Cleo's Mom

I don't know who this shady comment is directed at but if it is me then fyi i have thread thoroughly. I totally get what the op is saying even though i disagree with parts of it.
The real question did you actually thoroughly read my response??
Another protip: Reading and Comprehension is key!!!!!

No offense but you have stated this various times throughout the thread, I get it. My post was talking about in general about people who do this, not you specifically!!!!
Well, your entitled to think my opinion is nonsense, I personally think that your assertion that people who approach fat people has nothing to do with bolstering their own esteem or ego is bull roar. We'll have to agree to disagree!
Regardless of whether one considers it natural or not, imo still wrong. If you want try and normalise this behaviour that's your prerogative.

I agree with this, especially the part about ulterior motives, boosting their own egos and self esteem and narcissism. The whole post is well said.

My father put it best. Why wouldn't you be upset? You shot your best friend...Who knew that food was my best friend and companion? I didn't until I couldn't turn to it anymore. It is hard! But, as others have said, one day at a time. You WILL get through this. Hugs!

Good luck to you on your new journey. After all you've been through I hope this new surgery is successful.

@@Cleo's Mom, that's exactly why I'm jumping through the hoops again for conversion to RNY instead of the sleeve. After being burned with the lap-band, I don't trust projected outcomes anymore. And I'm sure as hell not going to suffer with the band for another year or more, waiting to see if the sleeve is going to be as good as the projections predict. The lack of proven long-term stats on the sleeve, the number of people I've seen posting about getting revisions to RNY, and the fear of GERD (I lived with severe GERD for longer than I should have with my first band) has made my decision for me. I can't live with the band anymore, so I've got to do something NOW.

Personally I feel that regardless of whether it's the desire to or the actual action of going up to obese people to tell them the wonders of WLS, it's wrong and usually it's motivations are rooted in ulterior motives.
Former fat people who promote or indulge in this practice of offering unsolicited advice to random obese people , try and claim that they're doing out of care and concern but really it's more about boosting their own ego and self esteem.
It's faux concern, you don't really care about these people. If you really did, you would take the time and energy to get to know them before offering any life changing advice. If you are not willing to spend the time to know them, be actively supportive if they do decide to proceed with wls, go with them to dr's appointments, help them after surgery, then you don't really have right to be offering unsolicited advice about wls.
It also has be said that there's a slice of narcissism involved in going up to people and advertising the benefits of Wls and how it's helped you. Do you really think you're going to be the hero of their story? Do you really think that after you offer your advice the said person will go have instantly proceed with wls and live happily ever after? Do you really think that you are the first person to approach them? Do you really think they completely ignorant about Wls?
I just think that when someone takes an interest or actually decides to actually have surgery, it's best if that decision or interest is totally organic and not because someone else (especially a stranger) has badgered them into it

Don't EVER do this, OK. Most people where I normally belong to the WLS communities on Facebook, would tell you I'm about as supportive of the wls community as I possibly can, with having horrible complications that led to my gastric bypass needing to be reversed over 4 1/2 years ago.

Anyone looking at me, 6 years ago, could tell that I was really sick, physically but it had NOTHING to do with weight but my gastric bypass complications, however and I had gained almost ALL my weight back and was back in a size 24. Because of meds I was on. While NO one ever suggested I have wls, NO ONE could understand how sick I was BECAUSE of wls.

I defend anyone's right to be happy and speak of personal experience of how happy they are about having WLS and/or to help others. If they ask for it. People of larger size get told messages all the time online and from society that they need to lose weight. If they want to have wls, they'll ask about it. If they don't, their body size is NONE of your business. And even if you mean to help, you'll ONLY cause unnecessary hurt.

I see no abuse in @@Cleo's Mom's posts. It started off as simply asking for a little civility and understanding when replying to posts, nothing more. I applaud her efforts and whole heartedly agree that this site could certainly benefit from the overall message of "doing onto others" a little bit more.

You know, it's funny, because even those in the medical/health care profession who deal with WLS (or just weight loss in general) before and after are not all on the same page with regard to food that is okay and food that is not okay. My NUT before my lap band surgery had a room full of empty boxes of the frozen diet dinners along with the requisite plastic food. These were all foods you were encouraged to eat and their portions.

@@GreenEyes604, Should someone get bent out of shape over a discussion forum post? No. Might they? Yes. People on this board can be in very vulnerable positions. They may be seriously worried about a complication, or whether they’re eating right, or any number of other things that are very, very important to them. They may have nowhere else to turn, and they feel that the answer they receive here is the “truth.” Or, they may be taking out their insecurities on this board because they need to keep functioning in their real lives. So, no, nobody should get upset, but when you’re posting, remember that they really can.

This is supposed to be a forum where you get information, tell you stories of success (or failures) and get support. People who are struggling are looking for support and some good suggestions to help them. There is absolutely NO GOOD REASON to do that in any way but a nice, polite, supportive way.
The whole thing about "free speech" is just an excuse for some to be rude.
Yes, anyone has the right to be on here and voice their opinion and anyone else has the right to call them out on being rude.
It reminds me of blaming the victim (in this case calling them thin skinned) - remember all the fat jokes that we were supposed to laugh at because if we didn't then we "couldn't take a joke"?
I call it like I see it and rude is rude. Don't try to dress it up as tough love or blame the person it is directed at.

I have an issue with this statement, honestly. Not all of us who had a failed surgery failed because we didn't follow the rules. I actually felt the way you do, until it happened to me, too. Stating that all people who have failed did so because they made mistakes is over-simplifying things, and to be honest, comes across as smug. Now I realize that some fail because they didn't follow the rules, but a huge number of us failed because the surgery failed us, especially those of us who started out with the lap-band.

I thought that was hilarious! Truth be told, I am also not on a diet and I eat pizza at least once every 2-4 weeks. And, I thoroughly enjoy my little slice!

@@BLERDgirl - I hear what you're saying. I've been reading the posts on here and there seems to be a wide spectrum of what people eat post sleeve - I mean after they're past the healing part - when they are on "regular" food. I have read that someone was in pain for 2 hours from one crouton and another who said on weekends all bets are off - pizza and chocolate in moderation and everything in between. Some were told - only Protein (meat) and no veggies or fruit - others that it was okay. Some say there is nothing they can't eat - only in smaller quantities. Some were told by their NUT that denying yourself something you like every once in awhile is a recipe for failure. If someone is being successful in their weight loss, exercising and becoming healthier - isn't that what this is all about? I think each person has to find their own path to success. If they're struggling because of bad food choices, then that is a different issue.
Once someone has healed and on solid food, why would anyone eat a food that they didn't like? For example, I would never eat cheese or yogurt before or after surgery. Ever. That doesn't make me picky. We all have foods we hate and hated before surgery. That doesn't mean we can't make good food choices - just ones that we could/would have eaten before surgery, too.

Thanks @Band07.
I had never heard of that procedure.
I wish you better luck with your new procedure.

My sleeve never worked, Iv gained almost 15 lbs since my revision a year and half ago, I have xray pics to prove my "sleeve" is large and misshapen due to the damage from my band and my surgeon using a 42 Bougie. I'm revising to MGB.

You got some good advice on here but what I have taken away from your posts is that your are beating yourself up. There is no need to do that. Isn't that what we've always done to ourselves pre-surgery? You came on here asking for help because you knew you were in trouble with your cravings and eating beyond full. And you got some good advice - very specific and helpful. You've already taken the first step to address your problem - getting the surgery - and the second step by asking for help. Please stop beating yourself up. You know what you need to do to get back on track. There are many threads on here where you can post to get help. And good for you for losing 86 pounds. That's the size of one of those Hollywood types.

I survived breast cancer (so far) and was diagnosed 11 months before my husband was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. So we were both battling cancer at the same time. I took care of him the whole time here at home and was with him when he died. But we raised two beautiful children and I now have 3 beautiful grandchildren that my husband never got to see.

1. I have no idea about the water thing. My guess is to both keep you hydrated and to aid with digestion since our diets put us into ketosis.
2. Most people have to supplement, hence the reason so many have issues with Constipation. Thankfully my nutritionist has no problem with complex carbs so green leafy veg, Beans and fruit are okay for me.

With Barrett's esophagus I would get that band out in a heartbeat even if I had to pay for it myself and then I would address ways to get rid of the Barrett's.
My husband had Barrett's and developed and died from esophageal cancer. And he was being monitored yearly. It is nothing to take lightly. I know that most Barrett's esophagus doesn't turn into esophageal cancer but that is small comfort if you are one it happens to. My husband's was caught early and it didn't make a difference. Esophageal cancer is very difficult to treat.
Get the band out and get the Barrett's addressed. Not meant to scare you- just some advice from someone who's been there.

You got some good advice on here but what I have taken away from your posts is that your are beating yourself up. There is no need to do that. Isn't that what we've always done to ourselves pre-surgery? You came on here asking for help because you knew you were in trouble with your cravings and eating beyond full. And you got some good advice - very specific and helpful. You've already taken the first step to address your problem - getting the surgery - and the second step by asking for help. Please stop beating yourself up. You know what you need to do to get back on track. There are many threads on here where you can post to get help. And good for you for losing 86 pounds. That's the size of one of those Hollywood types.

@@BLERDgirl - I hear what you're saying. I've been reading the posts on here and there seems to be a wide spectrum of what people eat post sleeve - I mean after they're past the healing part - when they are on "regular" food. I have read that someone was in pain for 2 hours from one crouton and another who said on weekends all bets are off - pizza and chocolate in moderation and everything in between. Some were told - only Protein (meat) and no veggies or fruit - others that it was okay. Some say there is nothing they can't eat - only in smaller quantities. Some were told by their NUT that denying yourself something you like every once in awhile is a recipe for failure. If someone is being successful in their weight loss, exercising and becoming healthier - isn't that what this is all about? I think each person has to find their own path to success. If they're struggling because of bad food choices, then that is a different issue.
Once someone has healed and on solid food, why would anyone eat a food that they didn't like? For example, I would never eat cheese or yogurt before or after surgery. Ever. That doesn't make me picky. We all have foods we hate and hated before surgery. That doesn't mean we can't make good food choices - just ones that we could/would have eaten before surgery, too.

First of all, thank you to all of you who have posted in this thread thus far! It was so refreshing to find folks who can comment on these issues in such an articulate and intelligent way.
I was totally (and pleasantly) surprised when I went to the "informational seminar" at my surgeon's office near the end of last year. The message was, "obesity is a disease, WLS is a treatment." No blame! As someone with a healthcare background (clinical pharmacist turned biostatistician), I was familiar with this "new way of thinking." That seminar was the first time I had heard any professional providing healthcare for bariatric patients actually articulate the concept. It really blew my mind!
The psychological aspect of this journey toward whole body health is so important! I have worked with several different mental health counselors over the past 20 years. The first three were somewhat helpful but did not have a clue how to address my emotional eating issues, even though that is what I told them I needed to work on. Two years ago, I started working with a clinical psychologist who really "gets it." I wasn't contemplating WLS at the time -- I still thought that I could do it myself with a little help. After six months of biweekly visits, I realized that I did need to have WLS, and then hit a wall with my insurance company.
The insurance company requires that you go through a year of monthly 20 minute phone calls with a nice, but totally clueless, nurse reading questions off a script that did not seem to pertain to preparation for WLS. You also had to participate in Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig for a year. Both my clinical psychologist and I agreed that I was ready NOW, but there was no way to penetrate the bureaucracy to see if a waiver was possible. So I gave in, and endured the stupidity for several months -- until about a year ago. My husband and I decided to move nearer to my family and bought a house in NH in June. I was hoping we would be able to move before the end of 2014, so I would not be "in town" to follow through with the program and have my surgery here in VA. That gave me the excuse I needed to quit the stupid insurance program. I think that's what they wanted in the first place!
When it became apparent that we would not move until April 2015, I looked into the possibility of having a VGS as a self pay patient. Long story short, when I went to see the surgeon in whose "program" I was enrolled about this option, he unceremoniously accused my of "jumping the line" and said that the wait would be good for me -- I could learn better habits. Then he said he would not talk to me further and walked out of the exam room. As he was walking out the door, he said that he would refund my copay. I have never been so humiliated in my entire life! At that point I looked into having the surgery done with the other bariatric group at another local hospital, and the process has gone smoothly -- I had a VGS done on 2/19 and I a recuperating well.
I talked with my clinical psychologist about my interaction with surgeon #1, and she was speechless. She does a lot of the psych evals for patients for both of the local bariatric surgery groups and knows all of the surgeons. She said it was totally out of character, but totally unacceptable. However, Karma gave me a chance to tell surgeon #1 how I felt. I had lower right quadrant pains and was running a bit of a fever and thought I might have appendicitis, so my husband took me to the ER. They admitted me for a couple of days of IV antibiotics for right ascending colitis. While I was in the hospital, the surgeon on call for GI surgery was none other than surgeon #1! By the time he arrived, I was feeling better and I also knew that he would be coming to see me. I was prepared. He said, "You look familiar -- have we met before?" I said, "Yes, I came to see you about self pay WLS a couple of months ago and you kicked me out of your office." He seemed a little stunned and then admitted that he recollected the interaction. No explanations, no apologies, but I feel as if I got my message across. I hope he never does anything like that to another person!
I have been ashamed of my appearance for almost my entire life. After growing up as a "fat kid" I was able to get down to a "normal" weight for about 5 years in my mid to late 20's, but once I got married and my husband started having a lot of health problems, I turned to food for consolation and the rest is history. The hardest part about all of this was that I felt that as a clinical pharmacist, I should have known better and should have been able to get my eating under control. As the years went by, I started developing all of the expected illnesses, hypertension, high cholesterol, asthma and a boatload of allergies, depression, and sleep apnea. The thing that lit a fire under me last fall (other than feeling that I was in fact ready and could afford the self pay option) was that my HgA1c's were starting to creep above normal and my BP was no longer controlled by 3 meds. The fact that I knew we'd be moving in April and I did not want to have to go through the whole approval process in a new location weighed on me as well.
I think I have gone on long enough in this post -- I hope it hasn't been "TMI." Thanks for listening, and I look forward to hearing what you have to say!

I'm postop and I work in healthcare. I can't tell you how many times I have been called a 'cheater' or accused of taking the easy way out after having weight-loss surgery. The stigma is unbelievable. Would my colleagues prefer me debilitated by obesity until I was unable to walk & had a myriad of other health problems? The psych aspect goes largely unaddressed. I liked the point about a breast cancer patient being asked to produce their history & their current attempts to get healthy prior to treatment. Shame is the most harmful human emotion. There needs to be more open & science-based communication.