three times and got the silent treatment. Which apparently was set off by me asking him to change the baby's poopy diaper, because I was running late for work. It's the only thing I can think of. Before that, he was fine. After I asked him to do that, he stopped talking to me. He's great with the baby and the baby adores him. It's just me who feels like I'm walking on eggshells. Other than making faces and snotty comments, he's a good man. He's not abusive. He's fairly tolerant. He just doesn't seem to like me all that much. And I just get fed up about that.

Debbie, I know what you're going through. I've thought the same thing. But I've been on so many diets and so much yo-yoing, I think I've totally screwed up my metabolic system and I don't know how to fix that. I'm hoping the band helps me reset that. The other thing is that, when you're very overweight, exercise isn't much of an option. Every time I exercise, my knees go out. And gentle exercise just isn't cutting it. With the band, I'm hoping I'll lose enough weight using just gentle exercise, that I actually can start exercising for real without all the undue stress on my knees. There's always a trade-off. Whether you're doing it the Oprah way or the Carly Wilson way. There is no fast, easy and coin-free method of weightloss. The band is a tool to get you to the place where diet and exercise can do their job. At least that's how I'm looking at it. I have my first doctor's appt. this Friday. Last night, to "help" me in my diet, my husband bought me a mint chocolate chip milkshake with whipped cream. And I'm sure he's going to keep doing that post-band. :eyeroll:

Unfortunately, for him, me showing respect would be to do what I was told, speak when I was spoken to, be seen and not heard, etc. I didn't listen to my dad when I was a kid. So I don't know why my husband thinks he should have special treatment in that department. So I've just withdrawn as much as I can. And I try to keep any conversation on mundane easy things.

I've had it pre-band for about 20 yrs. After my c-section, I was able to completely stop all meds - it seemed gone. (Probably due to swelling around the valve area). About 8 months after the c-section, it started coming back mild. I can fix it with Tums. My surgeon checks you during the surgery and if he finds a hiatal hernia or something (which I used to have), that usually causes GERD, then he'll repair it before he puts the band on. I haven't had the band yet, but I'm hoping it causes the GERD to vanish completely. It is an absolutely miserable thing to have.

I think Obama is running too soon, and Colin Powell has left it to late. Obama doesn't have enough experience, and Powell lost his integrity to the Bush administration. That said, I would vote for Obama. And I would have voted for Powell, if he had had the balls to run when he should have. Instead of kowtowing to the idiot cowboy we got saddled with. I don't think Hillary will ever have a chance in hell. America might be ready for a black president, but I don't think they're ready for a female president. Vice-President, maybe. An Obama-Clinton ticket would be very interesting. McCain, unfortunately, is too much under the control of the Bush administration. I don't know what they have on him, but time and again, he's put aside his personal beliefs to dance to their tune. And anyone with the GOP hand that far up his butt - I don't trust him to stand up to the neocons. Which is unfortunate. If he had shown more independence from the party line, and stayed true to his own ethics, rather than shucking them to do a song and dance for the GOP, I would have voted for him. But no more. Howard Dean is bombastic, but I like him. I still like Al Gore. I think Kerry shot himself in the foot, as far as running again, by being such a spineless coward when he lost. He SAID he would fight it, if the election results looked fraudulent. America was ready to back him on that fight. And instead, he bowed out with a whimper. Personally, I'm looking forward to Bush and Cheney being tried and executed for war crimes and Pelosi becoming President. Now that would be something!

No ibuprofen? That's... That's... I can't live like that. Can't you take ibuprofin if you follow it with an antacid chaser?

I have the same question. The only thing is, after I had my c-section, because they had to remove my organs and replace them, my stomach/esophagus was swollen, so that I was experiencing the same symptoms as people who get banded. During that time, I managed to go from 270 lb to 240 lb without thinking about it. Now my stomach's back to normal, and I'm maintaining that weight loss, but I haven't been able to lose anything additional. So, I'm wondering if the band works the same way. I know I sabotage myself with diets, but it didn't feel like a diet. I just didn't want to eat. And there were foods I couldn't eat, because they got stuck. Is that how it works with you banders?

I would sit down with your daughter and have her talk to you about what's going on, and have her make decisions with you on how to fix it. So that she feels like she's in control. Schooling: Ask her if she'd rather be homeschooled for awhile. Depression: Do not put her on anti-depressents. They will make her suicidal. And that's the last thing she needs. Talk to a homeopathic doctor about some natural mood eveners. Like St. John's Wort or Valerian. Sleeping: Ask her how she's sleeping. If she's having problems sleeping, that could explain a lot. Appetite Suppressant: If you feel a need for this, try the "natural" ones. Dexatrim makes a natural suppressant that's only green tea and caffeine, but it works. And it won't hop her up the way some of the prescription meds will. Diet: Jenny Craig. Right now, you want to take her food choices out of both of your hands. Put her on Jenny Craig, she can pick out her own food within the menu plan. Then, what you can do to support that, is to cook the same meal for the rest of your family, and serve it on plates. So on her plate is the Jenny Craig portion, on their plates is the portion you've cooked. That will make her feel like she's not standing out so much. Exercise: Ask her what she likes to do. Does she like to go walking? Ride horses? Set time aside every day to do this with her. Health: Right now, she's still young and healthy. I know you just want her to be a healthy adult, but you can't have your focus here right now. Let it all be about her and what she wants. Support her because she wants it. Not because you think she's fat, or you're worried that she might have a health catastrophe. That's a lot to put on a little girl who's already hypersensitive about her weight. Do not reward her with food. Sounds odd, I know, but my dad used to reward me with food and tell me he just wanted me to be healthy. Healthy means nothing to her right now. She wants to be popular, to be loved, to have friends. Drastic Measures: She is not old enough for drastic, surgical measures right now. Her body is not done growing. That's why you won't find a doctor to support you in this. Self-Image: Make sure you're not playing into the negative self-image. Reinforce to her how beautiful she is, how special she is, how wonderful she is, and what a great life she's going to have - even if it doesn't seem like that right now. Ask her to trust you, just a little bit longer. And then make the dieting process as fun as you can for her. Incorporate her Jenny Craig into your own meals, play games instead of watching TV. Don't make a big deal about clothes shopping. If she fits into adult-sized clothes, there are stores (like Lane Bryant) that sell stylish plus-sized clothing. I feel for you. My baby has been in the 90th percentile of height/weight since she's been born. I know I'll be going through the same thing. But I also know that she's going to end up being 6 ft tall, at the rate that she's growing. Do you remember how tall your baby was when she was two? If you do, double that, and that should be her adult height. (At least, that's what I hear). Which might make her feel better.

Your letter made me cry, because it's almost exactly what I've been going through. Substitute horses for sports and getting too fat to ride for injury, and it's my life. Even the naps with the baby. Although my husband isn't quite as supportive as yours. He tells me I'm taking the easy way out. I have my first doctor's appt. this Friday. I'm bouncing between 239 and 242 lbs. right now, and I'd like to lose 100 lbs. And once I lose 50 lbs, I'll be able to ride again. Which I'm so looking forward to.

Out here the surgery is about $27,000 but it's covered under HMO. So it only winds up costing a $250 deductable.

IMO, you should talk to your OB-GYN. I'm 5'3" at 240 lbs., and I have a regular period, so I would seriously doubt it's weight related. There are other reasons why you might not be regular, and if you want to get pregnant, she might want to run some tests.

Okay, so I tried doing the dieting thing, figuring if I could just stay on that for a bit... Yeah, didn't work. Adding Protein shakes to my diet (I tried substituting meals with Protein Shakes, but I just couldn't not EAT), I gained weight. All my sweatshirts are tight. And I know I didn't shrink them all in the wash. So, I'm sucking it up. I'm going to pursue getting banded. I don't want to leave it in long term though, so I'm wondering if the insurance will pay for band removal once I'm at my goal weight. I've heard that there are some nasty long-term complications and some doctors are now refusing to band people. And that has me worried. I don't know what the long term complications are, but is it really feasible to get it removed when you don't need it anymore? Or is that an option for the super-rich only? And what are these mysterious problems people keep alluding to, anyway?

She's in "love." This too shall pass. I would talk to her, but keep in mind that she'll probably tune you out and do what she wants. So I would just tell her that I think her relationship is great, I'm so happy she's in love, support the bf, no matter how stupid you think he is (she'll figure it out eventually). Talk to her about birth control (if you haven't already), the importance of school, and even university - maybe one close to bf, or maybe they can rent an apartment together by the university. When she's ready. Just keep it in mind. If you fight with her or nag her about getting pregnant, you're just going to shoot yourself in the foot. Just tell her that you love her and will support her, whatever her decision is, but you hope that she won't give up on school. Even if she does, it's only temporary. She can always choose to go to college later. The more you fight against the bf and point out what a skank he is, the more they dig in their heels and see themselves as Romeo and Juliet. And then they run off together, have babies, and you get banned from seeing your grandchildren, because they can't forget how much you hated the skanky bf. Unfortunately, she's pretty much an adult. And if you push, she might just move out. She might move out anyway. Teenagerdom is hell. PS: If you want to be sneaky, start having acceptable, cute boys come over to help you with something. Maybe some university boys. Just don't make a thing about it. Eventually she'll see that she has better options.

From what I've heard, the key to not losing your hair, is making sure you get enough Protein. The other thing that I would think would work, if you're worried about losing your hair, is taking pre-natal Vitamins. I've heard that it works wonders with hair and nails. I wonder if this is because of the extra folic acid?

I like the chocolate Muscle Milk protein shake.

Thanks, Tami. I didn't know that. Because the membership isn't moderated (which means that anyone can join, they don't need to go through an approval process - which, with a site as large as this one, would be a nightmare), porn idiots sign on and post. I think there might be a way to ban their ISPs, so they can't sign on multiple times, but I don't know how to do that. The thing is, they're not really selling porn. They want you to click on their website, so they can steal your personal info or your user ID or your password. And then they use your ID or info to generate more spam. Actually, considering how often some sites get hit (not to mention chat rooms!) I'm surprised there's so little spam posts on this site.

My family nickname is "Little Fatty". Which my mom has made sure I know about. My mom refuses to give me the address of my family overseas, until I lose enough weight that I won't embarrass her. They'll probably be dead before I see them again. My mom's yelled at me for what I eat and called me fat, ever since I was five years old. She didn't call me fat when I was four, because I was so sick, I was in a coma and I lost 25 lbs. It was the only time she was ever happy with my body. She also told my step-daughter to watch what she eats or she'll wind up fat, like me. She's not doing it to be mean. She thinks telling me how fat I am will motivate me to lose weight. But compared with my homelife, nothing anyone else can say bothers me.

I understand being concerned about the dangers, or the long-term health risks. I don't get the annoyance/anger at taking the "easy, cheating way out". Let's just assume for a minute, it is the easy way out. What's it to them? I know they'd rather see me work my ass off and "deserve" my weight loss. But, again. What's it to them? I'm the one who's going to be PBing, and unable to eat, and going through surgery. It doesn't sound very "easy" to me. And where were they, when I was doing Optifast, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, TOPS, water-only diet, green tea diet, Atkins exercising 4 hours a day and STILL not losing weight? Or did I just not "deserve" it enough? So, it's just kind of annoying me.

I told people I was considering the surgery. The responses from those who have had the surgery has been supportive. Everyone else? Husband: That's the easy way out. Co-Worker: That's the cheater's way out. Just because you don't want to do the hard work and exercise. Friend: Don't do it. It's dangerous. I'll be your personal nag instead, and make sure you diet and exercise. Aquaintances: Don't do it. It's dangerous. So, I've stopped talking about it. I'll either do it or I won't. I'm still on the fence. The part of me that wants the weight gone, is ready to go. The inner nag insists that I don't know enough about long-term complications.

Today, I tried taking: AM: 1 5-HTP 1 One A Day Vitamin 1 CLA 1 Dexatrim Natural (with Green Tea and Caffeine only) (Made me burp nasty for a little bit - probably the CLA on an empty stomach) Lunch: 1 Dexatrim Natural (I should have had another Dexatrim Natural before dinner, but I didn't. So I wound up eating too much). Tonight before bed, I'm going to take: 1 CLA 1 5-HTP My findings? It did cut down on the hunger. And I didn't have the cravings that I normally do. However, I got an up close and personal look at how my eating is psychological, because I wasn't hungry, but I still wanted to eat. Pure habit/psychological. As a weird bonus, my mouth has been tasting sweet all day. I don't know what's causing that, or if it's the combination.

Actually, I've heard that the coldness is a side effect of the surgery. They say that the more weight you lose, the colder you get. Based on the theory that fat people are always super-hot. And while that describes my husband, who is always too hot, I've always been cold. So I'm not sure where they're getting that from, or if I'm just the exception to the norm. If I get even colder after surgery, I have no idea what I'll do. I guess I can wear parkas during our CA summers.

When people are very large, they project a "don't look at me, I'm not here, don't call attention to myself, let me just get through this day" vibe. So you tend to not want to make them feel even more uncomfortable by calling attention to them. When they lose weight (especially a large amount), their attitude changes. Instead of hiding, they project a "look at me, notice me, compliment me" vibe. They glow. Literally. They look like they feel good about themselves, and they want to be noticed and complimented. Then there are the large people who have personalities the size of their waistlines (god bless them), and when they walk in a room, they practically demand attention. They take over the room and everyone likes them and pays attention to them, and it doesn't matter about their weight. They're divas large, and they'll be divas small. You get back what you project out. It's all about attitude. :huggie: PPS: Just a guess about the gay guys, but I would guess that gay guys love you because you're more yourself with them. But with straight guys, you get a little nervous, maybe a little defensive, start second guessing yourself. Act around straight guys the way you act around gay guys, and you might be surprised at the results. PS: How come my smiley faces all come out blue? It's just odd.

There is a pandemic in the UK. Three Super-Bugs have infected the hospitals. DO NOT GO TO THE HOSPITAL UNLESS IT'S A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH. They were covering this up, but the mortality rate is so high, they couldn't keep it quiet anymore. My husband's gran went to the hospital for chest congestion during the cover-up. They cured the congestion, but now she's got one of the super-bugs and is fighting for life. The prognosis is not good. Please send her any positive thoughts you can. We were hoping to fly out there, so she could meet her great-granddaughter. It's been quite a shock/traumatic to hear that she might not survive, all because the NHS was trying to cover up this horrible situation in the UK hospitals. Especially since she didn't even want to go to the hospital - she wanted to go to the doctor to pick up antibiotics. Her assisted living situation insisted on calling the paramedics and taking her to the hospital.