Cleo's Mom

Ultimately each person and their doctor has to decide which is the best procedure for their individual case. However, I wanted to point out a couple of myths I've seen here and there - many people seem to think the sleeve is less invasive than RNY. Both procedures are usually done laparoscopically now. In the sleeve, a large portion of your stomach is stapled off and then removed for good. it is not reversible for that reason. In RNY, yes, your small intestine is moved to connect at a different point, but the stomach is only stapled off, not removed. It is fully reversible if there are extreme complications that require it. I know we should all assume this is going to be our one surgery and hope that's all it takes; I just didn't want someone to have the idea that the sleeve is like "bypass lite"

My paternal grandmother was born in the late 1890's and was obese by any medical standards. She was a big eastern European woman and lived during a time when there weren't fast food restaurants, processed foods, etc.. The women of her generation cooked from scratch and worked hard all day as homemakers. They got plenty of exercise. So obesity cannot always be blamed on the foods we have today or what we do or don't eat (processed vs whole foods, etc.). While that certainly plays a part- what is being left out is the genetics of obesity. How many people on here have already posted about multiple people in their family being obese? When identical twins have been raised apart - they will have the traits like each other rather than their adopted family (nature vs nurture). In other words, they would both be obese while their families were thin (or visa versa).
Not everyone can afford fresh, whole foods. Processed and fast foods are cheaper. Not everyone has insurance or the money to cover WLS. Not everyone has a support system.
I was a thin person up until about age 30. So, I don't have the experience that those on here who have been overweight/obese all their lives and were made fun of.
My point is that there are many ways people became obese and each person has to find a way to address it in their own time and their own way when it is right for them.

I too found some posts rather rude and judgemental and found it was rather putting me off this site.However it did not take me long to realise that it was pointless trying to reason with some people and that I did not value their opinion anyway.
I simply blocked their posts so that I never had to swallow their bile and now these people simply do not exist for me.Just go through the posts and you will soon see which names crop up regularly in conflicts then erase them from your life and make your experience of this site much better.Pippinleicester.

I think this is good advice for anyone having any surgery or medical procedure. You might be surprised at what is in your operative report. I know I was when I got mine and found out my surgeon put in a 4cc band when he told me it was 10cc. I have an accordion folder of all my medical records. If the doctor sees it, so do I.

Most people who post on here are nice, supportive and offer practical and helpful suggestions when someone is struggling with something. Once in awhile there are those who are very judgmental and have an almost superior attitude if you stray from what they think is the set in stone guidelines. They tend to forget where they came from. If they had WLS then they too had a lot of problems. I doubt any one of them was the perfect post-surgery patient.

I personally would rather build people up. It's like in life...Always keep the positive around you. You can choose what you read and who you respond to in a forum. So many amazing people in BariatricPal. It far out weighs the people that choose to drag people down.

I completely agree! This isn't just any support board or Internet forum. This is a site where people come to talk about their struggles, reveal weaknesses, and Celebrate what they have overcome! I'm pretty taken back by some of the responses I've read during my short time on this board and I've been on many support boards through my pregnancies, when I was a military spouse, being a mom, and now WLS. I'm all for tough love, but that doesn't mean it has to be borderline condescending and self righteous. Tough love is just that, it's tough and to the point, but it's the love part that I see being omitted sometimes. We all come from different walks of life, and this is the internet so no one really "knows" anyone or what their reaction will be, so regardless of the kind of delivery you prefer to give, I think it's best to be mindful of who is on the other side of the screen. I don't think anyone expects someone to be artificial and fake, but Just use normal manners as you would talking to a stranger face to face. Im sure it's harder for some, But WLS is already hard enough without all the drama!

couldn't have said it better. Very few people outside hubby and sisters know about my WLS. I am a stay-at-home mom who home schools my oldest. i don't get out much. THIS is my main form of support. Drama NOT needed.

I think I can add to this discussion. I do so without the benefit of seeing the actual report, the actual images, examining you, etc.. Given that:
That it reads: "Mild circumferential narrowing of the mid body,"... it doesn't seem that you had a complete sleeve; i.e., it wasn't done the full length of the stomach. You don't have a "banana"-shaped stomach, a narrowed, tubular-shaped stomach, as you now should.
Get the op note--the "operative report/note"--from your surgeon. See what size bougie he/she used. But it ~seems they left your stomach too big, didn't really cut the full length of it, and only narrowed a portion of your stomach. With that, you likely still have a lot of ghrelin circulating [hunger hormone], and of course, greater stomach capacity. The greater curve of the stomach may not have been excised.
Also get any "discharge summary" --in fact, get ALL your records from your surgeon, to give to your current doctor. And if you have any previous stomach imaging reports, they'd make for a good comparison. Also, there should be a pathology report of your excised stomach portion; it'd be interesting to see its size. Again, request ALL your records from the surgery.
The good news: no abnormalities are noted, and you have lost ~ 50 pounds...though I know you'd expected more pounds lost by now.
Get those records; keep doing what you're doing and see what the new doctor says, and what any future imaging reveals. Keep us posted.

Not "perturbed" with you at all and as I said before if you think my comments were about you then run with it. There were other poster who put up comments about how they wish someone would have approached them about WLS so maybe did you think I was giving my opinion to there comments but as I said before if you want to sit here and think my comments were about you feel free to. I came to this site looking for advise and to have decent conversations with people who have been through this process and try to gain some knowledge from them not sit here and bicker back and forth with someone who assumes a post I write is directed at them. So, as I said earlier hope you have a great day and I will move on to a more positive post.

I am not going to sit here and bicker back and forth with you about who read what post as obviously you did not read mine as I said my comments were not addressed to you or anyone in paticular. My comments were my opinion and if you don't like my opinion that is fine I was under the impression that I was also able to post my opinion as others had but obviously I was wrong. I hope you have a great day.

I am not "scolding" anyone I am just simply saying sometimes people forget where they came from and they have to remember how it would have made them feel if someone would have done that to them or how it would make you feel if you had an overweight teenager/young adult and someone approached them in the mall about WLS and your child came home in tears over it. My husband is severly overweight and will be having his surgery in a month or two and I have a teenage daughter who is overweight as well. My point was that if a random stranger approached my teenage daughter and started to talk to her about WLS the Momma bear in me would come out and tell you to beat feet. WLS is a topic that I would bring up with my daughter not something a random stranger should bring up. No one needs to take it upon themselves to approach a stranger about WLS. It is as bad as a person who no longer drinks and feels it is there obligation to tell you why alcohol is so bad or someone who has found religion again and feels the need to tell you why there god is better, It is a topic that should not be brought up to random strangers if people want to discuss it with family and friends that is one thing but to approach a total stranger is not acceptable in my opinion. Some people may feel diffent about it that is why we all have a different opinion I was just simply expressing mine as other were expressing theres. So if you felt you were being "scolded" that was not my intention as you were not the only one who had posted on this topic. I have recieved in the mail before from a "person with good intentions" ads for weight loss pills, exercise videos etc. mailed directly to me from a random person just trying to help me out was what the note enclosed in the envelope said. Do I know who sent them no but it was someone close enough to me to know my full name and address so I am very touchy about being approached by people with "good intentions" about weight loss help. All those ads and letter did was upset me. When I was ready to make a change I did the research and found out what steps I had to take to qualify for weight loss surgery.

Thank you for your kindness.
When I was visiting my surgeon and was approved for WLS. I met my hubby at the hospital lunch counter. I was drinking Water and this a-hole made such a commotion. He was poking his wife and laughing at me and finally she looked up and our eyes met. She pushed him with her elbow and looked back down at the computer she was working on.
I then turned my attention to him and he kept it up for the time I was sitting there. I did not tell my hubby until after because I knew his type. Unless I had kicked him in the groin he would have become more verbal and ignorant.
Some people never have to face this kind of abuse. For whatever reason...Maybe it is how they present themselves or maybe the abuser knows they would be sucker punched in the throat. Or maybe they are not tuned into other people around them . I wish that had been my story. But it was not to be....So I look at people as a whole and love to be there if they need help or answers or just encouragement. The rest is left to them, family, friends and their doctors.....

@RJ'S/beginning That was my thought, too. And I am so sorry you had to go through any of that. This is why I don't speak up to people about it unless they ask. It is a very sensitive subject and I don't know how I would have felt if someone brought it up to me. Especially someone I didn't know!!! I think I would have cried for days.

Wow is all I can say. I know I am new to this thread but damn it was not that long ago you were the one who was overweight. How would it have made you feel if some random stranger came up to you and told you all about weight loss surgery. A fat person knows when they are fat they don't need a random stranger coming up to them and handing them a fyler about weight loss surgery. I can tell you if ANYONE came up to me or to my family and did that it would not be a pretty sight. I have been fat my whole life and it took me to the age of 42 to finally decide to do something about it. Do I think that just because I had surgery it gives me a right to preach to overweight people about WLS absolutly not. When I am asked I am very open about my surgery but I would never want to hurt another persons feelings and just approach them and start talking about all the benefits of WLS. Just my opinion.

I remember every single insult and person who felt it was their duty to " help " me with my weight problem. What they did not know is what drove me there besides putting food into my mouth.
People who think that they can save the world by pointing out others obvious flaws according to them is a real turn off. Now by example a person can make a difference.
It is much bigger then you need to have WLS. It is an adjustment that needs to be made from the money making food industry to diet companies to the government that do not promote good eating habits and food choices. It is many who do not have the funds to eat well a lot of folks don't have a clue how to in the first place....
Round and round we go..... Mostly it is a lesson to be learned and it is learned hard.
When I think of all those people who looked at me sideways or laughed at me. Stopped their car in front of my house to stare at the fat girl gardening and so on. I wish I had kicked them right where it hurts..Like it hurt me. While they went away feeling like they had accomplished a good deed by making me cry. They were completely wrong.
Giving advice freely without being asked is a whole lot of bad to deal with. Now if you are asked...Lay it out for them....Otherwise you don't have a clue what makes that person tick and what stage they are at in life. In fact I would say it would be a lot like how that Katie Hopkins of the UK comes across!
This is the hardest addiction to fix. So I personally do not question anyone or judge anyone who struggles with weight as I have been there and done that and will fight the rest of my life this battle of weight gain and loss.......

I think it's all just a slippery slope to fat shaming. There are so many factors to consider. food Desserts, the effects growing up poor has on your views towards food AND your taste buds.
Listen I was a chubby kid who turned into a fat adult. I also traveled while fat, skied while fat, hiked while fat. I never felt ashamed or embarrassed with who I was. I loved clothes and fashion, still do.
As much as I think wls needs to be de-stigmatized, I also don't think we have the right to feel superior for choosing it.

If anyone had suggested WLS to me other than my doctor, I would have punched them in the face....and then cried like a baby. We all knew we were fat and I'm sure these young girls know it as well.
You cannot say anything no matter how much you want to. If someone comes to you for information...well that's different. But unsolicited advice is NOT appreciated.
My concern for myself is that I find that I am feeling negative towards my heavy brethern. I see a large person and instead of feeling sympathetic, I instead feel superior like I did something special. I did nothing special by getting WLS..I was basically forced to do it in order to avoid living in a wheelchair. That's not being special..that's being stupid for allowing myself to get to that stage. I constantly have to remind myself to get off my high horse and remember that under this new, smaller person is still a fat woman while also working with my therapist to separate myself from who I was and start to embrace who I am becoming.
I should start a thread about that...

Just a reminder, please do not start topics specifically for the purpose of ranting and raving about other members. Please click on/refer to our posted rules that specifically address this.

Thank you.

I agree. I think even though we are human and have the right to our own opinions in life, this is a support group and need to be positive to one another. We have not a clue what is going on within others personal lives and this could possibly be the only way that someone is able to get the encouraging support they are seeking. I will not trash anyone else's personalities or need for advice. I have asked numerous question and looked to my fellow users for info and support. I just wish everyone luck and hope they succeed within their own journeys.

I appreciate your posts. It reminds me that i need to be humble, grateful and appreciative. Life is too short for all the Drama! I have an older friend that I have looked after for twenty years....she was diagnosed with cancer and given nintey days to live. I have another friend that her and her grandson has been diagnosed with brain tumors. Her grandson was just starting his medical internship.....this just goes to show you how precious our lives are! We need to rally more and support each other.....think before you speak....sometimes words hurt!

I come to this site often and have gotten great advice and wonderful support from my fellow posters. Yes there are rude people who post rude comments. I decided a long time ago that their insecurities are just spewing from their mouth and I ignore their small minded pettiness, and simply let it go.
Some comments are really not meant to be hurtful, but instead are just not well thought out before they post. Others are meant to be hateful and those should never be posted. And finally others are meant to be straightforward and helpful, but are words we just don't want to hear so we are offended to cover up our pain or discouragement within ourselves. The outcome of the messages are up to the interpretation of the reader and the writer of the post. One may read the same comment and be offended while another may see it as simply funny, stupid, irrelevant, etc. We each are individuals and internalize differently. The writer knows what the consequences should be or at least was meant to be, but words are words and in text format the outcome could very likely be different then what was intended. (Though it is sad that there truly are hateful comments on this site from time to time. Thankfully, not often)
Months ago I'm was fairly new on this site and had posted my feedback on some topic. One of the posters replied that I had not been a member of this site for very long and that my thoughts weren't worth crap cuz she was a 'veteran' and I was a 'newbie'. At first I let her comments bother me...... Then I followed most of her posts and found her to be nothing special and certainly no smarter or better then me. So now I ignore her posts (never read them, just skip over) and continue to enjoy the wonderful, thoughtful, caring, and supportive comments that others post on this site. I agree with the others here. Don't leave this site just because of someone's thoughtless and rude response. So many others do care for all the WLS friends on this site and staying here, learning, sharing, and caring, puts you way ahead of those that would rather you be as unhappy as they are.

I do not post here much but I am a frequent lurker and reader. I was sleeved on September 12, 2014. So I am a little over six months out. I am down 105 pounds. I am 15 pounds way from my goal of 215. I am pretty comfortable with my eating plan. I cheat occasionally but not often. My activity level has increased significantly over the last several months. I am hoping to reach my goal by June. Here are a couple of before and after pics.

Alex, I am so glad you addressed this. I think the most troublesome thing about all of this is that there are so many who justify and defend their rude comments by any number or excuses. They blame those who take offense. That's blaming the victim and that's what those who engage in abuse do. It's not what I said - the problem is that you're thin skinned, can't take the heat, freedom of speech, tough love, ad infinitum, ad nauseum.
I maintain, and I have yet to hear a compelling argument to the contrary, that you can give advice and suggestions to someone in a way that is not offensive. If you can't then it says a lot more about you than the person it is aimed at.